Abused Kids Daydreaming: But What If There Was A Situation Where I Got Hurt... And Someone Cared And

I'm really fucking tired of watching my husband suffer so much because I'm so sick. I feel like people don't talk enough about the trauma spouses go through, watching the person they love most in the world continue to deteriorate constantly.

Had a doctor appointment today where I found out officially (I suspected this would happen for a while so it's not exactly new information) that I'm going to most likely need a proctocolectomy and an ileostomy. Which basically means they're going to chop out my colon, sew by butthole shut, and give me a stoma on my abdomen where I shit into a little bag. Cheers.

Obviously I'm having feelings about it but that's not what this particular post is about.

He has PTSD from watching me almost die from a bowel obstruction and having two emergency surgeries, a bowel resection, end up tube fed, and then on TPN. Obviously I survived all of that, but he's still really, really impacted by it. Then I got a brain tumor and had brain surgery, which was a whole ordeal. He struggles so much every time I'm in the hospital.

So for me to be having serious GI surgery, arguably the most extreme surgery I've ever had besides my brain surgery, is so triggering for him. And what can he do, just grin and bear it? It's fucking awful, and I know that I'd rather be the sick one instead of the one feeling powerless and alone in the face of all biology can do to wreck a human.

so here we are again. fuck it, sincerely.

Lost time while I was cooking dinner tonight & burned tf out of the chicken. It was so bad we had to open all the doors and windows to let the smoke air out of the house. Idk which of my parts was fronting at the time but I guess they didn't know we were supposed to be watching the stove. Ughhhhh

Very ironic that I forgot March is brain injury awareness month, lol

“Baked pies instead of my face”???????

BABE WHERE I WANNA KNOWWW

this is from the second light novel im p sure but bro

iSmashFizzle and drthema on twitter

Something that drives me fucking crazy is when I have trouble with word finding or remembering something, then explain it's just a brain injury problem, and the person responds by saying something like "oh I'm the exact same way!"

You're not the exact same way, if you can read without technology assistance, if you can hold a job, if you can stay verbal 100% of the time, if you don't have to wear an emergency bracelet with your husband's phone number on it any time you leave the house without him, if you can drive a car, etc. It's not the fucking same, stop being an invalidating tool.

I was just thinking about how weird it was that my mother never let me have a job, she was so against me working. and then I realized:

I had a job. She didn't want me to waste time flipping burgers when she could be pimping me out. That was my job, to her.

My sense of self and understanding of my own situation is so shattered that it's taken me like 15 years to even put that together.

Since July is Disability Pride Month

(as opposed to every other month when we're all demure about disability rights /gentle sarcasm)

I wanted to highlight one of my favorite artists: Liberal Jane.