Can You Take My White Ass To Funkytown

... and that's why I stick to fanfics and fanarts these days.

One solution to the male loneliness epidemic could be mandatory feminization

So I remember some of the most wildest porn videos I have seen. I'm not talking kink-wise, I'm talking just dudes with some horses. Hung by the gods themselves.

There was some German dude with a ungodly fucking weapon in between his legs, and he won't show his face he only shows the lower half of his body. And at first I'm like okay this is going to be like this dude doing a solo jerk off or something, because I don't see anybody else.

But then, this dude pulls out it's like a pocket pussy but it also has like a chest and sort of like shoulders? It's like a pocket pussy with a torso and a bit of chest.

This dude squirts on a shit ton of lube, slatters that fucking Master sword, and just Rams that mother fucker in to this poor toy. And I can see the tip literally fucking protruding in between the rib cage of that toy.

And I'm like okay so he doesn't prep the toy or maybe I'm just stupid and you don't have to, and maybe this is going to be one of those hot sensual wanks with a toy.

No dude, I feel so bad for this toy. He was tearing that shit up, and then on top of that I guess the dude has a hard time holding his load? Because the poor toy was literally squirting back out his own baby batter.

And he was getting so particularly rough with the poor toy that his cock popped through halfway at the chest.

And my dumbass was thinking oh wow that toy is so lucky, but then I realized if I were to happen to me I would fucking die.

Never in my life have I ever been so scared of seeing a big dick in a video, until that day.

And then as I'm reminiscing about it, that just reminds me of Konig from call of duty I don't know why. But I always imagine that character who has a fucking demon in between his pants ripping apart toys with it.

tumblr staff finding out their site has crowdsourced a viral song, only to discover it is 100% unusable in any corporate marketing scenario

Boss is asleep, cannot stop me from frogposting

pulled an all-nighter and then promptly passed out, i drew this sometime and have no recollection but i think i get what i was going for

Remember when Olenna called the most powerful man (Tywin) in Westeros a raging homo. And she admired his restraint in not sucking dick. 😭 we love a supportive grandma.