indigo-blueses

Latest Posts by indigo-blueses

Lately I've been thinking about how language can sometimes be a curse - from the words we speak, even though these words have their own meanings, most of us don't even know how they came about but we just use them because that's the tool that is available to us.

Let's not even mention how words are sometimes so misused that they eventually mean nothing, especially when people don't even mean what they say.

I guess every tool has its advantages and disadvantages. I now understand why they say 'silence is divine' because it truly is. There is no misunderstanding or lies construed in silence - it just is. It's so pure, it can't be marred by lies, manipulations or ulterior motives. What a blessing silence is.

Something I heard this week:

It is not the thing we want that's going to bring us happiness. After we get the thing and we are no longer wanting- that's what brings us happiness. "The No Longer Wanting of it."

So once you no longer want something you are content and in that contentness there is happiness. 🌻

It's not the time passing that you should be worried about but what you choose to do with that time and who you choose to be.

Today I was saying out my desire to the ether and I realised how uncomfortable I am in vocalising my desires out loud. It felt so uncomfortable in my body - in my chest and throat I could just feel this restriction of not being able to my desires out loud.

It just made me feel sad for my younger self for never feeling free and safe enough to voice out my desires and opinions. But now that I am aware of this I can now choose to be the version of my self that creates that safety and freedom for me. It's safe for me to vocalise my desires with ease.

It's okay to start again because this time you are starting from experience. there is nothing wrong with starting over in order to build stronger foundations.

It's almost June and it will be a year since I had decided to start taking walks in my neighborhood and I thought to share the stories from strangers I have met on my walking journey

- One, was an elderly lady who had a daughter that was my age - who had come from a different part of town to find the electricity committee centre in our area. At the end of the walk she even gave me money to thank me for escorting her.

- The other time I came across a high school student, who was on her way to school to fetch her cousins. On that day she was she was dressed in clothes and she was a bit nervous that her schoolmates would judge her attire since everyone would be wearing school uniform. So I offered to walk with her until we parted ways when she saw her cousins. That experience just made me reflect on how when we are still in school - the school community becomes our whole world. Our peers' judgements and opinions seem to matter very much until we leave school and realise it didn't matter at all.

- Another time I came across a university student who was studying architecture - he was telling me about how he couldn't wait to finish his degree so that he could start making money and support his family since the pressure at home was becoming too much for him.

Yesterday was a public holiday - Worker's day to be exact. So this holiday happened to fall on a Thursday and my sister was complaining about how it was such a bummer that the public holiday fell in the middle of the week instead of it being on a Monday or Friday.

So this just had me thinking on how we as people are always quick to complain even if we receive blessings in our lives.

Sometimes we don't even notice those blessings because they weren't to our expectations or that they weren't good enough for us. So just something I was pondering that just by changing your perspective on something, you can change how you experience life.

Life is sweeter when it is filled with moments of gratitude.

She said the rooster is the very first one on the farm to understand that darkness is the beginning of light.

Just when the night can't get any darker, in that split second, a millisecond after it's the darkest it can be, the rooster crows.

Be like a rooster. Wait for the light. It will come; it will arrive without fail. Trust and believe.

From Book: Abundant Ever After by Cathy Heller

One thing I've been insecure about for most of my life is my tummy. My fat tummy. Cause that's what it is - fat.

Most of the time, I suck it in to the point where people even compliment me on my "flat" stomach and in my head I'll be like "if only you knew"

Anyway, today I took a visit to the doctor and I was seated in the reception area, across from me sat a girl around me age wearing a crop top. That crop top was revealing her stomach. Her fat stomach but she wasn't even bothered at all. For her, it was completely normal.

And because of that experience I've began to fully accept this part of me. The stomach I don't see as nice. I've decided to accept my stomach for what it is.

I've decided to appreciate my stomach for all the digesting and detoxing that it has done for me.

I'm slowly learning to love my stomach by looking in the mirror and hugging it and also speaking positive affirmations and being grateful that I am healthy because of it.

How I dealt with a limiting belief I've been struggling with- Part 1:

1. Identify the feeling associated with the limiting belief. (For me, the feeling of fear was behind the limiting belief)

2. Notice where in the body you feel it. (I could feel this fear mainly in my legs and stomach)

3. Feel deeply into the feeling. In order for me to deeply feel into the feeling, I started thinking of the limiting thoughts I think which automatically triggered the feeling of fear. And the more I felt into it - the more the feeling rose. It to more and more intense and then eventually it started to dissipate. And I started to feel less and less uncomfortable.

What does shame feel like?

Shame feels like hiding

Shame feels like not wanting to be seen, heard or understood for fear of being judged

Shame feels like wanting to hide in a hole where no one will find you

Shame feels like preferring to be invisible

Shame feels like not belonging

Shame feels like wanting to run away and to never be found

Shame feels like being disgusted by yourself

Shame feels like wanting to be someone else

It feels like you're not as worthy as everyone else

Shame feels like wanting to deny a part of your identity

I was watching this video of this beautiful woman who was explaining how our desires aren't what we actually want but it's the feelings of having that desire that we want.

And I brought this to my current situation. I have been obsessing over getting a high paying job lately, like I can't afford to wait. I want that job right now.

And after listening to this video, I started asking myself why I want this job so badly. The first answer being to have a sense of security and stability. But it is not only that.

I want that job quickly so that I can get some validation from my family members - so that I can get approved of, in a way. So that I can be that cousin that helps others out. So that I don't have to constantly ask my parents or siblings for money. So that my brother does not constantly tell me how I wasted my years to a degree and have nothing to show for it.

So I realised that deep down, I want validation, acceptance and approval. And now the question is how can I give that to myself rather than wait for others to give it to me.

What is it like to experience freedom?

- Freedom is like watching a crow fly overhead with its wings open wide

It's like being underwater and soaking in all that watery silence

Freedom is like being immersed in a good book in a good book that you've forgotten about your existence.

Freedoms is like being so in flow in your craft or skill that you've forgotten you're alive.

Freedom feels like being relieved off a heavy task that you've been avoiding for quite some time.

Freedom is like a flower finally blooming after weeks of hibernation

It's like hitting that high note of a song

Freedom feels like releasing that scream that you've been suppressing the whole day

Freedom is being awed by the beauty of nature

Freedom is letting go off a situation you've been grasping for dear life

Freedom feels like taking that last exhale before dozing off

Freedom is finally removing off that mask that you've been wearing all day just to please everyone

Freedom feels like dancing and letting loose

Freedom is peace of mind

Resilience

Resilience looks like trying again and again regardless of the outcome you're currently getting.

Resilience is choosing to ignore the naysayers and staying focused on your vision until it comes to life.

Resilience is getting up early and showing up for your dream even if you don't feel like it.

Resilience is doing that uncomfortable thing over and over until it becomes second nature.

Resilience is facing fear over and over until you become the best of friends.

Resilience is making the choice to consistently transforming your mind from a negative mindset to a better state of mind.

Resilience is giving your utmost best even though you are at your lowest point.

Resilience is constantly reminding yourself of why you started to begin with.

Resilience is choosing to show up for your future self.

It is choosing to see the starts in the darkest of nights.

Resilience is knowing the importance of the goal but focusing on the process instead.

Lately I've been wondering about what to work towards for 2025 and I came to the realisation that we are always doing this - working towards a future goal to attain something, to have more or to be a better version of ourselves.

And i started asking myself - "does it ever end?"

When does all this striving eventually stop. When do we finally come to a point where we decide that enough is enough. Does it not get tiring, always living for a future outcome. Are we ever going to be content with what we have?

Yes, the world is changing and yes we have to prepare ourselves but to what point?

Because if we are going to be honest with ourselves, it's no longer about happiness. We've just gotten to a point where it's about feeding our emptiness because all that striving is surely not going to make us happy because we would've already been happy by now.

But also this concept we call happiness doesn't seem to last forever, so how about we choose to be content. And im sure happiness will come find us every once in a while.

The best thing that works for me when feeling anxious and airy is first grounding myself.

This could be taking a walk barefoot on the Earth, jumping up and down(if I have the energy).

Sometimes it's just sitting outside being present with whatever is outside. That looks like listening to the birds, sitting on the grass, cloud gazing, bird watching or people watching.

Doing something that simple just makes me feel at home within myself.

After I have done that and I feel grounded that's when I start questioning my thoughts as to whether they are true or not and whether it is within my control or not. And lastly I choose to let go and melt into the present moment. Because in that moment I am choosing to trust God in that moment and in turn it's easier to then trust myself. It's easier said than done but it helps ✅

If all your deepest desires could come true, what would you start doing today to receive it?

It's not you against the world, it's you against your mind.

Why? Because your entire world lives in your mind. Your thoughts and ideas may come from the world but your perception comes from you. So all those people you say you like or dislike are based on your perception of them. And the things about perception is that it can always change. Meaning you can either choose to be the victim or choose to be responsible of what happens around you. And bit by bit, by changing your perception, you are changing your world.

So learn to befriend your mind. Be curious about those thoughts and judgements you project on people and situations. Is that really how they are or that's how you are choosing to see them?

People are not against you, they are for themselves.

Sometimes we feel like certain people always think or want the worst for us and we couldn't be more wrong. Every person you know or have come across has a different version of you in their head and based on that, it makes perfect sense that they are going to project onto you the things they assume about you. The same way you project onto people the illusion you have of them in your head.

So the point is don't take it personally. Deep down people don't even know you unless they have actually taken the time to really get to know you and those aren't a lot of people.

The best thing you can do is be true to yourself - be true to your values, your interests, dreams and the kind of person you want to be. Because you cannot please both others and yourself. One side is bound to get betrayed and that's okay.

So let go of trying to make other people understand because they might not even be interested in understanding you. They are still fixated on the version of you they curated in their heads. And they are probably not ready to understand you. Maybe one day they will but in the meantime focus on the vision that is you!

The Future

A point in time

It could mean tomorrow, next week or next year

It could be in a decade, a millennium or even the next life

Some say the future looks bright

Others say it looks bleak

At the end of the day, it’s all about doing what is right

The past, the present and the future are connected

But to change the future, it all depends on what is done today

What other people are doing is not as important as what action you’re choosing to take

The future may seem far but it’s as close as tomorrow

The future

Some say AI will take over

Others say the world would’ve ended by then

It’s not only about you and I but generations to come

What kind of world are we choosing to leave for them?

Everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere

But no one is stopping to even ask

Where it is we are going

Everyone is busy hustling in the name of achieving success and wanting more

But how much is enough?

Do we even know what we value?

Or it’s just a matter of gaining more and more

The future

Some say it looks bleak

Others say it looks bright

But I say the future looks beautiful

Not only because I choose to believe that it is

But because I am deciding that it is so.

What matters is asking yourself:

If you’ve taken one small action in changing your part of the world today

May we not give up just because it may seem bleak

May we choose to focus on the light that we can see.

It's frustrating isn't it?

To have worked so hard and to only produce nothing.

To have to work so hard each day and only realise that what you've been working on hasn't been producing fruit

To see others achieving so much and you have nothing to show for it.

But you have to realise it was never about you and them.

It's always been you and you.

Maybe this phase is not about producing a certain outcome, maybe it's about just experimenting in order to get feedback.

Maybe this phase is only meant to last a year or two. So that you can see if what you've been pursuing was what you wanted or not.

Sometimes it's not about the outcome. It's about proving to yourself that you can do hard things. That you can be persistent and that you can be disciplined.

So how about just focusing on the joy of it. The parts of it you enjoy so much.

Like when you're eating your favourite meal. You don't only eat to satiate yourself but you also eat to enjoy it. To get that peak experience of savouring all the flavours and textures.

How comforting it is to be standing in your kitchen chopping vegetables for dinner

Oh, how peaceful it is to be in the warm ambience of your kitchen while chopping onions as the rice is boiling

The feeling of contentness as you are slicing up the carrots for a salad

As the flavourful smell of chicken stew wafts up in the air

The smile etching on your face as you hear the sound of the oven alarm chiming, alerting you that the roast beetroot is ready

Listening to the sound of the kettle boiling as you prepare to dish up for supper.

Ah! The joys of cooking a meal on a Sunday evening.

There are times when I want to apologize to my body.

Times when I choose to eat sweet and dry foods knowing they aren't good for my digestive system.

Times when I add another spoonful of sugar in my tea because it just doesn't taste sweet enough.

The times when I react and don't take the time to tune into my body and feel if I really want to eat something rather than eating just because everyone around me is eating.

There are times when I want to apologize to my body.

The times when I postpone my exercise because I don't feel like it even though it feels great when I move my body.

The times when I skip my daily walk even though I enjoy the smell of pine trees I pass along the way.

The times when I choose to listen to an additional podcast episode fully knowing in that moment my body just wants silence and stillness.

The times when I entertain the negative thoughts when there are ten other positive things I could focus on.

The times when I can choose to sit outside and listen to the birds rather than doomscroll on the socials.

There are times when I want to apologize to my body but I don't because what's the point of an apology without changed behaviour.

I am tired of wanting to apologize to my body because now I want to show my body it can trust me the way I've always trusted it.

I am tired of wanting to apologize to my body because now I am deciding to not be that person anymore.

I want to show my body I can be a good steward of this beautiful vessel.

_Do you ever wonder?_

Do you ever wonder what your tomorrow will look like?

Will you still hear the birds squeak in the early mornings?

Will you still hear the sound of the wind in you ears?

Will you still enjoy the warmth of the sun's rays?

Will you still feel the air reaching deep into your lungs?

Will you still enjoy that one song that speaks to your soul.

Or would you have moved onto something new to enjoy?

What does peace feel like?

- Peace feels like spending hours and hours just gazing at the clouds passing by.

- Peace feels like that warm heat that permeates your clothes while you are enjoying the sunshine

- Peace feels like being held and supported by Mother Earth while you're tending to your garden plants.

- Peace feels like being in your flow while you're writing that funny but beautiful poem

- Peace feels like being full of nostalgia while reminiscing about your past friendships and adventures

- Peace feels like that right sour taste of grapefruit going down your throat

- Peace feels like watching birds painting themselves on a blank canvas that is the sky

- Peace feels like being in a quiet house whilst listening to the dogs barking outside

- Peace feels like going to bed late on a Friday night knowing there's no need to wake up early tomorrow

- Peace feels like being happy at any moment because all your needs are met

- Peace feels like home

I've made peace with that....

- I've made peace with the fact that people have different perceptions of life and that their projections have nothing to do with me but their own personal struggles.

- I've made peace with the fact that one will not always be compatible with other people because how we do things is just different and you can not please everyone nor are you here to do so.

- I've made peace with the fact that one will not always stay permanent in other people's lives, so while you're still present make it your mission to have the best of memories to look back to.

- I've made peace with the fact that home for some is us is not a place or person but more like a state of flow that we experience when we get in touch with our creative selves.

- I've made peace with the fact that society will always have its own standards that people are supposed to live up to buy whether you follow those standards or not - that does not define your worth.

- I've made peace with the fact that our favourite things or people will always change because that shows we are growing and each level of growth requires us to leave a part of us behind.

- I've made peace with the fact that everyone experiences different seasons of life and that one should stop comparing their winter to someone's summer because our journeys are different and that's a beautiful thing.

- I've made peace with the fact that the dark moments of life aren't there to torment us but are there to teach us something that will enable our growth as human beings.

- I've made peace with all that.

Today the weather was gloomy

And for the first time in a while my mood did not reflect that

Which showed me that the weather can be gloomy and I don't have to be sad about it

Just like my emotions, when the sadness washes over I can be okay with it and let it be

Part 2 of lessons I've learnt in the past year.

Last lesson: Opening my heart and forgiving others.

I had been revisiting my intentions on who I want to be. One of those intentions was to be a more loving person, not just to my family and friends but to people who have wronged me as well.

And so I am choosing to be a more loving through by opening my heart and forgiving others. An example of how I approached this was as follows:

So I had not been getting along with this particular person and so in every situation and interaction with them, I would just decide to be closed of in order to "protect myself".

Since I had decide to be more loving, I chose to forgive them. I chose to approach them different. So in each interaction with them, I decided to be more open and understanding towards them. I would go into these interactions with no assumptions, expectations or feelings of resentment but with the heart to listen and fully understand that person.

And doing so has done wonders for me. This person was also willing to be understanding towards me . Of course, we're not the best of friends but there is now a lightness to our interactions and I think that's beautiful. Sometimes you just have to be the first person to forgive and you never know how that transforms your relationships.

🍓🍰 —— 🍓🍰

a soft reminder that coping looks different for everybaby.

some of us color. some of us watch shows from our childhood. some of us buy ourselves toys & run our own bubble baths. some of us let someone else do it for us.

some of us don’t regress or age dream at all to cope. some of us hide under the covers & cry. some of us dissociate into childhood. some of us isolate with our stuffies.

coping doesn’t have to be pretty or aesthetic to be valid.

🍓🍰 —— 🍓🍰

It's been a minute. So last week was my 24th birthday and I was doing some reflecting and I thought to share three lessons I've come to learn during the past year:

Lesson 1: Having a someone to talk to.

I have come to realise how it is so important to have someone to communicate with especially when you are going through a difficult time. This could be a friend, relative, mentor. Like just someone you can trust. Yes they may be able to offer you a listening ear which may lighten your burden but they can also help you shift your perspective on how you might be viewing a particular situation. Together you might be able to come up with different solutions to dealing with the situation in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming.

Doing this not only helps you through the tough times but it also helps deepen the relationship you have with that person.

Sometimes people do want to help and you might not know how they feel but you deciding to tell them also means you trust them. And there is no better feeling that being trusted by someone.

Lesson 2: Letting people go with honesty

There are times in your friendships where things are just stagnant and you're only keeping in touch because you once attended the same school or university together. Or maybe one of you moved to a different area and you no longer meet as frequently and as time goes on the communication and connection fizzles out. You know you were really great friends but things just aren't the same and in some way you are outgrowing each other.

I've come to realise that in such situations it is better to let that person go. Of course, this is not about ghosting them and hoping they get the message but by also being truthful with them and telling them how you really feel. For me the honest truth was letting them know that friendship has reached it's end, the journey was beautiful and I'll forever cherish the beautiful memories we shared together but stagnancy isn't helping anyone.

This might feel very uncomfortable but it's necessary not only for you but for the other person too. By letting each other go, you are making space for more aligned friendships to come through.