Hey Everyone! To Celebrate Asexual Awareness Week, The Team At Queer Sounds Want To Create A Video For

Asexual meme of the month: loving and supporting their bisexual brethren unconditionally

You seem pretty open about this, and I don't know anyone else to ask, but you can ignore this completely if you need to. I think I might be asexual? But I'm not sure. I've never looked and someone and thought sex, and usually sex just sounds meh at best. But I have had it before, and I liked it? Is it possible for me to still be ace, or if not, what am I? Thank you

::puts on Official Asexual hat::

I can’t, despite this fabulous hat, actually make a ruling on your sexual orientation or how you want to identify. But that said: the definition of asexuality, as I understand it, is a sexual orientation that consists of not feeling sexual attraction to anyone. Period. Everything after that is a different question. Your sexual orientation is about who you feel sexually attracted to and if the group of people you feel sexually attracted to is [file not found] then, congratulations, you’re asexual and you are entitled to cake.

I think that a lot of confusion–and especially a lot of the people who basically feel like they want to identify as asexual but don’t qualify–comes from piling two or three different factors onto the identity of asexuality and conflating them, or treating them like the more of those factors you have, the MORE asexual you are, like there is a ~gold star asexual~ class that you only get into if you are attracted to no one, have never had sex, never want to have sex or even think about sex, think sex is totally gross and inexplicable, and never experience sexual urges or sensations. But that’s a whole bunch of other factors getting piled on to a sexual orientation in a way that just demands you fit into a stereotype.

Sexual orientation: What group of people, broadly speaking, do you look at and think: Ooh I want to have sex with you.

If it is people of the opposite gender, heterosexual! Same gender, gay/lesbian/homosexual as applies in your case! Two or more genders, bisexual or pansexual or omnisexual or some other word according to fine gradations of meaning and gender identity and so on! If nobody, ever, asexual! If very few people, very rarely, generally for reasons other than physical/gender characteristics, demisexual or gray-asexual!

Sexual behavior: Do you have sex? Have you ever? Do you masturbate? How?

These are all super prone to be influenced by circumstances! Maybe you’re really young or you have moral/religious/emotional/psychological/etc reasons to refrain from having sex. This doesn’t mean you can’t belong to ANY of the sexual orientations listed above; you can absolutely be gay or straight or bi or pan before you’ve had sex with anybody, or if you’re currently not having sex.

Maybe you are or were in a relationship with somebody, of any gender, who did or didn’t belong to the group of people you find you’re sexually attracted to, and you had sex with them–because they wanted to, because you wanted to for reasons other than sexual attraction, because you thought you would find you liked it once you tried it, because you didn’t really think about reasons and it just seemed like a good idea at the time.

That ALSO doesn’t mean that you automatically belong or don’t belong to any sexual orientation listed above. Gay people experiment or even wind up in lifelong sexual relationships with people of the opposite sex for various reasons; straight people have sex once or many times with people of their own gender; bisexuals do not have to perpetually have sex with people of both genders to still be really bi; asexuals can have sex and still be asexual.

[There is not a good word for this one–Sexual enjoyment, maybe?]: Quite aside from how skilled you or your partner are, do you basically LIKE the sexual behavior you engage in, if any? 

There are a bunch of variations to this–some people just really really like sex even when it doesn’t result in orgasms, some people think sex is gross and unpleasant even when it’s taking place in a loving relationship and technically everything is going great, even when they’re masturbating in exactly the way they prefer. For some people this dislike or discomfort might come from trauma or social conditioning that sex is dirty or wrong, but for lots of people it’s just how they feel! THERE IS NO INNATE REASON WHY THIS SHOULD CORRELATE TO WHO YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO. A person could be attracted to everyone in the world and still think the actual act of sex involving their own actual body is really gross and unpleasant and not desired, or a person could never be attracted to anyone and still find themselves having a rad time when they decide to get it on, and every variation in between. And a person could find sex with other people super DNW but enjoy the hell out of masturbating. We don’t really have a standard word for people who REALLY REALLY ENJOY sex (or not a non-insulting one); people who don’t enjoy sex at all are called sex-repulsed.

Sexual drive: How often do you find yourself wanting to have sex or masturbate? 

For some people, ALL THE TIME, for some people, never. For MOST people, this varies with hormonal shifts/age/psychological and emotional factors, etc. And again this is separate from who you are attracted to, separate from whether you act on those urges (or choose to have sex in the absence of any physical urge), separate from how much you enjoy engaging in sexual activity if/when you do. This is the one that people are thinking of when they ask if your asexuality is being caused by your meds/thyroid/whatever. But again, having zero libido could happen to somebody who’s actively attracted to all kinds of people, and having a constant urge to get busy could happen to someone who’s not attracted to anyone–even to someone who’s not attracted to anyone and is sex-repulsed, etc.

SO IN CONCLUSION: sexual identity is complicated! Sexual behavior is driven by lots of factors! But if you’re not attracted to anyone, the word for that is asexual, and there’s no wrong way to be asexual. You just are if you are.

YEA! about time too :)

I’ve a few large prints lying around the house. so.

rules:

must be followin’ my blog, this is a thank-you for the moral support from my followers over the past year

each reblog=1 entry (“likes” will not count; nor “giveaway blogs”)

make sure your ask box is open 

i will ship to the ends of the earth >8)

event ends on 15th of April, midnight, Pacific Time

in the meantime, feel free to use the “tumblrlove” coupon code for anything in the “print” section of the shop :)

What I Mean When I Say I’m Sex-Positive

I think freedom of sexuality is something that we all need and very few of us have

I think sexual pleasure is a legitimate thing to want and ethically pursue

I do not judge people for the (consensual) sex that they have or want

I will not tolerate slut-shaming

I will not tolerate hatred of people based on gender or orientation (including asexual)

I will not tolerate hatred of sex workers

I believe comprehensive, honest, non-judgmental sex education is necessary for public health and happiness

I think understanding of sexual consent—what it is, why it matters—is sorely lacking in society and crucially important

I reject preconceptions of what kind of sexuality a person should have, whether these preconceptions are based on gender, age, culture, disability, survivor status, or basically anything else

I value people’s individual freedom of choice in determining their sex lives (including the choices not to have sex)

What I Don’t Mean

Everyone should have sex

Everyone should have kinky, non-monogamous, exhibitionistic, pansexual sex

Accepting someone’s sexuality means you have to participate in it, watch them engage in it, or hear about it in detail

Nothing related to sex is ever hurtful for anyone

Feminism should be all about sex

Sex fixes everything

A shout out to writers who support writers

Writers who may be feeling insecure out their own writing, yet still enthusiastically reblog and comment on someone else’s fic.

Writers who may struggle to find time to write their own stories, yet still read fics and take the time to let the writers know how much they like it in tags, asks, comments.

Writers who can appreciate and share a fic even though it might not be their ship or their “thing” because they respect the quality and the writer.

Writers who have tons of followers and share lesser known fics to help them get exposure.

Writers who have a small number of followers and will still reblog the popular fics.

Writers who will help another writer brainstorm or get through a tough part of their fic.

Writers who beta for other writers.

Writers who are kind and secure enough to support other writers.

I see you, and appreciate the hell out of you.

day 14 - jet siquliak, the penumbra podcast (design by @robinkasznia)

happy pride month of 2020!

carletoncolton - GPOY 3

“Taking The Cake” is an illustrated zine and 101 about asexuality, created by Maisha in 2012. It includes the basic definitions, some of the nuances of asexuality, explains the types of attraction that exist (not all attraction is sexual), dispels myths, includes resources and takes on the topic of whether asexuality is included in the queer community or not. Some say no, some say yes. Anyway, very helpful information and the artwork is exquisite. You see that Black woman on the cover! ♥♠

My Asexual Story, 2018.

Another little autobiographical comic I whipped together (this was drawn in like two hours tops so don’t judge the drawings lmao). To clarify, I am in a happy long-term committed relationship with a non-ace girl and we’re both very happy with our relationship, and I have never had bad experiences with relationships because of my asexuality. Being ace isn’t a big deal to me - I barely think about it - but asexuality is something that a lot of people seem to have trouble fully understanding, so I wanted to take some time to describe it the way I see it in my life and from my perspective. Every story is different - here’s mine.

YOU! ONCE YOU GET THIS, YOU HAVE TO SAY FIVE NICE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF AND SEND IT TO TEN OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOLLOWERS

So, needlesslycryptic and sunderlorn both dropped this one in my inbox—I’m in the polarizing position of being both unspeakably (DOES THIS MEAN THAT I’M A *FAVORITE*?!) flattered and put out that now I’ve got to run my truant self-regard to ground and put it to work. Thank you both. <3

1. At any paid job, I’m uncommonly diligent. I arrive at the timeclock every day just in time to absently stare through it for two minutes, swipe my card with more force than is strictly necessary, and then I’m in. I work singlemindedly every second of my shift, with efficiency, speed, and focus as my watchwords. When I walk I keep my eyes forward, hands clasped behind my back, and never stop to socialize or chatter. When customers or coworkers come to confer with me or ask a question, I don’t stop working to answer. I do both at once. So, um… I’m not well-liked, but my results are. Hooray?

2. I never gossip, spill secrets, or kiss and tell.

3. If you and I ever eat together, I’ll always eat more—so, your powers of restraint will look greater by comparison.

4. The way I ramble in writing you’d probably never guess this, but I have a talent for silence. Like, I can honestly go weeks without saying a word. Comfortably.

5. I’m… not too shabby a gifter, if I do say so myself. In all seriousness, I tend to devote weeks or months before a holiday to obsessively trawling through my memories for every tiny instance in which my prospective giftee has expressed even the most offhand desire, going years back if necessary, until I light on the thing. And I live my life listening for those moments, mentally tucking them away to be brought out again as needed. It’s worth it to me, too—every time my mother, for example, finally breaks through my very deliberately selected giftwrap and tears up when she sees what’s inside, my skull just echoes with vindicated maniacal mental laughter.