Attempting A Viral Archery Trick!

This is the story of how my friend Charlie ended up with a scar on his penis.

First, he was at a jazz club. Jazz clubs are not inherently dangerous. At the jazz club he saw a girl with pink hair wearing a top hat. Girls with pink hair who wear top hats are also not inherently dangerous. She was extremely cute so he approached her to flirt and she was into that.

She was so into it that she invited Charlie back to her home. Things became amorous and Charlie was delighted when things took a turn in a blowjobly direction. That is, until he felt teeth.

He looked down as she looked up and there was blood dripping down her chin. She was also laughing. Charlie, in a great deal of pain, bleeding from a part of himself that boys never expect to bleed from, pushed her away and rushed to the bathroom.

The girl was then horrified and extremely apologetic, and rushed to get him gauze and bandages. I suspect she might have had the same nervous reaction as the time I accidentally stabbed a boy. Charlie was in shock but reluctantly accepted her offerings before getting the fuck out of dodge.

For years we speculated about why she’d bitten him. Was she a vampire? Was she on drugs? It was part of Charlie’s Lore that he’d had his penis bitten and was understandably wary of mouths now.

We assumed we’d never have a resolution. Which is why we were all surprised one night to get a text from Charlie. There she was. At the same late night local burger chain. He could finally get the closure he’d always wanted.

The girl recognized him instantly and began to profusely apologize. She explained that she had since been diagnosed as schizophrenic and bipolar but at the time she’d been completely unmedicated. She had always felt wretched about what had happened that night and couldn’t apologize enough.

Charlie accepted her apology but declined her hesitant invitation to find a quieter venue to catch up. One scar was enough for him. We were all elated to finally have peace, and closure. The penis bite was made explicable and we were satisfied.

But that’s not all, Charlie told us. Were we ready for the punchline? We waited. The restaurant they’d met at again, years later. Didn’t we want to know which one? Where they could finally bury the hatchet over their penis misadventure?

Where??? Where was it?

“Dicks”, he told us.

Oh I just found a gamechanger for the sheep fetish people that follow me hold on

Python, or the alchemical Mercurius

This is an unusual entry, even among the strange monsters and spirits that I usually write about.

In the 16th century, Giovanni Battista Nazari wrote the alchemical work ‘Il Metamorfosi metallico et humano’. In this book, the wandering protagonist travels through three dreams that teach him about alchemy, nature, and the transformation of the human being into the divine, and these subjects are brought to the reader in the form of allegories, some of them more cryptic than others.

In the third dream, the protagonist encounters a blessed damsel who shows him a wondrous device to watch the stars and the course of the sun through the constellations. Then she shows him a horrible, frightening monster, a winged and venomous beast that would have terrified the bravest men. The damsel manages to flatter the creature and it calms down. Then, it speaks to the protagonist and claims to be the hen, and the horrible ferocious dragon which has endured throughout time. It died once, but then revived itself and killed death.

The creature then describes itself with a series of riddles, such as “My parents have conceived me, but I had conceived them first. I am both father and son.’ and ‘If I bite someone, they will be bitten by death itself in the head, unless they bite me first. But to bite me, they must first bite themselves’.

So what does this creature represent? The key here is the three strange heads of the dragon: they represent the ‘tria prima’ which are three central elements of alchemical transmutation according to Paracelsus: mercury, salt and sulphur. Note that this does not refer to the literal, physical materials, but rather to their sophic counterparts, meaning the energy of the alchemical elements. These elements are further associated with certain celestial bodies and concepts, which are depicted in the different parts of the dragon’s weird body. And the bearded face might reference the ‘prima materia’, the fundamental source of these elements.

This creature reappeared in the ‘Alchemical and Rosicrucian Compendium’ written by an unknown author around 1760. It appears the allegorical creature was referred to as ‘Python’ in this book, perhaps in reference to the dragon from Greek mythology. I think it is also called ‘Mercurius’ here, but this could be a misunderstanding on my part. In my defense, the handwriting makes it really difficult to translate.

Nevertheless, the creature reappears in a handful of other alchemical works, as an allegory to Paracelcus’ tria prima.

Sources:

Nazari Giovanni Battista, 1564, Il Metamorfosi metallico et humano.

Unknown author, ca. 1760, Alchemical and Rosicrucian Compendium, which you can read here in the Yale University’s collection.

Greenberg, A., 2007, From Alchemy to Chemistry in Picture and Story, John Wiley & Sons, 688 pp., p. 81.

(image 1: ‘The Philosophers’ by Christopher Ulrich, a homage to Gustave Courbet’s 1854 painting ‘Bonjour Monsieur Courbet’)

(image source 2: Alchemical and Rosicrucian Compendium, 1760?)

ps5 brain monday

Finally made a sheng reference! Now I won't make tiny continuity mistakes!

Paul Reid (Scottish, 1975) - Pan (2013)

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New Pathfinder character!! We finished our big campaign last fall and so we are starting a smaller sillier one! Meet Conan, my awakened Lamb Barbarian who is ALSO a werewolf.:3 You know, Wolf in sheep clothing and all that.XD

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