Reblog If You’re Asexual, Support Asexual People Or Really Really Want A Crossbow For Literally No

thinking about the expert masseuse Alfred hired for the family that is paid a small fortune annually to provide massage services and ignore so, so many things. No questions, no remarks, just quality service and an ironclad NDA that, if broken, would probably topple said masseuse’s entire family line.

Things Alfred is paying them to ignore, in no specific order:

Bruce’s spinal hardware courtesy of Bane :)

weird amounts of muscle on everyone, even the kids (despite them allegedly not working physical jobs)

scars

FRESH scars

the fact that every joint in Bruce’s body clicks when moved/manipulated at the tender age of 42

Olympic athlete level physiques

rotator cuff injuries across the whole family

scars that are definitely from bullets and/or acid splashes

old signs of what looks like torture (Bruce)

Dick’s entire left arm is basically screws and plates (he “fell really bad” once)

every single family member takes deep tissue massage with max pressure with 0 complaints

calluses

no really, the weirdest fucking calluses

reblog to send three ghosts after elon musk

Awkward meetings

Pretty much the same things happen as in canon, but Danny almost constantly bumps into Ra's in his time travel (where dc and dp can exist together or as separate/parallel alternate universes). After an indeterminate number of meetings, the contents of which I won't reveal, both came to an unspoken agreement to ignore each other no matter what.

Remarkably, the order of encounters for Ra's and Danny is chronologically confusing, as is their timeline relative to each other. How strong. No one knows at what segment of their meetings the other is. It's so damn confusing that Ra's and Danny keep logs of meetings, in a futile attempt to sort this shit out one day without potentially destabilizing the current time stream, the Flash's bullshit is more than enough, thanks.

And out of a desire to avoid all this headache, they most often just walk by and report their subjective meeting number. On rare occasions, they warn each other about how their next meeting might go, or simply ask the other to remind them of something.

Their awkward meetings/attempts to avoid prolonged interaction will look quite funny from the outside.

It seemed that the League always had its own "Cryptid". At truly random intervals (day, week, month, years), the same child quickly appeared in front of the Demon Head and just as quickly disappeared. Most often they exchanged some numbers, less often he uttered some phrases. Neither of them will even look at the other, eager to leave as soon as possible (the longer they are around, the higher the chance that something unpleasant will happen, strange, but together they often attract any kind of trouble from an earthquake to level threats end of the world).

Goncharov broke containment.

Die

Reblog if you laundry is laying in the floor/ on the bed clean or dirty

A lot of adulthood is shouting “AUGH MY LAUNDRY” hours after you put it in the washer/dryer and running to go fetch it

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

I'm in cross country so we end up with pasta every time we go to a teammates house for dinner we get delicious pasta every time

He is THE King (and the father)