The game of life threw a curve ball at me. I interpreted this curve ball as something far more terrifying than the actuality of what it really was.
I guess the Universe has a funny way of putting it all into perspective for you, even if it’s just in the present moment of now.
I overreacted, I internally cried like a baby and gave up instantly when I heard the news. It shattered me.
But it taught me that I’m way more stronger and able then how I’m presenting myself, and more importantly stronger then how I actually feel about myself.
I had to lay it all out even my soul hit the floor. The situations I face in my life don’t define me. This moments don’t define any of us.
The moments become part of our identity but never who you are. I feel ashamed I gave up on myself like that so quickly, so aimlessly. Im worth then that situation to myself, I simply forgot my worth.
Well here we are, days later and now I feel stupid for losing my shit. The situation resolved itself. All I had to was gain new perspective and insight and follow thru with communication. It all worked out.
What I did was simple enough. I told the Universe in the midst of my crisis; that whatever happens I trust the Universe to play out the events exactly how they need to go. It may not be what I want in the moment but the greater good is genuinely what I care about. Whether that affects my emotions positively or negatively.
I also draw tarot cards for guidance to my questions but that is a skill ive only recently acquired and am still perfecting but it works. I got all the answers I needed in the present moment.
I felt gratitude in the midst of my crisis as well because the Universe surprisingly sent me a stranger to encourage and help build me up. Maybe he’s a long term partner maybe short but he did his fucking job I can proudly say that. So again I give thanks. While acknowledging and giving my thanks to the Universe I told the Universe I’m blessed for this feeling and I want to spread this feeling to others. That’s exactly what I had the opportunity to do last night and I followed through.
Give and Take. The Universe works WITH you not FOR you. Establish your relationship with Mother Earth and the higher powers (whatever you call it God, The Creator, The Universe, etc.) you are always divinely guided, the choice is simply yours if you decide to remain conscious and listen.
Thank you for reading.
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If you don’t already know I’m trying to find a safe, fun, positively triggering way to share my wisdom with the world. I always have something to say or messages I want to share, but never actually have the community or moments to discuss these topics with others. I want the world to know what I’m about and what I stand for, who I really am. I joke all the time on social media but the world needs to understand the depths of who I am. I want to change the world not exist in it. I’m here for others and here to work with others. I know sharing these messages are a part of my calling so here I am taking the baby steps to fulfill my duties. Thank you again.
Im not sure why life has been so crazy and out of hand lately. aside from all the bullshit tho my mom did tell me i was becoming a man for the first time in my life. that was cool. But after all the shit ive been through this past week i gotta be stronger. I gotta focus more. People are counting on me this time, i can feel it. Just the simple fact that these people trust me with their future just tells me i gotta go my hardest. this year is different. 2019. i feel stronger, taller, more grounded in who i am. people still judge me from the outside, my quiet side. the side that doesn’t really talk to anyone because im uncomfortable. the part of me no one understands, the part of me that people believe is the only part of me. i just want to make better music. i need to create again. i need my crew. i love them niggas. i still feel lonely. currently having an oreo fetish please forgive me. i feel temptation creeping close. not that i can act on it anyways, but its there. i still know im not ready for the lifestyle i want to live. and i only say this because i dont want my significant other to suffer on my behalf. am i wrong? am i selfish? should i take time to figure out myself and what i want? i want her, thats no doubt. but will i get everything i need from her? idk. i cant help but feel this feeling in my heart. i just dont know what its telling me. what am i doing? im starting to see how great i am. legendary. its a lot of responsibility and thats why i gotta be on my shit. for my team, for my guys, my family, the people that wont leave my side no matter how much i fuck up. i do this for y’all, for us. its all love. i hope everyone is patient with me, give me a chance. maybe chances. im not perfect but being looked at like im perfect is stressful. any mistake i make people hold it and dont let go. its a gift and a curse. life so far. nigga honestly im just trying to go home. i need to build my foundation again. i need a clean fresh start if that makes sense. i haven’t seen my mom in over a year. im scared what everyone is going to look like. fuck you JC why’d you put that thought in my head. is my family scared to see me and vice versa? it doesn’t matter. i love them. i love everyone who supports me. the fact youre even trying to read my thoughts is a surprise. how long should i keep this blog a secret? well its a not a secret my name is so easy to find lol. i still think about you everyday X. i hope youre in heaven i love you with my whole heart bro. im not sure why i have to carry your legacy but i will. idk how you took care of all these kids but ill do my best. your “children” as you called them lol. damn i miss you. everything i do i do for you. and God of course but that goes without saying. i will carry on what you started idc if i didn’t know you. you left something with me, i felt it ever since you were gone. youre still the yin to my yang bro. idk why i feel so close to you but i got your back forever. forever. Bad Vibes Forever. i love how our group names are so similar. Rare Vibes Only + Bad Vibes Only. Fuck bro. i love you with all my heart my nigga. how am i gonna keep moving without you? seriously. i love you, i wish it was me rather than you. i just hope you can and god can guide me. i dont ever tell anybody how i feel about you. they dont understand its too close, too personal. you were a genius bro. i love you. i respect you. i wish we became friends. you were really a hero to these kids bro. 2019 is ours. just dont let me get lazy or unmotivated please.
FOCUS!FOCUS!FOCUS!
This week has been a small and uneventful week. Due to lack of communication I failed to take advantage of an opportunity given to me. This affected me so deeply because I had future plans set around this opportunity simply for it to slip right underneath my feet.
Im learning to be more realistic with myself. I feel like some things are simply not flowing and circulating in my life. The question I ask myself is how do I break out of this? How do I change the things that are having adverse effects on me?
Well I don’t have the answer yet. The only thing I’ve considered is further education. I need to educate myself further what I know now is nowhere near enough to live the life I truly feel led to leave.
Im considering cutting off all attachments in a healthy manner. Not to disappear and never have people hear from again, moreso to figure out what is and isn’t working in my circle.
I find myself doing the best that I can, not only for myself but for others. The people I care about. The problem is, I simply don’t feel like people care about me enough the way I do for them. Ive ignored it for years it’s something I’ve always struggled but I had chosen to ignore it because of the negativity that came with me questioning if people really care about me the way I do for them.
Well despite my ignorance the answer still remains the same. They don’t. I come up short just as anybody else does from time to time BUT ive have never not given the best I am to those I love and support.
My problem is people come up short when I need them just to feel supported, just to feel like I’m not alone out here. I go thru life I need things I ask for help, I don’t really get it that often hence why I don’t really ask for much from individuals when shit actually gets crazy.
But things weren’t crazy this time around I just wanted people there for me.
So here I am trying to start from zero all over again.
I simply feel blinded in my path right now.
On a positive note, ive gone back to my morning meditations and breathing exercises. I find it very hard to breathe when I am in a state of stress. I caught myself just holding my breathe like I was being choked by invisible forces. My chest was hot and the burden of it felt unbearable.
Ive gone back to praying because for so long I kind of stopped/ kept it to a minimum. Im not a fan of asking the creator or universe for things to change in my life. It often feels like game of take, take, take instead of being give and take. But for now I’m just trying to communicate with the higher energies, simple conversations.
So here I am. All alone, covered in angels. Trying to get myself back.
And now I start to feel it. Joshua coming back to his self. All it took was surrendering my heart, softening up and acknowledging the love I have to give because it’s who I am. Not because of what I want.
I am so kind when I’m hurt, it’s the only thing that makes me feel like anything. The one thing I can always resort back to when I’m in shambles: I am actually a good human being with pure intentions and love in my heart that wants to expend that love to everyone I touch. No one can ever take that away from me and you can never discredit me on this statement. Its who I am.
but real life question why are people wasting breathe on meaningless topics like this, y’all not trying to help these people, if that’s your opinion then leave it at that people too irresponsible with open dialogue deadass
The FEAR test:
Why are you feeling fear?
Is it due to self programming?
Are you in actual danger?
Is your life being threatened?
If the answer is no. Start to examine yourself.
Did fear start in the mind and extent to the gut?
Does your body instantly react to something that took place in the physical?
Study yourself.
Change how you view and use fear. Treat fear as intuition but do not act on the thought of fear.
Fear can be used as information.
Where do the actions you make come from emotionally?
THE GROUP TAPE IS OUT AND ALTHOUGHT ITS NOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT IT TO BE IT IS WHAT IT IS. IM JUST GLAD THESE SONGS SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY. NOT HOW I WANTED TO RELEASE IT BUT ITS BETTER THEN NOTHING.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO FEATURED ON THE TAPE AND TO EVERYONE WHO LISTENS TO THIS PROJECT. THE NEXT ONE WILL HAVE MY NAME ALL OVER IT BUT UNTIL THEN ENJOY. RARE VIBES ONLY FOREVER 🤞🏾
https://soundcloud.com/rare-vibes-only/sets/my-hardrive-crash-so-this-what-yall-got-demo-tape?ref=clipboard&p=i&c=0
Just need a moment to say Happy C Day and thank you to this man for everything he’s done. it was crazy to see your rise since 2010. The Hussle Way was the first song i ever heard from you and since then i was in it for life. TMC.