If I Kill Myself In Daydreams Enough Times Will It Finally Be Real?

Your vision most days. 

I got in a bit of work today. But also apparently I am having a sciatica flare up in my left leg. Not fun. Sharp pain from my back going down to my calf/side of my leg. But I have to sit here and get this work done. Bleh.

I just get so bummed out when I think about how I'll always be too shy to say what's on my mind I'm fantasizing all the t i m e~   and every day is always ☀️ ｓｕｎｎｙ ☀️ I'm sweet as syrup on ya, 𝒽𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓎 and isn't it w ₒ ₙ d ₑ ᵣ f ᵤ ₗ ? how you make me so pǝsnɟuoɔ, when I talk to you am I losing my ｍｉｎｄ or am I winning your 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽? oh if only I'd met you w a y back when I was alone without a friend things would've been so much easier then now I forget how to feel I haven't fully healed oh, from that ᴀᴡꜰᴜʟ blow I hope it doesn't show cause I don't want to be  ₐ ₗ ₒ ₙ ₑ every day's an apple pie when I'm with you I'm not so shy and I almost feel alive in your ♥ 𝒶𝓇𝓂𝓈 ♥ help me forget what I'm going through and I'll give 🎀  𝑒 𝓋 𝑒 𝓇 𝓎 𝓉 𝒽 𝒾 𝓃 𝑔  🎀 to you it's the least that I could do we could be happy, you and me we could be happy, you and me 𝓌𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓎, 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝔀𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓫𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂

opportunity.

Looking in the mirror while dissociated like