Latest Posts by herhighnessthegoblinqueen - Page 5

Charles, you can't just say stuff

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

Perhaps they ought not to have eaten the dragon. There had been people objecting to it at the time. Surely such meat was poisonous. Perhaps it was even an affront, an insult to some intangible order of nature they ought to honour.

But the city was starving, the siege had gone on too long, and the king's troops were still a week's march away. The scorched earth would be fertile again in time, but right now it was barren. Right now there were mouths to feed. So they changed their crossbows for butcher knives and got to work.

None of the royal commanders asked any questions that could not be answered. After all, their aid had come shamefully late. The dragon's horned skull made a noble gift, a fitting tribute from a triumphant city to its humbled king. Who would have thought to question them?

And none of the townsfolk spoke up, when the first golden-eyed babes were born. Children who grew up barefoot and fearless, clambering over the city's patched and rebuilt roofs like they had no notion of falling, with a strange glitter to their skin when the sunlight hit it just so. No one breathed a word about dragons.

Because soon enough there were deft, young hands taking loaves straight out of the oven, heedlessly lifting iron from the forge, plunging into boiling laundry water. And some of them more wondrous still, wild, warm-skinned youths, with inexplicable knowledge and peculiar remedies.

A blessing, their families said proudly. A blessing after so much hardship. Which it was, in its way. This city would never fear dragon fire again.

Edwin, wanting to hear about what happened in the world while he was away

Charles, wishing he paid more attention in history class

edwin (fresh out of hell, walking around the city with charles): charles what is that statue

charles: oh thats the world war I memorial

edwin: world- world what??

charles: oh yeah- i forgot you don't know 'bout those

edwin: those?? plural?? charles how many are there??

BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN’ BETTER

My ex wife still misses me

BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER

Operation Jet Set, the explosive cigar (twice)

I thought it would be badass to light my cigar off one of the lasers, died, and somehow thought it was the lasers, despite the autopsy saying “BOOBY TRAPPED CIGAR”. It took blowing up again to realize it was the cigar, and even then I thought “oh no someone’s trying to kill John Juniper”

what was your most embarrassing death in I Expect You To Die (any of the games) GO

it's mystery movie night EVERY movie night

some character pages for Lucas and Orchid.

I’m manifesting the energy of a sun for you

My fun schedule for tomorrow is

7:30-12:00 Camp counselor at Theater 1.

12:15 Televised interview at Theater 2 to discuss floodwater damage to a large portion of our costume collection.

1:00-5:30 Go to Theater 3 (across town) and be a camp counselor for a totally separate theater camp.

5:30—? Hopefully sleep let’s find out

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

why the fuck does english have a word for

but not for “the day after tomorrow”

???

I’m honestly shocked being human is a prerequisite here. Why can’t tumblr be horny for a rabbit, or even just horny for a rabbit’s personality?

I’m disappointed in us tumblr. Let bugs bunny be the tumblr sexy man he was always destined to be

Okay but consider:

A male character who is cocky and nonchalant, a flippant chaotic neutral bastard, who never really starts beef with anyone but if someone else starts it first, he will not hesitate to go all out balls deep into making sure he'll finish it. Tricksy, clever and charismatic, treating every conflict as a fun rivalry even if the enemy he's faced with is literally just flat-out trying to fucking kill him. While personally never killing an opponent - he's clever enough to evade them in a way that leaves himself unharmed, and the antagonist frustrated and humiliated and looking stupid the whole time they're doing it.

Depicted as somewhat slim and lanky, distinctly male but not in a brutish, hypermasculine way. Not exactly coded genderfluid but jumps at every opportunity to cross dress just for the fun of it, in a campy and flamboyant way, which by all rational sense shouldn't be attractive but somehow the man manages to make himself fuckable with the way he walks in heels. Not romantically or sexually attracted to men, but can, will, and has seduced men just to fuck with their heads. Has broken hearts this way.

So what I'm saying here is that if he was depicted as human, Tumblr would 100% be horny for Bugs Bunny.

Dracula: sleeping peacefully, knowing he can set his roommates on that hollow husk of a Johnathan soon

Johnathan, surviving on nothing but adrenaline and sheer desperation:

I'm starting a collection

"Drink as much as you want

I'd like to join you but I don't drink ...wine."

speculative fiction writers i am going to give you a really urgent piece of advice: don't say numbers. don't give your readers any numbers. how heavy is the sword? lots. how old is that city? plenty. how big is the fort? massive. how fast is the spaceship? not very, it's secondhand.

the minute you say a number your readers can check your math and you cannot do math better than your most autistic critic. i guarantee. don't let your readers do any math. when did something happen? awhile ago. how many bullets can that gun fire? trick question, it shoots lasers, and it shoots em HARD.

you are lying to people for fun. if you let them do math at you the lie collapses and it's no fun anymore.

Also, there’s a lighter engraved with “Agent Phoenix”, but at that point, the agency didn’t call us Agent Phoenix, that was just John’s Nickname for us. It didn’t catch on until after that mishion.

Which means he went to the trouble of getting a CUSTOM LIGHTER MADE with the right logo and everything, just to lock it in a drawer….

John Juniper is so extra I love him sm

Some more observations with IEYTD 2

There’s signs outside of just Handler’s odd line delivery in Safe and Sound. Look at what he gives us at the end of every level.

A cupcake and a bottle of champagne with a champagne flute.

Now let’s look at what Juniper leaves for Phoenix when trying to convince them he’s their handler.

A slice of cake and a glass of wine. It’s so close, but not quite right. He knew that Phoenix usually was given cake and alcohol, but not the little things. Why would John go out of his way to get champagne? He’s got cellars full of wine, and it’s not like that small detail will make much difference.

Honestly, when I first played I remember thinking wow that’s a lotta cake- because that is a huge slice of cake. You immediately know something’s off… but not what.

And the sandwich just feels like overcompensating. Handler has been shown leaving Phoenix sandwiches all through the first game, but not as much in the second one. It’s a safety net.

“See? I’m you handler, I even got you a sandwich!”

"Not beating the ___ allegations" is such a 'now' turn of phrase, implying as it does a world where everyone's behavior is always on literal trial by a guilt-presuming judge and jury that consists of anyone who happens to be paying attention.

I’ve been having the same problem, and I’d suggest other flavors of toothpaste/mouthwash. I have a Watermelon mouthwash that actually isn’t unpleasant to use (for me at least)

I have trouble taking care of my teeth because everything that involves doing that is a sensory nightmare. I decide to do some research to see if there's anything I can do about this. The results?

"How to make your autistic child brush their teeth"

"Autistic Children and Sensory issues relating to tooth brushing"

"How to get your little shit to brush his fucking teeth"

Like, yeah Google, thanks, that really helps. And like, even if I was a child, some of the advice seemed... unhelpful. Like, doing a dance and singing a song while brushing your teeth? Even for a kid, I don't think that would help distract from a sensory experience as intense as brushing your teeth. Like, the extremely intense and unpleasant flavor, the intense feeling of the brush against your teeth scraping across it, even mouthwash has such an intense and disgusting flavor that I have difficulty keeping it in my mouth for more than a few seconds. I wish there was SOMETHING that could be done.

Fun little math trick I find really helpful: the ratio of a mile to a kilometer is within 1% of the Golden Ratio. That means that if you have a good memory for Fibonacci numbers (1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89) you can convert pretty accurately by taking consecutive Fibonacci numbers.

For example, 89 kilometers is really close to 55 miles (55.3). Or, say you need to convert 26 miles to kilometers: 26 can be written as 21 plus 5, so taking the next Fibonacci number up gives 34 and 8, meaning it should be around 42 kilometers. Sure enough, it's 41.8 km!

I love being a nobody on here because I could make one of those ‘if this gets ‘x’ amount of notes I’ll go and actually work on my original works’ and it wouldn’t get near the goal

“The stone corrupts all those who wield it, it is fueled by their ambitions and dreams. So we need someone with no ambitions, no dreams, someone who doesn’t care about what the future holds for themselves. That’s why we found you.”

Now you re-skip my skip right this very minute mister/missy or you’re going in time out

I don’t like you. Unskipps your Skipp

I feel like dry ice has to be involved in the cold drinks somehow

Concept: foggy café. It's just a regular café, except they've got a fog machine going at all times whenever they're open.

Alr. I'm sad now.

When I first entered Tumblr there was this post about a mafia gay tragic story and I really wanted to watch it.

I put it into my watch list.

And just a few hours ago. My friend told me it wasn't real.

LOOK. IT'S ON MY LIST

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S A FAKE MOVIE YOU TUMBLRINA'S MADE?!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONCHAROV IS FAKE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!?!!!

CAUSE DAWG. WHY.

THIS!

As an eight year old, I heard one song about how being an adult sucks, and had a full on crisis. For like.  Months. I was legit depressed abt only having a few more years to do all the cool kid stuff I wanted to do. (My eight year old brain deemed 13 as no longer a kid so the clock was TICKING)

It took me quite a while to realize I could still be cool after I grew up, and I would just have access to adult resources for my shenaniganary. How about we just don’t make children fear the passage of time. 

Hey btw please don't make jokes about being a "boring adult" or how adulthood is boring when you're around small kids. They'll believe you, and growing up with the idea that their final destination is as bleak as it is inevitable is not a healthy way to live. Even if they don't know it consciously, whenever they look at adults they are looking at their future. Like even if your life does suck, please don't frame it as just an inevitable part of being an adult.

If you know someone's kid whose interests and tastes are loud, shiny, sparkly and all over the place, and you're absolutely overwhelmed by being suddenly rapidly infodumped about a cartoon you had not heard of 30 seconds ago and about everything they've been getting into, and you're caught off-guard by them suddenly switching gears and askining you why you're still into the same things as you were a year ago, that aren't even that loud, sparkly and fun, please don't say something like

"Well when you're a boring adult you start to like boring things like that and then like those forever :)" Like don't fucking say that, they'll believe you. It doesn't make them feel fun and special to be told you think you're boring in comparison. They take their spark for granted and being told that they'll lose it one day is awful. And it's not even true!

It's far more truthful to tell them about how when you've been a grownup for long enough, you've had to the time to try all of the things and you know for sure which ones you like the most. And that's why it's so important that they also try everything, at least once, so that they'll know for sure whether they will or won't like it. Being a grownup isn't about giving up doing new fun things, it's about finding all the things you like so much that you never get bored of them.

Boldly claiming that you've done everything when you're not very worldly might seem dishonest, but a four-year-old can't tell the difference between a century and a decade. As far as they are concerned, their nearest neighbourhood is the whole universe, and you have been alive forever. Don't tell them the world is boring, and that being bored of it is inevitable.

It feels Amazing

i bet crossing spears with someone to block entry into a location feels so fucking good

✨Halt✨

i bet crossing spears with someone to block entry into a location feels so fucking good

BABY BATS INDEED! I think everyone ever needs to see these images. It has been proven by science that seeing these images cures all illnesses and gives you super powers.

you know what, I’m not done posting about baby bats!!!

here is a fact for you: rescued baby bats are regularly given little blankets and swaddled up like itty bitty bat burritos! this is a whole Thing

Oh, and sometimes they get tiny pillows!

And they get fed out of teensy baby bottles!

They are even given mini bat pacifiers to nurse on 💕

in conclusion, here is a baby bat yawning:

BABY BATS!!!

I found a site you can pirate Goncharov here: https://youtu.be/yKQ_sQKBASM?si=CN8KnK1dweP9PUDB

Can someone explain the plot of goncharov? I’ve seen clips of it around but I don’t have any of the streaming services it’s on so i can’t watch it and all the reviews I find online are deleted or don’t explain the plot very well :( Why are the best movies always so hard to access smh…