Alien: what are human’s instinctive reactions to danger?
Human 1: fight or flight!
Human 2, deadpan: run, hit, talk shit
Alien:
The comment about understanding kings was golden
i thought the femboy cafes were the greatest invention ever but this chinese lesbian bar 😭>>>>>
thinking about the expert masseuse Alfred hired for the family that is paid a small fortune annually to provide massage services and ignore so, so many things. No questions, no remarks, just quality service and an ironclad NDA that, if broken, would probably topple said masseuse’s entire family line.
Things Alfred is paying them to ignore, in no specific order:
Bruce’s spinal hardware courtesy of Bane :)
weird amounts of muscle on everyone, even the kids (despite them allegedly not working physical jobs)
scars
FRESH scars
the fact that every joint in Bruce’s body clicks when moved/manipulated at the tender age of 42
Olympic athlete level physiques
rotator cuff injuries across the whole family
scars that are definitely from bullets and/or acid splashes
old signs of what looks like torture (Bruce)
Dick’s entire left arm is basically screws and plates (he “fell really bad” once)
every single family member takes deep tissue massage with max pressure with 0 complaints
calluses
no really, the weirdest fucking calluses
I think it's funny if Vlad absolutely refuses to use actual swear words, regardless of the company or situation he's in. So when the day comes, when he introduces Danny as his "piece of shit nephew" to someone at a casual business event, the entire room goes silent in pure fear of what exactly Daniel Fenton has done to deserve that title...
A spider's web delicately entwined around an impala's horns and face, resembling a dream catcher.
"embraced", the 3rd fic in the Robin Chronicles series is up! <3
Two words: Cuddle Pollen
embraced - foerchen - Batman - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
i feel this on every level
My son wants to destroy the world, how do I stop him? - Search
It had been a few months since Phantom joined the League. Although he was more of an emergency contact they called in worse cases than a real member. According to the Justice League Dark, he was a ruler of another dimension so he couldn't be around all the time.
When Wonder Woman complained about his commitment to the team, Phantom frowned and called her hypocritical. Apparently Phantom watched over all the dimensions, so asking him to protect one in particular was stupid, or worse, selfish. Diana ended up very embarrassed after learning about it.
Then, it was strange for Phantom to stay beyond 5 minutes after providing his help, so Bruce was surprised to see the boy walking towards him looking extremely nervous and asking for a conversation. Bruce agreed out of curiosity.
The conversation took a strange turn when Phantom started praising his parenting skills (Bruce was proud of his kids clearly, but how the fuck did Phantom know his identity?), and complimented him on...Red Hood's self-control??? And what a good kid he was??
Apparently, Phantom had a son (Bruce was starting to believe in the "immortal" part that Constantine talked about), but he had a terrible temper and loved to destroy dimensions, for which he was often punished (Bruce was at a loss for words), Phantom assured him that no dimension that didn't deserve it was destroyed but he didn't know how to change Dan's approach.
The King insisted that he was fine with his son destroying dimensions as long as his grandfather authorized it, since they had forgiven him and those dimensions were finished anyway (Batman was grateful that his mask would not show his facial expression) but that destroying everyone would affect him in the long run and he was worried about him.
In the end, Bruce invited them to the mansion, or rather, invited Phantom to talk to Alfred and he told him he would bring his son. Bruce remembered that Jason would be visiting that day and wondered how badly the meeting would go.
Reblog for later when it's not 4 in the morning.
dere you go
TEACH YOUR KIDS
I REPEAT TEACH YOUR KIDS
It doesn't matter what you think they will or won't do. Teach them about internet safety, safe sex, what drugs can do to you, teach them that they can come to you if they are in trouble because they won't get in trouble in the moment! Help them!
ONE LAST TIME TEACH YOUR KIDS!
I was telling my friends about this a few days ago I guess it was fate that I found the post again
“Alexandria’s Genesis, a.k.a violet eyes (a genetic mutation).
When someone is born with Alexandria’s Genesis, their eyes are blue or gray at birth. After six months, the eyes begin to change from their original color to purple, and this process lasts six months. During puberty, the color deepens to dark purple, a deep purple, a royal purple, or a violet-blue color and remains that way. It does not affect the person’s eyesight. Those who have this mutation will never grow any facial, body, pubic, or anal hair (not including hair on their head, on their ears, noses, eyebrows and eyelashes). Women also do not menstruate, but are fertile”