Haha That's A Nice Starry-eyed Ambition You've Got There Buddy. Sure Hope The Narrative Doesn't Warp

so eye-opening to understand that self-love and self-sufficiency are inherently different concepts. if you enjoy going to places alone, cooking alone, taking a walk by yourself, you’re self-sufficient—able to both rely on and luxuriate in your own company in instances where you’re on your own. but self-love has more to do with how compassionate you are to yourself when you make mistakes: with understanding that failure is human, that it’s unavoidable at times, and that you should be kind to yourself when it happens rather than critical of your shortcomings. this is why the whole adage that “you can’t truly be loved by someone else until you love yourself” kind of falls flat for me. finding someone else who’s emotionally secure & available has been proven to help you become more compassionate/kind/patient to yourself (self-love), even if you already know how to spend time alone (self-sufficiency). confusing these two things has led people to mistakenly believe that wanting human connection means that you can’t rely on yourself, when in reality it’s perfectly valid to want a bond that strengthens your self-esteem and encourages you to pursue life the way you want to

This was my Roman Empire ❤️

Shonen authors writing a hetero romance: They bicker... But... They KISS?!?!?! Revolutionary.

Shonen authors writing two male "best friends": They are friends, partners, family. They complete each-other. They've been together for so long it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, and they know each-other so intimately that they can predict every action the other will take. They're opposites and yet they go together like a pair of gloves, they're yin and yang, they fill each-other's weaknesses and boost each-other's strength. They wouldn't be alive without one another, they wouldn't want to be alive without one another. Even when they're on different paths, they trust each-other blindly. Even as enemies they are willing to put their lives in each-other's hands. Their life goals involve one-another, all the roads in their life lead to their partner. A part of one will always be with the other, no matter how far apart the fates carry them.

i geniunely can't imagine any sort of normal tragic backstory for wolf keum. in my head this man was raised by wolves in the forest as a baby before hunters found him and returned him to civilisation.

this shouldn’t have to be said but if someone who struggles with cognitive issues such as fibro fog, autism or adhd etc has difficulty speaking or getting their point across, do not point it out. im talking about stuttering, misremembering words and definitions, using the wrong words in place of other ones, mixing up words or merging them together. you are allowed to help us find the right word but wait for us to ask first and give us a chance to find it ourselves. blurting out random words causes a lot more confusion for us and we often end up losing our train of thought.

also, in a similar vein, we may pause to think about what we’re going to say next, and it’s important that you not interrupt. for me, my train of thought is already on the verge of derailing. if i stop talking mid-sentence, give me a second to find my words and sort out my jumbled mess of a brain. don’t start speaking like we’ve finished our sentence and please don’t just abandon the conversation. it’s very frustrating, especially when you make jokes or tease us for forgetting words or misspeaking and it makes it much harder for us to get to our point. and tbh it’s embarrassing and it sucks because our brains aren’t doing what we want or need them to do and we don’t need a reminder every time it happens.

like the jokes might seem harmless or lighthearted but it hurts nonetheless because we are constantly in a struggle against our own brains. it seems like it should be such an obvious thing, not to tease or make fun of someone with cognitive issues, but so many people do it, including some of you who don’t think you do— particularly if you don’t think the reason behind it is a disability. it’s not the same as joking about your friend making a typo in the group chat. those are minor slip-ups and they happen to everyone. for a lot of us, they’re constant. we’re almost always trying to get our brains to work with us rather than against us and pointing it out only makes it that much harder to concentrate on actually articulating our thoughts instead of focusing purely on avoiding misspeaking so you won’t point it out again. obviously this will vary from person to person, not everyone with these symptoms feels the same way i do, but i think it’s a good rule of thumb to just. not interrupt and/or draw unnecessary/unwanted attention to our speech problems. i don’t think it’s too much to ask.

Chain of Command Chapter 2

~~

It was evening time, roughly around 6' o clock.

Classes had ended about an hour ago, and the hallways had started to empty out, students heading home after a long day of school. Bambi wasn't one of them.

Instead, she did what she always did after school; receive her long list of tasks from Donald Na before he went off to do business, and then work endlessly to complete said tasks before midnight. 

Manage the kids on the student council, make sure that the faculty are on the Union's side, make sure that everybody in the Union was aware of the work that they had to do (easy), and that they actually did it (not so easy). 

Pay off their commissions, collect files and money, sort through paperwork, while making sure that none of the Union members were running some sort of grand scheme behind her and Donald's back. 

And if they were, she had to investigate it. She could only pray that the boys in the Union would be satisfied with their roles, or else she guessed she'd have a lot more work to do. All of that, and more. Exhausting, but it was her job. 

The steady stream of her schoolmate’s chattering was silenced by her making her way down the hallway, as if they’d get beaten if they merely breathed in her presence. She ignored the sudden quiet, pulling out her buzzing phone. Union members, asking for their money. Greedy little bastards. 

It wouldn't kill them to wait a little while, would it?

The last few days had been hectic, to put it lightly. Asides from the trouble that the new change in management had been causing with the boys, she also had to deal with her two newfound walking headaches, Wolf Keum and Jake Ji.

The two boys were assholes, as per usual, but she was used to it being Kingsley’s problem, not hers.

 She was used to working with the much more docile (or at least, as docile a Union executive could be) and competent Forrest Lee (bless his heart), and Jimmy Bae, who although wasn’t known to be the most cooperative guy, was definitely more bearable than the other two executives. 

Especially after his ego got knocked down a peg after his fight with Ben Park, one of the few positive outcomes from his loss to Eunjang. She sighed, having reached the end of the hallway, making a sharp turn before heading down a staircase. 

If she didn’t have to bother with the Union’s reputation and all that crap, she wouldn’t mind watching Jimmy get beat up a little more if it meant that he would finally shut his mouth.

She tucked her phone back into her skirt pocket, heading down another hallway. While infuriating and intolerable, Wolf Keum actually did his work. Jake Ji on the other hand…

She remembered she had gone down to Daehyeon at the end of the week, expecting to see a detailed mandatory weekly report on Yoosun from Jake, but was instead met with the news that he had actually ignored Donald’s order and continued with the previous method of doing things.

“Oh, I actually let Jimmy Bae handle everything on his own.”

“You did what?”

She reported the issue to Donald, though she didn’t know why she even bothered, considering how he had just laughed when she told him. She rolled her eyes as she walked out of the main door, the school gate coming into view. 

Of course he did. Donald wasn’t subtle when he played favourites.

The sky above her was starting to darken, but she knew she still had a long wait till she could call it a day. Her phone buzzed; it was a message from Forrest Lee. A reply to her previous text.

i’m omw, be ready. 

Okay. 

Well, no point complaining. 

She turned on her heel, and left for Hyeongshin High.

~~

notes: this was supposed to be posted yesterday but i forgot.

if anyone is wondering why her name is bambi, it's actually just because i created her as an OC in 2020 so i could insert her into stories without having to write in second or first person. she was just created for that purpose alone but i've grown attached to her over the past two years and her character has developed and formed a personality☺️. she does have a backstory but honestly i've inserted her in so many stories belonging to so many different fandoms (not that i posted any of them) i've decided that it doesn't really matter anymore.

she's been through so many different worlds the only thing that's consistent is her personality (at least in 2022, because her personality was really different back in 2020)

she does have a real name, but i completely forgot that putting that into the story was an option because i'm so used to just calling her by her nickname.

My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I said, "That's just not true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you brittle and injured or traumatized."

He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later, and said, "It's like wood glue."

He pointed to my bookshelf, which he helped me salvage a while ago. He said, "Do you remember how I explained that, once we used the wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than they were before they broke?"

I did.

"But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn't hold up shit. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set awhile. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we'd never fixed them at all. You've got to give these things time to set."

It sounded like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that's not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue.

So my dad and I agreed, what doesn't kill you doesn't actually make you stronger, but healing does. And if you feel like healing hasn't made you stronger than you were before, you're probably not done healing. You've got to give these things time to set.

Chain of Command Chapter 1

Thank you to @leftbrainrotsstuff for helping me come up with a title</3

--

The air felt heavy as Donald talked. 

It always does. 

Bambi watched the room from her position behind Donald, free from his cold gaze. Her legs ached. How long had this meeting been going on again? She couldn’t remember. 

She stole a glance at her male counterpart standing next to her, resisting the urge to cross her arms over her chest, like she always did when she got impatient. Kingsley’s eyes stared straight ahead, his arms locked firmly by his sides. She scoffed inwardly. What a fucking robot.

“Bambi.” The girl blinked, pulling her focus from Kingsley’s face to her heavily tattooed boss. In front of them, a table of the most feared men in Yeongdeungpo watched wordlessly. 

“Yeah?”

“You’ll collect from Ganghak and Daehyeon from now on.”

She guessed that this was probably Donald’s method of accommodating the fact that Jimmy and Forrest were supposed to report to their fellow Union executives from now on (Wow, talk about humiliation!), while expanding her workload. A two in one deal.

Though Donald had only originally approached her to help him and Kingsley with regular secretary work, as their business and payout grew, so did their workload. And eventually, it became too much for two people alone to handle on their own. So being the most capable person for the job (that wasn’t also a thug) she moved from organising files to essentially acting as a manager pretty quickly. 

While Donald and Kingsley did all the business work, she kept an eye on the delinquents. She was the reason why everybody knew what needed to be done, to act as Donald’s eyes and ears, with her sway in Yeo-il’s student council and the observers that she had (allegedly) planted around Yeongdeungpo to report anything of interest to her. Whatever happened, she already knew. 

Well, it wasn’t like she wasn’t expecting the change in tasks.

Even if Donald hadn’t come to her before the meeting to casually throw a heads up about her new job, she wouldn't have expected Kingsley to have the time to continue collecting files with all the new business that they were getting. 

Mentally, she groaned. This was gonna take so much of her time. At least the pay is good.

(Even if she didn’t want to do it, what was she supposed to do? Tell Donald no? Get real.)

"Okay."

Donald nodded at her compliance before focusing back on the Union executives in front of him. 

“Bambi will help Wolf keep an eye on Ganghak and make sure everything goes smoothly. Anything that happens will go straight to me.”

Oh, I see what he’s doing. It seemed like Donald Na had other motives rather than just ‘expanding her workload’. She should’ve known. 

Bambi knew that Wolf Keum wasn’t foolish enough to miss the hidden threats in Donald’s words, and Donald knew it too. 

It was a warning that if Wolf tried anything, Donald would already know. To just sit nicely in his spot as the number five on the Shuttle Patch, and not to stir up any trouble. Well, after the mess that some of the executives had made recently, it would make sense to think so. 

Donald was cornering Wolf, and it was working.

Bambi watched Wolf for any sign of a reaction, his face blank as ever, though his fingers twitched in irritation at the subtle threat; a hint of his violent nature peeking out from behind the docile mask that he wore in front of Donald Na. 

She sighed softly; not loud enough for the boys to catch on to her exasperation, but just enough for Donald to hear. 

Jake Ji let out a small huff of air through his nose in knowing amusement, which seemed to rile Wolf up more, though he didn’t show it, aside from the way the corners of his lips pulled down slightly. 

Wolf nodded slowly.

“Yeah, okay.”

“That’s all for today then.” Donald stood up, satisfied. All the other boys followed suit, leaving their untouched drinks on the table, slamming the door behind them. The meeting was finally over.

Weak Hero as Idols pt.2

ft the rest of the Eungang

Teddy Jin-Used to bully trainees but changed after Gray put him in his place. Is known for his visuals and his vocals, and is a pretty talented dancer too. Is a more introverted member, but he's very perceptive and cares for the other members. Owns a bunch of cats that just wander around the dorm. Ben, Alex and Rowan love them, while Eugene and Gray are okay with them. Gerard likes cats but is allergic. Fans and the group tease him for being an fboy, but he could never actually ask out a girl. Has average stage presence, but still stands out. Manages a Tiktok account that he is very active on, acts tough but is actually a huge softie. Fans make fun of his bowl cut era.

Rowan Im- Very talkative and extroverted member. Might get hated on for being too noisy, but most people love him. Has a slight rivalry with Grape and Eunchan, and glares at them at award shows. Fans really want to know why. Definitely gets very talkative on those talkshows where the group has to compete for a prize. Overshares with fans on lives and ends up spoiling what the MV/Album is about. Company stops him from going live before the MV drops. Is very close with Teddy and Eugene. Has definitely walked the wrong way when leaving stage. Always dyes his hair another colour for a comeback. Keeps two obnoxious sugar gliders as pets that he runs a fan account of.

Eugene Gale- Was a HUGE fan of Big Ben before joining the group and fanboyed super hard when he first met him. Has old posters of Ben. Trained in the same company as Rowan as trainees. Gets super flustered and embarrassed when interacting with fans. Listens to Jake Ji's music and fanboys when he sees him. Watches fan edits of him on a private account at 3 am. Gets shipped with Gray Yeon. Stands timidly at the back of the group when winning awards.