I Don't Think Anyone Really Understands The Levels Of Being Passively Suicidal Like It Doesn't Matter

i dont talk anymore. i dont want to. i have nothing to say. i have nothing to contribute to a conversation. words escape me and i dont care that they do. i can go entire days without muttering a word. i just want to be left alone, now. 

a mess

“I tried shoving all of my feelings down my throat, because no matter what I wanted to believe or not; I Deserved It.”

-a book that’ll be too hard to write

but i let you in. that was the problem. i told you from the start that i chew my own heart, that i don’t trust love, that i can’t watch a trainwreck. that i don’t open up because the inside is too soft and i’m not good at getting the thorns unstuck. you brought my hand to your lips and promised you would be different. i knew better but i still believed it. look at us now. you’re growing out and i’m rotting. look at us now. i can’t stop thinking about you and you’re only thinking about him. look at us and look at where we could have been. but i let you in. i knew better and i let you in.

Quote from BoJack Horseman: Season 2, Episode 2

i want to be untouchably beautiful but i also don’t want to care about how i look. i want to be the top of my class but i also just want to do as best as i can without driving myself to the edge. i want to be floating and ethereal but i want to be solid, dangerous. a mystery that’s open to everybody. a romantic that never falls in love. the bird and the cat both.

I’m trying so fucking hard and no one sees that. I’m trying so fucking hard to stay alive but my breathing is getting shallow and my heart is beating slower and if I don’t wake up tomorrow just fucking forget about me.