Squeaky Otter

POV: ur Gabriel Agreste at the local bar and me and my friends notice u sitting by yourself :(

libby app guide

aka how to support libraries and get books and audiobooks for free without pirating them.

disclaimer: this is so easy. it is also really fun.

one: download the libby app. you'll open it and it'll ask you to add a library.

two: get a library card. don't have one? good news, it's really easy and i am saying this as the laziest person on earth. it varies what you need to have to get a card library to library but almost all libraries will let you get one online. i have a card for my home town and for the town i moved to. sometimes you only need an email address, sometimes you need an area code. to get mine it took me about 5 minutes of lying on the couch aimlessly tapping on my phone. follow your heart. you can get cards for places you don't currently live. i will leave the ethics of that up to you but it's probably better than pirating and either way you're creating traffic for libraries which is what they need to exist.

three: add your card. you can add multiple cards for multiple libraries. you need the number. i have never had libby fail to recognize a valid account.

four: search for your book! some will be ready to borrow right away. others have an estimated delivery time. libby will always pick the one that's the fastest from the options available at all the libraries you have cards at. you can borrow audiobooks and ebooks. libby will send you a notification when you're book is ready to borrow. in my experience it's a lot faster than the estimate. if you aren't ready to read it, you can ask to be skipped over in line so you keep your place at the front but let someone else read it first.

five: read it!!! kindle is the most common way to do this. you can go to your loan and click read with kindle. it'll download it to all your devices where you have kindle. as long as you have the loan, it'll act like your book. when the loan ends, if the device is connected to the internet, it'll automatically be returned. it will save all your notes and highlights. (if you disconnect your device from the internet, it won't return the book. weewoo.)

anyway in case anyone else has been wondering about it, i really love it. is a nice surprise to see what i'm going to get and it's cut my reading costs down big time! it's also neat because i get to synch my books between devices unlike downloading books through cough cough other means. good luck!

Source: http://bit.ly/2VMQNxJ

3/9/2015

Wow, yesterday was insane.

I woke up at 5:45 A.M. because I needed to pick up Mable at the bus station. I wasn't really sure if anyone else would be willing to pick her up, which is why I agreed despite having to get up so early. Also, I'd be able to talk to her about getting an apartment. And she offered to pay for breakfast.

I got to the bus station and was pan-handled on the way in. I don't really know how to deal with those situations. I didn't give him anything, which I felt bad for, but I just don't feel comfortable in that scenario. I waited for Mable and she arrived on time. We made our way over to IHOP, our breakfast destination. I got the strawberry/banana french toast (which was very sweet but delicious). I asked her what she thought about getting an apartment, and she thought it was a good idea (though to be clear we had made vague plans to do this before). Though she brought up the fact that our friend Sadie would probably want to move in as well. I'm definitely fine with that; Sadie is part of our old D&D group and she's really agreeable and seems to be very responsible as well. I think she would make a good roommate. Honestly, Sadie might be a better roomie than Mable. Or me. 

I also mentioned my dog, Storm. I want to bring him, too, but he's a big dog and might be happier with a yard he could run around in. I'd also have to pay the pet deposit and extra fees myself, but I'm fine with that. I think Mable seemed agitated at the idea, but I was very adamant that I would be the one paying and doing all of the work. I don't know, though. I'm really starting to think that it would be better to leave him at the house. I don't even have a job yet, so I don't know how much money I'd be making. No matter what it won't be that much. Maybe a bit over minimum wage if I'm lucky.

Anyway, Mable and I spent the day together. We got gas, headed back to Mable's place, went to the book store, had lunch, and went to Mable's place again. She told me about her trip (which she spent with her girlfriend) and the things she did. It was a really fun day, although a bit intensive. I think we were both ready to pass out all day--me from waking up early, her from sleeping on and off on the long bus ride home. 

I had a bit of an anxiety spike yesterday. Someone posted a gag article saying it was going to snow again and my brain went straight into end-of-the-world mode. Today was better anxiety-wise, but I had to physically recover from staying awake for so long. I felt ready to apply for jobs today, but I didn't. I still need to collect my references, and that requires social interaction. I think I should head to my university tomorrow and hang out with some people. That way I can be social and maybe work up the energy to talk to people about references.

bruh moment

3/7/15

Today I'm starting my journal. I thought tumblr would be a good enough place for it, though I guess I do run the risk of people actually finding it. That being said, I might be fine with that. I mean, strangers are definitely welcome to read. I'm only really worried about someone I know reading it. And if that happens, I guess I'd be able to deal with that. I don't know. The point is that I need a place to put my journal, and since I'll never get up the energy to physically write it, and I'm on tumblr all the time anyway, it just makes sense to have it here.

So, this will be my introduction entry. I'm not gonna give too much about my personal info, (names, etc) but I'll be giving away a ton about my personal life. Let's see . . .

First off, I'm "Lara". It's not my 'real' name but it might be a name I choose for myself in the future. I'm trans, or at least not cis. I was designated male at birth, I'm white, I'm mentally ill, able-bodied, tall, thin, awkward, middle-class, 21 years old, and queer. Okay, so that might actually be a ton of personal information. The point is you can't just google me. Anyway, I'm writing a journal to keep track of my progress in dealing with my depression and anxiety. A couple years ago I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (with "obsessive tendencies") and for the past 6 months or so I've also been dealing with a wave of depression (self-diagnosed).

Day to day, I have trouble showering, eating, brushing my teeth, doing my laundry, keeping up with my room, and any other miscellaneous task. Right now, I'd like to be applying for jobs, but I don't think I'll be able to for a while. I'm seeing a therapist (who I'll call "Fel") and I've been with her for about a month. I haven't seen her for two weeks, though, because I overslept and missed one appointment, and then she had to cancel another appointment for what I can only assume to be personal reasons.

Last session she gave me an assignment: to shower every day, within an hour of waking up. I felt excited to have something to work on a few weeks ago, but now I just wish I could shower at all. It would've been fine if I could have started out strong, but the thing is, our heat was off for about a week. In that time I don't think I showered at all, and it was mostly because it was so damn cold. How could I even coerce myself into that icy shower when I struggle with the motivation to shower normally? It's not like I'm afraid to shower really, I just don't feel like it. Ever. Which is just insane to me, since I love to shower once I'm actually in. And I definitely enjoy being clean. I hate that I feel so grimy and gross all the time, and it takes a toll on my self-esteem. As I'm writing this it's probably been three or four days since my last shower, and I just want to jump into a (heated) pool of water. 

It's so hard to articulate: why can't I take a shower? I don't know. The biggest road block in this moment is that my mom's home. You see, I live with my parents, and the bathroom that's used for showering is actually the master bedroom's bath, which incidentally is my mom's room (My dad has his separate room in what used to be my sister's before she moved out). In order to take a shower, I have to waddle past my mom (who's watching TV in her bed right now). It's so hard to explain, but I just can't stand to be in either of my parents' lines of sight. It takes such an absurd amount of effort to talk to them, and if I'm near them then I run that risk. It doesn't help that just about every time I take a shower now, my mom asks "Are you going somewhere?". She's being sincere, but it's painful to listen to. I want to say, No, I'm not going somewhere just because I'm taking a shower. I'm capable of taking a shower on days where I don't have to do anything. But that's kind of a lie, isn't it? If I was that capable, I wouldn't have hygiene issues in the first place.

This first entry is getting a bit long, now. I'll probably come back today and add more. I've got 99 problems and mental illness is like 95 of them.