SOME* OF YA'LL ARE NEVER GOING TO GET YOUR DESIRES, AND YOU'LL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELVES

The thing is the girls and women who identify as non-binary while gender non conforming have the potential to be so fucking cool. I know them, they’re like me, at core they’re like all of us who refuse to give in that bullshit idea that there’s a feminine essence to womanhood. Said like that they would agree, but since gender activism disguises its rancid sexist views in postmodernist language they don’t see it for what it is. So many only allowed themselves to look more masculine and have an alternative style once they decided they were not women, as if women couldn’t look androgynous, couldn’t wear black all day, couldn’t have the finest punk jacket or simply couldn’t cut their hair short, couldn’t be make-up free, couldn’t be hairy and wear baggy shirts and jeans.

They can look just like us who are gnc and radical feminists, except they believe they’re giving a big fat middle finger to the system when the reality is they have the same idea as the system : women must be feminine, men must be masculine. Again, said like that they would disagree, but their beliefs show otherwise. I want to shake them by the shoulders and ask them “why the fuck are you calling yourself basically non-woman the minute you look different from the heteronormative patriarchal norm (gender) ?” They have the potential to be so cool, yet the minute they say that they’re not women this goes down the drain and there’s no spirit of rebellion, anti-system, anti status-quo left. It’s counter intuitive, counter productive, and most importantly it lets down all girls and women who never fitted gender norms and never will. I can look like a post-punk dude while being a masc woman, fuck your sexist expectations, fuck your little boxes, that’s gender abolition.

The girl in the cage is just what I call the Late Bloomer. The girl who struggles growing into a woman because she’s being oppressed and restricted into roles she “must” fulfill as a woman in society. I’ve said how these women must be brought into fruition because they’re fully grown, wish-fulfilling trees. That’s why we see Nicki Minaj nd Doja Cat saying “pick my fruit.” It’s why I love UPH & Hasta as a pair because Hasta is literally the hand that brings Uttara Phalguni into fruition by fulfilling its shakti through Uttara Phalguni. Someone needs to “pick their fruit” and literally help awaken their sexuality + sexual power (which is why I constantly talk about the Late Bloomer, sexual awakenings, and Kundalini awakenings under this nakshatra).

I’m so happy & so so proud of myself

If you’ve been following me since my twitter days you know I’ve been talking about this for a long timeee I loved

This part

saturn nakshatras and the classical arts

@venussaidso recently shared a post about a group of saturn nakshatra actors who were called "untalented and only famous because of pretty privilege" as saturn is perceived as limiting, stiff and restrictive through its natives

actors are generally expected to he highly expressive, dynamic and fluid — spirited, emotionally charged performances are often celebrated and given acclaim

saturn nakshatras natives often thrive in the classical arts, such as ballet and the classical music sphere, as here a certain element of saturnian control, austerity, reduction & adhereing to strict guidelines is needed to be successful. here, uninhibited, uncontrolled expression (such as the improvisational nature of jazz or the fiery dramatics of theatre) is not the norm

grammy winning violinist, hillary hahn, uttara bhadrapada moon

she was even given the moniker 'ice-queen' which ties into the frigid nature of saturn - an energy when applied in other genres or art forms where fluidity and brazen expression is the norm may be deemed 'boring' 'cold" 'non expressive' - but in the sphere of classical music a certain element of controlled 'perfection' is highly revered and respected

classical musicians are notoriously known to struggle with improvisation, as their main emphasis lies in performing works exactly as they were written hundreds of years ago, with high pressure on the performer and meticulous repetition necessary to perfect the art — conducive to saturnian energies

as with classical ballet, improvisation can even result in injury and there is an emphasis on control, structure, order and seamlessly becoming one part of a whole

despite constantly repeating steps that are incredibly difficult, require inordinate amounts of strength and flexibility while constantly pushing the limits of what the human body is capable of & comfortable with executing, it is imperative for ballerinas to display an aura of grace and effortlessness

in other sports, it is acceptable for an athlete to show signs of stress, fatigue or strain on their faces but a ballerina must always display a façade of serenity, grace and delicacy - traits associated with the cold, airy, meticulous saturn

ballerina and social media influencer, lori hernandez, uttara bhadrapada moon

from a list of 'the 10 most influential ballerinas of all time'

anna pavlova - pushya moon

yuanyuan tan - pushya moon & saturn

diana vishneva - pushya venus & saturn

margot fonteyn - anuradha rahu

virginia johnson - uttara bhadrapada rahu

pushya moon, anna pavlova in the garden of her home “ivy house” outside london with her pet swan jack

saturn nakshatras are prominent among acclaimed classical concert pianists

glenn gould - pushya moon & mars

dinu lipatti - pushya moon, u. bhadrapada venus & mars

carl maria von weber (composer, conductor, virtuoso pianist, critic) - anuradha sun

anton rubinstein (founder of st. petersburg conservatory) - anuradha sun & jupiter

arthur rubinstein - uttara bhadrapada moon

martha argerich - uttara bhadrapada ketu

vladimir horowitz - uttara bhadrapada ketu

glenn gould, pushya moon, was a canadian classical pianist. he was among the most famous and celebrated pianists of the 20th century

the hardest pill to swallow . . if you don’t assume, it won’t work

this isn’t tough love. this isn’t a scolding. this is just the mechanics of reality. this isn’t about blame. it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility (i saw this quote somewhere and i really liked it, anyway). reality is malleable, but only if you stop acting like you’re at its mercy. stop waiting for permission. stop refreshing the page, stop tapping the glass. it’s done. act accordingly.

consider your brain an old, glitchy computer, whirring in the corner of your psyche, choking on its own outdated code. your subconscious doesn’t know what’s real versus imagined, it only knows the instructions you give it. and if those instructions are “this isn’t happening, i don’t see it, i don’t believe it,” well, congratulations, the system registers that as the blueprint. and it prints that out. over and over. like a bureaucratic nightmare, a kafka novel of your own making.

this is not to say that doubt is failure, doubt is human, doubt is a thrum in the background of any great creation. but if doubt is the occasional rainstorm, belief is the structural integrity of the house. belief holds. belief carries. belief is the scaffolding between you and the impossible, and without it, you are just standing in an empty field, waiting for architecture to spontaneously occur.

there’s a reason schrodinger’s cat remains the most infuriating hypothetical in quantum mechanics, because the cat is both alive and dead until you open the box. the observer collapses the wave function. and in this case, you are the observer. if you don’t believe it, you keep the box shut. if you do believe it, the universe is already rearranging itself around your conviction.

this is not new-age drivel. this is not a vision board with a quote about perseverance peeling off in the humidity. this is physics. have you ever thought about someone, and then they text you five minutes later? that’s the speed at which reality moves when you don’t get in your own way. you didn’t sit there clutching your skull, willing them into existence, you just assumed, with ease, with god-tier nonchalance. and because you weren’t scrutinising the timeline like a detective with a corkboard and red string and bloodied eyes, the message came through. the only thing standing between you and everything you want is the way you react to its absence. the hand-wringing, the despair, the creeping doubt, it’s a full-time job, and it pays in absolutely nothing.

which brings me to my next point: trying. trying is the problem. trying implies effort, and effort implies resistance, and resistance is another way of saying “i don’t actually believe i have this.” and you know what people do when they have things? they stop worrying about whether they have them. a person in possession of an apple does not pace the room, clutching their chest, whimpering, “but do i really have it?” they just eat the apple.

and before you say, “but look at my reality, it’s contradicting me,” i will say this once, and you must etch it into your mind like scripture: reality is old news. what you are seeing is just a delayed projection of past assumptions. do not react to it. do not engage with it. it is a rerun of a show you no longer care about. the moment you stop feeding into the contradictions, they wither. the moment you accept that what you want is already done, reality will course-correct. until then, it is an echo chamber of your previous doubts. ignore it like it’s a tabloid headline about a scandal that never actually happened.

flip the switch. decide, assume, move forward. no more “manifesting,” no more “waiting.” you don’t wait for what’s already yours. you don’t question a chair’s ability to hold you up before sitting down. you don’t send a letter and then agonise over whether the mail system still exists. you assume. you know. and so it is.

and before the panic sets in, no, this does not mean you must be a perfect disciple of unwavering belief. doubt will creep in, as it always does. you will have moments of existential dread, of scrutinising, of muttering “but what if” into your hands at 2 a.m. this is fine. this is human. just don’t let it become the dominant narrative. there will be moments where you feel like you're nowhere, like your manifestations have abandoned you and you're left with nothing but the weight of your own effort. do not, under any circumstances, entertain this lie. i will personally resurrect the fear of god just to drill this into you: do not. what you do instead is cry a little, wipe your face, and then lock the fuck in, because i swear on everything, sometimes, all it takes is a stretch of nothing to summon an abundance of everything. let the doubt pass through like an intrusive thought you refuse to entertain, like a pigeon that landed in your cafe but is not, in fact, your problem.

maybe this reminds you of when the soviets tried to scientifically disprove intuition, only to realise they had unintentionally proved it instead. maybe this reminds you of every ghost story you’ve ever heard, how the only ones who see them are the ones who expect to.

anyways. it’s all already happening. your only job is to get out of the way.

nothing in this world should matter more than your well-being. you should be your top priority ‘cause everything and everyone is you anyway. don’t be anxious or worried. you won’t lose them if you focus on yourself. in fact, the more you focus on yourself, the more they will focus on you. the world will treat you how you treat yourself not how you treat others. we’ve been taught that we receive what we give and if that’s the case, why do so many selfless people get horrible treatment in return ? why do loyal people get cheated on ? you could give someone the world and they would still leave, betray, or abandon you. yet, people who are selfish and only care about themselves more often than not end up with individuals who give them everything they want. who treat them like royalty. who worship the ground they walk on even if they give them absolutely nothing in return. both cases are hurtful so i’m not encouraging either, but they are proof that it all has to do with you. it has to do with how you view yourself, what you think you deserve, your priorities, and your self concept. energy flows where attention goes, right ? the more you focus on yourself, the more the energy/attention will flow and be on you because you are the center of everything. once you fully grasp and believe that, you’ll never suffer from the fear of loss or be scared of anything. you’re the operant power in your reality and whatever you choose to experience has no choice but to present itself in your reality. it has no choice but to exist in your reality. be it “good” or “bad.” so, it’s your choice. are you going to let the fear of losing them control you and strip away your power or acknowledge that you’re the operant power and that loss isn’t something you experience and stop identifying with it ?

i turn 25 this year. i casually wear sarees when i go out and i can cook just about anything. i drink turmeric water on an empty stomach and water my plants dutifully.

today i made lemon pepper chicken soup, i spent my afternoon deshelling walnuts while listening to carnatic music and doing abhyanga with my favourite ayurvedic oil. i have a long way to go in terms of where i want to be in life but somehow, at 25, i have become/am becoming a woman who is everything i never thought i could/would be as a teenager.

i sit here with oil in my hair, a gold nose ring, a bindi, being painfully domestic and embracing the full spectrum of traditional indian womanhood (coated with modern liberal 21st century values) and i feel like my 17yr old self would be both intimidated by me but also extremely confused.

someone sent me a reel on ig featuring shobhana from the tamil movie thalapathy and told me i remind them of her aesthetically speaking. if i was a teenager, id be offended bc it was too "traditional" but now somehow it feels easy and comfortable.

the deeper i go into myself, the more i find myself embracing my heritage, my culture, my roots, my religion (and others too hehe) and finding it incredibly peaceful to surrender to it and find beauty in it. i used to be such a rationalist who thought kolams made no sense and why should women make kolams anyway but now i look forward to drawing those little geometric forms outside my door everyday, beckoning Lakshmi into my little home

for those who dont know , ^^^ this is a kolam. it does not have to be this intricate or complex. there are simpler, smaller patterns. they are drawn by hand using rice flour.

im a housewife at heart. not to any man. but to myself. i am a wife to the house i live in. i love it, i cherish it, i value it and i take care of it with adoration, respect and dedication. most of all, i belong deeply to myself. i am a bride of the universe and i am married to myself.

Why Tara Bala is Especially Powerful in one’s own Chart on the Angles

As I have discussed in my previous posts, planets in cardinal houses 1, 4, 7 and 10 have the most visibility in one’s chart, especially if we judge a person not by their internal world, but just on the premise of their actions and external appearance.

I have also discussed Tara Bala, and how planets in the “enemy” or “friend/best friend” Tara Bala position can be detrimental or helpful to one’s life. That effect becomes particularly prominent, if the planet involved resides on the angles.

Case in Point: A singer, whose very significant chart planet is Venus in Vishakha in the 1st house. Any planet in the 1st house becomes an integral part of one’s personality, so that planet in Vishakha Nakshatra will be in the front and center of the person’s identity, even though it’s not a luminary. However, the person has Moon in Shravana in the 4th house, also on the angle. Shravana is Vishakha’s worst enemy, and thus detrimental to one’s expression, if one shares both of these Nakshatras in their own chart. So the person here is going to have trouble expressing the nature of their 1st house planet because of the nature of their basic consciousness, that the Moon represents, and it’s going to be visible to others.

The external reflection was visible in this singer’s public appearances, where she fluctuates very strongly between a more tame “girl next door”, even neglected, public persona (which some of her viewers have criticized heavily), and her alternative artistic personality, when she puts in more effort during photo shoots. On the same note, there have been fans who have criticized her behavior and appearance even during performances. Charisma and performance is a Vishakha theme, but Shravana is more domestic and feminine, and some people have made derogatory comments about her behaving and looking like a “grandmother” on stage. That’s because the wise crone of Shravana doesn’t mesh well with the more Jupiterian creative display of Vishakha.

What to do if you have the same issue in your chart? Make sure you satisfy both of those parts of your personality, but don’t mix them. Compartmentalize these sides of yourself with full love and awareness, and realize mixing some things is just a bad idea, like putting a bathroom in the kitchen, but that doesn’t mean both elements aren’t necessary in your life. That will come more naturally to people, who even with this Tara Bala have the enemy Tara Bala planet in more hidden houses (like 8th or 12th), as they will be more public with one planet over the other, and that compartmentalization will be natural.

To use the singer in question as an example, I would advise her to separate her public and private life, wear and do whatever she wants during her spare time, which shouldn’t be that hard because she’s a minor European celebrity, but make sure she always shows up strictly in her Vishakha energy when she does anything remotely public or posts it on social media. It will have to be a very strong, creative public act and take hard work, but otherwise something will always be awkward in self presentation of such a person.

From father’s house to husband’s house to a grave that still might not be her own, a woman acquiesces to male authority in order to gain some protection from male violence.

Right Wing Women, Andrea Dworkin

Just a speculation: if, one of the things that sun represents is energy and vitality in astrology, can that mean that what ever house the sun is placed in, the themes related to that house energises you or brings you vitality? For example: Sun in the 2nd house might feel energised when they have a stable and secure flow of money, quality time with family, trying out new food and being clear on your values or priorities.