For My Partner Who Won’t Read This...
For my partner who won’t read this...
Hello. So, my partner, who I love very dearly, is currently in the slow process of reading If We Were Villains because truthfully I. Will. Not. Shut. Up.
And they absolutely love to push my buttons because they know how much I love this book and just want to see me biting my tongue to not give them spoilers that prove their theories wrong.
One of their all-time favorite things to say is that they don’t believe me when I say James is gay.
“If he doesn’t specifically say ‘I’m gay’ in the book, I don’t count it.”
Okay, fair. Do I believe James is 100% gay? Maybe, maybe not. However, the man is queer as hell and since my morals won’t allow me to spoil anything to them, I’m gonna rant about it here.
Welcome to GardenSprout’s Top Ten James-Is-Gay Moments of IWWV!
“I was convinced I had survived the third-year purge because James would have been moody and sullen without me.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act I, Scene 1)
Sixteen pages in and Oliver is telling us readers that James values him enough to have thrown a hissy fit and boycotted the rest of the year if Gwendolyn and Fredrick had kicked out his boyfriend best friend. Sure, you could take this as platonic “I want to act with my bestie”, but knowing what we do at the end of the book, I highly doubt it’s that simple. James is a wonder to behold and there is no way it was just “I’m gonna miss my roommate” depression.
“He spent a month prowling around our room in the dark before he was sufficiently absorbed in the role to pounce on me in my sleep.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act I, Scene 9)
…
Does this look like a straight man to you?
I rest my case.
Moving on:
“‘Now,’ Camilo said, putting one hand on each of our shoulders, ‘you two are famously good friends, aren’t you?’ We smirked at each other.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act I, Scene 9)
If that isn’t a “sharing a secret” look, then I don’t know what is. These two already know they are way more than “famously good friends”, but that’s way too much to get into, so they just give that look. A look is all you need sometimes.
“He smeared the blood around my face and chest and shoulders, rakes his fingers through my hair to make it stand on end.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act I, Scene 12)
For this moment, I would actually like to call attention to a comment said partner made that completely deflates their entire argument.
So, they were skimming through the book to help me look for something and stumbled across this little scene here. After reading this one section, knowing zero context at all, they said:
“The fact that this is so unnecessarily intimate made me know it was James.”
I spent, like, 5 minutes laughing after that.
However, only a queer person knows how to make pouring gross-smelling fake blood over your same sex roommate/best friend intimate.
“A warm hand landed on the back of my neck; I didn’t know whose. … ‘Breathe, Oliver.’ I unclenched my jaw and inhaled. James’s hand slid to my shoulder.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act II, Scene 6)
For context: this is the scene during opening night of Julius Caesar where Richard smacks Oliver in the ear, right before Oliver, James, and Alex form the plan to get revenge.
Does James have to touch him to help Oliver feel better? No. Does he do it anyway? Adorably, yes.
Okay, arguably, this scene more shows Oliver being gay for James, but come on. How is this moment straight?
*Clears throat*
Don’t ask me how many quotes from the “Thanksgiving in Ohio” scene I’m about to pull out.
“His mouth inched shyly toward a grin. ‘We’re not such strange bedfellows.’“
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act III, Scene 9)
Honestly, do I need anymore evidence? This man shows up out of the blue to Oliver’s home because Oliver. Is. His. Safe. Place. This man has just murdered a man in self defense and his first thought after “I don’t wanna bother anyone so I’ll just go to Broadwater” is “I want Oliver”. Oliver even says that he looked “more like himself than he had in weeks” right after asking to share the bed.
At this point, I firmly believe I have enough evidence, but this is my SlytherClaw partner so I’m gonna keep going.
“He said it so readily that he must have been thinking of it, too. I almost laughed and turned to find him pulling back the comforter, eyes brighter than they’d been before.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act III, Scene 9)
Context: Del Norte. The fact that they were both thinking about it at the same time. They fell asleep naked on a beach, reciting freaking Pericles and drinking out of a wine bottle. If that’s not a gay date, I don’t know what is.
“‘Who’s your boyfriend, Oliver?’ … ‘I’m James. Lovely to meet you both.’“
“If he was at all embarrassed, he didn’t let on.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act III, Scene 10)
Combining these two quotes cuz they kinda go hand in hand. This man is so casual over the concept of “being Oliver’s boyfriend” and I firmly believe he reacted like that to see Oliver’s reaction. I bet you anything that man was not embarrassed, but actually thrived off of being seen as his boyfriend. Not to mention his casual jealousy when mentioning Meredith.
“His palm was pressed against my shirt, his fingers splayed across my collarbone. I waited for him to pull me closer or push me away. But he only stared at his hand, like it was something strange he’d never seen before.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act IV, Scene 7)
They almost kissed. I want to know how this scene evolved after Oliver stopped narrating and how James started acting once he stepped back. I’m sorry, I live for awkward, flustered James Farrow.
“If they’d had claws they would have mauled each other … I wanted to look away but I couldn’t – it was like watching a car crash.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act IV, Scene 9)
If you’re really desperate for context: James and Meredith making out for 5 seconds in the middle of class.
Look, there are m a n y quotes I could have pulled from this trainwreck of a moment, but they all revert back to one specific vibe. This scene gives “gay man being forced/forcing himself to like a woman” and it makes me uncomfy. Nothing about this scene gives me the feeling of James was actually experiencing everything Gwendolyn was telling him he felt. He is repulsed by her because of 1. the stunt she’d pulled on him in their first year and 2. he is subconsciously fighting with her about Oliver. He’s not into this!
And he exited the room immediately. I bet he felt disgusted with himself after pulling that, not to mention guilty that Oliver had to watch it. It was just a big bag of yikes all around and no one enjoyed it.
“I think he was so enamored with you because you were so enamored with him.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act V, Prologue)
Colborne is a straight man and even he can see that these idiots were obsessed with each other.
“Wren, come up to bed with me, please.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act V, Scene 2)
He does not want her. He is doing this to spite Oliver and no other reason. He even looks over at Oliver and his expression is described as “strange and bitter and vindictive”. He is running on spite alone. And guilt, but that one’s obvious.
“’Why don’t you and Oliver just admit you’re queer for each other and leave my girls alone?’”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act V, Scene 5)
Sure, take whatever bs Richard says with a grain of salt, but if we’re talking about undeniable evidence, here ya go.
“He stared up at me for a moment, then lifted his head and pulled me down to meet him. It was almost a brotherly kiss, but not quite. Too fragile, too painful.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act V, Scene 6)
We’re gonna casually ignore Oliver being an idiot by saying this was “almost brotherly” and just focus on James. This man full well knows he’s going to prison as soon as Colborne asks him anything. He is fully prepared to throw his life away the second he’s confronted. So, in his mind, this is the last chance he will ever have to kiss Oliver and give him some kind of sign of everything he’s ever felt about him.
“When I refused again, he pulled my hand across the table, kissed it, and turned to leave.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act V, Scene 7)
I have to reread these damn scenes for this and I am in pain. Six freaking years later and James is still holding onto Oliver, still in love, still begging him to let him take his place. I feel for him so much and I just want to hug him.
“And he said, ‘What are you thinking about?’ I said, ‘The same thing you’re thinking about.’ We didn’t even need to say your name.”
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act V, Epilogue)
He was thinking about Oliver while kissing Meredith. There is no doubt in my mind that the reason James kissed her (then and during Gwendolyn’s class) is the same reason Meredith gives Oliver during this scene: trying to understand him.
And, finally, undeniably:
“‘I knew then, I just pretended not to.’ ‘So did I. So did he.’“
- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (Act V, Epilogue)
Oliver “Oblivious-fur-seal” Marks finally admitting to himself as well as someone else that he knew the entire time that James was in love with him. If you had figured this out ten years ago, Oliver, none of this would have happened and you and James would be living in some cute apartment building with all of your friends being successful Shakespeare actors, but no. You thought you were in love with Meredith.
*Sigh* Men.
Anyway, if you read this entire rant, well done. Sorry for repeating things you already knew. If anyone has more moments I missed, please let me know cuz I’d love to highlight them in my book, but yeah. Have this stream of consciousness, I guess.
More Posts from Eloise-bgrts and Others
Oc Asks Game
So I decided to make this because I want to get to know my OCs better and all of yours as well. Here is a short collection of asks but here is the rule: Reblog from somebody and you have to send them an ask, its only polite after all.
What is your character's reaction to a minor inconvenience? Such as getting their jumper caught on a door handle?
Tea, coffee, hot chocolate or other?
What does their safe space look like?
What do they consider to be an unforgivable action? Why?
Do they have any nicknames or pet names or other aliases?
What kind of books comfort them? What books help them heal after a hard day?
Are they a naturally assertive person or are they painfully shy?
Do they consider themselves a friendly person or aloof?
What is your character's trigger point? What makes them angry, sad or makes them go off?
What kind of jokes make them laugh?
Do they enjoy pranks or do they hate them? Are they likely to fall for a prank?
Are they an overall healthy person? Do they make for a good patient or a terror?
Describe your character's typical wardrobe for the regular day.
Are they a simple person to please or difficult?
What is the first thing people notice about them?
What do they look for in a friend? A love interest?
Who are they soft for? Do they find being soft easy or difficult?
Describe your character through a Brooklyn 99 gif or line.
What does your character consider to be their lowest point?
Does your character have a comfort item?
What would be one item that they would hate to lose most?
What are their eating habits like? Do they snack throughout the day? Or do they eat sparsely?
What is your character's favourite food and who cooks it best?
What are your character's special skills?
What are somethings they find difficult to do? Or say?
Are they an animal person? Do they have pets?
What are their opinions on children? Do they view children as sweet angels or evil crotch goblins?
If your character was in today's world, what social media platforms would they avoid? Or be prominent on?
Are they an organised person? Or more laissez-faire?
Do they dwell better in chaotic situations or more linear situations?
Your character has been invited to a masquerade ball. What mask do they wear?
Your character is having a prom night/debs. What kind of outfit do they wear?
How do they act around people they don't know? Are they shy around strangers or dismissive of them?
Can your character drive? If so, what kind of driver are they? If not what's their preferred manner of transport?
What attracts your character to another person? What kind of person do they do for?
Tell us something about your OC that doesn't make it onto the page?
Your character has been kidnapped. Who has kidnapped them and how do they escape?
How does your character unwind after a long day?
What's your character's guilty pleasure?
Your character's friend has just been mugged. What's their reaction?
Your character has been punched into the face. What's their reaction?
Does your character celebrate their birthday? If not, why?
What is the DND alignment?
Hogwarts House?
Star Sign?
Does your character believe in anything? Religion? Superstition?
What is your character's reaction when someone does something nice for them?
Is your character easy to make cry? Or angry? Or annoyed?
What is your character's biggest fear? Most irrational?
How does your sleep at night? Are they a heavy or light sleeper? Do they dream or have nightmares? Do they find it easy to sleep or are they more a night owl?
Real Leaked Wandavision Finale Postcredit Scene Script :
EXT. MANSION COURTYARD. NIGHT.
Peter is yeeted through the nexus/multiverse portal back into XAVIER’S SCHOOL.
The front door swings open to reveal... MAGNETO AND PROFESSOR X
They are wearing bathrobes and hands on hips.
Peter: Oh my god, you guys-
Charles: WhErE hAVe YoU beEN?! You’ve had me and your father worried sick, you know curfew is at 11pm sharp.
Pan to Erik. It is clear he has been crying.
Erik: Peter I am terribly disappointed. You will be grounded for a month. There are rules for a reason.
Charles and Erik enter the mansion. Peter looks into camera like he is on The Office.
CUT TO CREDITS. FIN
Dadneto fanfics
Insult to Injury ft. Dadneto(Words:6305)
Around the Campfire(Words:11765)
Mir Veln Zey Iberlebn(Words:Words:1751)
Take second best, put me to the test… things on your chest you need to confess(Words: 2207)
Home(Words:1475)
Sweet Dreams are made of… (Words: 34493)
No Need to Say Goodbye(Words:6092)
Running.(Words: 2079)
realisations.(Words:1550)
Patience(Words:1450)
Holiday Dadneto(Words:4589)
Peter, I Am Your Father(Words:5576)
The Five Times Peter Called Him Dad And The One Time He Meant It(Words:5183)
Peter Is Going to Tell Erik, Really…(Words:4702)
Belong(Words:100759)
Bus Ride(Words:807)
We Live in a Beautiful World(Words:8405)
Gutter Water(Words:2115)
The Day will Dawn(Words: 11227)
Here For My Family (here for you) (Words:1364)
Peter’s ‘Terrible but Some Good Kind of Comes Out of it’ Day(Words: 20164)
Woodstock 83(Words:7373)
I’m Not Afraid(Words:930)
No Other Place ([Somewhere Like Bolivia,Words:8175],[ To Boldly Dress (Like Those Who Might Have Gone Before) Words:1834])
You Have More Family Than You Know (Words:624)
😂
A WandaVision/X-Men fanfic I’ve started writing.
Summary:
Someone, or something, took his son. Stole him away to another universe, far from Erik’s reach. The X-Men are as clueless on how to get the speedster back, resigned like Erik to simply watching Peter on the tv screen as he’s forced to play a role for a grieving woman.
Set three years after Apocalypse; timeline changes explained in the notes.
Started writing this a few days ago, and then saw a Tumblr post. So not inspired by this, but it’s definitely along the same lines and I wanted to share it!
WARNINGS: super fangirl reader, shipping, ships that not everyone will agree with
“So hear me out,” Y/N announced, walking into the large living room where everyone was gathered. There were a series of groans, everyone knowing exactly what would follow. “Wanda and Bucky.”
Steve looked horrified.
“NO!” Bucky and Wanda screamed.
Y/N laughed. “Hey, I never said I shipped it. But you’ll be surprised how many people do.”
The room fell into a state of silent horror.
Y/N laughed again, turning and walking out of the room.
A few seconds later, a shout of “Winter Witch” could be heard just down the corridor.
•
Everyone looked up in surprise as Y/N burst into the room at a full sprint, skidding to a stop in the middle. She held her phone up in the air. “STEVE AND WANDA,” she shrieked. Both looked at her, horrified and confused. Y/N was laughing so hard she was doubled over, clutching her stomach. “Scarlet America,” she wheezed.
And then she turned and ran out again, still laughing.
“Tony make her stop,” Steve begged.
Tony laughed. “No chance, Capsicle.”
•
The next time, Y/N was literally laughing so hard that she fell through the door. She lay in a heap in front of the door, her body shaking with silent laughter.
Steve sighed. “What now?”
“HAWKSILVER,” came the muffled reply, and she started laughing louder. She looked up, tears streaming down both cheeks. “Clint and Pietro.”
And then she crawled - literally crawled - away.
Tony burst out laughing.
•
The whole team was more than a little shocked and confused when they heard Y/N’s laughter from the ceiling. And then they became even more confused by what happened next.
Y/N fell from the ceiling. There was no simpler way to put it. Everyone looked up to the sound of the cover on the ceiling vent falling, and then Y/N followed after it.
“Did you crawl through the vents to get here?”
“You locked the door,” Y/N replied.
Then she stood up, laughing again. “You’re gonna love this one.
“NO,” everyone shouted.
“CapIron,” she said anyway.
The room went silent. Then, everyone except Steve, Bucky and Tony burst into laughter.
“Y/N, c'mon. What about Pepper?” Tony looked genuinely wounded.
“Y/N, no,” Steve said at the same time.
Bucky just looked mortified, as he glared at Tony, edging closer to Steve, who didn’t even seem to notice.
Y/N laughed, before turning and leaving the room, only stopping to unlock the door.
“No one is safe,” Clint hissed.
•
“That should stop her,” Tony announced, strolling calmly into the room.
Natasha looked up. “What did you do?”
Tony smirked. “I cut off the Internet connection to her phone.”
“Oh so now you stop her,” Steve muttered, “when it’s convenient to you.”
Tony shrugged. “Don’t be a baby, Capsicle.”
In the distance, they heard a shout. “I HAVE MOBILE DATA, YOU ARSEHOLE! ALSO THERE’S A CAFE WITH FREE WIFI OVER THE ROAD. SO JOKES ON YOU BITCH!”
Tony hung his head and groaned. Natasha laughed at him.
•
Y/N was unusually calm as she walked into the living room that morning. Because of this, everyone was suspicious.
Tony, Wanda, Clint, Pietro, Bucky and Steve, her usual victims, narrowed their eyes at her.
“Okay, okay, I’ve got one more for you,” Y/N announced.
“Y/N, no,” Steve replied sternly. “Just no.”
“Stucky,” Y/N said. There was no laughter, no amusement, just the name.
“Oh,” Steve said. He looked at Bucky, who shrugged.
“Oh,” Bucky repeated. “That’s not so bad. Much better than all the others.
Y/N looked like she was about to faint, scream, or both. “STUCKY SHIPS STUCKY,” she shrieked.
And then she did both. With a loud excited scream, she dropped to the ground, and proceeded to sob into the crook of her elbow.
Steve and Bucky smirked, while everyone else watched with concern.
Natasha stood up and walked over to her. “Are you okay?”
“YES! NO! I DON’T KNOW!” The girl let out a loud wail.
Smiling, Natasha leant down, and helped the girl up. Leading her out the door, she turned and smiled at Steve and Bucky.
When they reached the door, Y/N turned with tear streaked cheeks, and pointed at Steve and Bucky. “OTP,” she whispered dramatically.
AU: your camera roll but you’re married to Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw (headcanons)
Coming here…gave me meaning again.
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