-Rumi

excerpt from who cares if it’s a choice? snappy answers to 101 nosy, intrusive, and highly personal questions about lesbians and gays by ellen orleans, june 1994

I listened to Bukowski this morning, and I realized my writing is not raw enough, angry enough, drunk enough; I even drink red wine instead of cheap beer. I detest cigarettes, never served in war, or roamed the streets looking to settle on the bed of some dude’s crude floor. I’m too feminine, too much an inherent believer in the quality of people. My heart is adversely set against his heretical ways. I’ve never been stabbed in the back by love, or if I have, I pulled the prick out years ago, and time and forgiveness have sealed the scar over. I might have even forgotten where the wounds are buried. I never carved mistakes out of people, stole time in self destruction, stared into the holes of another’s deceit. I’m not modern enough to be a true angst-filled American poet. I don’t possess the tongue to squeeze lemon over my open lesions letting them ooze into a glass I pour out as charity for the masses. Come, let me sacrifice hopelessness for the voyeurs. No, I only know to write of the way his lips taste the soft worlds within my seascape, the slant of patchwork light filtering through the hallway window, jewel-toned shells that satiate my harlequin heart. I only know of simple subjects; I’ve somehow been denied the stench or overlooked the cracked places harboring broken bottles and blood-stained lips. Does that make me any less a poet, I wonder.

upon reading Bukowski//

Rhapsodyinblue45

4.8.18

Daydreams

I want to go on spontaneous adventures with you in all the possible places in this beautiful world of ours.  I want to climb mountains in the Gaiain alps with you far far away where we will be completely out of reach. Why is it that your presence is the one I crave the most? everywhere I go, all I crave is for you to be there with me. I want to wake up at 4 am with you as its you I'm besotted by. With you I want to drive down to the beach and watch the sun rise and shine its rays into those heavenly eyes of yours which never seize to enchant me. Just me, you, and the ocean. I want to sit on top of the roof in your embrace, and reminisce about the memories I miss and wish I could relive. I want to listen to you talk for hours and hour about the things you love, the things that make you happy, your dreams and aspirations. I want to hear all the things that make you feel uneasy. I want to have such a strong bond that nothing but truth flows out of our mouths. I want to be able to shower you with all the love you deserve, treat you like the most precious gem that you are, and be nothing but devoted to you.

Excerpt from my thoughts

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, from a letter to Arthur Davison Ficke featured in Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay.

‘Tis the gay season

(Yellow Days)

Come dwell with me underneath these pink skies, hold my hand, and I will hold your heart.

e.v.e.

4AM THOUGHTS

feeling very inspired right now. I woke up at 3am randomly but i remembered that i hadn’t listened to Meek Mill’s new album yet so i got out of bed (while trying not to wake my daughter) and went to the bathroom to listen. and i listened to every word all the way thru and it left me inspired writing this at 4am. I also read this article about things i should avoid as an aspiring artist and i realized i do 3 out of the 5 things. Holding my work hostage, Not Being social enough, and finishing my Art halfway and then abandoning it. I gotta work on these things.

The whole “being social” thing was never my thing but lately i have been making attempts to do so, sometimes i’m left disappointed and others i am left surprised! It’s cool when you meet another creative who can relate to most of the things you go thru. As Far as finishing my Art goes.. i tend to not finish my art when someone doesn’t feel the same way about it as i do. I tell myself “ok well this isn’t worth anymore of my time, thank you.. next” (lol i like that song) And then i start on something new and repeat the same thing. Fun fact tho… i remember playing “Don’t” for like 5 people before it came out and nobody liked it how i liked it. So i deleted it from soundcloud. lol Shit as a matter of fact i remember when i played my first album Trapsoul to Fader and a couple of other Blogs or whatever and it was straight crickets in the room. 🦗🦗🦗i was like wow this shit is trash lol

Anyway, i know this is getting kinda lengthy but i say all of that to say this… believe in your “trash”.

Ok 4am Thoughts end now, gotta take Harley to school in a few hours. 💤💤💤