Pants Party!

Pants Party!

Bat family x toddler!reader

DC Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Batman obeys no one, except for his toddler of course

Warnings: mentions of child abandonment, but overall this is just fluff, swearing

WC: 1.3k

Minors DNI

A crash followed by a giggle interrupted Bruce’s research. “Get back here!” “Jason what the hell!” “Shut it and help me catch the fucking demon!” “Don’t swear around the baby!” “Fuck off replacement.” The crack of a fist meeting a jaw sparked another round of shouting.

Bruce sighed and stood, his joints creaking. “I’m getting too old for this shit.” He muttered, trekking into the main house, following the trail of destruction that his children usually left behind. He grimaced, seeing one of Alfred’s favourite vases shattered on the ground.

He found his protégés in the movie room. Jason was throttling Tim as Dick tried to pull them off of each other, Damian was sitting on the large couch, smirking, little Y/N perched on his lap, laughing at her brothers. Bruce scooped the youngest up, making her squeal in delight at the sight of her father. Her small hands slapped against his scruffy cheeks, making him smile.

Y/N had been a surprise addition to the family. Damian had found her out on patrol one night. She had been barely a few days old, crying horsley in the empty apartment, obviously having been alone for a while. The young Robin had no hesitation in bringing her home and insisting that his father adopt her. Bruce smiled at the memory of his little boy, still in his suit yelling, “THIS IS MY NEW BABY SISTER! HER NAME IS Y/N AND IF YOU DON’T ADOPT HER I’M MOVING IN WITH GRAYSON!” It was wonderful to see how far he had come since first arriving at the manor.

“Boys, what’s going on?” They paused, Jason’s fist cocked back, Dick’s hand wrapped around his elbow, trying to stop him, as Tim had aimed his foot towards his older brother’s crotch. “Nothing.” They answered at once. Bruce raised one graying eyebrow. “I was trying to dress the baby, but she’s a slippery fucker so I was chasing her then these assholes tried to stop me.” Jason huffed.

Bruce looked down, and sure enough, his little girl was almost completely naked, save for the cloth nappy Damian insisted they buy her. She gave him a gummy smile, wiggling in his grasp slightly. “Stop swearing around the baby!” And the fighting started again. “Come on, let’s go get you dressed little lady.” Batman slipped out of the room, his little girl perched on his hip, trying to get a look at her bickering older brothers.

Y/N’s room was perfectly situated to be evenly spaced from each of the boy’s rooms but she almost never slept in it. Bruce had a bad habit of taking her from her bed when he got home from patrol and tucking her into his own, keeping her on his chest as they slept. Alfred had told him off for it so many times that he could recite the older man’s speech from memory.

Sure enough, there was a cute outfit laid out on her bed. The shirt made Bruce chuckle. It was an exact replica of Jason’s red hood uniform and he had chosen to pair it with some leggings covered in Wonder Woman’s symbols. “Alright, time to get some clothes on.” He laid her on the pink sheets, handing her the platypus plushie that was her absolute favourite in order to distract his daughter as he dressed her.

The shirt went on first, her little head poking through the top. Y/N made a face at her father and in retaliation, he lifted her shirt slightly and gave her a raspberry. “Daddy!” She squealed, slapping the top of his head. “Such a silly girl.” A smiled fondly, “A silly girl with a messy face.” He turned to get a wet wipe to clean the smear of chocolate off her cheek. He really needed to talk to Damian and Tim about feeding her so many sweets.

A small thump made him turn back around just in time to see a little foot disappear around the corner. Then a few seconds later, “There she goes again!” The one fucking day Alfred took off and everything went to shit. Bruce gathered up the rest of her clothes and staked after his daughter, her giggles carrying through the halls.

Y/N was running waddling as fast as her little legs would carry her, reminding her father of a baby penguin running across the snow. The boys scrambled over each other trying to catch her, much to Y/N’s delight.

They had finally cornered her in the library, still holding her platypus tightly, her chubby legs shaking with the exercise of having five vigilantes chasing her through the massive house. Bruce came forward first, holding out the pants. “Put your pants on.”

“No!” Tim was next. “Pants time!” Her head shook widely. “Noo!” “Come on baby bat! We’ll have a pants party!” Dick’s smile made her hide her face in her stuffed animal’s soft fur. “Nooo!” Jason shoved him out of the way. “You need pants.” He used his Red Hood voice but was met with another “Nooooo!” Damian sighed. “Put your pants on.” Her arms crossed over her chest as best she could while still holding the animal. “No!”

Simultaneously, the men buried their faces in their hands, frustrated by the girl. She took the opportunity to run through their legs and back out of the room. “Mother fucker!” Jason took off after her. “Come on!” Dick followed closely behind.

“Oh hello there young lady. What are you up to?” Y/N skidded to a halt in front of her grandfather, immediately dropping the toy and lifting her arms so he could pick her up. She babbled in his ear, making Alfred nod along as he walked back into the kitchen to continue making a cup of tea for himself. He set her down in her high chair and placed a cup of juice in front of her, interrupting her “talking” as she took big gulps of the delicious drink.

Crashes soon followed and Dick burst into the kitchen. “Master Dick, how many times have I told you not to run in the house.” Alfred scolded. “We were just looking for- oh there she is!” He rolled his eyes at his eldest grandson. Nightwing tried to lift Y/N from the chair but her little hands slapped away his larger ones, going back to her drink. “And why were you chasing this little princess?” “Princess? She’s a slippery little troll who doesn’t want to put on pants.”

Jason came up from behind and rubbed her head affectionately, which was met with a glare very similar to Batman's from the little girl. “Is that right?” Alfred raised his eyebrow, “You all are trained heroes who’ve taken down some of the most evil people in the world yet you can’t get a toddler to put on pants.”

The men hung their heads in shame and Alfred took the leggings from his son’s hands. “Y/N can you put on your pants for me and then we’ll make some cookies,” She opened her mouth, obviously trying to argue, “You can only have cookies if you put on your pants.” She babbled and only the word ‘daddy’ was articulate. Alfred nodded like he understood. “Yes, we can give the cookies to your daddy and brothers.” The toddler raised her arms up, Jason quickly lowered her to the floor.

She took the leggings from her grandfather, and clumsily stuck her legs into the holes, having Tim help her pull them up all the way. “Ta da!” She spread her arms, displaying her state of dress to her family before running at Alfred shouting. “Cook! Cook!” To which he gladly picked her up and set about gathering the ingredients for his famous chocolate chip cookies while the rest of the family sat and watched their baby bat try her best to talk and bake at the same time.

After that day, Bruce always kept a photo of them all together, Y/N completely covered in flour while smiling ear to ear, on his desk in the bat cave and Wayne Enterprises. None of his sons would admit that they always carried that same photo round wherever they went.

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