Latest Posts by itgirlscout - Page 11

Tonight was a good night :)

In a town a few hours from me, there is an event called Sparkle that I go to every year. And ever year we get all dressed up to take pictures.

Two years ago, Beatrice picked our outfit.

Last year, Monday picked our outfit.

And this year after a brief wardrobe crisis, our original host Emily/Tink, who is still a little four year old, wanted to pick out what we wore. We wore a pink dress with puffed up sleeves and a petticoat, and a tiara, and beautiful iridescent wings.

This is the third time Emily/Tink has fronted after she stopped being the host when the body was four. She never felt safe in the world.

But tonight we wore a pink dress and a tiara, and when I co-fronted with her during the event, she got showered with nothing but compliments, there were little girls running up to hug us and take pictures, and thinking we were a Princess.

And Emily/Tink got to see the lights on the trees and hand out candy to kids and she just had an amazing, amazing day.

And after all that, I think the best thing is, that while that day had such an impact on us, it will also have an impact on those little kids. They will get to one day look back on those pictures and hopefully remember just as magical and special a time as we had.

I am so happy that this is the third reunion Emily/Tink had with the world. And I hope that remembering seeing the lights will comfort her, even if she never fronts again.

She finally had one good night.

Sometimes blurry means there's too many near front to figure out who is in control

Somtimes blurry means we don't feel like anyone at all

Sometimes blurry means we're someone, but they're new or unknown so we can't tell

Sometimes blurry means there's a mix of a few of us and it's easier to just say we're blurry

Sometimes blurry means we're so dissociated we can't process who we are at all

I've been dealing with having some self-harming ideations lately and that brought to mind an aspect of it that I don't hear talked about much; the phantom pains. Often when I get triggered into a self-harming state, I can "feel" the spots where I would end up doing it. It's as though they are a precursor to it and by completing the act, it just makes visible the pain that was already there. I don't know how common this is, but I figured I'd bring it to light in case others struggle with it too.

[ID]

Panel 1: Kyra is clutching her head and Miss White asks her "What's wrong?" Kyra responds "I'm dealing with self-harm ideations again..."

Panel 2: We see a close up of her arms, her left hand is pointing at the spot on her right wrist, her hand is outstretched, but most importantly there are four dashed lines highlighted on her skin. She says "I can 'feel' where they would be. Like a phantom pain, there's nothing there, but my brain tells me there should be."

Panel 3: Kyra is hunched forward with her arms stretched out behind her, keeping back the looming Creature. She says "And then I have to contend with this A-hole egging me on. It's a rough journey."

Panel 4: Miss White throws her arm over Kyra's shoulder and they start walking. Miss White says "C'mon, let's go get you distracted for a bit." and Kyra says "Thank you. I[t] helps to know I'm not alone."

[END]

i couldn't reblog this gem so here you go

(donations)

Our little has been around pretty consistently our whole lives, and although he never really aged, that doesn't mean he doesn't know a thing or two about our complex and nuanced world. He may be a child but he has some wisdom that can be really insightful, and sometimes things the rest of us wouldn't've thought about. I always try to remember that even though he is a child, doesn't mean he's immature.

if you can’t eat a whole meal, eat half. you ate, that’s what is important.

if you can’t get out of bed, try and sit up instead of lying down. it’ll be better for your back and your blood pressure.

if you can’t shower or have a bath today, try and brush your teeth and clean your ears. it’ll keep you a little cleaner, and we often forget those areas. 

if you can’t get dressed today, change underwear and use some deoderant. it’ll leave you a little fresher until you have the strength to change fully.

and remember, i’m very proud of you. your best will look different every day, and that’s okay.

Lil portrait of CeCe courtesy of @sweetandserenity

When the body doesn't look right, it's nice to have a visualisation of yourself.