Jaune Is Harem Caesar

Jaune is Harem Caesar

*Senate floor before meeting*

Cardin: What does he want now?

Ren: It appears he'll ask for another set of emergency powers as well as approval of Senate to add ten more wives to his harem.

Cardin: Again? Again?!

Ironwood: As far as I see this, he is consolidating the power before proclaiming himself dictator.

Adam: Look who's talking.

Ren: Let's not assume things Senator Ironwood. Besides I'll hand him a petition to sign today. I assure you our Divine Leader will approve of it.

Adam: Divine Leader? When did he add that crap?

Ren: Last week while you were absent. You should really stop stalking Blake. According to the new law you could get arrested for disturbing Divine Leader's wife.

Sun: Dude definitely, his goons beat me up yesterday for just looking at Blake.

Neptune: No dude, they beat you up because you were piss drunk and refused to show driver's license. Then you asked officer to check your pants for hidden bananas.

Sun: Potato-potato.

Adam: Typical bootlicker...

Cardin: Don't you think Jauney Boy has to...

Ren: Divine Leader Jaune.

Cardin: Sigh... Don't you think Divine Leader Jaune has took things bit too far?

Ren: He did help to save the world, he is owed at least some gratitude.

Sun: Well I helped as well and all I got was this lousy toga.

Adam: I think we might need a revolution.

Oscar: Shhhh, here he comes.

*Jaune enters the Senate*

Divine Leader Jaune: Gentlemen... Cardin. I've come to ask for more emergency powers.

Adam: Again? What happened to last ten emergency powers?

Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Those were hardly enough. Do you expect me to run this country with just that?

Adam: Wait a minute...

Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: What's the matter Senator Taurus?

Adam: You title just increased!

Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I fail to see your point.

Ironwood: At this point he'll add every possible title except Dictator.

Savior of Remnant, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I'll consider those emergency powers added since I didn't see any complaints. Moving on. I wish to add ten more wives to my modest Harem of 1566.

Cardin: Ten more wives? This is outrageous! How is any of us suppose to get a wife?

Qrow: As if that was stopping you.

*laughter in Senate room*

Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Since Cardin has been sufficiently owned, this also passes. Moving on. I demand funding for time travel and alternate universe travel projects.

Ironwood: That sounds incredibly costly. For what purpose may I ask?

Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: You see, I wish to add younger version of Maria Calavera to my Harem. As for the alternate universe travel, I wish to add female versions of some of you to my Harem. I suspect female Adam and Oscar might be to my liking.

Adam: Yeah, I'm fucking killing him.

Oscar: Shhhh, Ren is handing him the petition.

Ren: Divine Leader Jaune!

Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Please Ren, use the full title.

Ren: *breathes in* Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune, I'd like you to sign this petition. It's to limit some of your powers and redistribute some of your wives to your loyal subjects.

Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Frankly, this is absurd.

Ren: What?

Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Ren you can't expect me to sign off some of my wives, they all have a valuable purpose. Nora for example is an excellent titty cup holder. You expect me to make such a sacrifice?

Ren: You use Nora as a titty cup holder?!

About to be Stabbed, Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Only on Tuesdays. Wait... what was that new title?

Ren: You know what, stab him! *pulls out a knife and stabs Jaune*

Stabbed Jaune: Ugh... my titles faded away. Someone help me!

Qrow: Gotcha kid! *slips and accidentally stabs Jaune* Ufff, my Semblance and alcohol are not a good combination.

Adam: Long live the Revolution! *stabs Jaune*

Sun: Nothing personal Dude. *stabs Jaune*

Tai: There can only be one blonde with multiple partners. *stabs Jaune* Also, I saw you post those pictures of Yang and Ruby *stabs Jaune again*

Cardin: I've been waiting for this! *misses Jaune* Aw come on!

Tyrian: I'm not even member of this Senate, but I've heard we are stabbing someone. *stabs Jaune multiple times*

*Jaune backs away*

Stabbed, Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: You snivelling cowards! How dare you stab me! And get that stupid thing out of my title!

Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I'm a Harem King! You can't defeat me! Do you know how many Harem fics do all of you have? ZERO! Now face me if you dare!

*Oscar sneaks up behind Jaune and stabs him*

Stabbed Jaune: Ugh, even you Oscar? Is this because of Ruby?

Oscar: Kind of. I mean I was pretty mad when you took Ruby as one of your wives. But then you also took my aunt... and demanded I start calling you Daddy Arc. But that part about you taking my alternate self as your wife kind of creeped me out the most.

Stabbed Jaune: Fair enough. *dies*

Adam: Gentlemen... H*mans... Revolution has prevailed!

*everyone cheers*

Ren: Now all we need to do is elect a democratic leader. No more Divine Leaders.

Adam: In that case, I elect myself as a new leader and as a first edict I take Blake as my wife!

Ironwood: No, I shall be the new leader! I'm the one with most experience taking over things.

Cardin: Oh no boys, this is a start of Cardin era.

Sun: Dude fuck off, nobody even likes you.

*Yang closes the book*

Blake: So what do you think?

Yang: Was that previous description of VB "plundering my holes" really necessary?

Blake: It adds to the immersion, brutality of the setting.

Yang: Blake, sweetie, for the love of Gods, could you stop writing stories like this?

List of Palestinian Evacuation Fundraisers

Last Update: 05/06/2024

All fundraisers have been looked into by me or vetted by others. If anyone notices issues in validity with any of the fundraisers listed please let me know. Funding updates daily!

Fadi Al-Sharif and family ($10,439/$62,500 goal)

Hayam Taha and family (€8,718/€30,000 goal)

Deyaa and family (€7,764/€20,000 goal)

Fatima Alshanti (kr5,085 SEK/kr150,000 goal)

Shahed Ghazi and family ($6,776 CAD/$94,838 goal)

Little Yusuf and family (€5,960/€85,000 goal)

Sara & Huda Hajjaj and family ($240/$15,000 goal)

Mohammed JH Shamia's family (kr20,168 SEK/kr250,000 goal)

Maram Ahmed and family (€1,032/€30,000 goal)

Hamza Almofty and family ($3,772/$35,000 goal)

Mahmoud Jomaa (€400/€10,000 goal)

Dr. Mohammed Shara ($445/$20,000 goal)

Abdulrahman Alshanti and family (kr137,402 SEK/kr350,000 goal)

Besan Almabhouh's family (€5,767/€25,000 goal)

Said Tanani and brothers (€30,935/€50,000 goal)

Donia Tanani and family (€67,538/€100,000 goal)

Hussein Shamiya, his pregnant wife, and son ($8,042/$40,000 goal)

Mohammed Shamia and family ($15,020/$35,000 goal)

Amro Bakr & kids Bakir and Tala (€1,772/€15,000 goal)

Almadhoun family ($18,365/$80,000 goal)

Child Mohammed (€6,420/€10,000 goal)

Sana'a and family (£19,668/£50,000 goal)

Noha Ayyad and family ($23,050/$95,160 goal)

Nazmi Mwafi and family ($5,151/65,000 goal)

Ibrahim Almofty and family ($535/$40,000)

Hamdi Hejazi and family ($10,236/$25,000)

Mohammed and family ($7,620/$25,000)

50K notes View Post

georgecauldron800

1 year ago

Pyrrha Suffers...

I noticed some of y'all don't like Pyrrha being casted as Yamcha from Dragon Ball Z Abridged, so I decided to do the noble thing, go over my previous posts, make the free will choice to DOUBLE DOWN!

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Pyrrha: Don't worry, everyone. I'm here now.

Nora: Oh, thank Oum! Pyrrha's here now!

Pyrrha: That's right, and I swear that I will give my all fighting these foes. We have trained until our bones cracked to prepare for this, so I know that nothing will ever break our spirit! Today, we win-

Nora: Y-Yeah...! Woo...!

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Roman: ...So, who wants to tell Jaune?

Pyrrha: I'll do it. I was Jaune's partner, so he should hear it from me.

Roman: Whatever you say, Ms. Invincible.

Pyrrha: Jaune? It's me, Pyrrha.

Cinder: Oh, hello, Pyrrha Nikos~.

Pyrrha: YOU?! What are you doing on Jaune's scroll?!

Cinder: Is it wrong for a woman to answer her man's scroll?

Pyrrha: What?! How?!

Cinder: He was so distraught over your death. He needed someone to tend to him after you passed.

Pyrrha: YOU'RE THE REASON I'M DEAD!

Cinder: Well, I guess I'm the better woman then, aren't I?

Jaune: Who is it, Cinder?

Cinder: Oh, just someone trying to sell you a pool.

Jaune: Oh, uh, no thanks.

Cinder: Buh-bye~.

Pyrrha: OH, YOU DIRTY BITCH!

Roman: Penny?

Pyrrha: YOU LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE- (Crack) ARGH! MY STERNUM AGAIN!

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Pyrrha: Hmph! You have a lot of nerve coming here!

Cinder: I'm sorry. Do I know you?

Pyrrha: Wh- Don't you remember?! We fought at Beacon!

Cinder: No, I fought Ruby. Watts handled everyone else.

Cinder: Well, everyone except that scrub I took down in one sho-

Cinder: Oh! OH! AHA! AHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pyrrha: Oh, keep laughing, you evil bi-

Cinder: (Towering over Pyrrha) HA. HA. HA.

Pyrrha: ...Bitch.

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Ashe: H-Hey, Pyrrha! How it han- I mean what's hang- (Ahem!) H-How are you?

Pyrrha: Oh, you know. Hanging in there.

Ashe: (Winces)

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Pyrrha: Oh, I am in over my head. I should contact the others.

Pyrrha: No! No! That's exactly what they'd expect!

Pyrrha: Isn't that right, adult and child wearing trenchco-?

Pyrrha: (Grabs by the throat) ACK!

Truck: (Approaching, Pumpkin Pete ad blares)

Pyrrha: OH, C-COME ON!

Truck: (Swerves, Crashes)

Grimm: Ruby. Vengeance.

Pyrrha: I-I'm... not... Ru-

Grimm: VENGEANCE! (Stabs Pyrrha)

Yang: I heard an explosion! What ha- OH COME ON, P-MONEY! IT'S BEEN TEN SECONDS!

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Pyrrha: I'll get Ruby to a hospital. Let's be honest. With how much you've all grown, I'd just get in the way.

Yang: Yup.

Blake: Probably.

Weiss: No offense.

Cinder: Why are you even here?!

Pyrrha: ...You know what? I'm just going to leave.

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Yang: We can't just sit around here, you know? We have to help!

Pyrrha: Help what? It would be a losing battle.

Yang: Oh, of course you'd say that!

Nora: Actually, she has a point.

Yang: Oh, don't you start!

Nora: Hey, I was in Vacuo, dammit! Shit got crazy! I was stabbed and blown up!

Pyrrha: I was stabbed and blown up, too, and dumped by the only boyfriend I ever had!

Nora: Same, except when my boyfriend left, he took all his character development.

Nora: When your boyfriend left, he took all your character development.

Pyrrha: ...

Yang: ...

Oscar: (Ozpin) You're going to need Mr. Arc to heal that wound, Ms. Nikos.

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Pyrrha: I just like to have hope, okay? Is that so wrong?

Yang: The fact you have any hope in your life is your most admirable quality.

Pyrrha: Oh... Thank you, Yang!

Salem: PYRRHA, FOR THE LOVE OF THE BROTHERS, DON'T THANK HER!

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Pyrrha: Please, you can't do this to me! These games... ever since the Grimm died, they're everything to me!

Pyrrha: My ex-boyfriend left me for an evil Maiden, and is now raising his daughter alone and refusing anyone's help.

Pyrrha: All of my friends are either married, or busy, or spending their days as the living embodiment of libido and being a total dick about it!

Pyrrha: ...Without these tournaments, I'll have nothing.

Cardin: Yeah, nothing, and 20 billion lien.

Pyrrha: What will I... Wait, what?

Port: Twenty. Billion. Lien.

Port: The Association states you can't be left high and dry upon retirement, nor can you be banned from further sponsorship deals, or promotional tie-ins.

Port: Simply put, you sign this non-compete, and you will be set for the rest of your life.

Pyrrha: So... I'd win?

Cardin: You only win! For as long as I've known you, you do nothing but win! This is just icing on your already winning cake!

Pyrrha: (Sniffles, Beams)

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georgecauldron800

8 months ago

The Coolest Looking Caterpillar I Have Ever Seen! Herona Marathus 💚🖤

The coolest looking Caterpillar I have ever seen! Herona Marathus 💚🖤

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georgecauldron800

1 month ago

the original got flagged with no way to appeal it when every contributor is deactivated but I will never let this post die. it's monday and we are getting on it cunts

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georgecauldron800

7 months ago

25K notes View Post

georgecauldron800

11 months ago

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georgecauldron800

8 months ago

Artwork by: Gusfink🖤

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georgecauldron800

9 months ago

If Glynda was in Volume 8

Ironwood: *Pulls his gun out to shoot Ruby*

Gun: *Is pulled from his hand*

Glynda: James! What are you doing!

Ironwood: Glynda!?

Glynda: I swear, I leave for a couple months and you suddenly forget your morals!

Ironwood: She lied to me! Ozpin Lied to me! She's defying orders!

Glynda: That doesn't give you grounds to shoot her- Step outside, get a drink of water, and let me handle this, JAmes! And get yourself a blanket, you're sleeping on the couch tonight!

Ironwood: But Glyn-

Glynda: Couch.

Ironwood: Honey-

Glynda: Couch!

Ironwood: Dear?

Glynda: Couch!

Ironwood: *sigh* Yes Ma'am ...

~~~~~

Ironwood: *Shoots Oscar off the platform*

Glynda: *Pulling him back up with her semblance* JAMES WHAT THE HELL!

Ironwood: He Betrayed our Trust!

Glynda: And?!?! He's trying to repair that Bridge! We can wait for retribution once Atlas is safe!