There’s Something About Shen Jiu That Really Sticks With Me In A Way That Not Many Characters Do. And

There’s something about Shen Jiu that really sticks with me in a way that not many characters do. And I can’t stop prodding at that and trying to figure out what it is! And today, what I’ve shaken out of the story is that Shen Jiu embodies a lot of pretty visceral fears.

There is… a lot that goes wrong in his life. And given the role he has in the story, there’s no kind of miracle fix that comes in to solve his problems at any point. It’s much more likely that whatever breaking point someone else pushes him to (killing qiu jianluo) or whatever partial resolution he manages to claw out for himself (entering cang qiong, even if it’s much older than usual) will be weaponized against him in some way. Even in the happier timeline, it’s only happier for him in that he doesn’t have to be tortured or learn that yue qingyuan is dead. Instead, he dies, very young, and the few people who would have mourned him don’t do so, because they don’t know that he’s gone (which is another wrenching fear, the idea of disappearing and nobody around you even noticing). His life is a worst-case scenario, and originally it’s something that happens to a deeply unsympathetic character, so hey, whatever, right? Yes, except for everything the rest of the story reveals.

So, I will go ahead and assume that most people reading this book have not been purchased by a young master and mistreated and forcibly engaged to his sister. Probably not not the most common backstory. But a lot of people have Been Through something, whether that was thanks to outside forces, bad luck with brain chemistry, or hell, just the stress of something like living through a long pandemic. It’s not that rare to live through an experience that leaves you wondering if what has happened to you left you…. damaged, or broken. It’s not usually a good idea to linger on, and humans are capable of a lot of recovery, but–

Shen Jiu gets to find out that yes, absolutely, it did damage him, in practical and emotional ways that he failed to recover from, external and internal. When Liu Qingge wants to upset him later, all he has to do is make a dig that ‘even if talent doesn’t guarantee high achievement, it’s still better than starting to learn at age sixteen, lmao.’ And Shen Jiu refuses to admit that he’s going to the brothel just to sleep, because ‘seeing women and saviors and huddling in their arms for comfort’ is shameful. I don’t expect to ever fret about how I started cultivating too late in life, but the idea of receiving that confirmation that something was measurably, observably lost in me, that sinks a nasty hook deep into my stomach.

And I don’t want to get distracted with a whole rant about this, but Qi-ge “abandoning” him at this same time is an absolutely brutal thing to throw into the mix. It tears both of them up so badly that they can’t even begin resolving it before they die, but as far as Shen Jiu knows, someone he adored and trusted just… forgot about him. It was too much trouble to come back for him. Against the odds, Yue Qi found a spot in a cultivation sect, had connections and power, and either forgot to come back for Shen Jiu or decided it wasn’t worth doing. The end of extra thirteen, slightly rephrased, would be ‘it would have hurt shen jiu less to learn that yue qi was dead than to learn he chose not to come back for him.’ Again, confirmation of a fear that you want to believe is irrational. No, the people you care about aren’t just waiting for an excuse to get away from you. Except for Shen Jiu… mm.

But what really, really got to me was the whole Binghe situation. The discourse scene is uhhh spicy right now, so let’s be real explicit that the way he treated Binghe was inexcusable. But what put the nail in my emotional coffin was realizing, again, that it’s about the fear that your experiences have damaged you. Not just the fear that they’ve damaged you, the fear that they’ve poisoned you, that they’ve affected you in more ways than you’ve already noticed, and that no matter how you try to leave your mark on the world, you’re doomed to ruin everything you touch. The last few 79 extras are very hard for me to read, because Shen Jiu’s conversation with Yue Qingyuan is so much about his awareness of how he’s responsible for shaping Luo Binghe, and then his conversation with Luo Binghe is about his realization that simple proximity to him was enough to doom Yue Qingyuan to a terrible death. It’s absolutely suffocating, the idea that you yourself are a poison in other people’s lives, in ways that you’re completely unaware of.

There we go, that’s enough being sad about Shen Jiu for the day. I kid, there are not enough hours in the day for being sad about Shen Jiu. But it’s time to go accomplish other things while being sad, because my mind has been circling around these ideas all day.

More Posts from Iconstasher and Others

2 years ago
“sunblind” (by @softerhaze)
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“sunblind” (by @softerhaze)

“into the light” (by @lotharihoe)

“out of the blue” (by @lotharihoe)

“cube map remover” (by @lotharihoe)

“better in-game lighting” (by @northernsiberiawinds)

“cas golden light” (by @simplyanjuta​)

* I play the sims 4 on a 2020 MacBook Pro M1 (…no reshade or gshade)

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default skin | “agave v2″ (by @nesurii)

default skintones | “bare skintones″ (by @lamatisse)

default baby skin | “newborn override v2″ (by @ellcrze)

default eyes | “lobster eyes” (by @marigolde)

default eyebrows | “eyebrow retexture” (by @kijiko-sims)

default teeth | “defaults” (by @magicbot​)

default feet | “7V” (by @magicbot​)

* I also use many skin details and body presets (wcif-friendly).

image

better world maps (by @20thcenturyplumbob)

better cas backgrounds (by @ellcrze)

better realistic clouds (by @alfsi)

smaller plumbob 25% (by @illogicalsims)

better default phone (by @frenchiesimgirl)

* I literally use a default replacement for everything… (again, wcif-friendly).

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If my game was to crash and burn right now - I wouldn’t even be able to play again without reinstalling the following mods: 

mc command center (by @deaderpoolmc)

ui cheats extension (by @weerbesu)

more columns in cas (by @weerbesu)

no fade on everything (by @mizoreyukii)

better build buy (by @twistedmexi)

try to make friends (by @carlsims4)

better aspirations (by @ky-e and @needcoffee4that)

live draggable bassinet (by @beinchenmods)

age up or down by age group (by @whirlaround)

* Last updated on March 7, 2023 🤎


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2 months ago

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

2 years ago
Miranda Hair
Miranda Hair

miranda hair

cant even tell u how long this has been in the wips

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bgc

hat compatible

all 24 ea swatches

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dl


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2 years ago
RED Collection
RED Collection
RED Collection
RED Collection
RED Collection
RED Collection
RED Collection
RED Collection

RED Collection

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무단수정 / 2차배포 절대 금지

DO NOT UPLOAD TO ANOTHER SITE

DO NOT Re-color, Re-edit, Inculde MESH without My Permission

Contact me ; Jinhee_a@naver.com

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DOWNLOAD : Patreon (Public release on 6 March, 2023)

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2 years ago
NOLA BLOUSE By Simstrouble

NOLA BLOUSE by simstrouble

Everybody wanted this, admit it 🌼

Base Game Compatible

45 swatches in EA’s orginal swatches + my Troublemaker Palette + random patterns

All LODs, Morphs, All Maps, 3k poly

download (patreon, always free)

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10 months ago
iconstasher - this is a side blog 😩

misunderstanding

pastel and color pencil on paper, 11x14"

3 months ago

and therein lies the real horror of bullying, of abuse, of oppression: you stop being yourself. you begin to chip away at everything that makes you you in order to create what's least likely to get you hit. you begin to view life as a series of mitigating choices - how much can you take away before you just become a corpse?

9 months ago

120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers save this!

1. Moral Flexibility - Adapts their ethics to fit the situation, often justifying questionable actions as necessary.

2. Cognitive Dissonance - Holds two conflicting beliefs or values and struggles to reconcile them, leading to inner turmoil.

3. Overempathy - Feels others’ emotions too intensely, leading to burnout or an inability to make objective decisions.

4. Intellectual Arrogance - Dismisses others’ ideas as inferior, believing their own intellect is superior.

5. Chronic Overthinking - Analyzes situations to the point of paralysis, unable to take decisive action.

6. Restless Wanderlust - Has a constant desire for change or travel, leading to instability in relationships or careers.

7. Savior Complex - Feels compelled to “save” others, often to the detriment of their own well-being or others’ autonomy.

8. Emotional Vampirism - Drains others emotionally, needing constant validation or attention.

9. Righteous Indignation - Becomes excessively angry over perceived injustices, often alienating others.

10. Altruistic Self-Destruction - Sacrifices themselves for others to an unhealthy degree, often leading to self-neglect.

11. Pathological Modesty - Downplays their own achievements to the point of self-sabotage or invisibility.

12. Incapable of Solitude - Feels an intense fear of being alone, leading to codependent or unhealthy relationships.

13. Over-Rationalization - Justifies every action or decision, even when it’s clearly flawed, to avoid guilt or responsibility.

14. Constant Self-Sabotage - Subconsciously undermines their own success due to deep-seated fears or insecurities.

15. Misplaced Loyalty - Stays loyal to people or causes even when it’s harmful or undeserved.

16. Ethical Rigidity - Follows their moral code to the letter, unable to adapt to complex or gray situations.

17. Need for Obscurity - Prefers to stay unnoticed or in the background, avoiding recognition or responsibility.

18. Involuntary Aloofness - Appears distant or disinterested, often without meaning to, leading to misunderstandings.

19. Fear of Mediocrity - Terrified of being ordinary, they constantly strive for greatness, often leading to burnout.

20. Rejection Sensitivity - Overreacts to criticism or perceived slights, often withdrawing or lashing out.

21. Conflict Avoidance - Avoids confrontation at all costs, leading to unresolved issues and resentment.

22. Over-idealization of Others - Puts people on pedestals, only to be deeply disappointed when they don’t meet expectations.

23. Chronically Unfulfilled - No matter what they achieve, they always feel something is missing, leading to constant searching.

24. Compulsive Truth-Telling - Feels compelled to speak the truth, even when it would be kinder or wiser to remain silent.

25. Overactive Imagination - Sees threats or possibilities where there are none, leading to anxiety or missed opportunities.

26. Faux Humility - Pretends to be humble but secretly craves admiration or validation.

27. Micromanagement - Needs to control every detail, often suffocating others or hindering their own progress.

28. Anachronistic Thinking - Clings to outdated beliefs or practices, struggling to adapt to modern realities.

29. Over-Reliance on Routine - Becomes anxious or lost without their routines, struggling to adapt to change.

30. Selective Memory - Remembers events in a way that suits their narrative, often distorting the truth.

31. Paradoxical Fear of Success - Desires success but subconsciously fears the changes or responsibilities it might bring.

32. Compassion Fatigue - Once empathetic, now numbed or indifferent due to overwhelming exposure to others’ suffering.

33. Overwhelming Nostalgia - Lives in the past, unable to move forward or appreciate the present.

34. Unyielding Perfectionism - So focused on flawlessness that they struggle to complete tasks or accept anything less than perfect.

35. Epistemic Arrogance - Believes they know everything worth knowing, dismissing the possibility of learning from others.

36. Excessive Hedonism - Pursues pleasure to the point of neglecting responsibilities or moral considerations.

37. Over-Cautiousness - So afraid of making mistakes that they rarely take action, leading to missed opportunities.

38. Idealistic Naivety - Believes the world should operate according to their ideals, often clashing with reality.

39. Ambition without Direction - Desires greatness but has no clear path or plan, leading to frustration and failure.

40. Emotional Transference - Projects unresolved emotions onto others, often misinterpreting their intentions or actions.

41. Overdependence on Routine - Becomes anxious or lost without their routines, struggling to adapt to change.

42. Misplaced Guilt - Feels responsible for things outside of their control, leading to unnecessary self-blame.

43. Fear of Being Ordinary - Constantly strives to stand out, often at the expense of authenticity or well-being.

44. Chronic Indecisiveness - Struggles to make even simple decisions, constantly second-guessing themselves.

45. Faux Cynicism - Pretends to be jaded or cynical as a defense mechanism, while secretly caring deeply.

46. Romanticization of Suffering - Believes that suffering is noble or meaningful, often rejecting happiness or comfort.

47. Selective Compassion - Empathetic towards some but completely indifferent or cold to others, often based on biases.

48. Avoidant Optimism - Avoids negative thoughts or situations, clinging to an unrealistic positivity that ignores real problems.

49. Fear of Abandonment - Clings to relationships out of fear of being left alone, often leading to unhealthy dynamics.

50. Overidentification with Work - Sees their job as their entire identity, struggling with self-worth outside of work.

51. Excessive Altruism - Sacrifices their own needs to help others, often to their own detriment.

52. Self-Imposed Isolation - Withdraws from others out of fear of rejection or misunderstanding, leading to loneliness.

53. Over-Analysis Paralysis - Overthinks every situation to the point of being unable to make decisions or take action.

54. Eternal Romantic - Sees the world through a lens of idealized love, often leading to disillusionment or heartbreak.

55. Emotional Incontinence - Struggles to control their emotions, often overwhelming others with their intensity.

56. Fear of Aging - Obsessed with youth, they go to great lengths to deny or hide the aging process.

57. Intellectual Cowardice - Avoids challenging their own beliefs or ideas, sticking to what they know out of fear of change.

58. Emotional Hoarding - Holds onto past hurts or grudges, unable to let go and move on.

59. Unquenchable Curiosity - Always needs to knw more, often prying into others’ lives or crossing boundaries.

60. Romantic Escapism - Uses fantasy or daydreams as a way to avoid dealing with reality, leading to detachment.

61. Masochistic Tendencies - Deliberately seeks out situations that cause them pain or discomfort, believing they deserve it.

62. Incurable Wanderer - Can never settle down, always moving on to the next place or experience, leading to rootlessness.

63. Dependency on Validation - Needs constant approval or praise from others to feel good about themselves.

64. Constant Self-Reinvention - Continuously changes their identity or persona, never settling on who they truly are.

65. Moral Masochism - Finds satisfaction in self-punishment or guilt, often holding themselves to impossible standards.

66. Faux Bravado - Pretends to be fearless or confident to hide deep-seated insecurities or fears.

67. Over-romanticization of the Past - Idealizes past experiences, believing that things were better back then, leading to dissatisfaction with the present.

68. Chronic Hedging - Never fully commits to decisions or actions, always leaving themselves an escape route.

69. Fear of Stagnation - Constantly needs to be doing something or moving forward, fearing they’ll become irrelevant or bored.

70. Over-Attachment to Objects - Places excessive sentimental value on material possessions, struggling to let go.

71. Emotional Stoicism - Refuses to show or acknowledge emotions, leading to repression and eventual breakdowns.

72. Self-Flagellation - Constantly punishes themselves for perceived failures or mistakes, often disproportionate to the actual events.

73. Fear of the Unknown - Terrified of what they can’t predict or control, leading to anxiety or avoidance of new experiences.

74. Romantic Pessimism - Believes that love or relationships are doomed to fail, leading to self-sabotage or cynicism.

75. Intellectual Purism - Believes in the superiority of “pure” intellectual pursuits, often dismissing practical or emotional concerns.

76. Existential Dread - Obsesses over the meaning (or lack thereof) of life, leading to paralysis or despair.

77. Involuntary Nonconformity- Desires to fit in but can’t help standing out or going against the grain, often feeling alienated.

78. Self-Imposed Martyrdom - Puts themselves in a position of suffering or sacrifice, believing it’s their duty or fate.

79. Idealized Self-Image - Clings to an unrealistic self-concept, struggling to accept their flaws or limitations.

80. Compulsive Honesty - Feels compelled to always tell the truth, even when it’s hurtful or inappropriate.

81. Over-Reliance on Technology - Becomes helpless without modern conveniences, struggling to cope with real-world challenges.

82. Moral Exhibitionism - Shows off their ethics or principles to gain admiration or moral superiority, often insincerely.

83. Perpetual Student Syndrome - Always learning but never applying knowledge, avoiding real-world responsibilities.

84. Emotional Osmosis - Absorbs others’ emotions so deeply that they lose track of their own feelings or needs.

85. Pathological Frugality - So obsessed with saving money or resources that they miss out on life’s joys or opportunities.

86. Obsessive Self-Improvement - Never satisfied with themselves, constantly striving for unattainable perfection.

87. False Modesty - Pretends to be humble while fishing for compliments or validation.

88. Uncontrolled Impulsiveness - Acts on whims or impulses without considering the consequences, leading to chaos or regret.

89. Chronic Hedonism - Lives only for pleasure, often to the detriment of their long-term happiness or relationships.

90. Overly Abstract Thinking - So focused on big ideas or concepts that they lose touch with reality or practical concerns.

91. Romantic Idealism - Believes in a perfect love or relationship, often leading to disappointment or disillusionment.

92. Selective Altruism - Only helps others when it suits them, often ignoring those who don’t fit their criteria.

93. Pathological Shyness - So shy or introverted that they struggle to function in social situations, often missing out on opportunities.

94. Moral Superiority - Believes they are more ethical or righteous than others, often looking down on those who don’t share their views.

95. Over-identification with a Role - Sees themselves only as their job, family role, or social identity, losing sight of their true self.

96. Chronic Complaining - Constantly finds something to complain about, often bringing others down or creating a negative atmosphere.

97. Faux Stoicism - Pretends to be emotionally strong or unaffected, while secretly struggling with deep emotional turmoil.

98. Addiction to Drama - Thrives on conflict or chaos, often creating drama where there is none to feel alive or important.

99. Obsessive Collecting - Gathers possessions, knowledge, or experiences obsessively, often unable to let go or move on.

100. Inflexible Optimism - Refuses to acknowledge negative possibilities, often unprepared for setbacks or challenges.

101. Contrarianism - Always takes the opposite stance just to challenge others, often without genuine conviction.

102. Emotional Projection - Attributes their own feelings or issues onto others, often leading to misunderstandings.

103. Compulsive Heroism - Feels the need to be seen as heroic or brave, even in situations that don’t call for it.

104. Spiritual Narcissism - Uses spirituality as a way to feel superior to others or to avoid personal flaws.

105. Self-Defeating Humor - Constantly makes jokes at their own expense, using humor to deflect serious issues.

106. Identity Fluidity - Frequently changes their identity or beliefs to fit in with different groups, losing a sense of true self.

107. Overattachment to the Past - Can’t move on from past successes or failures, allowing them to define their present.

108. Pseudointellectualism - Pretends to know more than they do, using complex language or ideas to impress others.

109. Overidealization of Youth - Places youth on a pedestal, often dismissing the value of experience or aging.

110. Refusal to Accept Help - Rejects assistance from others, believing they must do everything on their own, even to their detriment.

111. Emotional Manipulation - Uses guilt, pity, or other emotions to control or influence others, often without realizing it.

112. Inconsistent Values - Holds contradictory beliefs or morals, leading to confusion or hypocrisy in their actions.

113. Obsession with Legacy - So focused on how they’ll be remembered that they neglect the present or make unwise choices.

114. Excessive Eagerness to Please - Goes out of their way to make others happy, often at the cost of their own needs or principles.

115. Emotionally Guarded - Builds walls around their feelings, making it difficult for others to get close or understand them.

116. Selective Memory - Chooses to remember events in a way that favors them, often distorting the truth.

117. Overattachment to Authority - Relies heavily on rules or leaders, struggling to make decisions independently or question authority.

118. Fear of Vulnerability - Avoids showing weakness or asking for help, leading to isolation or burnout.

119. Intellectual Detachment - Approaches everything with cold logic, often ignoring the emotional or human side of situations.

120. Obsession with Control - Needs to control every aspect of their life and others’, often leading to stress or strained relationships.

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120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers Save This!
120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers Save This!
120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers Save This!
120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers Save This!
120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers Save This!
120 ULTIMATE LIST OF CHARACTER FLAWS. Writers Save This!
ThePlotMage - Etsy
Etsy
Shop All things bookish, witchy, magical and cottage-core by ThePlotMage located in Newark, New Jersey.
3 months ago
Dog Doodle

Dog doodle

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iconstasher - this is a side blog 😩
this is a side blog 😩

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