More Detailed Questions For Your Character's Psychology

See I don't necessarily disagree with what seems to be the primary reading that Yue Qingyuan's shifu fucked him over, caring nothing for his needs or preferences and only for whether he was useful. That makes sense, it ties into plenty of the generational and societal themes of the story. It fits.

But iirc we don't actually get enough information to know that's what happened.

And the thing is it would be so in-character and also thematically appropriate if Yue Qingyuan absolutely did not explain his goals or why he was working so hard, because it was private and shameful and he didn't expect any sympathy, and there was a high risk of losing everything if he blabbed.

And also if he engaged with the existing ruleset with which he was presented, i.e. 'can't go off on your own on personal business until you've mastered your sword,' in the most negative and controlling manner possible, as absolute commandments.

He's a different kind of guy but he comes from the same background as Shen Jiu! It fucked him up also!

He is very very very not a guy who trusts the system to make allowances for him--even once he has all the power he 'does what he wants' and 'makes selfish choices' as a conscious transgression; not something he has a right to do, just something he can get away with so he's gonna. (And ofc he spends almost all the latitude he grants himself on sqq.)

And even less is he a guy who opens up easily.

He isn't too proud to ask for help or pity, so much as he just doesn't expect to get any.

So in this interpretation, he understood that rule as a non-negotiable barrier in his path, the target to overcome, and focused all his considerable will and talent on overcoming it through the sphere of action he felt he had control over.

And fucked himself up bad.

Whereupon his teacher, possessing absolutely no context for this dumb shit their star pupil pulled, did the only thing they thought might work to save his life, paying in the process no attention to the raving of someone deep in a psychotic break.

Like, I feel like there should have been a better, kinder medical option, but I don't know for sure that there was, so I can't say with certainty this was the kind of cruelty that derives from not caring enough.

And it really would be kind of elegant and so typical of Yue Qingyuan's fundamental tragedy if the real mistake was 'not confiding in anybody' the whole time.

And he was just so deeply sunk into the understanding that explaining and asking were useless that, even looking back, it never really occurred to him that maybe his mistake wasn't 'fucking it up when trying too hard to solve everything on his own' but 'assuming there was no help to be had, and that he had to do it all on his own.'

Like. What if this really could all have been avoided if he'd just trusted and communicated with the adult in charge of him? But of course, of course his history of trauma (neglect, child abuse, exploitation, being the One Responsible for the younger kids whom he could not keep safe) meant he was absolutely not going to do that.

It was basically impossible. For the person he was, the person the world had made of him. And that's always been the core tragedy the whole novel circles back upon.

People can only ever be themselves, and so very often the elements of self that let them survive until now are that which dooms them, that means they need someone else to intervene if they're ever going to be saved. Because your personal doom is always the thing from which you can't save yourself.

misunderstanding

pastel and color pencil on paper, 11x14"

More Traits

This mod adds more traits to the game. The traits are maxis match so they will blend into your game nicely.

Just like you would add any other CAS trait for your Sims. For reference, you can look at the photo and these are all the traits you would find in the game. 

Traits and Descriptions

Serious: Sims with this trait can hardly get playful. They will usually have moods that lean more on the serious side, like focused and confident, and rarely energized or happy, and even more rare for them to be in a playful mood. Whimsical Sims annoy serious Sims.

Stoic: Sims with this trait will usually just be fine. Their mood will not really fluctuate as much. The fine emotion is usually overpowering. These Sims will also not really be sad or angry. Their angry or sad moods will have to be super powerful for your sims to go feel this way. 

Peaceful: Sims with this trait don't like to fight with other Sims. Negative interactions with other Sims won't impact their relationship as much as it might when it happens to other Sims. If you have Parenthood they will develop the emotional control skill much faster. Their Wellness and Herbalism skill increases at a faster rate.

Daredevil: Daredevils love to be energized and are excited in the presence of danger. For example, if there is a fire at your house they will never freak out. They will usually even get a positive moodlet near the fire. These Sims build the fitness, rock-climbing, skiing, and snowboarding skill much faster. 

Logical: This is not the same as the "genius" trait. They may be related but they aren't the same. You can be logical without being a genius. Sims with this trait just think before they act. They try to rationalize everything in life. Their mental skills do develop faster because they apply logic in real life which enables them to understand things at a faster rate.

Whimsical: Whimsical Sims love to see beyond life. They see beauty and greatness in a lot. They tend to daydream a lot and just live in another world. Sims with this trait will get the playful emotion easily and they will also be inspired easily. Because of their ability to open their minds up to so many possibilities they also are really good at writing and will develop the skill really fast. Whimsical Sims also enjoy and are good at other creative activities. 

Shy: Sims with this trait struggle to build relationships with other Sims. Their relationship bar won't advance as quickly and you will need to try harder to build romantic or platonic relationships with them. They can also get stressed around Outgoing Sims because of how different they are social. Their social bar will still decay at the same rate. They may be shy but they do have the same social need as other Sims.

Grumpy: Grumpy Sims get angry really easily. They also don't get positive emotions easily. Sims don't really like interacting with them because of their personality. If Sims are around Grumpy Sims they will get a moodlet to be careful around them because of how easily they can get angry. 

Sexist: Sexist Sims think they are superior to the opposite sex. They will have a hard building platonic or romantic relationships with them. They will also have a hard time building empathy and life skill if you have parenthood. 

Generous: Sims with this trait love to give money away. They are happy to do it too. Even if they aren't rich and don't have a lot they will still enjoy sharing with you. They can give some money to every Sim ranging between $100-$1000 or a huge amount of money to Sims they have a higher relationship with ranging from $10,000 to $100,000

Sincere: Sincere Sims build strong relationships with others. There are honest and do not like to be around evil or mean sims. Evil and mean sims also hate being around Sims with this trait. They have a hard time increasing their mischief skill too. If they are in the criminal career they would start stressing out at a certain point.

Endurant: Endurant Sims needs deplete at a much slower rate. Their bladder, hunger, and energy will be able to last much longer. They are also really good at fitness. 

Unforgiving: These Sims will have a hard time making up with sims once they have a bad relationship. If you get into an argument or fight with them the relationship bar will drastically reduce. If you have parenthood it will be hard for your sims to build the conflict resolution and the empathy skill.

Cowardly: Cowardly Sims are terrified of a lot of stuff. They will get scared so easily. If they see sims in a fight they will run away and get scared or tense. Sims with the cowardly trait will also freak out if they get in a fight. Even if they won the fight. Their fitness skill will develop at a much slower pace.

Cunning: Cunning Sims know how to talk to other Sims and are really good at convincing. They build relationships with others really fast. These sims will also be naturally good at Charismatic and the Acting Skills. They make really good politicians. 

Hedonistic: Sims with this trait really enjoy the funner things in life. They live simply for pleasure. They want to have fun. A lot of it and do not think about the consequences that might follow. Their fun needs deplete really quickly and fill up relatively slowly. If you have parenthood their responsibility skill will be hard to increase.

Spoiled: Spoiled Sims are used to getting what they want to they aren't very gifted. They will easily get bored and angry. If they aren't socialized with enough or entertained their mood will plummet rather quickly. If you have parenthood their empathy, responsibility, and conflict resolution skill will be hard to increase.

Judgmental: Judgemental Sims have a hard time building relationships. They enjoy judging other sims and gossiping about them. If they are bored for a long time they will turn to other Sims to judge them about whatever. Parents with this trait don't really do well with the parenting skill. Their kids will also have a hard time building positive relationships with them.

Warm-Hearted: Sims with this trait are genuinely good Sims. being in a friendship or relationship with them is very wholesome. They only want what is best for people and relationships with them decay at a slower pace. 

Heartless: Heartless Sims do not care about anything or anyone. Their mischief skill can increase really quickly. They are also really good in the criminal career path. These Sims will not cry or shed a single tear if they hear news of a Sim who passed away. Or a Sim who passed away in their presence. They might be a bit upset if their Best Friend dies, but even then it will be hard. If you have parenthood the empathy skill will basically never go up.

Pompous: There are Selfish Sims and Snob Sims, but Pompous Sims are very annoying. They simply do not care what others think about them because in their head they are just superior. They don't develop relationships with other Sims easily, but it doesn't bother them because they have themselves. Their acting skill will go up faster. If you have parenthood empathy and conflict resolution skill will decay fast and hardly increase. 

What else do I need for the mod?

Nothing.

Does this mod require any DLC?

The mod is BGC. The traits do tap into each pack so having them will create a more full experience. Not required though.

Questions and concerns you might have?

Will you add more to this?

I'm working on an unbundled version. I wanted to release both at the same time, but separating the traits from the one package file I can create is taking way more time than I expected.

I'm experiencing some weird bugs!

Let me know, please. I dealt with a lot of files when creating this mod, so something might not work the way I wanted it to work so please let me know about that so I can fix it. 

Report it here: Mod Bug Report 

I have different questions about the mod.

Honestly, I don't blame you. I might not have explained everything too well, so if you have questions about something, let me know.

How to install the mod?

Electronic Arts/The Sims 4/Mods <--- Unzip the file and make sure it's placed in this path.

What's next for the mod?

Read the section above for more info about that.

Public Jan 17

Download

Study in Style Set…………🐻

Hello!! I haven’t been around for a few days, I hope everyone is doing well ♡ I can finally share the “study in style set” I’ve been working on for a long time. The set was made to be a nice addition to the new expansion pack and consists of 20 items including a new functional computer, mirror, and light. You can see the gif showing all the items and read more information below.

The set includes 20 items:

♡ Ruler&Pencil | 7 Swatches | 66 Polys

♡ Erasers | 10 Swatches | 300 Polys    

♡ Table Light | 13 Swatches | 2k Polys        

♡ Tablet PC | 10 Swatches | 3k Polys          

♡ Mini Calendar | 10 Swatches | 1.2k Polys

♡ Decor Tablet | 6 Swatches | 714 Polys    

♡ Trash Can | 13 Swatches | 726 Polys

♡ Used Trash Can | 13 Swatches | 1.7k Polys

♡ Sticky Notes | 12 Swatches | 146 Polys

♡ Books with a Pen | 10 Swatches | 558 Polys

♡ Notebooks | 14 Swatches | 258 Polys

♡ Paw-Shaped Markers | 6 Swatches | 1.6k Polys

♡ Stacked Books | 7 Swatches | 156 Polys

♡ Digital Clock | 14 Swatches | 206 Polys

♡ Mirror Box | 12 Swatches | 1.5k Polys

♡ Closed Box | 12 Swatches | 358 Polys

♡ Decorated Box | 8 Swatches | 476 Polys

♡ Planner Poster | 10 Swatches | 140 Polys

♡ 2 Piece Painting | 12 Swatches | 96 Polys

♡ Wooden Holder | 8 Swatches | 554 Polys                            

Additional Info:

BGC

Tagged swatches

Custom thumbnails

Custom specular maps

You can quickly access these items by searching “aira” in the game. If you run into any issues please let me know.   

I think the style of working long term and making big sets suits me better. I’m thinking of going this way from now on so my next cc may be after a certain time. Anyway, hope you enjoy these cuties and have fun with them!! 📔🤎

•˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Download on Patreon(Early Access until October 20th)

Frosty Set ❄️

This time I’m bringing you this fully winter-inspired makeup set! It includes cool-toned eyeshadow swatches, frosted and glittery eyelashes, and angelic eyeliners! Enjoy ☃️

Frosty 3D lashes, 10 swatches, skin detail, and accessory versions

Frosty Eyeshadow, 17 swatches

Frosty Eyeliner, 24 swatches

Custom catalog thumbnail

⁕ Link tree ⁕ Terms of use ⁕

❄️ Download ❄️

Early access, public release Feb. 1st

Herbalist Kitchen

Happy New Year!

I'm so excited to finally share Herbalist Kitchen - a set of 12 farmhouse-style kitchen items. I've been going through a major creative block while working on this set, so I'm happy that I managed to finish it.

Read more about the objects and find the in-game preview below!

Download set (always free on Patreon) / Follow me on social media

Here's what you get:

Kitchen counter (modular, 5 styles), 14 swatches, 100§   

Kitchen cabinet (modular, 7 styles), 14 swatches, 100§

Bar, 14 swatches, 400§

Plant, 10 swatches, 100§

Stacked plates (decor), 8 swatches, 50§

Picnic basket (decor), 8 swatches, 75§

Kitchen utensils (decor), 8 swatches, 70§

Cutting boards (decor), 8 swatches, 50§

Vial (decor), 4 swatches, 20§

Drying herbs (wall decor), 6 swatches, 50§

Mushroom basket (decor), 8 swatches, 50§

Jar (decor), 8 swatches, 20§

Here’s some more info and credits: 

Base game compatible

New meshes, all LODs 

Custom specular and normal maps 

Custom catalog thumbnails, tagged swatches 

Swatches come from my personal palette and from peacemaker-ic’s color palettes 

You can search for “herbalist" or “myshunosun” in the buy catalog to quickly access these items. Enjoy! 

Follow and support me here: Tumblr / Twitter / Patreon / Instagram / CurseForge

@maxismatchccworld @s4library @sssvitlanz @public-ccfinds

120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers save this!

1. Moral Flexibility - Adapts their ethics to fit the situation, often justifying questionable actions as necessary.

2. Cognitive Dissonance - Holds two conflicting beliefs or values and struggles to reconcile them, leading to inner turmoil.

3. Overempathy - Feels others’ emotions too intensely, leading to burnout or an inability to make objective decisions.

4. Intellectual Arrogance - Dismisses others’ ideas as inferior, believing their own intellect is superior.

5. Chronic Overthinking - Analyzes situations to the point of paralysis, unable to take decisive action.

6. Restless Wanderlust - Has a constant desire for change or travel, leading to instability in relationships or careers.

7. Savior Complex - Feels compelled to “save” others, often to the detriment of their own well-being or others’ autonomy.

8. Emotional Vampirism - Drains others emotionally, needing constant validation or attention.

9. Righteous Indignation - Becomes excessively angry over perceived injustices, often alienating others.

10. Altruistic Self-Destruction - Sacrifices themselves for others to an unhealthy degree, often leading to self-neglect.

11. Pathological Modesty - Downplays their own achievements to the point of self-sabotage or invisibility.

12. Incapable of Solitude - Feels an intense fear of being alone, leading to codependent or unhealthy relationships.

13. Over-Rationalization - Justifies every action or decision, even when it’s clearly flawed, to avoid guilt or responsibility.

14. Constant Self-Sabotage - Subconsciously undermines their own success due to deep-seated fears or insecurities.

15. Misplaced Loyalty - Stays loyal to people or causes even when it’s harmful or undeserved.

16. Ethical Rigidity - Follows their moral code to the letter, unable to adapt to complex or gray situations.

17. Need for Obscurity - Prefers to stay unnoticed or in the background, avoiding recognition or responsibility.

18. Involuntary Aloofness - Appears distant or disinterested, often without meaning to, leading to misunderstandings.

19. Fear of Mediocrity - Terrified of being ordinary, they constantly strive for greatness, often leading to burnout.

20. Rejection Sensitivity - Overreacts to criticism or perceived slights, often withdrawing or lashing out.

21. Conflict Avoidance - Avoids confrontation at all costs, leading to unresolved issues and resentment.

22. Over-idealization of Others - Puts people on pedestals, only to be deeply disappointed when they don’t meet expectations.

23. Chronically Unfulfilled - No matter what they achieve, they always feel something is missing, leading to constant searching.

24. Compulsive Truth-Telling - Feels compelled to speak the truth, even when it would be kinder or wiser to remain silent.

25. Overactive Imagination - Sees threats or possibilities where there are none, leading to anxiety or missed opportunities.

26. Faux Humility - Pretends to be humble but secretly craves admiration or validation.

27. Micromanagement - Needs to control every detail, often suffocating others or hindering their own progress.

28. Anachronistic Thinking - Clings to outdated beliefs or practices, struggling to adapt to modern realities.

29. Over-Reliance on Routine - Becomes anxious or lost without their routines, struggling to adapt to change.

30. Selective Memory - Remembers events in a way that suits their narrative, often distorting the truth.

31. Paradoxical Fear of Success - Desires success but subconsciously fears the changes or responsibilities it might bring.

32. Compassion Fatigue - Once empathetic, now numbed or indifferent due to overwhelming exposure to others’ suffering.

33. Overwhelming Nostalgia - Lives in the past, unable to move forward or appreciate the present.

34. Unyielding Perfectionism - So focused on flawlessness that they struggle to complete tasks or accept anything less than perfect.

35. Epistemic Arrogance - Believes they know everything worth knowing, dismissing the possibility of learning from others.

36. Excessive Hedonism - Pursues pleasure to the point of neglecting responsibilities or moral considerations.

37. Over-Cautiousness - So afraid of making mistakes that they rarely take action, leading to missed opportunities.

38. Idealistic Naivety - Believes the world should operate according to their ideals, often clashing with reality.

39. Ambition without Direction - Desires greatness but has no clear path or plan, leading to frustration and failure.

40. Emotional Transference - Projects unresolved emotions onto others, often misinterpreting their intentions or actions.

41. Overdependence on Routine - Becomes anxious or lost without their routines, struggling to adapt to change.

42. Misplaced Guilt - Feels responsible for things outside of their control, leading to unnecessary self-blame.

43. Fear of Being Ordinary - Constantly strives to stand out, often at the expense of authenticity or well-being.

44. Chronic Indecisiveness - Struggles to make even simple decisions, constantly second-guessing themselves.

45. Faux Cynicism - Pretends to be jaded or cynical as a defense mechanism, while secretly caring deeply.

46. Romanticization of Suffering - Believes that suffering is noble or meaningful, often rejecting happiness or comfort.

47. Selective Compassion - Empathetic towards some but completely indifferent or cold to others, often based on biases.

48. Avoidant Optimism - Avoids negative thoughts or situations, clinging to an unrealistic positivity that ignores real problems.

49. Fear of Abandonment - Clings to relationships out of fear of being left alone, often leading to unhealthy dynamics.

50. Overidentification with Work - Sees their job as their entire identity, struggling with self-worth outside of work.

51. Excessive Altruism - Sacrifices their own needs to help others, often to their own detriment.

52. Self-Imposed Isolation - Withdraws from others out of fear of rejection or misunderstanding, leading to loneliness.

53. Over-Analysis Paralysis - Overthinks every situation to the point of being unable to make decisions or take action.

54. Eternal Romantic - Sees the world through a lens of idealized love, often leading to disillusionment or heartbreak.

55. Emotional Incontinence - Struggles to control their emotions, often overwhelming others with their intensity.

56. Fear of Aging - Obsessed with youth, they go to great lengths to deny or hide the aging process.

57. Intellectual Cowardice - Avoids challenging their own beliefs or ideas, sticking to what they know out of fear of change.

58. Emotional Hoarding - Holds onto past hurts or grudges, unable to let go and move on.

59. Unquenchable Curiosity - Always needs to knw more, often prying into others’ lives or crossing boundaries.

60. Romantic Escapism - Uses fantasy or daydreams as a way to avoid dealing with reality, leading to detachment.

61. Masochistic Tendencies - Deliberately seeks out situations that cause them pain or discomfort, believing they deserve it.

62. Incurable Wanderer - Can never settle down, always moving on to the next place or experience, leading to rootlessness.

63. Dependency on Validation - Needs constant approval or praise from others to feel good about themselves.

64. Constant Self-Reinvention - Continuously changes their identity or persona, never settling on who they truly are.

65. Moral Masochism - Finds satisfaction in self-punishment or guilt, often holding themselves to impossible standards.

66. Faux Bravado - Pretends to be fearless or confident to hide deep-seated insecurities or fears.

67. Over-romanticization of the Past - Idealizes past experiences, believing that things were better back then, leading to dissatisfaction with the present.

68. Chronic Hedging - Never fully commits to decisions or actions, always leaving themselves an escape route.

69. Fear of Stagnation - Constantly needs to be doing something or moving forward, fearing they’ll become irrelevant or bored.

70. Over-Attachment to Objects - Places excessive sentimental value on material possessions, struggling to let go.

71. Emotional Stoicism - Refuses to show or acknowledge emotions, leading to repression and eventual breakdowns.

72. Self-Flagellation - Constantly punishes themselves for perceived failures or mistakes, often disproportionate to the actual events.

73. Fear of the Unknown - Terrified of what they can’t predict or control, leading to anxiety or avoidance of new experiences.

74. Romantic Pessimism - Believes that love or relationships are doomed to fail, leading to self-sabotage or cynicism.

75. Intellectual Purism - Believes in the superiority of “pure” intellectual pursuits, often dismissing practical or emotional concerns.

76. Existential Dread - Obsesses over the meaning (or lack thereof) of life, leading to paralysis or despair.

77. Involuntary Nonconformity- Desires to fit in but can’t help standing out or going against the grain, often feeling alienated.

78. Self-Imposed Martyrdom - Puts themselves in a position of suffering or sacrifice, believing it’s their duty or fate.

79. Idealized Self-Image - Clings to an unrealistic self-concept, struggling to accept their flaws or limitations.

80. Compulsive Honesty - Feels compelled to always tell the truth, even when it’s hurtful or inappropriate.

81. Over-Reliance on Technology - Becomes helpless without modern conveniences, struggling to cope with real-world challenges.

82. Moral Exhibitionism - Shows off their ethics or principles to gain admiration or moral superiority, often insincerely.

83. Perpetual Student Syndrome - Always learning but never applying knowledge, avoiding real-world responsibilities.

84. Emotional Osmosis - Absorbs others’ emotions so deeply that they lose track of their own feelings or needs.

85. Pathological Frugality - So obsessed with saving money or resources that they miss out on life’s joys or opportunities.

86. Obsessive Self-Improvement - Never satisfied with themselves, constantly striving for unattainable perfection.

87. False Modesty - Pretends to be humble while fishing for compliments or validation.

88. Uncontrolled Impulsiveness - Acts on whims or impulses without considering the consequences, leading to chaos or regret.

89. Chronic Hedonism - Lives only for pleasure, often to the detriment of their long-term happiness or relationships.

90. Overly Abstract Thinking - So focused on big ideas or concepts that they lose touch with reality or practical concerns.

91. Romantic Idealism - Believes in a perfect love or relationship, often leading to disappointment or disillusionment.

92. Selective Altruism - Only helps others when it suits them, often ignoring those who don’t fit their criteria.

93. Pathological Shyness - So shy or introverted that they struggle to function in social situations, often missing out on opportunities.

94. Moral Superiority - Believes they are more ethical or righteous than others, often looking down on those who don’t share their views.

95. Over-identification with a Role - Sees themselves only as their job, family role, or social identity, losing sight of their true self.

96. Chronic Complaining - Constantly finds something to complain about, often bringing others down or creating a negative atmosphere.

97. Faux Stoicism - Pretends to be emotionally strong or unaffected, while secretly struggling with deep emotional turmoil.

98. Addiction to Drama - Thrives on conflict or chaos, often creating drama where there is none to feel alive or important.

99. Obsessive Collecting - Gathers possessions, knowledge, or experiences obsessively, often unable to let go or move on.

100. Inflexible Optimism - Refuses to acknowledge negative possibilities, often unprepared for setbacks or challenges.

101. Contrarianism - Always takes the opposite stance just to challenge others, often without genuine conviction.

102. Emotional Projection - Attributes their own feelings or issues onto others, often leading to misunderstandings.

103. Compulsive Heroism - Feels the need to be seen as heroic or brave, even in situations that don’t call for it.

104. Spiritual Narcissism - Uses spirituality as a way to feel superior to others or to avoid personal flaws.

105. Self-Defeating Humor - Constantly makes jokes at their own expense, using humor to deflect serious issues.

106. Identity Fluidity - Frequently changes their identity or beliefs to fit in with different groups, losing a sense of true self.

107. Overattachment to the Past - Can’t move on from past successes or failures, allowing them to define their present.

108. Pseudointellectualism - Pretends to know more than they do, using complex language or ideas to impress others.

109. Overidealization of Youth - Places youth on a pedestal, often dismissing the value of experience or aging.

110. Refusal to Accept Help - Rejects assistance from others, believing they must do everything on their own, even to their detriment.

111. Emotional Manipulation - Uses guilt, pity, or other emotions to control or influence others, often without realizing it.

112. Inconsistent Values - Holds contradictory beliefs or morals, leading to confusion or hypocrisy in their actions.

113. Obsession with Legacy - So focused on how they’ll be remembered that they neglect the present or make unwise choices.

114. Excessive Eagerness to Please - Goes out of their way to make others happy, often at the cost of their own needs or principles.

115. Emotionally Guarded - Builds walls around their feelings, making it difficult for others to get close or understand them.

116. Selective Memory - Chooses to remember events in a way that favors them, often distorting the truth.

117. Overattachment to Authority - Relies heavily on rules or leaders, struggling to make decisions independently or question authority.

118. Fear of Vulnerability - Avoids showing weakness or asking for help, leading to isolation or burnout.

119. Intellectual Detachment - Approaches everything with cold logic, often ignoring the emotional or human side of situations.

120. Obsession with Control - Needs to control every aspect of their life and others’, often leading to stress or strained relationships.

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ThePlotMage - Etsy

Shop All things bookish, witchy, magical and cottage-core by ThePlotMage located in Newark, New Jersey.

the most horrifying part of this is that it's only going to get worse from here. this is the most stable climate this planet is going to have for the rest of our lives

You know, something that never sat quite right with me is the defense of Bells Hells constantly having the same argument as "realistic" not just because "realistic" doesn't mean "compelling to watch"...but also because this isn't actually realistic in like, functional groups.

I was involved in a number of clubs in college and was on the board of several; I am on an alumni board for a university club I was in as an undergrad. I've been in a leadership role in an independent congregation and a member of several political interest groups in adulthood. I've also been an indirect manager (think team lead for a specific project but not the person people report to regularly) in a professional setting - and those are just formalized settings and not just hanging out with friends or smaller group projects.

The idea that it's normal and relatable to have a group of people who just endlessly and repeatedly provide their perspective and argument without any sort of resolution is one of those "wait, you live like this?" moments. During debates, such as for board elections or in one case, a very emotionally heightened decision to eject a member who had been credibly accused of wrongdoing against another, the phrase that got used once everyone had had a chance to talk and address any questions was, essentially, "will further discussion change anyone's mind." Because that is ultimately the purpose of discussion - to make sure everyone has all the information, and to allow everyone an opportunity to speak their piece in the service of ultimately coming to a decision. Discussion about a course of action is not an end point in itself, and there comes a time where you have to say "your feelings are valid but your talking isn't going to change anyone's mind at this point and we need to move forward in some manner."

Romanticizing endless tiresome indecision feels no different to me than romanticizing some other utterly unnecessary behavior like, I don't know, hustle culture. If your friends can't decide on a restaurant for 2 hours (or 2 months) then either do a rotating schedule, decide to meet for coffee/drinks/a bring-your-own-stuff picnic, or if this is food as part of a longer outing, don't be afraid to split up for a small part of it. If you can't decide what to do in a group project, assign a leader or take it to a vote and provide a clear tie-break condition. Flip a coin, if nothing else can be done. But you do not have to live like this; really, it just takes one person to speak up and say "we've been talking in circles for two hours and I'm exhausted; does anyone have new information or a concern that wasn't brought up or is it time to call it?" And your life will be immeasurably better the day you decide to be that person whenever relevant.