EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP SCIENTISTS AT THE SCHMIDT OCEAN INSTITUTE HAVE FOOTAGE OF A LIVE COLOSSAL SQUID

“I don’t know what my goals are, no. Thanks for asking.”

Thank you for everything, James. Rest in power, King.

The Shape of Ideas

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not even JRR Tolkien, who famously developed the concept of the Secondary World and firmly believed that no trace of the Real World should be evoked in the fictional world, was able to remove potatoes from his literature. this is a man who developed whole languages and mythologies for his literary world, who justified its existence in English as a translation* simply because he was so miffed he couldn't get away with making the story fully alien to the real world. and not even he, in extremis, was so cruel as to deny his characters the heavenly potato. could not even conceive a universe devoid of the potato. such is its impact. everyone please take a moment to say thank you to South Americans for developing and cultivating one of earth's finest vegetables. the potato IS all that. literally world-changing food. bless.

Wish I could like this more than once.

Lawyer: (Flanked by a thug and a goon) Mister Ironwood, your "happiest place on Remnant" is in clear violation of copyright law against the Whimsy corporation!

Ironwood: It's just a small school festival.

Lawyer: And it's heading for a great big lawsuit! (Jabs chest) You are in big trouble!

Ironwood: (Chuckles) Well, so are you. (Scowls, Darkly) YOU JUST MADE AN EX-SPECIALIST MAD.

Ironwood: (Throat chops thug)

Ironwood: (Roundhouse kicks lawyer)

Goon: (Gasps, Runs away)

Ironwood: (Picks up briefcase, Tosses it)

Goon: (Whacked in the head by briefcase, Falls over)

Ironwood: (Fixes tie) Copyright expired.

My adaptation of the God of Arepo short story, which was originally up at ShortBox Comics Fair for charity. You can get a copy of the DRM-free ebook here for free - and I'd encourage you to donate to Mighty Writers or The Ministry of Stories in exchange.

Again it's an honour to be drawing one of my favourite short stories ever. Thank you so much for the original authors for creating this story; and for everyone who bought a copy and donated to the above non-profits.

There's something kinda funny about how RWBY just absolutely refuses to die despite a constant stream of adversity. The first season was objectively hot garbage but it still got a second season. The creator of the series whose passion project the whole thing was passed away in a freak accident after the second season but they just kept going without him and somehow a significant portion of the fanbase went along for it. The budget got slashed in Season 5 because of gross mismanagement but no worries! The fans stuck with it and they got it back for Season 6. Then a few seasons later the entire company that's been producing it went completely tits up and we all assumed THAT would be the end but nope!!! They got bought by Viz. RWBY has now outlived both the man who dreamt it up and the company that produced it. In an era where numerous streaming shows get axed after one or two seasons despite being critical successes with large fanbases it is completely baffling that a show that is so consistently troubled and infamously has an extremely mixed reception cannot be fucking ended despite all indications to the contrary. It truly is femslash Supernatural

Vine: im afraid we lost them sir

Ironwood: damn it. Well then you find them and you get them back in the city and to make sure nobody else gets out i want roving death squads around the perimetet 24/7. I want 10,000 tough guys and i want 10,000 soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher, and heres how i want them arranged. Tough, tough, soft, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.

Vine: sir im afraid you've gone mad with power.

Ironwood: of course i have, you ever tried going mad without power? Its boring, no one listens to you.

Jaune is Harem Caesar

*Senate floor before meeting*

Cardin: What does he want now?

Ren: It appears he'll ask for another set of emergency powers as well as approval of Senate to add ten more wives to his harem.

Cardin: Again? Again?!

Ironwood: As far as I see this, he is consolidating the power before proclaiming himself dictator.

Adam: Look who's talking.

Ren: Let's not assume things Senator Ironwood. Besides I'll hand him a petition to sign today. I assure you our Divine Leader will approve of it.

Adam: Divine Leader? When did he add that crap?

Ren: Last week while you were absent. You should really stop stalking Blake. According to the new law you could get arrested for disturbing Divine Leader's wife.

Sun: Dude definitely, his goons beat me up yesterday for just looking at Blake.

Neptune: No dude, they beat you up because you were piss drunk and refused to show driver's license. Then you asked officer to check your pants for hidden bananas.

Sun: Potato-potato.

Adam: Typical bootlicker...

Cardin: Don't you think Jauney Boy has to...

Ren: Divine Leader Jaune.

Cardin: Sigh... Don't you think Divine Leader Jaune has took things bit too far?

Ren: He did help to save the world, he is owed at least some gratitude.

Sun: Well I helped as well and all I got was this lousy toga.

Adam: I think we might need a revolution.

Oscar: Shhhh, here he comes.

*Jaune enters the Senate*

Divine Leader Jaune: Gentlemen... Cardin. I've come to ask for more emergency powers.

Adam: Again? What happened to last ten emergency powers?

Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Those were hardly enough. Do you expect me to run this country with just that?

Adam: Wait a minute...

Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: What's the matter Senator Taurus?

Adam: You title just increased!

Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I fail to see your point.

Ironwood: At this point he'll add every possible title except Dictator.

Savior of Remnant, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I'll consider those emergency powers added since I didn't see any complaints. Moving on. I wish to add ten more wives to my modest Harem of 1566.

Cardin: Ten more wives? This is outrageous! How is any of us suppose to get a wife?

Qrow: As if that was stopping you.

*laughter in Senate room*

Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Since Cardin has been sufficiently owned, this also passes. Moving on. I demand funding for time travel and alternate universe travel projects.

Ironwood: That sounds incredibly costly. For what purpose may I ask?

Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: You see, I wish to add younger version of Maria Calavera to my Harem. As for the alternate universe travel, I wish to add female versions of some of you to my Harem. I suspect female Adam and Oscar might be to my liking.

Adam: Yeah, I'm fucking killing him.

Oscar: Shhhh, Ren is handing him the petition.

Ren: Divine Leader Jaune!

Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Please Ren, use the full title.

Ren: *breathes in* Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune, I'd like you to sign this petition. It's to limit some of your powers and redistribute some of your wives to your loyal subjects.

Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Frankly, this is absurd.

Ren: What?

Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Ren you can't expect me to sign off some of my wives, they all have a valuable purpose. Nora for example is an excellent titty cup holder. You expect me to make such a sacrifice?

Ren: You use Nora as a titty cup holder?!

About to be Stabbed, Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: Only on Tuesdays. Wait... what was that new title?

Ren: You know what, stab him! *pulls out a knife and stabs Jaune*

Stabbed Jaune: Ugh... my titles faded away. Someone help me!

Qrow: Gotcha kid! *slips and accidentally stabs Jaune* Ufff, my Semblance and alcohol are not a good combination.

Adam: Long live the Revolution! *stabs Jaune*

Sun: Nothing personal Dude. *stabs Jaune*

Tai: There can only be one blonde with multiple partners. *stabs Jaune* Also, I saw you post those pictures of Yang and Ruby *stabs Jaune again*

Cardin: I've been waiting for this! *misses Jaune* Aw come on!

Tyrian: I'm not even member of this Senate, but I've heard we are stabbing someone. *stabs Jaune multiple times*

*Jaune backs away*

Stabbed, Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: You snivelling cowards! How dare you stab me! And get that stupid thing out of my title!

Ruler of Universe, Founder of Peace, Conqueror of Grimmlands, Light of Vale, Savior of Remnant, Fearless, Indomitable Invincible Glorious Divine Leader Jaune: I'm a Harem King! You can't defeat me! Do you know how many Harem fics do all of you have? ZERO! Now face me if you dare!

*Oscar sneaks up behind Jaune and stabs him*

Stabbed Jaune: Ugh, even you Oscar? Is this because of Ruby?

Oscar: Kind of. I mean I was pretty mad when you took Ruby as one of your wives. But then you also took my aunt... and demanded I start calling you Daddy Arc. But that part about you taking my alternate self as your wife kind of creeped me out the most.

Stabbed Jaune: Fair enough. *dies*

Adam: Gentlemen... H*mans... Revolution has prevailed!

*everyone cheers*

Ren: Now all we need to do is elect a democratic leader. No more Divine Leaders.

Adam: In that case, I elect myself as a new leader and as a first edict I take Blake as my wife!

Ironwood: No, I shall be the new leader! I'm the one with most experience taking over things.

Cardin: Oh no boys, this is a start of Cardin era.

Sun: Dude fuck off, nobody even likes you.

*Yang closes the book*

Blake: So what do you think?

Yang: Was that previous description of VB "plundering my holes" really necessary?

Blake: It adds to the immersion, brutality of the setting.

Yang: Blake, sweetie, for the love of Gods, could you stop writing stories like this?