Things That Work In Fiction But Not Real Life

Sun: Man... It must be nice having a harem. Having a bunch of beautiful women literally & metaphorically throwing themselves at you. How'd you do it?

Jaune: Ahahaha... I haven't slept for the past 3 weeks.

Sun, concerned: A-are you ok-?

Jaune, desperate: Please send help.

Ruby: Wait, why can't we go inside?

Sun: Dude needs his rest.

Weiss: He can get plenty of rest with his girlfriends next to him!

Neptune: Actually, the only one not getting plenty of rest is him. You're all on different cycles and Jaune is awake during all of them.

Blake: That's not right, is it? I mean, he gets a nap in the afternoon, right?

Yang: Er... Not really, since that's when I usually get him during our "workout" sessions.

Pyrrha: And I take up most of his evenings with our nightly sparring, but we're both in bed by midnight.

Blake: ...

Ren: Blake?

Blake: (Sighs) And then I come in for a quickie.

Yang: Really gotta get your midnight snack in, huh~?

Weiss: Honestly, you're all just deplorable!

Sun: Actually, he says you take up most of his time. He feels like you need the most attention out of everyone.

Weiss: (Scoffs) That is not true!

Ruby: Well, I usually have coffee with him in the morning, and that goes on for about an hour. (6-7)

Blake: I spend most of the night with him until about dawn. (0-6)

Yang: I'm working out with him from 'til about dinnertime. (14-18)

Pyrrha: And after dinner is when we're training. (18-0)

Weiss: ...

Nora: So... How long do YOU spend time with him, Weiss~?

Weiss: ... (7-14)

Yang: (Whistles) Damn, you really do take up his time, don't you?

Weiss: I HAVE PARTICULAR NEEDS, OKAY?!

Sun: Hey, hey, keep it down! A man is trying to get his sleep!

Meanwhile, inside Jaune's bed...

SO YOU TAKE THE MOON

Whitley's ARC Problem

Whitley: No, no, architect Faunus! It's all wrong!

Whitley: The muscles on the Jaune statue biceps need to be at least three times as big! Really capture his superiority!

Worker: Sir, my name is Ted, and I honestly can't make these muscles any bigger without compromising the infrastructure of New Mantle.

Whitley: Yes, yes, Moseby, I understand that, but if it's a choice between the children having a roof over their heads or my best friend in the entire world's statue being 100% accurate, well then sacrifices must be made!

Worker: Cool. Awesome. I guess my little girl is sleeping in the cold, then.

Whitley: Excellent!

Ruby: Whitley, um, honey? Can we talk?

Whitley: Ah! Ruby! My beautiful wife and the love of my life! What can I do for you, my beloved?

Ruby: Whitley... You know how you saying stuff like that makes me feel...

Ruby: But, actually, I need to talk to you about something. Is that okay?

Whitley: Of course it is! Communication is the cornerstone to any good and healthy relationship, regardless of it being professional or romantic! No relationship can survive without a healthy amount of communication!

Whitley: Isn't that right, Rikki?

Worker: Fuck you, sir!

Whitley: Yeah, he loves me... So, what is it you wanted to talk about?

Ruby: Well, it's... It's about Jaune.

Whitley: OH! You had me at Jaune, Ruby~! Of course we can talk about him! After all, he is the brave and incredible hero that I am proud to call my best friend~! Atop his heroic deeds and selfless personality, he also has those stunning looks that make men and women swoon~! Furhtermore-

Ruby: Yeah, that. That's what I wanted to talk about. The way you talk about Jaune is really... specific.

Whitley: Specific in what regard? You mean specifically the truth because he's so handsome and amazing~?

Ruby: No, like you're specifically talking about him to people like you're... Well.... Kinda gay for him?

Whitley: Of course I'm gay for him~!

Ruby: WHAT?!

Whitley: YES~! I'm always happy when he's around, and thinking about him simply makes me want to cheer up just so I can see him smile!

Ruby: I... I didn't think you would just- Oh! No, no, no! Whitley, I don't mean the dictionary definition of gay.

Whitley: I beg your pardon? What else could you mean then?

Ruby: I mean you act really... homosexual around him.

Whitley: WHAT?! Whatever would give you THAT impression?!

Ruby: Well, there's the way you talk about his body...

Whitley: You mean his perfect and god-like body you'd be a fool not to fall in love with and want to sleep next to? I fail to see how that makes me gay!

Ruby: Okay, then what about how you talk about his personality?

Whitley: Absolutely ridiculous! How does me truthfully stating that Jaune is masculine perfection incarnate from his strength to stand against threats to his positive and uplifting charisma to be kind to everyone to his adorable fascination with and love of cinema to even his sexy confidence in whatever he does come across as GAY?!

Ruby: Whitley... You're literally building a statue of Jaune, SHIRTLESS WITH YOU HUGGING HIM, in the middle of the front yard driveway! Heck, you moved your grandpa's statue away from there just to put it there!

Whitley: Well, yes, but it absolutely belongs up there! It's a commemoration of the time Jaune, removed of his armor, allowed me to embrace and take shelter within him in front of everyone!

Ruby: Stop.

Whitley: And let me tell you, we both were quite sweaty as I took hold of him, and there was so much fluids everywhere that it was almost unbearable!

Ruby: Please, STOP.

Whitley: And even though that massive one-eyed snake was a tough and sturdy beast, Jaune and I, together, pushed through its fluids and whacked away that snake into a crater! It was a long and hard thing to whack, but finally, our endless whacking offed the one-eyed snake, stopping it from squirting any further fluids all over the people of New Atlas!

Ruby: I'm convince you're doing this on purpose...

Whitley: Doing what?! I'm just describing how Jaune and I shared a good whacking together!

Ruby: Whitley! Please!

Whitley: Look, Ruby, I understand you have concerns, and maybe the way I talk about Jaune is a bit much, but it's purely out of admiration and respect for the man who married my sister, and who saved all of New Atlas from that one-eyed snake's squirting!

Ruby: Whitley...

Whitley: (Holds her hands) But trust me when I say that is all there is to it! You are the love of my life, Ruby~. You're a kind and gentle soul who cares for everyone and only wants them to be happy, and I'm honored to have you as my wife~.

Ruby: Babe... That's... That's so sweet~! Thank you for saying that! (Hugs) I'll admit, maybe I was just jealous of your bond with Jaune and, even though what you were saying before didn't help, I see it's nothing like I thought it was. And even though you have this weird habit to say innuendos, you really love me the way I love you~.

Whitley: Indeed! You have nothing to worry about, my love~!

Ruby: (Giggles) Yeah... I know better now, honey...

Whitley: Besides, we only had sex, like, 19 times!

Ruby: ...

Ruby: W H A T ?

Whitley: YES! And those are only since you and I have been married~! Oh, but don't worry; we were both wearing socks the entire time, so it wasn't gay!

Ruby: THAT'S... YOU... I...

Whitley: Because as "NotGayDongLover6969" posted, "You can have sex with the homies as much as you want and as long as you wear socks it's not gay!" Truly, a voice for the modern age to live by~!

Ruby: I want a divorce.

Whitley: WHAT?! WHY?!

crying just a little too hard about this news. RIP to Mr. James Earl Jones… an indisputable legend of cinema and theatre. Thank you for playing such a significant role in my childhood— your gifts, talents, charisma, and generosity are known world wide and will never be forgotten. May the road rise up to meet you, and the wind be always at your back.

In light of James Earl Jones recent passing I thought it would be nice to celebrate his life and career by highlighting some of his major TV works.

Unfortunately most of these shows have not made the leap to online streaming and it’s possible they may have never even been released in any form of physical media. I hope one day we may see these shows available for viewing again but for now I’ll share what I could find of them.

Gabriel’s Fire (1990 - 1991)

“The main character, Gabriel Bird, was played by James Earl Jones. He was a former Chicago police officer who, over twenty years prior, had been wrongfully sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of a fellow police officer. In fact, he shot the officer to protect a defenseless mother and child whom the officer was about to murder in cold blood during a 1969 police raid. Unbeknownst to Bird, the raid had been merely a pretext for the police to attack the members of a militant black nationalist organization.

This incident in the character's background was inspired by the 1969 death of Black Panther Party leader Fred Hampton, who was shot and killed during a raid upon his residence conducted by Chicago police and other law enforcement personnel. On the show, the street on which the raid involving Bird had occurred was identified as "Hampton Street".

After serving about twenty years in prison, a human rights lawyer decides to work for his release as his testimony is needed in another case. At first, Bird opposes any attempts to release him, as he became accustomed to life in prison, but after his release takes place against his will, he begins to get used to life as a free person and uses his time away from prison to help other people who are wronged by society or the authorities.

When Bird is released, he starts working as a private detective, hired by the lawyer who had helped free him.” (Source)

James Earl Jones won the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for his role in this show.

While this show is unfortunately unavailable on streaming services I was able to find someone who had uploaded a recording of the first episode on YouTube (unfortunately I could not find the rest of the series at this time). There do not seem to be any DVD or physical media copies of this show.

Paris (1979)

“Los Angeles Police Captain Woody Paris (Jones) is the supervisor of a team of rookie detectives, led by Sergeant Stacy Erickson (Cecilia Hart) and including officers Charlie Bogart (Jake Mitchell), Ernesto Villas (Frank Ramirez), and Willie Miller (Michael Warren). Hank Garrett portrayed Deputy Chief Jerome Bench, Paris' superior, and, in an unusual turn for police dramas of that era, Paris' home and off-duty life was given considerable attention, with Lee Chamberlin portraying his wife Barbara. Paris additionally moonlighted as a professor of criminology at a local university.” (Source)

This show is also unavailable online and I could only find DVD listings on a few obscure sites so it’s unclear if any physical media of this show truly exists. However I did find a short clip of its theme (unfortunately it’s just a short clip of James Earl Jones in the intro sequence followed by the rest of the music over a blurry image of him).

Pros and Cons (1991 - 1992)

"Gabriel Bird is a former Chicago police officer, who, over twenty years prior, had been wrongfully sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of a fellow officer. He was exonerated and subsequently became a Chicago private detective (as seen on Gabriel's Fire). Bird then moves to Los Angeles, where he teams up with another private eye, Mitch O'Hannon. Bird also marries his love interest, Josephine, She had been the proprietress of a café where Bird had begun frequenting shortly after his release, at first for her good, homestyle cooking, but soon, primarily for her companionship." (Source)

Once again this show has not made the leap to streaming and there have seemingly been no DVD or physical media releases of it. However I did find a clip of a short promotional spotlight for the show.

Heat Wave (1990)

"Heat Wave is a 1990 American thriller-drama television film about the 1965 Los Angeles Watts Riots" (Source)

Heat Wave was a made for TV movie and also starred: Blair Underwood and Cicely Tyson.

James Earl Jones won the Emmy for Supporting Actor in a Movie or Miniseries for his role in this movie.

This movie is available for streaming on Amazon, Apple TV, and Fandango at Home. And it looks like there are some DVD copies for purchase on Amazon, Ebay, and other sites.

Here is a promotional trailer for the movie.

CW: Police Brutality and Racism

I hope this has bean able to shine a light on a lesser acknowledged section of James Earl Jones extensive acting career and legacy. And I hope one day those shows of his that have been seemingly lost to time may yet see the light of day once again.

Wolwerine Pyrrha commission for @darksaiyangoku!!