Digital-dissociation-blog - Digital Dissociation

i’m not gonna kill myself because if my depression wants me dead THAT badly it’s gonna have to start shutting my fucking organs down like a REAL disease instead of being a fucking pussy and hiding in my brain and trying to get ME to do it’s dirty work for it !

Abusive parents force you to hide things you would otherwise never have to worry about hiding, because you learn that they can flip out about anything, make a scene from anything, misunderstand one detail and go insane over it. So you don’t tell them about anything you can avoid, and you try to deal with things yourself as much as humanely possible, which takes the burden of taking care of you from them, and onto your shoulders.

This is dangerous as well because you don’t tell them about a friend who did something horrible to you, you don’t tell them about a sociopath who tried to groom or touch you, you don’t tell them about horrifying heartbreak you feel when someone abandons you, you don’t tell them when your world is falling apart because you know that at best, they’ll be uninterested, at worst, they will tell you it was your fault and you deserved it.

Living in secrecy becomes normal and when you develop trauma symptoms it once again feels like it’s your fault because you never said anything, you never told them how much they were hurting you, you didn’t speak up and open up about your problems. But how in the world would you? You know if you had, all that you would get is insults, blame, threats, guilt and shame thrown in your face, how could you possibly take that on top of having trauma symptoms? You can’t, it’s not worth risking. Suffering in silence becomes your only survival option, and you watch your heart break a little more every day that nobody cares that you’re breaking apart.

Update.

Thanks for all the kind words.. I’m alright. Nothing too bad happened and im recovering. Im just.. really tired. Life is.. not so great right now. And it doesn’t look like im going to be getting the help i need anytime soon so.. I just have to try and stay alive until something goes right i guess.

Sed the Depressed Hoarder of Bananas and Chocolate syrup 

Wow my bpd is acting up fiercely this morning. It’s so...annoying.  The paranoia...it’s sickeningly overwhelming Like I see you’re online, you’ve been online for a while, you haven’t even looked at my message.  Did I upset you? Did I do something wrong? Do you secretly hate me? Are you... leaving me...?? Who is stealing you away from me? Is it them? God it gives me such anxiety in the deepest pits of my stomach. Its such a feeling that screams “You need to be perfect! You’re not perfect! BE BETTER BE BETTER! HE’S GOING TO LEAVE YOU”  I need to be perfect or he’ll leave me for someone better. I’ll be replaced in an instant if I slack.  It makes my skin crawl... I just want to cry so fucking bad. I want to break down. I want you to hold me so tight and close, and tell me you’re not going anywhere, ever. Never ever.

Please don’t leave me, I love you. I really do.

negativity

Low Cal Fast Food Pt. 1 ; McDonald’s

Okay, so everyone seems to like these quick master posts about low cal fast food here we go with an in depth analysis: [DISCLAIMER: Only American calories for now, unfortunately. I need to research for other countries]

Qualifiers: For food, if it’s below 300 calories, I consider that to be relatively low. For drinks, anything lower than 200.

Breakfast Options:

- Fruit n’ Yogurt Parfait ; 150 calories, vegetarian (my personal go-to, and yes, that count includes the granola that comes with it)

- Fruit and Maple Oatmeal, no cream ; 290 calories, vegan (meant for a heartier breakfast where you actually need energy for school or something)

- Egg McMuffin, no cheese, no butter (say low quality dairy gives you the shits idk) ; 220 calories

- Egg White Delight McMuffin, no cheese, no butter ; 180 calories

**If you want to not be extra and order the Egg McMuffins with no cheese, but with the butter, the Egg McMuffin is 240 calories and the Egg White Delight McMuffin is 210

Burgers:

- Hamburger ; 250 calories

- Cheeseburger ; 300 calories

- Hamburger, no patty, extra veggies ; 170 calories, vegan

Chicken & Sandwiches

- Chicken McNugget 4 pack ; 180 calories (1 pack of ketchup is 20 cal btw)

- Chicken McNugget 6 pack ; 270 calories 

- Filet o’ Fish Sandwich, no tartar sauce, no cheese ; 270 calories, pescatarian

Salads:

- Bacon Ranch Grilled Chicken Salad, no cheese ; 260 calories (DOES NOT INCLUDE RANCH DRESSING, KEEP THAT IN MIND)

- Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, no cheese ; 290 calories (this one comes with a glaze, but I don’t know if it’s the same as dressing?? someone hit me up with the right answer to this)

- Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, no chicken ; 220 calories, vegetarian (also comes w glaze, still not sure what’s happening with that. idk)

- Side Salad ; 15 calories + dressing of your choice, vegan

Snacks & Sides:

- Kid’s Fry ; 110 calories (not vegetarian/vegan in the U.S.)

- Small Fry ; 230 calories (still not vegetarian/vegan in the U.S.)

- Apple Slices ; 15 calories, vegan

- Yoplait Go-Gurt, Strawberry Flavored ; 50 calories, vegetarian

Desserts & Shakes:

I know it’s not low calorie, but the lowest calorie milkshake at McDonald’s is a small vanilla milkshake at 490 calories, just for your information.

- Vanilla Cone ; 200 calories, vegetarian

- Kiddie Cone ; 45 calories, vegetarian

- Strawberry Sundae, no peanuts ; 270 calories, vegetarian

- Baked Apple Pie ; 230 calories, vegan

- Strawberries and Cream Pie ; 300 calories, vegetarian

- Chocolate Chip Cookie ; 170 calories, vegetarian

- Oatmeal Raisin Cookie ; 140 calories, vegetarian

Drinks

- McCafe French Vanilla Iced Coffee ; Small: 120 calories, Medium: 150 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Caramel Iced Coffee ; Small: 140 calories, vegetarian

- Fanta Orange ; Extra Small: 120 calories, Small: 170 calories, vegan

- Coke ; Extra Small: 110 calories, Small: 150 calories, vegan

- Diet Coke ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- Sprite ; Extra Small: 110 calories, Small: 150 calories, vegan

- Iced Tea ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- Dr. Pepper ; Extra Small: 120 calories, Small: 170 calories, vegan

- Diet Dr. Pepper ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- McCafe Strawberry Banana Smoothie ; Small: 190 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Mango Pineapple Smoothie ; Small: 200 calories, vegetarian

- Sweet Tea ; Extra Small: 60, Small: 90, Medium: 110, Large: 160, vegan

- Powerade Mountain Berry Blast ; Extra Small: 70, Small: 90, Medium: 120, Large: 170, vegan

- McCafe Coffee ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- McCafe Latte ; Small: 170 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Iced Coffee ; 130 calories, vegetarian (only comes in 1 size)

- Fat Free Chocolate Milk Jug ; 130 calories, vegetarian

- 1% Low Fat Milk Jug ; 100 calories, vegetarian

- Minute Maid Apple Juice Box ; 80 calories, vegan

- Dasani Bottled Water ; 0 calories, vegan

@shitididntthinkthisthrough

ALSO; if you have a fast food place you want to see low calorie options from, please message me, I’ll be happy to make a list for you!!

Test

dreamcast~*~*~*