I've Been On The Internet For Too Long And While Scrolling Through The Nosferatu Tag On Tumblr, I Suddenly

Idk about other parts of the world, but it's missing CQM hours over here

WOW IT'S GORGEOUS

I just want to put it out there: even though I'm a die-hard Shadowfaerie fan (the 40+ pages fanfiction about them must be a hint to this but idk), I am in full support of other Elder Faerie pairings*, for instance – ElderCacao. I think one day I'm absolutely going to write something about them too, because, well, I appreciate the rarity – it takes guts to ship something so rare, I also appreciate the aesthetic (the entire Elder Faerie's and his Kingdom vibe is Silmarillion/LOTR coded, but this particular pairing – especially, for some reason), and also old man yuri supremacy. I have nothing against that as well, but honestly I'm fed up with DC being shipped exclusively with fragile little meow-meows, give him someone Tolkienishly knightly already 🍃✨🧝‍♀️

*aside from, perhaps, ElderLily, but not because I actively dislike them or sm, I'm just not particularly interested in them 🙌

reblog if vampires are valid and your blog is a vampire safe zone

I'm sorry, it's just the vibe they give off to me (yes, even giving in consideration Apollo's invaluable contribution to the agriculture and even if we keep in mind that Hermes's lovers' mortality rate (and overall number) is much lover)

Richard Roxburgh and Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing (2004)

Ain't no way Afton's personal hell is Jennifer's Body 💀💅

Doomed Love.

CW: Minor blood and eye injury.

The faerie monarch sobbed softly, holding his lover close as he was tethering between life and death, as the corruption slowly overtook his cooling person once more.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry...! I'll- I'll fix this somehow! I'll save you! I'll save your friends I-"

He was cut off by a pained chuckle from the jester.

"Silly.. Monarch... You... You know...this would happen..."

Ahahahahah yes that's right The Beasts are a thing in this AU too. (Just in case yall missed out those crumbs of details in my refs post of DE and Matcha)

Keep in mind that there will be NOTHING like canon. But rest assured, I won't remove the fun stuff. Like Shadow Milk's theater show that looked like a divorce between him and Faerie, and Mystic Flour psychologically torturing Cacao.

Trust me :}

Also this drawing is like,,, months old

Snake Fruit Cookie backstory headcanon

My friends and I once made a theory that Snake Fruit Cookie was the child of Affogato, who he «conjured» with the help of magic and a piece broken off from Dark Cacao. I know this sounds crazy, but listen.

Snake Fruit always dreamed of becoming a dragon, like those they were forced to bow before their entire life. Actually, this is probably why they went to serve Longan in the first place. But when they eventually managed to turn into a dragon, their appearance looked differently: Ananas, Lotus and Pitaya (I couldn't find Lychee, but I think they looked the same) were built, more or less, as we are used to seeing them in Western folklore – like lizards.

Snake Fruit, on the other hand, seemed to look more like a snake, they didn't have the wings or even the body of a dinosaur, and, nevertheless, they were signed as «Snake Fruit Dragon».

What does it mean?

Well, if you look closely, you'll see that they are depicted as a stereotypical Oreo dragon from the Dark Cacao Kingdom. I don’t think that if it had depended on them, they wouldn't have taken on the appearance that they saw in the faces of their masters – which means that they acquired such an appearance due to circumstances beyond their control. I'm making the simplest bet possible: they already were like this, it was in their nature to become a dragon that looked like this.

Because Snake Fruit themselves are not from this region. They are from a place where serpentine dragons are reflected in culture (tapestry and statues) and folklore (the tale of dragons that king Dark Cacao cut down, creating a cycle of day and night).

Now what does their supposed kinship has to do with it? Well, eh, I just wanted to somehow connect these two restless souls with too similar destinies, but different ages (I always presumed Affogato is old for some reason): both Affogato and Snake Fruit managed to achieve their goals, but failed to keep them. I can’t say anything about their external resemblance to any of them – based on their appearance, I can rather assume that this is Affogato who's the second parent of Dark Choco, but that’s not the point.

Based on some joking Twitter posts, we've concluded that most likely Choco's mother is White Lily, who created him based on her designs and research (with some help from Dark Cacao, of course), but what happened to her notes when she left to Beast Yeast? They didn't just disappear, did they? So, I came to the conclusion that no, they didn't – which Affogato could have taken advantage of.

Affogato couldn't have been unaware of the circumstances under which Prince Dark Choco was exiled: it might have occurred to him at some point to curry favor with the king by using Lily's notes to create a new heir (possibly even secretly taking a piece from him, resulting in unequal parts). No relations are implied here though: in Cookie Run, one of the semi-«official» methods of reproduction involves breaking off two pieces of dough from the parents to, when combined, create a new cookie.

He didn't take into account, though, that his half ended up disproportionately larger than Cacao's: baby Snake Fruit turned out to be almost a copy of Affogato, and he began to fear that the king simply wouldn't believe him. Add to that Cacao's deteriorating condition due to Affogato's control magic, and we have a deadlock situation: the resulting child needed to be protected.

Affogato could have known that the dragon gene might reveal in Snake Fruit one day. Considering that he himself was a mixture of Coffee Tribe and Milk Tribe residents, and the resulting child clearly reflected his Milk ancestors, it was safe to assume that Dark Cacao's ancestors would eventually manifest themselves too. Keeping this in mind, the idea came to him to send the child far away to Longan, the Dragon Master, to keep them away from harm. They would raise them, nurture them in their home, and perhaps something worthwhile would come out of them, while Affogato figured out how to explain their existence to the king.

Well, along with the genes of Affogato's ancestors, Snake Fruit inherited his nasty character and penchant for intrigue – unwittingly following in the footsteps of one of their parents, becoming an advisor and being cast down for it into the abyss. Hopefully, their body will wash up on the shores of the continent, where their newfound majesties can be picked up by kind people: someone must ultimately look after the king while Caramel Arrow is busy defending the kingdom, and Dark Choco hasn't come to his senses yet.

Literally the only thing that doesn't fit into this theory is Longan themselves: firstly, their dragon appearance somewhat resembles Snake Fruit's dragon form. There's no reason to assume that Longan has any connection to the Dark Cacao Kingdom (unless Snake Fruit hadn't seen their dragon form before). And secondly, Longan... well, they're chauvinist – they wouldn't accept a regular cookie into their service, even if kings were to ask them to. In that case, Affogato would have to persuade the dragons that the child is a hundred percent dragon, just not awakened yet (and by the time it became clear that it's more cookie than dragon, they would have gotten used to their service and simply mockingly called them «Snake»).

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk again.

there is something so romantic about vampirism as a whole. like yes i can have your body but i crave something beyond your looks. i crave what's inside of you, what keeps you alive. i have to bathe my tongue in your most valuable essence, my fangs like blades have to know how your flesh tastes like