Latest Posts by itsrainyheart - Page 5

for 2024:

read a lot and read everything

film and art and music are what builds ur soul

be outside

love and romance will not come to you any quicker if you are focused on it constantly

possessions don't improve things

movement does improve things

university is <4 years of the rest of your life - make the most of it

find the pleasure in hard work

lose the pleasure in scrolling

creation is essential

joy, love & intelligence are the tenets of life

stagnation isn't inevitable. no person is in a fixed state. you can always change

When do they let you grow up?

when does a mother stop trying to turn her

daughter into herself?

how many girlhoods does it cost?

how many times does a girl need to die where is the girl gone?

to make a good daughter?

what did you do of the woman she was supposed to be?

where has she gone? what did you do to her?

will she ever come back? where is her grave?

is that what you wanted?

on the phone with god rn to make sure im not on his “strongest warriors” list again for 2024

no consuming this media isnt enough i need to go on a walk and think about it to music

it'll pass.

it'll pass. it'll pass. it'll pass. it'll pass. it'll pass. it'll pass. it'll pass. it'll

fatima aamer bilal, from i mother it the absence of her, iii. i am not a person that can be loved for a very long time excerpt from moony moonless sky.

KNOW IT'S FOR THE BETTER // ON THE LONELINESS AFTER ABANDONMENT

S.A. Khanum "Rome Falls," Kingdoms in the Wild // boygenius Not Strong Enough // Fleurie Love and War // unknown // Sleeping At Last Mother // Catherynne M. Valente Deathless // @heavensghost // pinterest // Mitski I Don't Smoke

richard siken, clementine von radics

Dearest Thanatos

doomed by the narrative but not to death. doomed to survive. doomed to stay alive inside the story. doomed to never escape the narrative, not even through death. you are allowed no exit. there is no way out for you and there never was. you couldn’t die if you wanted to. the narrative has a hold on you and it won’t let go. death is too sweet a doom for you. the story has something much worse in mind. there is no way out.

it scares me how temporary everything is

Hunter x Yoji Shinkawa

2024 AFFIRMATIONS

YOU ARE NOT UNIQUELY HORRIBLE

DESIRE IS THE ROOT OF ALL SUFFERING

KILL THE MAN IN YOUR HEAD

YOU HAVE TWO GOOD HANDS

COMPARISON DESTROYS PERSONALITY

CHANGE OR DIE

i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.

“you’re so sensitive” i was born with a poet’s soul. bitch

― James Joyce, Ulysses

yes im always a little sick to my stomach with anger and rage. why do u ask?

I want scrambled eggs w butter rosemary and Parmesan on toast but the truth is I’m not hungry and my taste buds are dull and sick, it won’t taste as good as I imagine, but I don’t know how to soothe myself when I feel like this! Feeling a little alone wish I had a girl friend I could meet for late night coffee and conversation weep weep

how does one feel the weight of the love they can’t see anymore

After work I went to my boyfriend’s mom’s apartment and she had prepared eggplant three different ways and while we were eating it w bread we heard a huge fight happening outside on the next street over so we went on the terrazzo and saw blue flashing lights but couldn’t tell if the vehicle was the ambulance or the carabinieri and I laughed when I realized that everyone else was outside outside on their terraces too and bf’s mom yelled down to her friend one floor below us like “Guilia, ma cosa succede?” Friend was like “Boh” then they talked back and forth while I thought about how it felt like a scene in an old Italian movie where everyone in the small town is watching your business from their windows. It really does happen like that. Then we drank espresso and talked for two hours inside and I lived my evening happily ever after

forget about touching grass, i need to touch THE SEA I NEED TO GO INTO THE WATER I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

on shame and yearning (pt.2)

source? i felt it in my heart

i can't seem to remember the last time i dreamt, yet every day feels like a dream. i wouldn't want to call it dissociation because my awareness denies me this pleasure; even though defining is limiting, sometimes i wonder how it feels to fit in a definition, without the ifs and the buts. human beings are paradoxical. she loves me, she loves me not, no, she loves me more than i can bear so i push her away and then feel guilty about being a deplorable being (or im just 16); i tell him i don't want him but i never know what i desire, so how can i be so sure? the day goes by, crying and wailing but a few words from her feel like a beam of light in a space darker than the ever consuming one inside me. the enormity of my desire disgusts me. but they always tell you to dream big and the moment you do, they ask you to put your foot on the ground because life's gruesome, we never get what we want. i position myself in front of the mirror, look in her eyes, at the crook of her neck, the stomach, the body she can't provide to. it is to say, that i've never been a natural and all i do is try but in reality perhaps, all i was, was a natural and i never did try. the biggest joke is, i don't remember being young at all, i was always this old, always aching, always decaying. maybe the real tragedy is having to let go what you never knew, what never was yours. you are fine. this is fine. and your life's a long line of fine.

I want scrambled eggs w butter rosemary and Parmesan on toast but the truth is I’m not hungry and my taste buds are dull and sick, it won’t taste as good as I imagine, but I don’t know how to soothe myself when I feel like this! Feeling a little alone wish I had a girl friend I could meet for late night coffee and conversation weep weep

they should invent someone who would really like just doing laundry and taxes with me. i think

Gripping my bathroom sink repeating I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone