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The Reality Rift - Blog Posts

No, I'm too busy performing rituals at the behest of a mysterious benefactor who sends me 100,000 swedish crowns, via credit cards connected to freshly opened bank accounts, that I have to dig out of the large crows they use as delivery birds, at the end of each month.

I've gotten pretty good at the rituals now and my dark power has grown immensely, which has improved my life vastly, even outside of the rituals! Whenever someone stands in the way of something I want (free groceries, expensive books, my brother's life insurance money, e.t.c.) I automatically start chanting the words of the ritual (tear reality widen the rift tear the seems widen the rift break apart open the rift bring the end open the rift, e.t.c.), without even needing to think about it and eventually I will get what I want.

If you're interested in this limited time opportunity to make large amounts of money by working from home, contact my benefactor by standing in a ritual circle drawn with blood (the blood of an infant works best, but any human blood will do), stabbing a severed crow's beak in each palm and chanting "Come forth Bringer of the End, Devourer of reality" over and over, until your throat begins to give out and your voice fails you, the pain in each hand becoming almost too much to bear and your vision begins to darken. When your hope starts to wane and your faith dwindles, you will hear its voice and it will hear you.

So, no I can't really do anything about this reality rift situation right now, my schedule's kinda full and I'm trying to focus on my career. Good luck with that though.

enough posting about your blorbos. we need to talk about the reality rift


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