jailposes

Latest Posts by jailposes

Divine Masculine Healing session #1

I’m not really scared to share myself and my story. my flaws. my humanness. these weaknesses have now become my strengthening during my development. Now i’m not bout to sit here and fucking scream at the top of a mountain for the world to see me exposed but those who are here are clearly meant to get the message, don’t you agree?

You can do anything, face anything, become anything, and possess anything you desire. do you believe in miracles? then stop limiting yourself. believe in every aspect of who you are, be confident. you literally never know how the universe will show up for you 🤎

Say hello to the real me 🙏🏾

The FEAR test:

Why are you feeling fear?

Is it due to self programming?

Are you in actual danger?

Is your life being threatened?

If the answer is no. Start to examine yourself.

Did fear start in the mind and extent to the gut?

Does your body instantly react to something that took place in the physical?

Study yourself.

Change how you view and use fear. Treat fear as intuition but do not act on the thought of fear.

Fear can be used as information.

Where do the actions you make come from emotionally?

today i saw two birds chase and hunt a tiny all white butterfly (or moth) until one of the birds caught and ate the butterfly. i was sad for a moment but then i just thought well i guess life goes. there are technically tons of these white butterflies; at least i see them a lot. and i did try to stop the birds slightly but it didn’t work.

i’m finally looking up symbolisms and meanings of what i witnessed and it seems like a symbolism for embracing change? but it was two birds and that seems to always symbolize love in some form and symbolize balance as a whole concept.

this seems to align with my current events and my journey of self. but i feel like there’s more to this if anyone has insight.

“You’re not actually thinking, you’re just being logical”

simple but starts to expand when you really t h i n k about it.

Is being logical actually using your brain? or is it programming?

how many times have you thought being logical was the correct answer?

how many times have you done something that made no sense to you but you still did it anyways?

just small portioned food for thought. it can be as deep as going inside yourself for more realizations or as simple as a passing thought.

do you want to think about it or just keep it as simple logic?

what is logic and does it come from your own power?

i don’t think so. if i’m being logical it usually is against my current stream of thoughts, becoming like a forfeit of my desired reality. the compromise if you will.

they say love isn’t logical; doesn’t make “sense”

but you use your senses to navigate your life.

i feel the senses and logic have no correspondence with each other.

what are you really tapped into when you’re being logical?

one day at a time Joshua 😪

Uranus in my 8th house got me thinking ima die younger than i would like to lately 🥲

i used to feel this heavy about 10 years ago idk what’s going on now.

i guess i’ll leave this here if it does happen 😞🤎

Rule Of Opposites/ Circle of Life

Earth moves in cycles/spirals, this the very nature of the Universe reflecting the “Circle of Life” or as I say the “Spiral of Life”. All life flows/moves within this spiral. All life is in constant motion like waters flowing from a stream. All life is interrelated and inter-dependent like the many intricate threads of a single spider web.

Since humans are a part of nature and nature is known to move in cycles, we also move in cycles.

The circle/spiral, is a sacred symbol. The spiraling motion can take a specific direction through choice. (It’s funny because if you look at a spiral it’s often hard to tell which direction it *(The choices of others)* was drawn in. *(It’s all based on your perspective/perception which we’ll get into)* Circles of life surround us, exist within us, and compromise many relationships of our own existence.

The Circle/Spiral of Life is made of the Mind, Body, Spirit and the Natural Enviornment. We all have our own way of life that we’ve chosen and lived in. Our choice of how we focus our time and energies in each of these components(mind, body, spirit, NE) reflect our values and properties.

*Balance is another component in understanding the symbolism of the Circle/Spiral. *Flowing in sync with the natural flow of things themselves*

The Circle/Spiral has no real beginning or ending. So terms like ‘good’ or ‘bad’ are given relative value because one naturally implies the other. So this means the TRUTH lies somewhere between the two poles (good and bad) as opposed to being at one of the two poles. In other words look beyond the surface value to seek what is true.

But also be aware of the difference between the approaches of:

“This and That”

“This or That”

And the most extreme

“This VS That”

.

“This or That” and “This VS That” can result in having discordant feelings, thoughts and/or actions.

*MY EXAMPLE*

It’s like being asked Beyonce VS Solange, sister VS sister. I think the easy answer is Beyonce; why? Beyonce has more status, more accomplishments recognized, and ultimately has a better vocal range.

But if I ask you Beyonce OR Solange it becomes a lot more opinionated rather than hardcore fact checking when you say versus. (Be aware how ‘ego’ can also create delusion. You can even replace the word ego with perception! But not all delusion is bad, it’s your world after all!)

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Its all about the thought process in these unconscious states of mind and how simple keywords can trigger a whole entire way of thinking you can’t control because you aren’t aware of all the levels your being affected on. Words and phrases are still more powerful than we give credit for. It may sound corny but Knowledge is power, you can’t be what you dont know you are! You can’t possess power you dont even know/believe you have!

In one simple way the Rule of Opposites is something that implies recognizing meaning and truth in everything you apply this rule to. The Circle/Spiral of Life is finding purpose and direction in ALL of life.

*EXERCISE*

Draw a circle. Start anywhere.

The point where your pen first touches the paper is the point of conflict.

As you draw your circle recognize this whole motion as seeking resolution, finding harmony.

When you complete that circle recognize you have now found the balance and restored harmony in this cycle to become whole.

*This circle is truly how how life works apply it with anything and you may understand everything and anything.*

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Opposites are extensions of themselves. Again like ‘good’ or ‘bad’ one implies the other.

We choose our own opposites aka we are the true source for the difficulty we face.

We have way more choices available to us than we ever realize. Sometimes we make choices that may not have been so beneficaial to us in short or potentially long term. But notice how our perspective changes as we look back and realize different and more beneficial choices were possible. The answer/key is to gain a greater range of perspective; aka WISDOM. Energies themselves are never the source of our problems, it’s our own self understanding of the energies and also how we use these energies that are often the source of our problems.

Conflict seems to be a part of the human experience but based on how you look at it conflict is an illusion. All things are energy, when energy takes on a specific nature it moves accordingly to its nature (moving at a degree, angle, direction, etc). So when finally met with an opposing force the energy is seeking resolution through/in harmony; OR simply put to find balance to become whole like the Circle/Spiral.

The next lesson in The Rule of Opposites is asking the right question rather than look for the right answer.

*EXAMPLE*

What is 1+1?

Looking for the right answer you may say 2.

But if i ask you:

Does 1+1 really equal 2?

We’ve entered a whole new realm and thought process AND level of understanding.

1+1 can equal 1. (1 person comes together with another 1 person and create a whole new energy/identity)

1+1 can equal 3 ( The color red plus the color blue now creates purple; that’s two separate energies that harmonize together and create a third energy. It’s like Goku and Veneta fusion to create Vegito, they both still have their minds and work together through harmony and balance to exist as Vegito but Vegito will never exist without the two.)

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Taking a deeper look at these words “asking the right question rather than look for the right answer” its important to realize asking the right questions instead of seeking the right answers allows you to understand the function rather than the effect. (Example: 1+1)

Basically, clarify your assumptions and find the true meaning of a given experience or situation.

A person could be so angry they invest a magnitude of energy in defending why someone made them made them angry. An alternate course of action would be to examine the energy of discord and understand the underlying meanings of these feelings. “How can my anger be useful to me?” “What does anger mean to me?” Find the true source of your anger and the overall patterns within. Questioning others choice is only natural but believe it or not its not about them, its about you.

When I get angry I often find the reason is because things are beyond my control and my ego is upset due to lack of control. It’s not really about what someone did to me. It’s about understanding myself. I can’t and refuse to control anyone else’s actions or choices. Idc if we’re married, idc if we’re in business. This whole life experience has given free will to all of us. I can make clear agreements and contracts with my partners in love or even business. Doesn’t mean anyone has to abide and follow these contracts and that’s the plain truth. Instead I seek to achieve harmony and balance within structures. Scales lose balance as things progress and make changes (just as nature) all in an attempt to complete a cycle, upgrade and become whole again. The cycle repeats. It’s really simply just a universal understanding and the more you understand the less you fight. You just have to know and be clear on where your going and what the goal is *aka asking the right question and not asking for the right answer the truth lies inbetween*

Perspective is everything but beyond perspective is truth.

Example: A warrior is a warrior yes, but a real warrior is a lover.

Next Lesson:

Question your assumptions; you’ll find the hidden meanings (or truths) and understand the value of choices you made.

This rule also enables us to clarify assumptions we’re acting on rather than focusing energy on justifying our actions and perceptions. When you ask a question focus on the question AND the opposite of it, (and any alternate question that focuses on what is truth) rather than what is ‘right or ‘wrong’ ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

*EXAMPLE*

“What did you say?” Implies “What did you not say?” “What did I do?” Implies “What did I not do?”

Both are equally important questions and part of the same truth. But they do not reveal underlying truth. You want to reveal the others personal choice that was made AND the personal values of that choice.

“How did you come to make that choice?” “What does it mean to you?” clarifies your own personal assumptions and see more than just the outcome AND even the cause of an action or decision.

We need to step beyond our Individual frame of reference to recognize deeper meanings and lessons that present themselves to us. Reacting to life circumstances without pausing for reflection limits our ability to perceive underlying truths through multiple perspectives. Recognizing the relationship among things is key to seeking a sense of harmony and balance, which occurs when you recognize and honor Universal Truths and underlying meanings.

The Circle of Life is driven by individual choice. Each choice requires us to seek our place within the Circle, a place that balances the opposite pull of spiritual (spirit) and physical (body), mental (mind), and natural environment. Life consists of a endless series of choices that present us with challenges to be met or ignored, consequences to be accepted or rejected.

Because we have the freedom to choose, we also possess the freedom to seek a unique personal balance in our lives--or to maintain them in a state of discordance.

Either way, we have the opportunity to learn and to understand. The primary lesson of the Rule of Opposites is the lesson of choice.

As this lesson still has more layers to be understand I will stop here and give you time to catch up. Thank you for your time as always. Endless love to you, whoever you are.

man i truly do apologize to everyone i’ve hurt and affected so negatively in this lifetime. i just read about my mars in 3rd house (Virgo) and i better understand myself, i think it may have fully clicked. nothing left to do but make much better choices and make sure i’m on the high vibrational side and know what and when to do when i’m on the lower vibrational side. i’ll never give up! not on myself not on those who remain present with me. just learning my lessons and being delicate with myself 🤎

i know it probably means nothing at this point but a sincere apology from the bottom of my heart. i’m great full to experience a low so low it propelled me into internal evolution. everything is fine and i’m happy with all parts of myself. the marathon continues ✌🏾

Todays really the anniversary of me becoming a music producer. i chose my first producer name on this day which will remain anonymous lmao. it’s been 7 years since i started to take this seriously. Although my skills are always improving and i’m really him, im learning the business and promotion aspect which is where i lack on execution. I’m excited to see what comes in the future and the now. shoutout to the little yet growing amount of supporters 🙏🏾

Have you ever wondered what your name actually means/stands for?

What does your name mean?

Self reflection

I saw a dead cat walking on acid today. It didn’t shock me or scare me, it actually surprised me more than anything. I was sad for a minute but I had to ask why was I sad? I saw death but it’s actually not something to be sad about or even to fear. It wasn’t a warning of what’s to come. The moment was a stand still. The cat had its eyes closed if anything a bit of it eyes were glaring but not even to actually shock me. Its ears were upright it was perfectly in tact. In fact I just assume a car hit it but tbh there was absolutely no evidence of that even taking place. But cats dont just die in the street do they? 

That’s why im able to step back a little more. It was very foggy. A cat that could’ve lost its way. A cat that was potentially stuck in its ignorance and own ways. But it was fog. Something died in the fog. Did I find what died in the confusion? Did something die when I become more aware? What died tho? But I guess another key takeaway is allowing space and time for the answer to just simply come to me. I got to excited with this information but now im going to pull it back into self and find comes next.

I would ask for opinions but in reality yours doesn’t even matter to me. It would shape my belief in something I dont have clarity in and why does your truth have to become mine? I’ll remain unanimous. Instead you who are reading take this information as you will. I guess we all uncover our own truths and hidden layers

i’m on acid rn and i saw a dead cat on my walk through darkness hope this helps someone out there

Samadhi (Birthday Mix 2)

“Samadhi” - A short journey compiling all of my emotions and life experiences in 2023 into an instrumental orchestration. I made this project in the state of flow and allowance. Each instrumental takes you through an exploration of emotions and feelings. This is me sharing my multidimensional self with others, without words. This is my beautiful transmutation. This is my dance; my flow state. My greatness in audio format. My 2023 experience. Love & Light to those who share and listen. Thank you. 

Sharing Introspection:

Todays the day, my day. Im great full for all of you who tap in and tune in on a deeper level. Im feeling emotional as I write this as so much has happened to me and for me recently. It’s a lot.  

BUT ITS A CELEBRATION BITCHES

Saturn Return: 

This is the year of entering my Saturn Return hence the title of the track. I loved this track when I first made it; originally called Before August. (I made this the day before Aug 1st). This is the oldest track on the project (?) but this track just signifies ringing the “spiritual alarm” for me. It’s war, but not physical warfare, spiritual warfare. How does a warrior stick with a level of intensity yet remain light on his feet? Focus, concentration, preparation yet sensitivity all blended into one. The Art of War book is a great reference for this song. It’s not all about physicality or overpowering, as you begin to master the war within yourself, this song will become your dance and flow in that dance. Free your body from yourself and all attachments/limitations. WE are infinite.

Heart of Nipsey:

FOCUS-FOCUS-FOCUS. That’s what this track is all about. Focus and harnessing energies that expand your mind, energy and aura. This track was made in a meditative state. It feels like power. I love the way I layered this song. The sounds don’t even feel earthly. A spiritual experience if you allow it to be so. Notice if you have thoughts while this track plays you dive deeper into those thoughts. This songs vibrations honestly speak for itself.

Im also slowly trying to teach the people the importance of frequencies and energies in music! Consciously and subconsciously. You’re being affected at all levels. It starts with awareness. Enjoy the music by any means but in order to gain power it starts with awareness. Use this power of frequencies. Test it out play around. 

Steady Flow:

Just as the title suggests. Maintaining balance and knowing when to enter your own flow state. Flow state is subjective. You can be tied to something flowing to your detriment or you can be flowing into a positive state of mind. But flow is so important. 

A lot of my analogies recently when talking with others has been all about being the captain of your own ship. The foundation of your ship is water (this has many interpretations so sit with this on your own, then come back to me). As captain its important how you to talk to your crew (Conscious and subconcisous self). You have to know how to talk to the crew members. The pilot of an airplane doesn’t make announcements to the passengers on board with a voice full of fear lacking self confidence. If he did we all would be fucking terrified hoping the plane lands safely. But if you talk to your crew/passengers (self) with confidence and authority you begin to take control of all parts of you. No matter how bumpy the ride gets. 

To go a little further, also think how the Captain of the boat prepares for storms or giant opposing waves. Nature always gives messages and signals so be alert and tapped into the right energies or you could miss something great or even miss danger that’s on the rise. 

Remember the boat is YOUR VESSEL. Your crew is your consciousness and subconsciousness working on that boat everyone does their job and has their own assigned role. 

Example: You dont tell the white blood cells in your body get to work, that’s just what they automatically do! It’s their role/position. 

Now; what are you telling the crew members on board? 

How do you get the crews attention and obedience, how do you guide your ship? 

Are you even actually aware of who is on the ship? 

Are there pirates on your ship? 

Are pirates disgusted as crew members? 

A pirates job is to steal the bounty. 

What’s even worse you ask? That little crew member who is watching your every move absorbing all of you, why? 

Because that crew mate is trying to become the captain of YOUR ship. He’s got his eyes set on it. He dreams of taking over your ship one day. Just really think about this. This is one tiny reason and example of why I said everything is tied to its opposite in a previous post. You really have to know what the fuck is going on inside of you and what you are telling yourself that impacts this internal ship. 

No more gems of wisdom contact me directly or figure it out for yourself the deeper meaning of my words. Just remember 80% of your personal journey IN REAL LIFE is course correction. How much of what you planned actually fully entirely went your way? Probably not much. 

The crew on that boat (or any) does not travel in a straight line. A plane doesn’t even fly in a straight line. The journey is never that simple sometimes you’re doing circles and zig zags. But just tap in and simply know where you want to go in all you do aka have it mapped out for starters.

10:17pm

Ahhh probably my favorite track on this project. Possibly my most emotional but on a deeper hidden level. This one is more personal. I got a text message at this time that completely broke me and shattered me. After recovering pieces of myself and trying to turn a new leaf for myself and my loved ones it just wasn’t enough for others. I understand but I broke my back transitioning and transforming myself. Still not perfect and im okay with that. Still working on me. I guess it hurts to know people still view and feel my energy as an older outdated version of myself. I was on a mission of trying to come together and work in harmony but I constantly kept getting met with resistance. That resistance has now become rejection and I sit here alone. 1+0+1+7 = 9 the end of a cycle etc etc. I still have hopes the newer me can be seen and allowed to flourish in others lives but it’s sadly not my choice. I have to accept my own failures. I have to accept who I am and who I was. A very big internal struggle for me but one of the most private internal struggles I face. I won’t shed light on the topic or the people but the feelings are all out there. 

I go to sleep to this song. I relax to this song. I find confidence in this song. I find a void in this song, But I love it nonetheless. It loops itself perfectly for a trance state. Please if you really like this beat just listen but more importantly feel the vibrations. There is some sadness but dont be scared it transmutes to hope very seamlessly. It all depends what side of the spectrum you’re tapped into.

Suede:

Literally made this right after 10:17pm they are tied together. Both carry sadness but this one obviously carries more optimism especially towards the end. It’s all about transmutation. I consider myself very good at transmutation. Hope this project provides some truth and insight to me saying that. Im not an expert but I seem to have it down pact better than most. This track required no thought, nothing was consciously put into this song it was all flow state. Directing tying my 10:17pm experience into another song straight from the source. ME. Makes you listen to those songs a little differently right? Music is captivation. Use it wisely.

Pack Loud!:

The spiritual aka the spiral! 

The spiral can fit all shapes, the spiral is literally spiritual, how does a spiral move? Etc etc. (Sit with this piece of info there’s more knowledge in it)

“We getting out the hood with this one!” Energy. It may not sound like one of those records but that is the energy captured and embodied. I know I succeeded on this beat. Im so proud of the way I layered this. The sounds all the little tones your subconscious is picking up but your conscious is probably ignoring without the proper focus. I love it. I can really manipulate your internal energy and you have no idea. This beat is like glue so if you listen consider a piece of me stuck with you for a while muahahaha. No but seriously. Another song dedicated to focus, freedom, new horizons. The sun rising (or setting) somewhere beautiful. The sky isn’t the limit you are the sky. You’re floating in it riding the waves like you do in your pool or favorite body of water. Life is beautiful. Life is exciting. Empower yourself. Share your light. Do the best you can and be the best you can be everyday. As long you did the best that YOU could, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or feels towards your effort. DONT GIVE UP!  Another flawless loop if you’re trying to tap into the energies without flow interruption.

P.S. This is probably the oldest song I made this in Summer 2023.

Gun Range:

Not anger but something close. It’s the other side of Saturn Return. Same exact goal and idea but with different emotions. You can use different emotions to achieve your same goal. You have to know when and how. Again transmutation. There is no fun and games in this track sorry, I can understand why you wouldn’t sit with this one. But to the unevolved and unaware who haven’t read this im sure its a pretty cool track. But yes black hole energy. It’s morphing something inside of you. But it still spins to the right (spiral). Not my favorite track but this was made after Suede so try and see the correlation of feelings. I was definitely in a mental space lol. 

FYI

10:17PM, Suede, Gun Range, a new beginning and find wholeness not peace were all made one after the other amongst other songs that didn’t make the project from Nov 26 - Dec 1. I gave myself a week to put this together. I had ideas for other projects im working on but didn’t want to rush anything so instead I took what I was feeling and working (WAR-king) through and gave myself a deadline and let the rest flow.

A new beginning:

Another heartbreak beat referencing 10:17pm. I won’t get into it anymore tho. But again you hear the sadness and the hopefulness and the optimism. A beautiful song made for me by me.  Transmutation at its finest and humblest. (Another perfect loop fyi)

Find Wholeness, Not Peace:

The final track! The last track made for the project as well! Once I started feeling better about myself this track made itself and I think it shows. I played this almost as much as 10:17pm and I love the positive note we’re ending the year on regardless of whatever happens! I can still have all I desire and I know it. Timing is key. Flourish. Be great. The message is to find wholeness within self not a piece (Peace). The English language is tricking you and making your words manifest into jumbled mixed signals! You have to know the power of words. The English language is the most contradictory language I know! Break down the word dont. How do you “do” and “do not” in the same word/action. You can’t do and not do simultaneously! Ive been trying to teach all people I interact with about the way they use words. But a lot of people are in too deep to take the power of language back. Some of you know the power of language yet still make the same mistakes due to programming. Unless you give it a real conscious effort you’ll never know the power of your throat chakra! And even that takes much time with all the programming we’ve been through. So to each is own but I’ll continue to teach mine through example if not directly. 

Think about peace, think about the peace sign. Two fingers upwards. It literally symbolizes a piece of a pie. Are you finding peace (piece) or harmony aka wholeness?

FIND WHOLENESS, NOT PEACE. 

Aura Ambiance:

For some quiet stillness. It made me think of frank ocean for some reason. It’s just music I can play in the background and do whatever too. You dont have to think about it just flow with it. The same way we allow Frank Oceans music to do that to us. You can sit still or you can clean the house. It’s just that moment of me returning you back to your self after I hijacked your energy and vessel lol. But no harm was done here im using music spiritually from here on out. 

Disclaimer: My music may not always feel spiritually focused depending on the circumstances (collaborating with other artists, or maybe even to appeal to different types of people) but it’s all intentional regardless. I know exactly what im putting out there. So it’s okay to hold me accountable. Not perfect. Dont want to be, but I care and ill continue to do my best. 

This time I actually say peace intentionally. Because im giving a piece of me to you if you allow and accept it. 

Thank you to all who wanted to dive in deep with me. Thank you to all who love and hate this project. Thank you to all who love and hate my words/truth. This is only the beginning! Ive said this before but ive never had my head screwed on this straight before. Ive never been this focused, never been this evolved. My past is my past. So you can stay there with it if you associate me with the past version of myself. But to all who are living in the present, manifesting in the future and use the past as nothing more but knowledge and reference points for course correction let’s collectively approach 2024 different. 

A lot of knowledge ive got to share. Im looking to teach; I love teaching but I love being a student just as much. I can’t just give you all the information when you desire because if I did you would probably fail or miss the point entirely. 

Instead search for the knowledge you specifically seek. If I told you the furnace was hot and could hurt you “dont touch it”. You would potentially avoid furnaces for the rest of life because of “fear and safety”. At least until you learn to take risk. You were taught not to touch it so you just go with it. But if you discover the furnace and its capabilities you have no bias opinion towards it. You fully explore that furnace, you touch it, you feel it out. Shit you might even get burned pretty bad but you’ll soon learn the furnace has temperatures. It’s not just always hot and dangerous. It’s not all bad for you. Look how many benefits the furnace actually has. 

But tapped into the negative or “wrong things” you now have a whole belief system towards furnaces. You probably wouldn’t even want them in your home. Take this last bit of knowledge as you will, apply it to people, the things you fear, ideas you’ve sat with in your head. Stop being so objective become more subjective. You’ll soon learn a master masters both. But stop being so logical friends. Your eyes are basically photoshop. Stop relying on them so heavily.

I could sit here and teach all my 2023 lessons all day! But im done here. 

See Ya Next Year!

Peace (haha)

There is purpose in being torn apart 💘

For all those who are in tune with the planets,

Are you also having dreams in class?

i’ve been having dreams in school/class for about a month now. i’m literally a student in my sleep and in my waking hours. the universe has been constantly teaching me my lessons, making sure i’m getting jt. i won’t expand more but just know it’s almost time for graduation 🤎

(haha my right eye starting releasing tears as i wrote this)

When you do what’s powerful or “good”, you’re going to be met with resistance because everything is connected to its opposite.

Push through 🙏🏾

don’t think i ever posted this

I’m getting better at stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping into self

FOCUS!FOCUS!FOCUS!

I swear by this drink 🫡

Weekly Introspective Perspective #2 (3/8/23):

The game of life threw a curve ball at me. I interpreted this curve ball as something far more terrifying than the actuality of what it really was.

I guess the Universe has a funny way of putting it all into perspective for you, even if it’s just in the present moment of now. 

I overreacted, I internally cried like a baby and gave up instantly when I heard the news. It shattered me. 

But it taught me that I’m way more stronger and able then how I’m presenting myself, and more importantly stronger then how I actually feel about myself.

I had to lay it all out even my soul hit the floor. The situations I face in my life don’t define me. This moments don’t define any of us. 

The moments become part of our identity but never who you are. I feel ashamed I gave up on myself like that so quickly, so aimlessly. Im worth then that situation to myself, I simply forgot my worth.

Well here we are, days later and now I feel stupid for losing my shit. The situation resolved itself. All I had to was gain new perspective and insight and follow thru with communication. It all worked out. 

What I did was simple enough. I told the Universe in the midst of my crisis; that whatever happens I trust the Universe to play out the events exactly how they need to go. It may not be what I want in the moment but the greater good is genuinely what I care about. Whether that affects my emotions positively or negatively. 

I also draw tarot cards for guidance to my questions but that is a skill ive only recently acquired and am still perfecting but it works. I got all the answers I needed in the present moment. 

I felt gratitude in the midst of my crisis as well because the Universe surprisingly sent me a stranger to encourage and help build me up. Maybe he’s a long term partner maybe short but he did his fucking job I can proudly say that. So again I give thanks. While acknowledging and giving my thanks to the Universe I told the Universe I’m blessed for this feeling and I want to spread this feeling to others. That’s exactly what I had the opportunity to do last night and I followed through. 

Give and Take. The Universe works WITH you not FOR you. Establish your relationship with Mother Earth and the higher powers (whatever you call it God, The Creator, The Universe, etc.) you are always divinely guided, the choice is simply yours if you decide to remain conscious and listen. 

Thank you for reading.

———

If you don’t already know I’m trying to find a safe, fun, positively triggering way to share my wisdom with the world. I always have something to say or messages I want to share, but never actually have the community or moments to discuss these topics with others. I want the world to know what I’m about and what I stand for, who I really am. I joke all the time on social media but the world needs to understand the depths of who I am. I want to change the world not exist in it. I’m here for others and here to work with others. I know sharing these messages are a part of my calling so here I am taking the baby steps to fulfill my duties. Thank you again.

Weekly Introspective Perspective #1 (3/3/23):

This week has been a small and uneventful week. Due to lack of communication I failed to take advantage of an opportunity given to me. This affected me so deeply because I had future plans set around this opportunity simply for it to slip right underneath my feet.

Im learning to be more realistic with myself. I feel like some things are simply not flowing and circulating in my life. The question I ask myself is how do I break out of this? How do I change the things that are having adverse effects on me?

Well I don’t have the answer yet. The only thing I’ve considered is further education. I need to educate myself further what I know now is nowhere near enough to live the life I truly feel led to leave. 

Im considering cutting off all attachments in a healthy manner. Not to disappear and never have people hear from again, moreso to figure out what is and isn’t working in my circle. 

I find myself doing the best that I can, not only for myself but for others. The people I care about. The problem is, I simply don’t feel like people care about me enough the way I do for them. Ive ignored it for years it’s something I’ve always struggled but I had chosen to ignore it because of the negativity that came with me questioning if people really care about me the way I do for them. 

Well despite my ignorance the answer still remains the same. They don’t. I come up short just as anybody else does from time to time BUT ive have never not given the best I am to those I love and support. 

My problem is people come up short when I need them just to feel supported, just to feel like I’m not alone out here. I go thru life I need things I ask for help, I don’t really get it that often hence why I don’t really ask for much from individuals when shit actually gets crazy. 

But things weren’t crazy this time around I just wanted people there for me.

So here I am trying to start from zero all over again. 

I simply feel blinded in my path right now. 

On a positive note, ive gone back to my morning meditations and breathing exercises. I find it very hard to breathe when I am in a state of stress. I caught myself just holding my breathe like I was being choked by invisible forces. My chest was hot and the burden of it felt unbearable. 

Ive gone back to praying because for so long I kind of stopped/ kept it to a minimum. Im not a fan of asking the creator or universe for things to change in my life. It often feels like game of take, take, take instead of being give and take. But for now I’m just trying to communicate with the higher energies, simple conversations. 

So here I am. All alone, covered in angels. Trying to get myself back.

And now I start to feel it. Joshua coming back to his self. All it took was surrendering my heart, softening up and acknowledging the love I have to give because it’s who I am. Not because of what I want. 

I am so kind when I’m hurt, it’s the only thing that makes me feel like anything. The one thing I can always resort back to when I’m in shambles: I am actually a good human being with pure intentions and love in my heart that wants to expend that love to everyone I touch. No one can ever take that away from me and you can never discredit me on this statement. Its who I am.

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BEAT TAPE DROPPING JUNE 21ST!

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niggas is going to war in one part of the world and bitches is posting ass pics on the tl in another part of the world.. this shit is crazy man