Gastrointestinal5pears - Yooooo

i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like

AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE

The reading comprehension and overall common sense on this website is piss poor.

me whenever i have a cold: i can’t remember the last time i could breathe out of my left nostril…it must have been 14 years ago when i was a child on the farm..life was simpler back then….. i remember the sound of the creek over by that big rock.. when papa came home from the town bearing fresh yeast for ma to make bread with, i breathed in the crisp fall air through both nostrils before heading into the kitchen, where i could smell all of our spices 

tony stonem is bi pass it on

Birth Certificates are just receipts for human beings.

i was speaking to a customer in Japanese once at work and my coworker overheard me and later in the break room he said to our other coworkers “man Andrew was over there speakin Naruto”

havin peoples home addresses is surreal bc i could like randomly send them a photo of a clam?? that’s something i could do? i literally have the means to send them a physical image of a bivalve mollusk but i never ddo

person A works at the mall, theyre closing up when all the sudden there’s banging comeing from an emergency exit near their shop. it turns out person B was locked out and was too lazy to go around the building on their hover board

i actually make myself laugh really hard so if no one else laughs it doesnt matter because i already made the most important person in the room laugh

Don’t invite me to your wedding i will look better than you and it will be embarrassing for us both