icannotspelldefinnnately

Latest Posts by icannotspelldefinnnately

i love the commenters on the FH webtoon... they feel such deep emotion

"Cloudward, ho! Is a bad name" you hate whimsy + adventure + the ability to say Ho all the time

Fabian: Today's show is sponsored by Sword!

Fabian: Need to cut something? Use Sword! Need to poke a hole in another thing? Try using Sword! Have one thing and want it to become two or more smaller things?

Fabian: You could try Saw. Saw sometimes works.

Fabian: But other times? You need Sword!

rb to tell prev they're being so brave right now and pat their head a little please

assorted bad kids and co. hc’s:

kristen is supposed to wear a retainer (had braces for all of middle school) but is so bad about it so the gap in her front teeth has shifted back. when she does wear her retainer she has a pretty intense lisp

adaine likes to be carried (this is canon) but where riz prefers riding on shoulders, adaine is a piggyback lover. she gets scared she’s gonna fall on shoulders

fabian is really good at tying knots and is in charge of tying off the bracelets that kristen makes (he is also incredible at balloon animals but the bad kids will never know this if he can help it)

tracker hates thunder and loud noises (dog) and will wear a compression suit about it (gods longest compression socks + compression vest + weighted blanket)

gorgug is the god of “just smack it till you fix it” way of tinkering. the amount of times he has come ever the gukgaks to just give their shitty fridge a good knock to get it to turn back on… truly uncountable

besides riz, fig is the best climber of the group. she loves to climb shit she is not supposed to and constantly has scabby knees because of this (does not accept heals in the name of “kristen they look cool”)

figs climbing deeply stresses riz out the same way his friends handling guns stresses him out. that’s his highly dangerous thing to be good at, he’s half convinced if they do it their gonna die (he only expresses this is his little 😬 face)

when ragh moved to bastion city he very quickly became “that hot guy from the news” cuz he kept winding up as an eye witness and getting interviewed. he may or may not be a meme on fantasy twitter. this does get him on a parade float for bastion pride tho

i have more. these dudes just. live in my head always <3

The Nightmare King learning of a universe where a band of adventurers "destroy" them, and just grabbing the party's counter parts in their universe while they are smaller. Their The Nightmare King's kids now, at least Kalina and Baron like the goblin, even if maybe one of the kids is happy and it's the wood elf who clearly thinks this is a dream.

ficlet frenzy note: i really didn't intend to write this originally, cause the scope was really big, and it felt like i wouldn't be able to encapsulate everything. but also, i love bad endings. and kristen applebees. so... hey! (written during @d20ficoff)

“C’mon, Kris! Let’s go play!”

She can’t help but flinch at the sound of that merry voice, filled with such boundless happiness. Shifting slightly, Kristen manoeuvres her body around in the tiny alcove she’s tucked herself away into. At the young age of eight, Kristen’s still small enough that she can squeeze her body into the dip of the tree, curling up into a ball and hugging her limbs close.

It’s the closest thing to comfort that she can get in this forest, to hold herself close. If she closes her eyes and sinks into her own mind, maybe she can trick herself into believing she’s back in her home with her mom and her dad and her little brothers — curled up in her bed, warm and cosy and safe.

But she’s not back home anymore. She hasn’t been for a while.

[read the rest on ao3]

BAN ON CONVERSION PRACTICES IN THE EU. GO SIGN IT. DEADLINE IS FUCKING MAY 17. WE'RE STILL MISSING 800.000 signatures. FUCKING DO IT.

eci.ec.europa.eu

European Citizens' Initiative

Give your support !

“average person has a dex score of 6” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person has a dex score of 10. Low Dex Kristen, who ribbon dances out of buildings & has a dex score of 4, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

I don't have the patience to dig through all my old posts to find this, but I thought I'd share it again

Mother's Day (6651 words) by AdelaFromJaneEyre

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dimension 20 (Web Series) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cathilda & Fabian Aramais Seacaster Characters: Fabian Aramais Seacaster, Cathilda (Dimension 20), Cathilda's children, Bill Seacaster, Hallariel Seacaster, Cathilda’s Children Additional Tags: Mother's Day, Neglectful Parenting, Child Loss, Grief/Mourning, Mother-Son Relationship, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Some comfort

Summary: Fabian looked from the door to his father as he held out the heavy porcelain. “Where is Cathilda?”

The spatula full of waffles froze midway to Fabian’s dish. His parents shared a look he couldn’t read; Bill’s gaze cut quickly to Hallariel, whose eyes were wide and clear in a way Fabian wasn’t used to seeing.

The waffles resumed their flight, landing with a gentle flump.

“It’s Mother’s Day,” Papá said.

Fabian and Cathilda celebrate Mother's Day.

I’m starting to think some of y’all haven’t actually felt the rain on your skin… which is crazy because no one else can feel it for you

I can never reblog that one post that's like "what fictional food did you desperately want to eat as a child " bc I had this dinosaur book as a kid and in the book there was this illustration of a T. Rex eviscerating a Triceratops and feasting on its remains and it looked like it was having such a good time with the triceratops carcass that I would have traded anything to be that T. Rex. And I can't just add that to a random stranger's post

tiktoks with vine energy

My back and forth writings with @dullgecko have only confirmed what I knew in my heart and that is that Fabian Aramais Seacaster was destined to be YA paranormal romance heroine. He wasn't meant to be in these streets getting tormented by Chungledown Bim and Sexy Rats.

He was meant to be fought over by werewolves and vampires after finding out that his absent mother was an Elf and he has an ancient magic. He was meant to be whisked away by a Fey Prince and be held in his enchanted castle. He was meant to attend a remote boarding school that has a secret population of students that are fallen angels.

He has white hair, silver eyes, depression, and pronouns COME ON!

Riz getting a job as a part time rogue TA at Agueforts after college. Like, Eugenia isnt going anywhere she's still the main teacher but he's there to help the kids with hands-on work maybe twice a week.

He's still got his detective agency going on the side, and sometimes disappears for a couple weeks for LPRTF stuff (Agueforts for sure has quest leave so its fine), but he's mostly hanging around to keep an eye on kids and other teachers just in case some go evil again.

In a weird character growth invert of shitty teenager Fabian being embarrassed of his friendship with Riz, I want mildly drunk (but not drunk ENOUGH for this to be happening, really.) adult Fabian trying to get someone to stick n poke "I love my friend The Ball" on his ass at a college party and Riz SCRAMBLING to interfere and BEGGING him not to because what the FUCK

This was just supposed to be a cute sketch of Shmim in a floatie donut, but then the others joined in around him, and now it's a Gob Squad pool party.

We got Alex crocodiling to the right (with sqweep her mandarin duck familiar), Riz doing some wakeboarding behind Dex, who is wildshaped into an Orca. Jingles is thirst trapping people from his dorsal fin, and Leena is practising their canonball.

The Gob Squad is Riz's University adventuring party in the AU I have going with @dullgecko, you can read all about it in the Big AU Doc

Riz getting a job as a part time rogue TA at Agueforts after college. Like, Eugenia isnt going anywhere she's still the main teacher but he's there to help the kids with hands-on work maybe twice a week.

He's still got his detective agency going on the side, and sometimes disappears for a couple weeks for LPRTF stuff (Agueforts for sure has quest leave so its fine), but he's mostly hanging around to keep an eye on kids and other teachers just in case some go evil again.

thinking about Aasimar au warlock Kristen again (wow what a series of words lmao) so have some more silly thoughts about it:

- when Kristen first multiclasses Fig says "don't worry, I got you, I know a lady" and drags them both to see Zara. Zara looks at these two (Kristen, literally about to vibrate out of existence with excitement and happiness, Riz, looking like he's five seconds away from hyperventilating to death) and is like "oh this one's gonna be interesting"

- Zara Sool takes one look at this poor rogue-paladin-patron who looks like he's gonna have a mental breakdown, but deep in his heart trusts Kristen enough to dedicate his love and his time and his magic and his oath and his goddamn soul to this girl (warlock relationships are about exchange, after all, even if he doesn't know that yet. Kristen isn't the only one who's handed away her soul to safer hands with this) and says ">:) I'm gonna trick this boy into talking about his feelings." the following conversation goes pretty much like this:

Zara: look it's really safer for Kristen herself if you tell her what's going on with yourself emotionally, otherwise you might make a faulty contract, which will put her soul in danger.

passive investigation of 21 Riz: >:((( you're trying to guilt trip me

Zara: yeah, is it working????

Riz: ..............maybe

- following Zara's intervention, Riz and Kristen sit down and have a real conversation about their fears and their struggles and the things they want from their lives. Riz admits that he's scared that none of them will stay together after high school and that's why he's pushing so hard to keep them together. Kristen tells him that, yeah, she can't guarantee what will happen after high school, but that they're all prepared to work to keep their friendships, and that she in particular is gonna make sure she's always always friends with him. Kristen talks about the specific things she's been struggling with between school and her religion and they make a plan to help her and also actually talk to Jawbone and Sandra Lynn because Jesus this girl needs help. so after this conversation they make the most detailed fucking contract that has ever been (Riz's anxiety goes crazy) and they show up back to warlock class like "is this good?" and present Zara with an absolute mess of a document that is overflowing with footnotes and sticky notes and annotations and is written in this unholy mess of common-goblin-celestial-rogue cipher, but she kinda quizzes them on it, and lo and behold, they have it fucking memorized

- Riz is still pretty worried so Zara fully enlists her paramour to come down and talk him into being a little bit calmer. Zara and her paramour think this is the cutest thing ever.

- Zara tells Riz he can audit warlock class if he's still nervous about it but he's like "fuck no, if I'm taking a class I am damn well gonna get credit for it" and gets his mcat signed to do three classes. Fig-Kristen-Riz are the terrors of the warlock class but also the best students Zara has ever had. everyone both loves and hates them in there (but mostly loves. they're just too cool)

-after The Conversation, Kristen drags Riz to have another Conversation with the rest of the bad kids, and they echo all her sentiments about staying friends even if they go their separate ways after high school (except Adaine and Riz, who nail down that at least they are gonna go to college together). so even though it feels super unnatural, Riz kind of takes a breath like a whole half a year early. he stops pushing them so hard to perform academically, but the rest of them finally understand why he was doing that, and also understand the consequences of the party failing a little more. so they're all just trying their best, but more organically

- Kristen is technically borrowing from Riz's well of power, and he's not like, a full angel or anything (yet) but magic is a muscle. the more you use it, the stronger it gets. and again, warlock relationships are about exchange. so what happens is that as soon as Kristen starts using her warlock magic routinely, Riz finds that his smites are getting more powerful??? his radiant soul damage is increasing???? he suddenly has access to spell slots he shouldn't??? turns out, power borrowed is power returned, and while his power base is incredible, Kristen is a much more accomplished spellcaster than he is, so she exercises his magic more effectively than he does, and he starts getting more powerful as she gets more comfortable in her powers

-Riz can feel whenever Kristen is using her warlock powers. sometimes she'll start eldritch blasting shit for fun along with fig and five minutes later her crystal will start blowing up like "kristen what are your doing that requires eldritch blast every ten seconds" and then she has to admit that she and fig were seeing who could eldritch blast tin cans off the roof of mordred better

-Riz's wings kind of start to, for lack of a better word, calcify? like, they're still intangible, but they start sticking around even when he's not in radiant soul form. just two ghostly, intangible wings always hanging out, and they only start to really glow when he actually turns on Radiant Soul. he has a flying speed now. he's also frantically researching whether or not its possible for aasimar to start organically rising to angelhood because THIS ISN'T NORMAL, KRISTEN STOP TRYING TO GRAB THEM! (everyone else is so enamoured with his wings. he starts using them like his tail to wrap around people and even though they're intangible everyone swears up and down that they feel cooler and calmer and safer when wrapped up in a Riz wing)

-Kristen and Riz start to more or less have the same magical signature because they're sharing so much power. a side effect of this is that if Kristen is in the room, and Riz is stealthing, even casting something like Detect Evil and Good won't give him away, because his aura is so much like Kristen's and vice versa. they abuse this relentlessly to get Clues. kristen is team distraction and riz is team extraction

-at some point Adaine approaches the two of them like "hey all this stuff that's happening is totally fascinating, can I write a research paper about it?"

"sure," says Riz, "but only if you list us as co-contributors for college credit and stuff"

"well, duh," responds Adaine, and the three of them proceed to make the most detailed paper the world has ever seen about the magical and physical effects of a patron-warlock relationship between two mortals. it comes out sometime in their senior year and the magical research community loses their shit

-Kristen gets up to second level warlock in junior year, and her eldritch invocations are Eldritch Mind and Eyes of the Rune Keeper. the first time she realizes she can just read every single language her friends speak she cries. also she's sooooo scary now. she can hold two concentrations at once AND has advantage on concentration checks. terrifying.

-soooo many prospective warlock students start approaching riz and fig for warlock powers. they didn't know you could just ask normal students!!! (riz and fig are not normal students but that is beside the point.) fig thinks it is amusing. riz thinks it is stressful. kristen thinks it is fucking stupid, like, it's not like he's gonna share, no, I'm not jealous, what are you talking about? at one point it gets so frustrating for riz that he gets up on a table in the middle of the lunch period and shouts "blanket statement for everyone who is not in my party, NO I WILL NOT BE YOUR PATRON, STOP ASKING!!!" the bad kids think it's the funniest thing, but they're also being hella protective of riz and fig. everyone stop BOTHERING them, no they're NOT interested in being your patron!! the number of physical fights that they've all gotten in because of this, in order of least to most, is riz (2, on behalf of fig), kristen (3, on behalf of riz), fig (5, on behalf of riz), fabian (7, on behalf of both), gorgug (8, on behalf of both), and adaine (14, on behalf of both). after about a month everyone has mostly taken the hint

-kristen develops a terrible habit of just. hexing anyone who even remotely annoys her. you were breathing too obnoxiously in class today? blocked hexed. you said something mildly shitty about one of her friends? hexed. aelwyn took the last bagel at breakfast and she really wanted it? hexed. she's experiencing the newfound freedom of being a hater. riz is texting her like "kristen why are you hexing someone at nine in the morning" and she's like "I am experiencing little sister rage for the first time in my life, leave me alone"

-Buddy Dawn does not know what the fuck to make of Kristen's warlock multiclass. she makes him fully bluescreen. Bobby Dawn and Kipperlilly, on the other hand, are absolutely incandescent with rage. they're gonna die mad about it.

-on the other end of the spectrum, Kristen and Riz break Bucky's brain open. he speedruns the emotional crisis that Kristen had freshman year when he Divine Senses their magical connection and nearly cries because he can feel this absolutely overwhelming love. he never knew anyone else could love kristen than fiercely. nothing that full of love could ever be bad

-ooouuuuuugggghhhhh there comes a terrible scene between riz and cassandra where she is like "she believes in you more than me" and riz has to be like "maybe. but that doesn't mean she doesn't believe in you. kristen has enough faith to go around. and so do I. I'm still counting on you too." it's about sharing the most important person in your life. self-recognition through the other (bittersweet). "I see why she loves you so much" says cassandra, and for the first time riz doesn't sort of still feel the nightmare king beneath her, and for the first time she feels him as someone to exist alongside without competing with. and riz, who is kind of sort of maybe ascending to angelhood, is not really becoming an angel of cassandra's pantheon, but he's also not not becoming that

-just. augh. kristen and riz are literally so sickeningly happy as patron and warlock. absolutely attached at the hip. best friends of all time. saint kristen applebees and her own personal guardian angel. they make me ill

anyway that is all, thank you for coming to my TED talk

Biggest fandom pet peeve is when people just "ball" Riz,,,he's not just ball. Or a ball. He's THE Ball. Put some respect on his name. It doesn't matter if it makes no grammatical sense. It's not an article anymore that's PART of the nickname. Does that mean you have to make Fabian sound insane? Yes. He already sounds insane have you listened to him. "Thank you The Ball," he says, "oh wow that haircut suits you better The Ball," he says, "my dearest The Ball please come over to my house again and help me find my crystal charger I already cast Enhance Ability on myself Fox's Cunning isn't enough. Save me The Ball, save me!" and you just have to deal with that. Also this one's even more personal and specific but capitalise it!! Capitalise The Ball!! It's a name, I think it should be capitalised. My autocorrect already does and I think that's really funny. Read this post lightheartedly please I don't actually care

au where uncle aaron doesnt die but he has still just found out his favorite nephew is spiderman so now hes just kinda like :/ damn i guess i gotta be a superhero now

its like batman and robin if batman were the sidekick. hes just sort of following miles around dragging his scrawny little butt out of tight spots and yelling encouragement. 

If you think about it, there's a good chance that Ayda and Fabian could've crossed paths long before Sophomore Year. Since Fabian said that Bill had taken him to Leviathan several times before and would've undoubtedly met with Garthy, even in passing, I don't see why the two of them couldn't have been friends for the day or two.

A bored seven-year-old Fabian finding Ayda curled up underneath a table with her spell book because it's the only place in the Gold Gardens that's quiet enough for her.

The two of them introduce themselves with their full titles (Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill Seacaster and The Wizard, Ayda Aguefort, Mistress of the Compass Points Library) which both appreciate and agree that the practice should be more widespread.

Fabian being immediately on board to test out any and all of Ayda's known spells. Rushing up to somewhere high to test out Feather Fall, Jump, and Longstrider. Trying to see if they could stretch the 120 feet limit of Message any farther or make Sleep work on someone with Fey Ancestry. Fooling around with Prestidigitation and sending secret letters in Illusory Script.

Heading up to Compass Points to stargaze and test out their knowledge of constellations. Fabian proudly points out the formation that he's named after. Ayda proudly shows off her collection of books and gets Fabian to sign up for a library card though he can hardly read yet because all the letters won't stop moving. Which is okay because she will read to him as long as he'll listen.

He teaches her how to dance. She takes him flying. Fabian scraps his knee and with Cathilda nowhere around he's this close to crying and though Ayda has no healing spells, she brings him an orange and that's good enough. When night comes, they sing sea shanties to each other until they fall asleep on the other's shoulders.

They say goodbye like they've been friends for years instead of days and Fabian promises to write to her and that his Papa will bring him back soon. But Ayda doesn't see much of him until he's back in her library with a band of strange, young Solisians looking more haunted than she's ever seen him.

Just... Fabian and Ayda being like summer camp friends without the summer camp.

When around other people Riz and his mom force themselves to walk fully upright with a more humanoid posture. In their own home though (or in Riz's office when he's alone) they tend to hunch and crouch slightly because it's just a more comfortable posture for goblins, even popping up onto the balls of their feet.

Riz freaked out his party at LEAST once on the Night Yorb quest when he got up in the middle of the night for some water and his siloette didnt match what he usually had in the dark.

chess getting a huge update i see

Tumblr keeps trying to caution me against posting without tags. No. I trust that the wind will spread my message where it needs to go, much like the seeds of a dandelion

(for the Goblin King AU)

After Riz became the Goblin King, he was invited to attend The Bloom.

For some reason, the Lords of the Wing were very familiar...

Riz is not having a good time at The Bloom. Other than people trying to suss out whether or not he was there to make marriage alliances (no, go away) he'd had to deal with just so much bullshit.

It had been MANY blooms since the goblin court had been able to attend The Bloom so there was quite a bit of chatter about it. Most people assumed they'd been destroyed after that whole business with Maglubiyet and they were all very interested in the gossip about them apparently being back now.

When he arrived with just a few fae-goblin guards (sans any of the other Bad Kids, he didn't want them involved in any fae nonsense and it was dangerous for 'mortals')(yes he is trying very hard to make sure no-one finds out he is also, technically, mortal) they were shown to where they would be hosted for the duration of The Bloom. A literal garbage heap. Apparently he had spent too long staring at it in disbeleif and wondering if they were intentionally trying to insult him because they offered him MORE garbage if it wasnt a suitable amount.

After explaining that no, goblins dont do... this... anymore (its been nearly 4,000 years on the mortal plane since they've been back to the fae wilds in this capacity and they much preferred normal rooms now) through gritted teeth they at least managed to scrounge up some actual lodgings for them.

Riz just wanted this whole thing to be done and they had only really just started the first 'event' of the festivities. A nice dinner in the gardens where all the attendees could mingle and get to know eachother.

The rogue had spent the last hour or so sitting in a corner, projecting an air of 'don't talk to me' as hard as possible while trying to pretend he wasnt there. In the midst of his disassociating he heard a pair of familiar laughs that jerked him out of his own head, whipping around to see where they were coming from he had to stare for a few moments to work out what the hells was going on.

Okay, it wasn't Fabian and Fig they just sounded... so similar it was eerie. He ended up creeping over closer to just hang out and listen, feeling a little calmer with such familiar voices and attitudes he ended up sticking close to their orbit for almost the entire event. With the amount of wild shit the pair of them got up to it was almost like Fabian and Fig were there, and they made good substitute bad kids.

Fabian's getting a sibling. his friends are all excited for it. Hallariel and Gilear are over the moon. he burnt all his baby clothes and as a result, everyone has been shopping, been preparing for the new baby. Fabian hates it.

once it's born, everyone coos over it, adores it, makes it laugh and looks at it. there's pictures being taken left and right, handmade blankets and shirts with embroidered initials and the softest plushies imaginable gifted from everyone around.

Fabian doesn't want to look at it. he avoids going near its room in the house, starts training and dancing even more and avoids being home as much as he can, so that he doesn't have to watch his mother smile at the little creature, doesn't have to listen to her coo or sing to this child that she loves.

Riz remarks to him that his sibling is cute. Kristen keeps trying to get him to hold it, tells him how you're supposed to keep one arm under and one arm across to ensure it's steady. Fig tells him he must be so excited to be a big brother, and that even though they're step-siblings, it must be thrilling to finally have a biological sibling. Fabian doesn't respond.

he had siblings. numerous ones, all without names and faces, all dead. he never met them. they never got to live much of their lives, murdered by Whitclaw for his father's feuds. no one speaks of them. no one thinks to remember them.

this baby will be the first Lomenelda-Faeth baby, his first biological sibling that doesn't share his Seacaster name, and he feels it viciously. good. it doesn't deserve his name. his legacy.

his friends coo over this baby, this stupid little thing, and his mother has spoken more to this child than she has to him in the past 18 years combined, and it's not jealousy fueling him when he sees his own baby blanket in its clutches. it's grief.

this baby doesn't get to have his stuff. it was a gift from his father, his family, and it doesn't belong to this new creature. it's done nothing to deserve this affection, this adoration. love is earned. love is what happens when you make a mark on the world, when you write your name on every place you've been and are respected and admired.

love is what you get if you become Maximum Legend. it's what you get when you defeat your enemies, or defeat your mother in fencing, or come out in victory after a harsh battle. love isn't freely handed out just because you exist. it's hard earned once you're enough, and Fabian is so, so close to earning it. he's done it all. he's saved the world. he's worked so hard, and done his best, and gotten his mother to stop drinking and be ready to be a mother. so why is she devoting her time and affection to this stupid little thing that hasn't done anything yet?

it's not fair. and he thinks about it when he slams the door behind him in the morning, the unfamiliar lilting notes of his mother's lullaby burning in his ears, until the roar of the Hangman finally drowns it out.

it must be so exciting to have a sibling, Fabian! it echoes in his ears. he thinks of Captain James on Leviathan, his grotesque tentacles crawling over his head, his foul breath just inches from his face. "Oh, I have so many of your siblings’ brains in me stomach already." how many of his siblings met their ends like that? how many of his siblings died without ever getting to tell him their name, without making their own mark on the world or knowing that there were more of them?

the wind howls around him and the Hangman furiously blasts down the roads, Elmville rushing past. he has enough siblings. none of them survived long enough for him to ever learn their name. this child, this baby, this stupid little sibling has done nothing to earn all the affection it's been getting, this love that's now handed out freely where he's never ever received a scrap without fighting for it tooth and nail. it's got enough.

he takes his crystal out, debates for a moment, and deletes all new notifications. he puts it on Do Not Disturb. he owes this new child nothing. he never got to learn the names of any of his other siblings. this baby, he decides, has done nothing to earn that privilege. there's nothing special about it. he's had enough of siblings, and he doesn't need another. he's a Seacaster, the last of his name. this child is not. it's a Lomenelda-Faeth, two people whose name he does not share and two people who haven't looked at him in weeks. he doesn't need them. they don't get to need him.

the Hangman's engine roars, and he thinks about his mother's singing. how he hasn't heard her ever sing before. he tries to recall it, and the song slips into a Halfling accent before he can stop himself. the motor revs, and he drives on.

a shout out to the small baby child today who was demanding liberation from her stroller but who, when asked if she would stay close to mama and not run around acting crazy, paused for a moment to contemplate the question and then answered "prob'ly no"

it cost you your freedom, small child, but i admire your integrity and honesty 😔