Cuckinlove - A Cuckold In Love

Reference material

How To Measure For A Chastity Cage

I’ve taken the time to draw and write a “How To” as I got many questions about getting the measurements right for a custom made chastity cage. It should be even helpful for a standard chastity cage like the Holy Trainer as it comes in various sizes and people might wonder if they need the Small or the Large version. I hope this helps many boys who are interested in chastity 😊 Take care of yourself *arf* 🐶🔒

If this is true, this guy should get a Nobel prize!

Well damn...

Research

Cuckold articles

Hotwife Lifestyle - One BIG Potential Problem and How to Avoid It 

Many of the problems with the hotwife lifestyle come down to the differences in the ways men and women think. Never underestimate the magnitude of the task ahead of you if you want to get your wife or girlfriend to cuckold you. The trick isn’t just to get her to have hot sex with other guys but also to STAY emotionally faithful to you AND involve you to whatever extent you want to be involved. ….

Hotwife Advice for Women 

 think women tend to get a raw deal when it comes to finding advice on being a hotwife. It’s true there’s lots of information out there on the topic, but most of it is written by men for men; and the material that is written by women seems to be more about what they get up to rather than how to make it work. In other words, it’s also written for men. ….

The Hotwife Lifestyle for Beginners 

The hotwife lifestyle appeals to many men and women of an open-minded nature who have a strong relationship and wish to explore beyond the horizons of traditional sexuality in regard to marriage and monogamy. …..

Hotwifing and the Four Stages of Cuckolding 

Almost every marriage where cuckolding becomes the norm passes through these stages, and it’s important to realise they are entirely natural and normal. 

The Ultimate Hotwife Lifestyle 

What many men – and even fewer women – realize when they first start taking the idea of hotwifing and cuckolding as a serious possibility for them, is they are subtly changing the dynamic of their relationship and setting themselves up for a true lifestyle change. ….

How To Start Hotwifing 

The question of how to start hotwifing is not as simple to answer as you might think. Or, rather, there is a simple answer but it’s not a very useful one: “just go out and fuck another man, dear”. Alas, that’s a recipe for disaster. …

How Does Hotwifing Enhance a Relationship? 

At first glance, it would seem ‘obvious’ that hotwifing or cuckolding – where a woman has sex with men other than her husband, but with her husband’s knowledge, consent and often at his urging – would be disastrous for any marriage, no matter how strong. But this is far from the truth, as you’ll see in this article…..

How Often Should Your Hotwife Play? 

This is a topic for more advanced couples who are currently living the hotwife lifestyle or have definitely decided to “do it” – and now they’re just working out the details. And one detail that’s really important to work out properly and in advance is how often should your hotwife play?….

Cuckolding: Three Things Cuckolded Husbands Love The Most 

There are many surprising benefits to being cuckolded for husbands, in terms of an enhanced relationship and, in a seeming paradox, a better sex life. But out of all of them three stand head and shoulders above the rest in terms of their ability to delight and excite the man whose wife has one or more lovers. We look at them in detail in this article….

Why Cuckolding Makes for a Happy and Fun Marriage 

Why cuckolding is so popular a fantasy for men is a fascinating topic, and one it’s worth understanding before you take even your first, tentative steps into the hot wife and cuckolding lifestyle. So in this article we’ll look at why men have the cuckolding fantasy so often, and why the cuckolding hotwife lifestyle is so much fun for both of you….

Hotwifing - 3 Ways to Do It Successfully 

This is perhaps the best choice of all, especially for couples are new to the hotwife lifestyle. In this article I share with you three simple choices for couples new to the hotwife lifestyle….

Hotwife Tips - 3 Hot Secrets for Ultimate Hotwife Pleasure 

So, you’ve confessed your desires to your wife – you want her to have sex with other men – she’s agreed in principle, so now… how is it all going to work? So to give you a nudge in what I hope is a hopeful direction, here are three simple scenarios for couples new to hotwiving (you can also use these as ideas when first introducing your wife to the idea of getting into the lifestyle)….

The Ultimate Hotwife Night 

The hotwife or cuckolding fantasy is a very popular one for men, but even though they think about it often, it’s rare they actually think about it very deeply. And the problem with this is the things you need to do to make the hotwife lifestyle appeal to your wife means sitting down and thinking about it a little more deeply than you have been doing – simply because when it comes to these things, men and women have a very different approach. That’s what we explore in this article…..

Can Hotwife Marriages Really Work? 

It’s a fact that hotwifing is a very, very common male fantasy. Why this is so is open to debate, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s true…..

Hotwifing Benefits - Three Reasons Hotwifes Have Better Marriages 

Odd as it may seem the hotwifing benefits you’ll experience if you can get your wife to take the plunge into the cuckolding lifestyle far outweigh the risks and disadvantages (with one proviso: hotwiving is for couples whose relationship is good but they want to improve it; if your relationship is already sexless and broken, then hotwiving will make things a lot worse). Discover here three HUGE benefits to the hotwife lifestyle…..

Hotwife Rules - 3 Tips to Successful Hotwifing 

Hotwife rules won’t mean much to you if you’re in the minority of cases where the lifestyle is part of a wider female-dominated relationship where the only rule seems to be “she can do what she likes”. But for the majority, those who see hotwiving as being something to deepen and enhance a relationship of equals there are three rules you must follow…..

Hotwifing - Is It Wrong? 

Hotwifing is an emotive subject with a lot of strong opinions held on both sides of the argument. But, the fundamental question is: Is Hotwifing Wrong? Unfortunately there’s no answer anyone can give and relieve the individual of answering the question for him- or herself…..

Hotwiving and What Your Wife Wants From It 

The biggest mistake men make when they try to get their wives interested in hotwiving, is blundering in without giving a moment’s thought to what they’re trying to achieve. I mean, yes, they know what their goal is, but that’s the problem. They’re focused on it like a greyhound chasing a rabbit and are blind to all else – including the mess they’re making of things! In this sort article you will uncover the big shift in your thinking you need to make if you want your wife to become the dream Hotwife you crave….

How Does a Hotwife Pick Up a Lover? 

The answer to the question, “how does a hotwife pick up a lover” must be… “very carefully!” But joking aside, in this short article you will discover three tips to selecting the right man to become your wife’s lover…..

How to Get Your Husband to Agree to a Hotwife Lifestyle 

Usually, it’s the man who drives the hotwife lifestyle and then as his wife become more comfortable with it and realises he’s not going to ‘freak out’ at her seeing other men, she tends to become more outgoing and provocative. And, of course, men love this. But what about when it’s the wife who harbours the initial desire? In this short article you will discover some simple tips for women seeking to persuade their men to let them off the leash! …..

How Many Wives Would Like to Hotwife? 

Since infidelity is the last big taboo, how many wives would like to hotwife? And it seems like a reasonable thing to ask since even though it’s a very common male fantasy, it seems women are turned off by the whole idea (but the truth I reveal in this short article will surprise you).,,,,,

Why Cuckolding Is Not the Same As an Affair 

Cuckolding is NOT the same as having an affair, despite most people thinking it is. The crucial difference is one is done with the full knowledge, consent, and even approval of the husband, while the other is not. Discover the difference between cuckolding and affairs and finally uncover the truth about the delicious cuckolding lifestyle…….

The Hotwife Lifestyle - 3 Secrets to Make It Work! 

For many couples the Hotwife lifestyle is a marriage saver - something you might find counterintuitive considering the pain, anguish and trouble infidelity typically causes in a marriage. But the hotwife lifestyle is different and can in fact bring couples closer together. In this short article you will discover the plain truth about the hotwife lifestyle…..

Are Submissive men weak?

I was asked today what is it about submissive men I like, are they not weak? So here are my thoughts about this…. outside of the fantasy of the internet or the male constructed image of what a dominant woman is…..

A truly submissive man is rarely weak in any sense, nor are they lazy, or stupid or a doormat.

Relationships, connections with and submission from a submissive man come in many forms., Here are my experiences, observations and the traits I like.

1. Often very intelligent, life’s thinkers… this appeals to me, clever minds need to be switched off. They also usually appreciate a clever woman and are not threatened by that.

2. True gentleman, they open doors for you, pull back chairs in restaurants, give you their coat if you are cold. I personally love this, it makes you feel looked after.

3. Your pleasure is theirs ….. this covers a wide range of things from making you laugh to making you orgasm, usually giving in nature rather than taking. There is nothing hotter than a man finding happiness, pleasure or arousal, by facilitating yours. They are usually appreciate being guided or for a woman to take the lead completely, without seeing it as Criticism or some kind of assault on their masculinity. Getting laid is not usually high on their agenda, getting you off usually is.

4. They see the beauty you have inside and out and usually put greater value on the beauty inside.

5. They appreciate the things you do for them, and notice when you do.

6. They love making you feel better or good. Usually they notice when your not feeling good too and do their best to help.

7. They are Attentive -Foot rubs, massages, bringing you coffee, stuff that just needs doing. They usually like to talk, share dreams, ideas and generally just spend time with you.

8. They will take over when you need them to… they understand that need and even the most Dominant of dommes need to just check out sometimes, submissive men will help you do that, simply because that’s what you need …. they like to meet your needs.

9. They are usually very passionate, about life, their interests, you!

10. They like to be showered with affection and praise and will do things to get that.

11. Hold you in high regard and tell you so, the love and devotion a submissive man will express to his chosen dominant is a beautiful thing.

12. They are comfortable with their masculinity and their submission, they adore the dominance of femininity.

13. Usually fans of a corseted woman, a big plus for me.

14. Usually protective of their dominant, they usually insist that others treat their lady with the same respect they do.

15. Often sensitive and feeling

16. Value cuddles and intimacy

17. Thoughtful gift givers, even if the gift is their time.

18. They worship you, this can take many forms from kissing your feet to telling you they feel lucky to be in your life.

19. Motivated, usually in most aspects in life, life’s doers.

20. They are not intimidated by your confidence, sexuality, success, ambition, achievements, they usually find that a turn on.

I could go on and on, but I find no weakness in a submissive man. Quite the opposite - I see strength in someone knowing what makes them happy, is confident to ignore the stereotype of “manly” behaviour, has complete respect for women and sees my needs equal to or greater than his own…

I give thanks to the universe for creating such a glorious creature as the submissive man and I’m sure many other dominant women do to!

Cuckold at last

After 16 years of marriage and at least 12 years of begging my wife to cuckold me, the day is here at last.  First I had to explain it to her.  Then I had to reassure her repeatedly that this was all about her pleasure and that I was not looking for an excuse to cheat. Then, we fantasized about cuckolding scenarios for years and years but she always said she was not ready.  Then I bought a chastity device for me and gave her the keys.  She begrudgingly agreed to play along but she changed her tune when she found out how attentive the cage made me.  She slipped quickly and easily into the dominant role regarding the cage and keeps me locked up most of the time now.  She even wears the key around her neck on a necklace -- even to church or work.

Well, she finally found a guy that she is interested in at work.  She walked with him during lunch break, showed him her key, and told him that she was free to see whomever she wanted but she had me locked up.  He has been barking up her tree non-stop for the past 2 days now and she has indicated to me that my cuckold baptism is imminent.  She is loving all the attention.  She is trying to slow things down a little, but he is pursuing hard after her (rightly so!).  Regardless, she wants him and he wants her even more.  In all likelihood, she will suck another man’s cock next week for the first time during our marriage, and she will likely spread her legs for another man, take a strange cock inside her, pant and moan for another man’s cock, and feed me another man’s seed from her pussy by next weekend.

The reasons why...

WHY I CUCKOLD MY HUSBAND? BECAUSE I LIKE IT.

The politically correct answer would be: “My husband is a cuckold, because that is what he is longing for and because he wants me to lead him to a deeper submission. If he wouldn’t, I wouldn’t do it.”

The answer is correct, and forms part of the reason why I began doing it, but I have to admit, in the presend I make my husband a cuckold because I like it.

I love making love with a man, and I love that my husband does not have the right to have the same priviledges as I have. I admit. I love meeting men, the whole process from the beginning of the meeting until the conclusion. I love my husband and I keep him up to date of things, because I love his support and his deepening submission, I love it when he feels the humiliation, and because I think it’s the role of man in a marriage.

It is part of who I am, what I believe. It is not a game but a way of life, and a statement.

As I said, I love the whole process. I like to flirt, seduce, be seduced by a beautiful man. I like to be asked out on a date. I like to tease my husband about my encounters. I like it when my husband helps me prepare for a new appointment.

I like to go out. I love the game, and to test a man. I like the kiss (the first kiss!), the first caress, to be in his arms, and yes, I love sex! I like to see my husband before and after, shy, tormented, or otherwise confused. I love this power I feel, and I like what it gives me, and above all I like what it does to my husband.

And I can tell you, you do not know how it feels to really control a man until he is a cuckold, your cuckold, who knows and who is kept chaste throughout the process.

The cuckolding process is so much more then having sex. It is liberating and by allowing it my husband accepts his subservient position. It is a total power exchange of the husband submitting to the dominant female.

It is neither swinging nor wife swapping. It doesn’t happen because my husband craves for it. I would have stopped after the first try. I continued because it increases my pleasure, and because I feel like it. I enjoy every minute of it. Meanwhile, my husband exists to serve me. Everything is for my pleasure, and the frustration of my husband forms part of the pleasure.

It was my husband who brought it up, more then once. He had to convince me. Before I decided to give it a try, I told my husband that if we would do it, it might be permanent. And indeed. There is no way back.

Interesting stats

Survey - Getting to Know the Cuckold

In April of 2011 I created a survey (using Surveymonkey.com tools) intended to gather data on men who self-identified as cuckolds. This survey ran for 8 weeks and was advertised on my website, on Facebook, via Twitter and on specific Cuckolding websites such as Jinxypie.com and Hotwifelife.com. The response rate was excellent, with 486 men participating from all over the world. And while a multitude of countries were represented, just over half of majority of those who participated live in the United States. The intention of doing this work was to contribute to the body of knowledge on the practice of Cuckolding and to determine if there are any common characteristics shared by men who are attracted to this lifestyle. To ensure the questions accurately targeted the real-life experiences of cuckolds, I constructed this survey in consultation with Steve, an American who has been previously been a cuckold himself. While he does not live as a cuckold in his current relationship, it remains an ongoing source of arousal for him and his advice on the type of questions that are relevant to an erotic interest in Cuckolding were of great value. In a Cuckolding relationship the wife has sex outside of her marriage with her husband’s knowledge, while he remains faithful to her. The husband is known as a cuckold or cuck for short and he does not take lovers himself, instead his sexual pleasure and gratification is derived from the existence of his partner’s relationships. There are all sorts of variations in how these relationships operate and what involvement the husband may have, ranging from simply hearing about it from his wife, to input in the selection of her lovers, helping her prepare for a date, watching during sex, participating as directed, or by providing some type of sexual service to the wife and her lover. According to the results of this survey, the so-called ‘typical’ cuckold is a very well-educated, white man in his thirties or forties who lives in the United States. He earns well above the average wage and is most likely to be in a long term relationship or first marriage. He does not have self esteem issues and considers himself an alpha male with an average sized penis. Despite that, he enjoys being sexual humiliated and in particular may enjoy penis humiliation. He is most commonly sexually submissive to his wife and he enjoys the loss of control and responsibility being in this space offers. His enjoyment in loss of agency and control is fulfilled by having little or no choice in how his wife expresses herself sexually. He is likely to have been initially drawn to Cuckolding by arousal experienced at the idea of his wife having sex with another man, and his lust and passion for his wife is increased after she has been with another man, a response say researchers into the male brain caused by the stimulation of mating hormones. He is also most likely to be bisexual or at least bi-curious, whether he articulates that to his partner or not. Cuckolds report having sex with their wives in roughly the same number as the population surveyed in the Kinsey Reports, which is at odds with a general perception that they are denied marital sex. However they consider themselves to need more mental, visual and aural stimulation than other men and say they enjoy masturbation and fantasy more than actual sex. 17th June, 2011 Angela Lewis, PhD Steve, anonymous cuckold AGE Cuckolds who responded to this survey were fairly widely and evenly spread across all age groups. The largest number were found in the 30-49 year bracket and either side of this, men 50-60 years old and men 21-29 years old, were to be found in roughly equal numbers.

ETHNICITY AND NATIONALITY Cuckolds were most commonly Caucasian (at 91.1%) and at 55%, the most represented nationality was American.

There was a large gap numbers-wise to the second highest nationality represented, with Britain and Canada tying at 6%, followed by the Germans in third place at 4%. The table below goes down to a 0.4% representation, and a diverse range of nationalities were present under this figure, but the numbers were too low to register any significant value. Some of those countries included in small numbers were Estonia, Poland, Turkey, Portugal, Norway and Scotland.

EDUCATION Men who identified as cuckolds in this survey were well educated. For example, a total of 83% of respondents had some form of college/university education and 19.5% of those had completed post graduate studies such as an MBA or PhD.

INCOME Reported income levels tended to be fairly high (Given the average American wage is said to be around $35,000), with 48.8% of the men earning over US$50,000 per annum and just over one third, at 30.6%, earning over US$100,000.

INDUSTRY SECTOR 47.3% of the men were employed in the white collar (private or government) sector, which explains the high income levels. The other sectors were all represented, but in much low numbers and the number of men who were retired, students or unemployed were extremely low.

RELATIONSHIPS Unsurprisingly, given that a Cuckolding relationship is based on the existence of a primary traditional husband/wife dynamic, 87.3% of the men were living with their significant others and a majority of 77% were married.

How Long in Current Relationship Cuckolding relationships appeared to be durable and long term, as most of the men were in them for 11 plus years. The second highest number of cuckolds were in the group married 0-5 years, so we might assume that there is space and time for the couples to partake in cuckolding early in the relationship—say before c***dren come along—and then again later after have and are raising young c***dren, perhaps explaining why the lowest number of cuckolds were in relationships of a 6-10 year duration.

Most of the cuckolds were in their first marriage and close to a third were in their second marriage.

We were interested to know if cuckolding was present in the men’s previous relationships, however for the majority, their current Cuckolding relationship is their first. If you take into account that many are in long term relationships with their partners, this would confirm 9.3.3% agreeing with the statement: Happy and successful Cuckolding couples are able to separate love from sexual desire. Nearly one third (25%) of practicing cuckolds have been in a previous Cuckold relationship, so for these men it is likely an openness to the possibility of Cuckolding was a factor when seeking a prospective new long-term partner.

THE PRIVATE CUCKOLD SELF Asked to choose a response to this statement: “I’m an alpha male and I enjoy the loss of control that Cuckolding gives me,” 64% gave a positive response, making comments about how Cuckolding offered a way to take a step out of how they usually lived their lives and how it temporarily released them from a position of control:

Being temporarily absolved from responsibility, for my performance, for her pleasure, in fact having no control even if I wanted it, is incredibly freeing. I like the idea of having no choice, from being the guy always in charge to being the guy who is told to lick the other guy’s jizz, it freaks me out and excites me. Allowing others to make decisions for a while is relaxing. I love giving the gift of male sexual dominance to my wife. Not having a choice in their partner’s behaviour was rated as exciting by 65.7% of respondents. As cuckold Steve explains, this is also tied in with the humiliation factor that many cuckolds crave.

76.2% of the men described themselves as sexually submissive with their wives and a further 15%, while not submissive, found the idea attractive. Only 8.8% had no interest in being sexually submissive. Some comments made included: It gives me a freedom I don’t have when I’m expected to be sexually dominant. We both enjoy being submissive, so we try to take turns with each other. I like the loss of choice. Are you sexually submissive with your wife?

65% said their partners tended to be dominant in all aspects of the relationship, and when asked the question: “Do feel inferior to your wife?” exactly half said they did not feel inferior on any level to their female partners, while the other 50% considered themselves inferior to their wives in some fashion. Given the submissive nature of Cuckolding, it would be a fair guess that the men who do not consider themselves inferior consciously chose a role of inferiority/submission as part of their sexual persona, and are not victims of circumstance. Taking into account the high percentage of men who consider themselves alpha males, it is probably not surprising that only 8% nominated themselves as intellectually inferior. My fellow researcher, cuckold Steve suggests that the 20% who nominated being physically inferior would be alluding to their genitals and not to their physical stature. If you take into account that 36% of the men said they were attracted to Cuckolding because they perceived themselves as having a small penis, coupled with the fact that sexual humiliation was nominated as attractive to 55% of respondents, this would seem like a fair assumption.

The Cuckold’s Sex Life Based on the responses I recorded, cuckolds have regular sex with their partners in proportion to population averages as rated by the Kinsey Institute. While figures do vary widely according to which reports are consulted, I have chosen to compare my data to that collected by the respected research body, The Kinsey Institute (www.kinseyinstitute.org.) Using the Kinsey data for comparative purposes, I averaged the number of married men aged between 25—69 who were tabled as not having had sex in the past year and arrived at a figure of 20.7%. There is a perception that cuckolds do not have sex with their wives, however when you compare this to the figure of 19.8% reported by the cuckolds in this survey, there is not a big differentiation between the general population and cuckold men. Similarly, 38.8% of married men between the ages of 24—69 in the Kinsey data had sex a few times per month to weekly and this correlates fairly closely to the 45.1% who said they had sex 1-3 times per month in this survey group.

Over half the men supported the statement that a Cuckoldress should practice sexual denial with her husband and this supports a theory that loss of control and agency make the idea of Cuckolding attractive to many cuckolds. As well, anecdotally another reason men who are drawn to Cuckolding support sexual denial is because they believe or want to believe that that they are not able to sexually satisfy their women (primarily because they believe their penis is adequate) and/or because they have a preference for living vicariously through the experiences of the wife’s lovers or through the fantasy of the wife’s sexual affairs. To me, the hottest thing about Cuckolding is when my wife talks me off [re-tells her sexual exploits] It is understood that my pay-off for being what she calls ‘a good little cuck’ is in hearing about it. Hearing her moaning in the other room while I wait outside the door until she finishes with her Bull is totally hot for me. Nothing hornier than receiving a text during the night to say: I have just been fucked. This probably also explains why 82.3% of the men said they believed cuckolds need more aural and mental stimulation than the average man and that 66.9% of the men surveyed said they enjoyed masturbation and fantasy more than actual sex, using the a primary fantasy of the Cuckoldress wife having sex with other men. A Cuckold wife should practice sexual denial with her husband:

WHY CUCKOLDING The men were asked to select all the factors which led them to Cuckolding. With the highest response rate at 82.8%, the major drawcard for the men was arousal caused by the thought of seeing their wives with other men; and the ‘my private porn star’ response—while not a politically correct one—was alluded to by a number of men. However to be fair, it would have to be said that anecdotally the fantasy of a wife with other men is not limited to men interested in Cuckolding.

The second most popular factor was an enjoyment of sexual submissiveness, at 61.9%. This one is interesting, as culturally men are expected to be the aggressors and being permitted a submissive role in a so-called vanilla relationship is not that common, instead it is most often labelled a BDSM practice. For men (and couples) who do not see themselves as belonging to the BDSM community, it may be difficult to frame ways for the man to be submissive; however Cuckolding does provide that opportunity. The majority of cuckolds are self-assertive and describe themselves as an alpha male, holding a socially dominant position, whether in the workplace by wealth or earning power or through being highly educated. They generally know their place in the world and it is not a submissive one. However when it comes to sex they enjoy the taboo, novelty and ‘letting go’ that being the submissive partner promises: There is no question I’m a powerful guy in real life, therefore sitting in women’s underwear outside the door waiting while some guy pleasures her is so quirky, so different to who I usually am, that I get off on the idea of that ‘other me’ being so pussy whipped. At 55%, just over half of the men rated the opportunity for sexual humiliation as a factor which attracted them to Cuckolding. Sexual humiliation falls under the definition of masochism, as it is seeking pain in some form and taking sexual pleasure from it. Interestingly, according to Baumeister (1988) rather than pathologising it, masochism should be seen simply an unusual way to take a ‘time out’ from the pressures of life, and in his words is ‘an escape from self and self awareness’, in the same way that others might take up mediation or exercise. The majority of men who took this survey described themselves as alpha males (see Self Image), as well as being well educated and earning good salaries in white collar occupations; therefore fit Baumeister’s description of individuals who use sexual masochism as a way to temporarily give up the control and responsibility that they carry in their day to day lives. In relation to humiliation, comments were made that creampies (specifically the ejaculate of the wife’s lovers on her genitals which the husband is permitted to see, touch or consume but can also be on the face, mouth or breasts), were a powerful attraction, and on reflection it would have been beneficial to have included a line of questioning on this interest. However as nearly one third of respondents said that a desire to explore bisexuality was what attracted them to Cuckolding to begin with; the desire to interact with other men’s sexual fluids in this manner could be a way for some men to express homo-erotic desires, plus for some who may be wrestling with the idea of bisexuality, enjoying this on the wife’s body may legitimise it and remove the practice from being framed as homosexual—a type of bisexuality by proxy as it were. I believe we were also remiss in not including an option for ‘pleasing my wife’, as a factor for being attracted to Cuckolding. We made the assumption that the men were only motivated by their own sexual desires, however there were a number of voluntary comments made by the men which related to a desire to please their partners: I just love seeing her live her true sexual passion. Sexual freedom for my wife boosts her confidence. My wife loves being dominant and I’m man enough to let her express it. I enjoy seeing her enjoy getting pleasured. Penis/Small Penis Humiliation The men were also asked if they enjoyed small penis humiliation, taken to mean having derogatory remarks made about their size, length, girth and their ability to satisfy a woman sexually or being compared to men who were more endowed. While 29% had no interest in it, the remaining 71% were attracted to having this experience to some degree. Cuckolds do appear to have a strong interest in the penises of other men, particularly big penises, so this could mean that even those men with average size penises fantasize about their wives being with larger men than they are. Given the interest that cuckolds have in interracial cuckolding, both anecdotally and evidenced by the large number of websites offering material that focuses specifically on wives with black lovers, this is may not be an unreasonable conclusion. For this survey we used the generally accepted penis size for Caucasian men: Small (under 5 inches long) Average (5-7 inches long) Large (over 7 inches long)

The common assumption around cuckolds is that they must have a small penis and that is is a deciding factor in them being attracted to Cuckolding. However in this survey the majority of cuckolds described themselves to be of average physical endowment. Obviously there is no way of knowing if the responses are true as men do anecodotally overestimate their penis size; however in this case 36% of men said they were drawn to Cuckolding because they perceived themselves as having as small penis, which is higher than the number who actually identified themsleves in the small penis (5 inches and under) category according to the measurement table. Taking this into account and given the percentage of cuckolds who also nominated an attraction to small penis humiliation (SPH) which again is also far higher than the self-reported figure having a small penis, we would have to consider the men assessed their penis size truthfully. Feedback from cuckolds on what makes penis humiliation (or SPT for short), attractive is interesting in itself. For some cuckolds the fact that they will never have a larger penis means they actually erotize their negative feelings about their perceived inadequacies and appear to turn this around to a plus rather than a negative. For others the taboo act of a woman actually making derogatory remarks about his penis is thrilling precisely because it is not a socially accepted thing to do. Explains one cuckold: I often suggest we watch porno movies with supremely endowed men. This makes my dick look even smaller in comparision and then I fantasise about my little dick next to his and how my wife is probably comparing me to him.

Bisexuality In response to the question, ‘do you consider yourself bisexual?’ 29.2% described themselves as bisexual, 18.4% as bi-curious and 18.1% would like to be f***ed into bisexual behaviour. In total this means that 69.9% of the men have some interest in, or identification with, bisexuality. The high number who would do it if ‘f***ed’ probably speaks a little to the fact that in society generally it is much more acceptable for a woman to be bisexual or lesbian than for a man to be bisexual or homosexual

Some comments made were: I think cucks are lying if they say they are not interested in the other guy’s dicks. We think about how big, how heavy or how long they are, these are all questions swirling around in the mind of the curious cuck. I wish to take my wife’s place. Every now and then she makes me come in and wipe her lover down. What can I say, it is just heaven. Occasionally I am allowed a creampie. Understandably it is only with guys she knows well so we are aware of their sexual history. While an interest in consuming another man’s semen through the act of the creampie is tied to the masochistic experience of humiliation, for many it is openly a way to express their bisexuality. For others it is also entirely possible that wishing to give a wife post-sex oral sex or licking ejaculate from her breasts or body, is a way for some men of framing erotic homosexual desires so that they remain within a heterosexual framework, i.e. between the man and woman.

LIFESTYLE MECHANICS We asked how open couples were with regard to their Cuckold arrangement and perhaps unsurprisingly, couples were very selective about who they told. Given how taboo extra marital sex remains round the world and how few people are familiar with what Cuckolding actually is; this would explain why f****y and close friends were the least likely to be chosen as confidants. However what we consider a fairly high number (at 40.7%), confided in others, who they described as not necessarily f****y or friends, and from that we would infer these are other couples in leading a similar lifestyle. Other people are of course involved by virtue of the fact that the couples need to locate, screen, meet and play with the male lovers, most often referred to as Bulls.

Bulls are located by the tried and true methods of meeting through work, at social venues like pubs and clubs and by advertising on websites that cater to the Cuckolding community. In our survey group a very tiny 9% of the men choose the Bulls, while close to half of the time the wife locates her own sexual partners. As the cuckold generally defers to her when it comes to matters of sex and the Cuckoldress generally holds the sexually dominant role in the relationship, this would be expected; however relationships appear flexible enough to leave room for it being a co-decision when required, given the result that 20% said they looked together and 25% said it was situation dependant.

Where does cuckolding take place? The question of where the actual act takes place unearthed a mixed bag of responses. While the figure of 17.8% (just over one in five men) said their wives had sex with their lovers in the marital bed, that figure is probably higher, given that 54.6% of the men stated it could be any of those venue: the marital bed, in the home or outside of the home.

As Steve explains it, anecdotally there is a strong element of submissive symbolism related to the use of the marital bed, which can be powerfully erotic and stimulating to both cucks and Cuckoldresses. In fact one of the best known amateur pay for view cuckolding sites uses the marital bed to film their exploits for precisely this reason. Given the number of cuckolds who display some interest in bisexuality it also allows a way of expressing their sexual interest in other men by smelling/tasting/feeling the other man without having any direct contact: After they have had sex in our bed I can fall asl**p and imagine I was her. I find it highly erotic to smell their sex on our sheets. It is the ultimate humiliation. What can I say, a stranger, my bed, my wife, I guess it just makes it very real to me. What Sort of Cuckold? We created arbitrary categories of Cuckold and asked the men which they identified with the most. The responses mirrored the reasons for being attracted to Cuckolding in the first place and which are discussed earlier under ‘Why Cuckolding’. We did not create a category of Submissive Cuckold, as we believed that a position of submission is taken in all the categories. There was very only a 1% difference in identifying as a Humiliation or Voyeur cuckold. Given the popularity of Voyeur Cuckold category, this also tends to support why there was such high number (66.9%), of self-reported cuckolds who said they prized masturbation and fantasy above actual sex.

What the Cuckold is Allowed We also asked what role the cuckolds took when the wife was with another man. For the majority of couples it was a case of the wife’s wishes in a given situation. However from the categories we presented of watching, watching/participating and not being present, it is most likely that the wife has sex with other men alone. In terms of what the cuckold enjoys, most cuckolds nominate being humiliated, so it would depend on how humiliating the allowable roles are to him. However most cuckolds report enjoying watching almost equally, so it would seem that if only 15.2% are permitted to watch, their needs are not met in this respect, and perhaps as Steve suggests, this in itself further adds to the cuckolds feelings of humiliation and loss of control.

98.2% of the cuckolds agreed with the statement: ‘The desire and passion for my Cuckoldress is heightened after she has been with another man’. Brizendine (The Male Brain 2010, p.64) refers to this concept as ‘mate guarding’, in which a man’s mating hormones are stimulated by fear of loss and rejection, and this in turn intensifies his feelings of love and passion for his mate.

Chastity

Chastity is a curious fetish. It’s curious because it’s a fetish that morphs into a lifestyle with relative ease. It’s also a fetish that is just as addicting for the wearer, as it is for the key holder. The part that makes chastity the most curious however, is just how quickly it can change the mindset of the wearer and key holder. It doesn’t take very long at all to recognize just how powerful D/s can be. Chastity does however, have a few learning curves to it, but they can also be a part of the fun.

When starting out with chastity, it can take a bit of time to get the right fit. There’s a lot of components that need to fit together just right. Too tight can mean serious health consequences, where as too loose might mean the cage falls off without the key. Taking the time to figure out the right fit will beneficial for longer term wear, and putting an end to pinching, or chafing.

It’s important that the base ring fits snugly, just before it cuts off blood circulation. When you’re first starting out, you’ll find that over time, you’ll need to gradually move to smaller rings as the body adjusts.  When you’re just starting out with chastity, the male body is going to rebel against it for the first few weeks. In fact, the device will likely not be able to be worn overnight because in the middle of the night, nocturnal erections will prevent him from sleeping. Not because it’s painful, but because the penis is trying to push the cage away from the body. This causes the scrotum to pull against the ring causing it to stretch. This stretching makes him feel a burning sensation that doesn’t really hurt, but it’s a strong enough feeling to prevent sleep.

Don’t worry, with a few repeated attempts to wear the device overnight, the scrotum will stretch and the burning will cease until the cage can be worn all night long. All attempted erections can be slept through, and he will awake as a very horny locked submissive. Being able to stay locked for a full night is a milestone. The stretching/burning sensation will come back when attempting to do 2 - 3 or more nights in a row, because the body is still not used to it fully. Eventually all this will stop, and he’ll be able to stay chaste indefinitely, without losing any sleep.

Chafing is another concern, because it’s a device attached to a moving part of the body, the ring will tend or irritate the skin and cause it to go raw. One good way to combat this, is to use a clear diaper rash ointment which works like a lube, or remove the cage until it heals then try again. One good brand of ointment is Penaten daily clear protection cream, its on Amazon. This can also be used inside the cage, because it repels moisture. It prevents any kind of infections from sweat and daily use while also allowing the penis to slide around in the cage instead of sticking to the sides. It makes it much easier for him to go pee, without struggling to line his penis up with the hole.

Over time as the body get used to the cage, the skin will stretch, and jumping down a size in the base ring may be a good idea. The cage will often begin to pull forward after a few days of wear, making pullout very possible, if not tempting. Moving to a smaller ring at this point, is a good idea.

Attempted erections over time will lessen to a degree. Not because he’s losing the ability to get hard, quite the opposite in fact, when he’s allowed to be hard, he’ll be harder than he’s ever been! However, his body will have learned that it cannot win against the cage, and will accept defeat. It will not try to get erect as often, which means, his penis will be flaccid most of the time.  If you look at the cage, and see where his flaccid penis is resting, it will likely be a short distance away front the end of the cage. This means, upgrading to a smaller cage would be beneficial.

The cage should fit around the flaccid penis so that it rests touching the end of the cage. Not straining against it. The object is not to cram the penis into the cage, so that even when its resting its backing up into his body. The cage should match his flaccid size, so that when he attempts to get hard, he’s gently denied. Causing him to squirm in frustration and submission.

One other important part to remember when fitting a chastity cage, is the space between the base ring and the cage itself. The gap should not be very wide, it should be wide enough to enable circulation. It should compress the scrotum, so that the balls are snugly held in place. If the gap is too wide, when he gets cold, or is active, or even sleeping, his testicles might slip through that gap, and that can cause pain or injury. Especially if one testicle can slip through and the other cannot.

It is for reasons exactly like that, that the submissive should have access to a chastity key at all times. It doesn’t mean he gets to keep a key on his key chain. But perhaps in a sealed, stapled and signed envelope, that can’t be opened without being noticed. It’s also something that can cause him to be extra horny, knowing the key is within his reach, but he can’t use it without his key holder knowing. So safety first, can be beneficial in more ways than one.

It can be a lot of fun to figure out the right size, and experiment with chastity, it’s really the perfect way to figure out if chastity is for you or not. Once you get past the fitting stages, and getting the body used to it, the real fun begins. It’s the point where, she truly gets to decide if and when, he gets unlocked.

A whole new psychological level unlocks with chastity. One very interesting aspect of chastity is that it’s often a male driven fantasy, but the benefits of it hit the female harder. After a few days of keeping him under lock and key, she often thinks about it throughout the day, and really enjoys the extra attention he’s trying to pour onto her. His puppy dog eyes, his eagerness to please, the housework gets done, dinner gets made and she just gets to relax. A few days of this, and she begins to feel his frustration. She can feel it like he feels it, but in a different way. She feels the power of it, where as, he feels the helplessness of it.

This power that she feels, makes her feel desired, while at the same time, having her own desire. It’s an exquisite mix of emotion that helps her to discover just how much power she has, which gives her the confidence to become a little more dominant. It doesn’t take her very long to realize she loves the idea of chastity. This is a realization that even the submissive hasn’t had yet. She’s leap frogged his understanding of chastity, and it has now become her idea and her fantasy, and no longer his.

It can actually take the submissive a substantially longer period of time to realize how powerful chastity really is. At first he may have been the one pushing it, trying to move faster, wanting her to be more dominant. However, once she truly gets it, she’s going to be taking control in ways he’s not yet comfortable with. Especially when it comes to sex, and realizing that he doesn’t actually get to even touch himself while pleasuring her. The intensity of that alone, can make a submissive realize what he’s gotten himself into!

This might make him become resistant, to be rebellious at first. He may even want out of the cage, just as an excuse to masturbate. It’s okay, if he seriously wants out, and doesn’t want to submit any further, let him out. Within a short period of time, a couple days, or a couple weeks, he’ll miss it. Once a submissive has had a small taste of chastity, especially well fitting chastity, it’s nearly impossible for him to ignore it for long. It calls to him. The feeling of being locked is a feeling that is so addicting, so powerful, that he’ll be begging to be locked again.

This time around he’ll understand more of what he’s gotten himself into, and will be more cooperative. Non sexual activities will become sexual for him. Every chore, will be an act of service, which he will hope for a reward from her. Everything he does, will be in hopes to receive an unlock. Going out for dinner and a movie, might get him feeling hopeful, until she teases him by saying she feels like a bath and a full body massage when they get home. He knows he’ll be locked all night, in service to her.

Eventually he’ll have the same epiphany she had, he will feel his submission take over his whole body. He’ll realize he’s not in control, that he’s surrendered to her, and he has no idea what’s going to come next. He will stop trying to be unlocked through good behavior, and realize good behavior was never why he was unlocked. He gets unlocked, only through obedience to her. It’s a pivotal shift in a female led relationship, where he suddenly gets what it means to be a submissive. That’s when chastity really begins.

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Hotwife Lifestyle - Understanding Our Man’s Hotwife Fantasy and How to Use That to Our Advantage

The fantasy of having a “Hotwife” is growing, in fact, research shows it is growing at a higher rate than a good majority of the other lifestyle alternatives, including the old staple of “swinging” and the modern “open relationship”.  Why is it that a fantasy that revolves around only one part of a relationship – the woman – going out and finding pleasure from another man more intriguing to an increasing number of men than going out and “getting some” for himself?  

Basic psychology tells us that men are highly competitive creatures.  They have a drive to compete with other males of the species for the best mate – this isn’t so much different than what happens in the animal kingdom.  Most men have an innate drive to compete with other men when it comes to the “best mate” or the “most attractive woman”.  With this being said, one of the reservations of most women who find out about their husband or partner’s Hotwife fantasy is that he is somehow “weaker” than the rest because he wants to give up his position as your only partner.  Is this really true, though?  Could the truth lie somewhere within today’s man’s loss of natural competition in everyday life, and a desire to maintain a level of competition after marriage or “monogamy”?  Is this weakness, or rather the ultimate confidence?  

Cuckholding aside, because this aspect of the fantasy requires a bit more in terms of a “woman led” relationship, and a bit more from the man in terms of a desire for mental sadomasochism, a good majority of men enjoy the idea that they have been able to “capture” the best mate and even when she’s out having amazing physical and emotional experiences with men who may have qualities that actually supersede their own – a better body, a larger cock, youth, more prowess in bed – their woman actually WANTS to come back to them at the end of the night.  While most Hotwife-Husbands do get some level of turn-on from the jealousy and the possibility that their Hotwife may actually be enjoying their dates more than they enjoy being “at home”, the overwhelming desire is the competition and the “win” in terms of having a wife who chooses them again and again even after being allowed to go out and have other men.  

As Hotwives, we may be the focus of the fantasy, but there is that deeper and more psychological desire of a man who, even after committing to one woman, is able to compete with other males sexually.  This is why the desire for “reclaiming” a Hotwife after a date is so strong – it’s actually been scientifically proven that men who are able to reclaim a partner after she has been with someone else have an increase in testosterone levels, which means stronger desire, more powerful erections, longer lasting erections, and an overall stronger sex drive.  So, what does this mean for us as Hotwives?

He Enjoys the Jealousy, Go with It

As women we’ve learned that inducing some jealousy can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating – before we’ve found our “person”.  We use our female prowess to keep the men who we are seeing guessing…why?  Because they seem more interested in us when it seems as though we may not be 100% there.  So, if this works in the dating world, why wouldn’t it work once we’re married? In contrast, women typically don’t respond as well, or in the same way to jealousy – we tend to worry, question, and sometimes shut down if we feel that he might be “just not that into us”.  Naturally, because of our own feelings on the matter, we tend to avoid making our men jealous once we’ve committed to them, because we, ourselves don’t want to feel as though we’re in constant competition with other, more attractive, sexier, younger, etc., women.  Why would we do something to the man that we love that we, ourselves, would hate?

For men, though, and especially those with Hotwife fantasies, jealousy is a big component and tool for us to keep our men hot and bothered.  Sometimes just the mere mention of being flirted with by that cute guy at our favorite restaurant, or our interest in the sexy personal trainer at the gym is enough to send our men into a sexual frenzy.  It doesn’t take a lot to feed the fantasy.  It’s not ALL about dates and recounting how well we got worked over in the bedroom (and how much we loved it), though that is the ultimate turn on for our men, it’s also about the little things – the mention of our interest in someone else, the sexy messages that we send to potential lovers or Bulls, the “tease” of how much we loved what our last Bull did for us and how much we’re looking forward to doing it again.  Remember, this ignites the “competition” element of things, which is natural for men.

The More You Enjoy it, the More He Enjoys it

You may be thinking, “But I’m doing it for him, I’m not doing it for myself” (a common theme by A LOT of Hotwives), but in reality, our men WANT us to enjoy our encounters. They want to hear about what this “other guy” did for or to is that sent us over the edge, and yes, they want to hear what we liked better about the “other guy”.  I know it seems crazy, because we don’t want to imagine our men, even if we did allow them to be with other women, thinking that their “others” were better, sexier, hotter or had something that we don’t.  That’s because we don’t have that “competition drive” like our men do.

Let’s face it, despite what our men tell us – “It’s all about your pleasure” or “I don’t get anything out of it unless you’re enjoying it, because I love you so much” – this isn’t some ultimate “unselfish” thing our men are doing for us.  These things come out of their mouths, but what they are really saying is “I want to know that you came three times while he was fucking you, and you STILL want to come home to me”.  It’s their kink, and we have to understand it.  

So, if you’ve actually taken the step into the world of Hotwifing, you’re going to have to learn how to properly tease your man into believing that, just maybe, your Bull was better than him in some ways.  Whenever you think “But I’m only doing it for him”, follow that us with “I’m doing it for him and he WANTS to know that I absolutely enjoyed it”.  Find some aspect of your encounter that was mind-blowing, and recount, in great detail exactly what it was that sent you over the edge.  This may require a little bit of embellishment, and that’s OKAY…trust me…embellishment is your friend in this situation.  Tell your man about your Bull’s amazing cock, how good if felt, how good he tasted, how fantastic he was at oral sex, etc.  These are the things that will ramp up that competition streak in your man and make him want to reclaim you with increased vigor and desire.  

The More You Want Someone Else, The More Your Man Wants You

Again, you’re playing on the competition and the teasing aspect of things here…  The more that you act as if you WANT to be a Hotwife, the more that your husband or partner is going to WANT you.  His desire for you is going to skyrocket, his sexual desire for you is going to make it so that he’s ready to chew his own leg off to get you back in bed.  I have experienced this firsthand many times…if I am completely honest about an “encounter” and admit to “D” that my Bull was lacking in some way, or I didn’t quite “get there”, he isn’t nearly as turned on as when I tell him about how amazing things were.  I don’t like or believe in lying, but I do advocate for being selective and stretching the truth…maybe your lover wasn’t the best at giving oral sex, but maybe he was an amazing kisser, so a good answer would be “he was amazing with his mouth” and leave the rest up for interpretation.  

We’re women.  We are strong and capable and we are smart.  And the truth is, this is a GAME we are playing for and with our husbands/partners, so we need to get our heads into the game. Furthermore, this is an intellectual game, and we need to use our intellects to get to where we want to be.  Where do we want to be?  We want to have a husband/partner who is absolutely drooling over us, believes we are the ultimate sexual goddess, and in is jealous enough to realize that in order to “compete” they will need to step up their own game in order to “keep” us satisfied – be that with amazing sex, extra romance, other rewards, or all of the above.  

Happy Hotwifing!

-S