The Hope Cannot Be Found

Every time I fuck something up I just want to die lol.

Chronic Illness flare clinics need to be a thing.

They need to have holistic chronic illness clinics. You can go to them while you’re in a flare. They have low sensory rooms with soft beds and low light tv’s. Have doctors to administer flare reducing meds/pain meds, but also have holistic professionals like massage therapists, acupuncturist, mindfulness workers, physical therapists, chiropractors etc etc.

Basically so that you’re entire body and mind can heal because the reality of this is mind and body health need to be aligned.

This is especially necessary because going to an ER for a flare can be so terrible and increase the intensity of the flare. It’s so bright and you have to wait for hours to be seen by doctors who let’s be honest don’t specialize in chronic illness, and are trying to jam in as many patients as they can because of being over capacity.

This is what healthcare would look like if it was designed by the sick.

I hate when I get told this. Especially by my own mother, who knows I’m sick. And has the same thing because fuck genetics sometimes right? So..Its like...I have a chronic disorder??? My own existence is an exhausting painful battle???? You should know this as well as anyone??? Smdh

Conversations with abled people I'm sick of

Me, chronically ill: Gosh, I’m so exhausted.

Abled person: YOU’RE tired????? *I* worked all day!

I don’t even want to be intimate with my “boyfriend” anymore because It feels like Im cheating on the guy I actually love, who doesn’t even want me.

Life is messed up. I dont want to be in love with him anymore. Its making it impossible to have other relationships..

Can I get a motherfucking uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bullet to the head?

dreamcast~*~*~*

Why is my heart so loyal and willing to someone who doesn’t even want me...? Its not fair..

I... i cant.. i cant.. anymore...

I failed again.. I failed again..aGAIN

I just want to die pleaseI dont wanna be here i dont wanna be alive anymore i just wanna die i just wanna die it all hurts too bad let this life be over please fucking pleasePLEASE

What I say: I'm off to bed now, goodnight!

What I mean: I'm going to dissociate for a few hours until I drift into sleep, goodnight!