keep this in mind during the yearly Month Of Insincere Pandering
NYX #2 (2024)
written by Jackson Lanzing & Collin Kelly art by Francesco Mortarino & Raul Angulo
The X-Men by Alex Ross
*Senate floor before meeting*
Cardin: What does he want now?
Ren: It appears he'll ask for another set of emergency powers as well as approval of Senate to add ten more wives to his harem.
Cardin: Again? Again?!
Ironwood: As far as I see this, he is consolidating the power before proclaiming himself dictator.
Adam: Look who's talking.
Ren: Let's not assume things Senator Ironwood. Besides I'll hand him a petition to sign today. I assure you our Divine Leader will approve of it.
Adam: Divine Leader? When did he add that crap?
Ren: Last week while you were absent. You should really stop stalking Blake. According to the new law you could get arrested for disturbing Divine Leader's wife.
Sun: Dude definitely, his goons beat me up yesterday for just looking at Blake.
Neptune: No dude, they beat you up because you were piss drunk and refused to show driver's license. Then you asked officer to check your pants for hidden bananas.
Sun: Potato-potato.
Adam: Typical bootlicker...
Cardin: Don't you think Jauney Boy has to...
Ren: Divine Leader Jaune.
Cardin: Sigh... Don't you think Divine Leader Jaune has took things bit too far?
Ren: He did help to save the world, he is owed at least some gratitude.
Sun: Well I helped as well and all I got was this lousy toga.
Adam: I think we might need a revolution.
Oscar: Shhhh, here he comes.
*Jaune enters the Senate*
Divine Leader Jaune: Gentlemen... Cardin. I've come to ask for more emergency powers.
Adam: Again? What happened to last ten emergency powers?
Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Those were hardly enough. Do you expect me to run this country with just that?
Adam: Wait a minute...
Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: What's the matter Senator Taurus?
Adam: You title just increased!
Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I fail to see your point.
Ironwood: At this point he'll add every possible title except Dictator.
Savior of Remnant, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I'll consider those emergency powers added since I didn't see any complaints. Moving on. I wish to add ten more wives to my modest Harem of 1566.
Cardin: Ten more wives? This is outrageous! How is any of us suppose to get a wife?
Qrow: As if that was stopping you.
*laughter in Senate room*
Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Since Cardin has been sufficiently owned, this also passes. Moving on. I demand funding for time travel and alternate universe travel projects.
Ironwood: That sounds incredibly costly. For what purpose may I ask?
Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: You see, I wish to add younger version of Maria Calavera to my Harem. As for the alternate universe travel, I wish to add female versions of some of you to my Harem. I suspect female Adam and Oscar might be to my liking.
Adam: Yeah, I'm fucking killing him.
Oscar: Shhhh, Ren is handing him the petition.
Ren: Divine Leader Jaune!
Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Please Ren, use the full title.
Ren: *breathes in* Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune, I'd like you to sign this petition. It's to limit some of your powers and redistribute some of your wives to your loyal subjects.
Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Frankly, this is absurd.
Ren: What?
Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Ren you can't expect me to sign off some of my wives, they all have a valuable purpose. Nora for example is an excellent titty cup holder. You expect me to make such a sacrifice?
Ren: You use Nora as a titty cup holder?!
About to be Stabbed, Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Only on Tuesdays. Wait... what was that new title?
Ren: You know what, stab him! *pulls out a knife and stabs Jaune*
Stabbed Jaune: Ugh... my titles faded away. Someone help me!
Qrow: Gotcha kid! *slips and accidentally stabs Jaune* Ufff, my Semblance and alcohol are not a good combination.
Adam: Long live the Revolution! *stabs Jaune*
Sun: Nothing personal Dude. *stabs Jaune*
Tai: There can only be one blonde with multiple partners. *stabs Jaune* Also, I saw you post those pictures of Yang and Ruby *stabs Jaune again*
Cardin: I've been waiting for this! *misses Jaune* Aw come on!
Tyrian: I'm not even member of this Senate, but I've heard we are stabbing someone. *stabs Jaune multiple times*
*Jaune backs away*
Stabbed, Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: You snivelling cowards! How dare you stab me! And get that stupid thing out of my title!
Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I'm a Harem King! You can't defeat me! Do you know how many Harem fics do all of you have? ZERO! Now face me if you dare!
*Oscar sneaks up behind Jaune and stabs him*
Stabbed Jaune: Ugh, even you Oscar? Is this because of Ruby?
Oscar: Kind of. I mean I was pretty mad when you took Ruby as one of your wives. But then you also took my aunt... and demanded I start calling you Daddy Arc. But that part about you taking my alternate self as your wife kind of creeped me out the most.
Stabbed Jaune: Fair enough. *dies*
Adam: Gentlemen... H*mans... Revolution has prevailed!
*everyone cheers*
Ren: Now all we need to do is elect a democratic leader. No more Divine Leaders.
Adam: In that case, I elect myself as a new leader and as a first edict I take Blake as my wife!
Ironwood: No, I shall be the new leader! I'm the one with most experience taking over things.
Cardin: Oh no boys, this is a start of Cardin era.
Sun: Dude fuck off, nobody even likes you.
*Yang closes the book*
Blake: So what do you think?
Yang: Was that previous description of VB "plundering my holes" really necessary?
Blake: It adds to the immersion, brutality of the setting.
Yang: Blake, sweetie, for the love of Gods, could you stop writing stories like this?
The Shape of Ideas
I think one of the reasons the Harris / Walz ticket has so much momentum is because the campaign is genuinely trying to put out this vibe of fun. Like that's all the "brat" thing is, the coconut jokes, just being kind of silly and fun.
And I think it's working, because let's be real, we are all exhausted. It's been all about preserving democracy, defeating fascism, the past eight years. The message has been "vote for us because the country is literally on the line". The vibes are not good when we are stuck back at that fight, and not even discussing trying to make progress on things like housing, healthcare, education, etc. And the fight to just stop fascism? All still true. Project 2025 is real and is extremely scary. We can't let that man back into office.
But the vibe was "vote for us otherwise we're all fucked :(" and now has shifted to "get in, we're making popcorn and then bullying fascists." Like a lot of the issues conservatives bring up, the Harris / Walz is just not engaging them in good faith, as they shouldn't. Republicans bring up abortion, and the Dems are just like, "you want 14 year old to give birth? Weirdo" and just leave it at that. Like YES, that's what you should do. Because it SHOULDNT be a debate. And it's working. This is how you defeat the identify politics thing Republicans have been trying to push for a while. Just mocking them for the stupidity of it all. "Like seriously? You think a book can make someone gay??? Hahaha." None of the Republicans are reacting well. They can't stand it. Vance even complained about bullying!!! Like do you KNOW who picked you as vp??? It's actually laughable, because they have no room to stand on when it comes to bullying.
And a huge part of the mocking and dismissing of Republicans is that the message is clear - were done debating all this stupid stuff. We've won the last two elections' popular vote - most Americans do NOT want christo-facism. It's time to move on. And that's what gives me hope, and the feeling of hope I think a lot of people have picked up on. It's time to address all the issues we've all wished we've been addressing the past decade. It's important we move onto that, and that's the message I'm getting from this campaign (We're not going back). I think it will resonate with a lot of people, because plainly, we're all just sick of this same old news cycle and fake rage bait over things like "should women have rights?", "Should gay people be allowed to exist?" The general populace have answered YES to both these multiple times, and it is time to move on. Maybe I'm being naive, but I am genuinely excited at the idea of putting to bed these debates (it's exhausting trying to fend your very existence) and moving on to actual economic and social policies that could fix a lot of deterioration over the last 2 decades.
Ultimates #1 (2024)
written by Deniz Camp art by Juan Frigeri & Federico Blee