Wait Ok Now I'm Curious How Old Were You When You Joined Tumblr And How Old Are You Now

I am going to unleash a Horrifying Psychic Scream, Erasing All Life In This Galaxy, if I don't get some FUCKING SNACKIES

Witch of Frog Embryology

*Narrator voice* And here we see a specimen in its natural habitat, trying to get food. The process can be difficult, but the rewards outweigh the risk.

*Cut to a trans girl waiting in line at a burger place.*

No, I'm too busy performing rituals at the behest of a mysterious benefactor who sends me 100,000 swedish crowns, via credit cards connected to freshly opened bank accounts, that I have to dig out of the large crows they use as delivery birds, at the end of each month.

I've gotten pretty good at the rituals now and my dark power has grown immensely, which has improved my life vastly, even outside of the rituals! Whenever someone stands in the way of something I want (free groceries, expensive books, my brother's life insurance money, e.t.c.) I automatically start chanting the words of the ritual (tear reality widen the rift tear the seems widen the rift break apart open the rift bring the end open the rift, e.t.c.), without even needing to think about it and eventually I will get what I want.

If you're interested in this limited time opportunity to make large amounts of money by working from home, contact my benefactor by standing in a ritual circle drawn with blood (the blood of an infant works best, but any human blood will do), stabbing a severed crow's beak in each palm and chanting "Come forth Bringer of the End, Devourer of reality" over and over, until your throat begins to give out and your voice fails you, the pain in each hand becoming almost too much to bear and your vision begins to darken. When your hope starts to wane and your faith dwindles, you will hear its voice and it will hear you.

So, no I can't really do anything about this reality rift situation right now, my schedule's kinda full and I'm trying to focus on my career. Good luck with that though.

enough posting about your blorbos. we need to talk about the reality rift

in absolute tears about the pride module at my work

im adopting the ‘dark jock’ aesthetic. i’m going to lurk around crumbling old institute buildings in a black tanktop with a skull on it and a backwards ballcap and i’m going to get dark academia people to write my essays for me while i call them nerds and doofuses and prep for the big dark football game

Game studios learn to optimize your fucking games challenge.

Who the fuck do you think you are? You are a toy. A glorified slinky.

will wood song names are so funny they're always like "The Tree Test of Amsterdam: You Can Turn Maple Syrup Into Cocaine unless you ask to be or not to be a.k.a Werewolf Transgenderism in B Minor after a long rainstorm at Niagara Falls a.k.a The Frat Boy Anti-Anthem / trying to swallow an entire nuclear warhead is ultimately a fruitless endeavour [The Most Fruitful Endeavour is Danny Devito's Newest Action Blockbuster] a.k.a So What's the Deal With Airline Food - The Last Will and Old Testament of Jerry 'The God Killer' Seinfeld a.k.a The Last Rocky Road Ice Cream On Earth versus The Great Silicon Valley Disaster a.k.a Fast Times at Whatever High School You Went To a.k.a That Bush Is On Fire! (אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה) a.k.a I'm Getting Tired" and you hit play and it's one of the best songs you've ever heard in your life.

Customer: I’M A PROFESSIONAL FISHERMAN AND I FISH FOR TUNA ALL OVER THE WORLD DMV: I GOOGLED HIM, HE IS AND HE DOES Verdict: DENIED

I am so sorry, but someone did and it's called Homestuck.