明日、私は誰かのカノジョTVドラマ

Depollute Me, Gentle Angel (Seo Changbin)

Pairing: Seo Changbing x GN! Reader (Non-Idol AU)

Words: 7.0k+

Warning(s) (PLEASE READ FOR THIS ONE): Heavy themes of abuse (Verbal, Emotional, Physical, Sexual) (I try not to describe active scenes of abuse, just describing the moments after them via narration and dialogue), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, depressed thoughts, implications of thoughts of suicide, anxiety.

A/N: I was feeling emotional and recallin' my own life and inspiration struck when listening to one of the songs that inspired this. I'm not particularly happy with how it turned out, but it was also a nice, cathartic write. I wanted to make it soft and comforting, so I hope I captured that.

Also this was just going to be a one-shot, but i kinda want to write a Changbin 3rd person POV to go with it...

Summary: Two strangers going through similar circumstances find solace in each others company on a run-down park bench.

Songs: We Will Never Have Sex by Leith Ross & Cherry Wine by Hozier

The warm air that still lingers at the beginning of fall caresses your face. You walk to a nearby, run-down park, needing to get away from your apartment... from the memories that are starting to wear you down. There is a dull ache in your hips, but you pay it no mind. It was a familiar pain to come about on Saturday afternoons. Your hand briefly glides along your neck, and you can still feel the indents of fingernails in your flesh.

You walked through the small park that clearly lacked any care or attention. Plants were overgrown, most of the benches were too broken down to be sat on, the fountain didn't work, and the small playground was closed off save for the swings. For those reasons, it was a quiet park, perfect for you to temporarily escape your reality and memories with him.

You come across a worn-down bench that seems sturdy enough and less rotten than the others.

'Good enough.' You shrug to yourself and sit down on the bench with a heavy sigh. Your mind flashes back to early and the roughness your not-boyfriend boyfriend gave your body. Something he had started doing every Saturday afternoon before his night shift since he and you got together. You still weren't entirely sure if you and he were even a couple. At the start, you thought so, but as time passes... and you've noticed how disinterested he is in you on the rare dates... you're starting to think he is only using you for your body. Even if you said no, he'd guilt trip and make you feel bad until his words either wore you down into consenting or became thinly veiled threats.

You had no one to talk to. Your mind always said it was on you for giving in, so that stopped you from reaching out. You knew deep down what your partner was doing wasn't right or consensual. Still, you deluded yourself for so long into thinking that whatever you two shared was just normal. You've grown tired of it now, sure, but there is that lingering fear that when you speak to someone, they'll just blame you. They'll just stick to the fact that you said yes, even if that yes was forced from you.

You gently shake your head. You came to the park to get away, not recall the shit you're in.

You stared out at the dilapidated park and the afternoon sky. Despite the lack of care, the overgrown vegetation did look pretty. You find yourself not focusing on your surroundings, and your mind starts to slip into a dissociative state. It was a way to comfort yourself after the rough treatment you got. Your mind was blank as your eyes stared out. It was nice. It-

"Excuse me... Can I sit here?" A man's voice snapped you out of your comforting state. You look up to him, not speaking as you return to reality. You take in his appearance. His dark hair looked like it had a nice wave, and his eyes were a rich, dark brown. He wore all black, both his ears were pierced once, and he seemed to have a smaller stature, yet clearly, by his muscles, he worked out to some degree. Your eyes also spot the red mark on his cheek, but you don't let your gaze linger on it. His lips parted again as he spoke. "The other benches are too damaged... this is the only one with open space..."

You blink, and your mind fully clears away the dissociation. His voice trails off when he finishes speaking. His eyes flicker to your neck and then back to your face. He bites his bottom lip and looks away momentarily before looking back at you.

"Oh, sorry." You blink and offer a small smile, which you're sure looked awkward to him. "I was lost in thought. You can sit there."

"Thank you." He replies quietly and sits on the bench, keeping a distance between you both. You briefly look at his side profile, catching his distant look and that red mark on his cheek, which looks more and more like a handprint. You said nothing else. You turned your attention back to the park.

Neither he nor you acknowledge each other further and just sit in silence. You couldn't exactly ignore each other's presence. But clearly, neither of you were at this run-down park for small talk. You both had too much to think about to converse or make friends.

----

It's been four weeks since then, and you find yourself walking to that park again on a Saturday afternoon, the air finally cooling down. Your back and hips ache, and your scalp feels tender, but you didn't let that stop your new routine after your partner left for work.

You've found a great deal of comfort in that run-down park, and a lot of that comes from the man who sits next to you each time. You both still haven't spoken outside the soft 'can I sit here' question either of you will ask depending on who's there first; sometimes you are, sometimes he is. But you've found yourself enjoying the presence of someone who seems to be going through a similar turmoil as you are. And you felt confident he was feeling the same way. Even though neither of you knew each other's names, you found a sense of comfort in the time you both spent on that bench.

When you get to the bench you've deemed yours and his, the man is already sitting there, wearing all dark clothes like usual. His gaze is distant as he looks out at the park.

"Can I sit there?" You ask softly to not startle him. You've picked up that loud voices sometimes tend to make him tense.

"Of course, go ahead." He answers with a small smile, which you thought looked adorable.

You take your usual spot on the bench with a slight wince due to your back and try to untense your muscles. In the distance, you watch a few crows in the long grass, stomping their little feet to beckon worms from the earth.

"Changbin." The man's voice makes you tense a little, not expecting him to speak.

"Pardon?"

"My name is Seo Changbin."

"Oh, my name is (Y/N). It's nice to have a name to your face now." He quietly laughs at your remark.

"Well, (Y/N)... How are you?" He seemed unsure to ask his question, which almost made you laugh.

You quirk a brow, "I'd reply and then ask how you are... but I think we both know our answers."

He chuckles at that, which makes you crack a smile. There is a pause before Changbin speaks again.

"Why do you keep coming back to this park?"

"Well...It's peaceful and... and it is untouched." There was unintentional weight to that last word that left your lips. You wanted the focus off you now. "How about you? Why do you keep coming back?"

"It's tranquil. I don't feel any obligations here." He says with a soft smile growing on his face. You can't help but think it looks nice on him.

----

From that moment on, from your and Changbin's first actual conversation, you both would talk and get to know each other. You told him about your enjoyment of taking care of various houseplants you've taken on. You learned he liked to write and make music, and go to the gym. Favorite movies, books, shows, songs, and other things were also discussed. You found yourself smiling more now, excited to be at that bench when Saturday afternoons were always filled with feelings of guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Changbin also started coming out of his shell, and you've seen his loud, fun personality.

Yet you both clearly avoided the obvious. You saw the occasional red marks on his face each time you saw him and caught him tense up at certain sounding voices. You started to notice he was losing muscles. He said he didn't have time anymore to go to the gym. He told you how he stopped making music with his friends despite how much he gushed and talked about his rap group '3Racha,' and you had a gut feeling you knew why.

You knew he spotted things in you as well. You tensed when he accidentally touched your leg one time. You often come to the park stiff from your partner. And there were two times when you had intense-looking bites on your neck that stung and ached.

These were obvious things you both see, yet never speak on it. Neither of you wanted to burst the small bubble you both created to escape your lives.

However, this time would be hard.

You were a little late to the usual time you'd be at the park bench. You walk with a noticeable limp from your legs being held at an odd angle that stretched you to the point of pain. Your wrists were raw and tender from your partner's belt constraining them. The now cooler air nips at your arms and face. You forgot to grab your sweater, wanting simply to get out of your apartment and away from what happened.

When you got to your little slice of paradise, you saw Changbin there, but he, too, looks a little worse than usual. He adorns a slap mark on his cheek that is bright and intense. There was a small cut on the cheek within the handprint. You see a little red around his right eye, and you can tell it will form a bruise later on. He's already watching you approach the bench, so you know he saw your limp.

"Can I sit here?" Your voice feels and sounds scratchy and raw.

"Of course." And his voice is small and meek, not like the boisterous one you started hearing in the previous weeks.

You sit down with an audible groan, and there is a silence between you both, just like how it used to be the first few weeks of coming here. There was tension. The all too obvious for both of you was too blatantly clear to avoid this time. You both were in a melancholic state. You swallow thickly and decide to be the one to talk first.

"My boyfriend? Well... I don't even know what to call this relationship I have with him anymore but... he came over today we had sex like we always do. He's rough and he likes my body before he goes into work on Saturdays whether... uhm... whether I really want to or not." You unload all of what you've kept tucked away to Changbin. You immediately felt a sense of guilt. "I'm sorry-"

"My girlfriend needed a ride to her job today." He cut you off, turning a little to face you. The bench creaks at the movement. "But I couldn't. I had to get to a doctors appointment. She... she got really mad that I wouldn't cancel my appointmet."

Thick silence falls over you both. You look into his glossy eyes. This would be the day you both would finally talk about why you both truly came to this park.

It was as if the floodgate you both had finally cracked and broke. You both talk about your lives with your respective partners. You told Changbin about your partner's harsh words and manipulative behavior when you say no to sex. You don't go into detail about what he does to you, but you talk about the pain you feel during and after. You tell him how your boyfriend ignores your cries of pain and your tears when he gets too rough, or sometimes he even laughs at your face.

He, in turn, told you about all that his girlfriend does. He recalls the harsh and cruel names she uses to belittle him. He talks about the frequent slaps. When she was especially angry, like today, she'd turn her ring to face her palm to further hurt him. He mentions her restricting the things he likes to do, like making music or going to the gym, in favor of being with her or giving her rides. Changbin told you how she'd accuse him of cheating yet smell like a different man's cologne when they were together.

Emotions were high between you both, but you could see in each other's eyes this was needed for Changbin and you. The relief shared had weights lifted from you and him. There is a shared silence as you both digest everything.

"Why haven't you told anyone?" You ask softly, breaking the quietness. You make sure to hold no judgment in your voice. "This is me wanting to understand. Everyone has their reasons for not sharing. Don't feel obligated to share with me either."

"She isolated me from my family and my friends. Chan and Hannie try to reach out to me,, but I have ignore them. She...She goes through my phone, and if I am not putting my whole focus on her, she gets angry. I don't even talk to my sister or mom as frequently as I used to." He answers your question and then sighs. He looks so vulnerable right now, and that made your heart clench. "It also doesn't help I am a man and she is a woman...I guess it is a cruel way for her to show me I'm hers and she's mine."

You nod in understanding and then ask a follow-up question. "Are the people that were in your life ones to judge you? From what you've told me about them, they seem like nice people."

"They are." A small smile grows on his face, which you are happy to see. "They are wonderful people, it's just my girlfriend. She has planted in my head a seed of doubt. She always tells me after she slaps me, no one would ever believe me because of how I look and whatnot."

"I understand that completely, Changbin." You give him a sympathetic smile. His situation really did sound similar to yours. Before you can speak further, he asks you the same question.

"What about you? Have you told anyone?"

"No, I haven't for almost the same reasons as you. I know my friends and family wouldn't judge me for what my boyfriend does to me. Yet my warped, irrational thoughts keep telling me I can't because... what? I essentially say yes... I'm consenting, right?" Your voice wavers, sounding unsure. "That's what he tells me after a particularly rough session. I've grown tired of it. I'm tired of feeling used, polluted, and rotten."

"I'm sorry you're going through all that, (Y/N)."

"I'm sorry your girlfriend treats you that way, Changbin. You don't deserve to be belittled, harmed or kept from your friends and family."

"You don't deserve the treatment you get either." He adds. "You shouldn't feel forced or threatened to have sex. You shouldn't feel used by the person your with."

It was silent again. You feel tears burn your eyes, and when you glance at him, you see his eyes are to the brim with tears, too. You've grown adverse to touch now, but you craved something softer than what your partner puts you through. You place your hand on the bench, palm to the sky, and look at him. You invite him in as your choice and let him choose to reciprocate.

Changbin slowly brought his hand close to yours. He carefully intertwined his fingers, taking his time when he felt you tense. He gently squeezes your hand, and slowly, you relax. It was nice, just holding a person's hand like that. Changbin's hand is calloused, yet it is soft and comforting to you.

"Why did you tell me?" He questions you with curiosity in his voice.

"Because I could tell when we first met we are both going through similar things. I figured I could trust you to not tell and you would understand the most. I'm sorry if that comes off assumptious but... I really like talking to you. You've made me look forward to something again."

"I'm glad. And feel the same. Seeing you after fights with my girlfriend has made life feel... lighter." He nods, and while his smile isn't quite like his usual one, it is still lovely to see. "I think I want to talk to my friends again."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I miss them and having a friend like you has been nice." He swallows thickly. "After talking to you about the shit I've gone through... I think I'm going to try to break up with her. Our situations are so similar and if I can't stand you being with your boyfriend, I know I need to break up with her... I want to tell Chan and Han why I cut ties with them and I want to talk to my mom and sister again. I don't want to be like this anymore."

"I believe in you, Changbin." You smile and squeeze his hand.

"I believe in you too." He says back, making you tense a little. "I'm-I'm not telling you to do what I'm doing because I know how hard it is. I'm just saying in case you do because I hate seeing you walk with a limp, in pain, and hurt from someone forcing you into those situations. I hope that my taking the steps I am taking will help you take the same steps as well."

Changbin's little speech left you unable to say anything for a moment. Deep down, you've been thinking of cutting ties with your partner and ending whatever he and you are. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Yeah..." You say slowly. "I have thought of leaving him, I've just been scared. I'm scared of his threats becoming true but I can't keep living like this. I can't keep feeling the way I have been or it's going to kill me one way or another."

"I believe in you." He repeats with conviction in his voice.

"I believe in us."

----

A few weeks passed since that day you and Changbin had that talk. You both helped each other plan how you'll both leave your respective relationships. You and Changbin were feeling really motivated by the build-up of this week, both by each other and because you both got back in contact with friends and family.

You had a bit of pep in your step despite being bundled up due to the cold air. Two days earlier, on Thursday, you called your partner over and cut ties. For the first time in a long time, your Saturday didn't start with dread and disgust.

When you got to the park, you felt your heart drop. A chain link fence covered with tarps surrounds the small, run-down park you've come to find comfort in. You quickly walk around and see Changbin looking at a sign hanging on the fence.

"What's happened?" You ask as you approach, glancing over the sign and then back to Changbin.

"Looks like the city is finally putting some attention on the park and they'll be keeping it closed off for a few months to fix it up completely." He answers and points to the date it is supposed to reopen. "I'm glad they are finally doing something but I already miss it."

"Yeah..." You sigh. You were really looking forward to sitting on that bench with him.

"But hey, let's get out of the cold and grab something warm to drink across the street." He seemed excited, which makes you chuckle.

"Lead the way." You see him reach out to hold on and guide you, but he stops mid-motion and gestures for you to follow him to the café across the road. You appreciated him not touching you when you've become so touch-versed.

You both order something warm and sit at a nearby table with your drinks. Just by feeling the cup, you knew it was too hot to drink, so you let it cool for a moment. When you meet Changbin's eyes, you see a much happier expression.

"I left her yesterday." He speaks in a low tone. He bites his bottom lip as if to contain his smile, his fingers tap against the mug of the tea he ordered. "I got in contact with Chan and my sister about leaving her and had them with me in case she got violent. They really helped me through the ordeal."

"That's great, Changbin." You grin and place your hand on the table. He looks down at it and then to your face. You nod, and he gingerly takes your hand, holding it gently. A feeling that makes your heart flutter. "I'm happy for you."

He gives you a look as if he was asking you how everything went on your end.

"I also cut ties with him." You say, and Changbin seems to smile in relief. "I made sure I had help from my neighbors and my best friend when I called him over on Thursday. The police were called and I've started the process for a restraining order."

"Do you think you're safe?" He looks at you with concern.

"Honestly, it's a little scary, but I think he's just all bark and no bite. I'll be fine." You smile to reassure him, and you squeeze his hand.

"I'm glad then." He grins brightly. He leans back and lifts his mug, gesturing for you to do the same. "To us."

You giggle softly with your own grin. "To us."

You clink your mugs together and take sips from your drinks. You stare at him, and he stares at you with that bright grin. You feel your heart flutter again, and he looks flustered.

You can't deny feelings for Changbin have grown over time. Now that you both were out of your toxic relationships, it seems like they are more prominent the longer you sit with him. And yet, you realize you both just got out of toxic relationships.

"What's on your mind, (Y/N)?" Changbin's voice cuts through your thoughts.

"I'm thinking about us." You reply honestly.

"I'll admit, I am too. But continue, please."

"I was thinking about how much you mean to me now. You're an amazing person who has been through a lot, and I've realized I may have feelings for you." You feel your heart clench at the thought of what else to say right now, but it's necessary. "But..."

"But we both need time to heal from what we've been through."

"Yes- wait." You give him a confused look, which makes him chuckle. You weren't expecting that.

"Just to start, I am feeling the same things you are. And I am glad we both feel the same. But, I know myself, and I know the happiness and excitement I feel now that I'm getting my life back will fade, and I'll be wondering if I did the right thing and coping with what she put me through."

"This makes things easier." You sigh in relief and smile. "I agree. As much as it pains me, but I can already tell I have a lot of work to do for myself... I don't want to jump into a relationship and end up hurting the both of us." He nods in agreement to that. "And I don't want these feelings being tied to all that happened."

You take a long sip from your drink, and so does he. You weren't sure what else to add, but it was a pleasant silence with Changbin. You glance out the window to the fenced-off park. You missed it already.

Changbin squeezes your hand, regaining your attention.

"I have a proposition. Let's spend some time a part. Let's take time to figure ourselves out. On the date the park reopens, let's meet up and see how we are."

You smile at his suggestion, and it warms your heart. "I'd like that."

----

Four months have passed since you ended things with your partner.

After finding the right therapist for you, you begin working on yourself. You needed to move from that apartment. You could hardly step foot or sleep in that bedroom anymore, and you had taken to sleeping on a cheap air mattress in the living room. Thankfully, your lease was almost up, and you managed to find a new place that was affordable. Your friends and therapist have slowly gotten you used to being touched again. You weren't sure how sex would go, but you've gained a neutral perspective on it now. You got back into old hobbies, took up new ones, and made Saturdays a day to be yourself and do what you wanted.

You felt good again about life. You knew you weren't completely okay, but you were much better than how you started. There is probably a part of you that you'll never quite get back, but that's fine. You're healed self can help nurture and support the you that gets terrible anxiety and nightmares, the you that needed softness and love during those months with your ex.

You feel your phone buzz in your pocket, and you smile. Your reminder that today's the day the park reopens is boldly on your screen. You checked the time and saw it was close to when you and Changbin would be at that worn bench. You often thought of him but were glad he didn't consume your thoughts. You had some worries that seeing him would make you remember how awful you felt back then, with those feelings being associated with him unintentionally. You pushed those worries away.

You tugged on a sweater as the cold air was still around. You grab your wallet and keys, lock your door, and walk briskly to the park. You caught glimpses between the tarps on the fences, but this would hopefully be the first time you see it complete.

It doesn't take you long to reach the park and you couldn't contain the grin at the sight. You would have thought it was a different park if it weren't for the layout of the now fully visible paths and the playground. You slowly approached the bench and felt your heart swell at the sight. It looks completely new, yet you could easily tell it was the same old park bench refurbished. You sit down on the bench, no longer does it creak, and look at your surroundings. There were kids on the shiny playground, and there even was a small parking lot that you weren't aware of beforehand. The only thing missing was Changbin.

You waited.

And you waited.

It was nearly an hour when you felt it was time to get up. The air was getting colder, and the sky was darkening with clouds. You couldn't be too upset with him. You figured Changbin was living his life to the fullest like he should. That thought made you happy.

You sit up from the park bench with a slight stretch. It is starting to get much too chilly to just be sitting down. You read just your sweater and turn to start walking home. The loud slam of a car door and an all too familiar voice shout your name.

"Wait! I'm here! I didn't forget!" You turn around and smile when you see Changbin nearly sprinting to get to you. You look at the new car in the parking lot and see two men get out of the car and lean against the vehicle.

Changbin comes to a slow halt in front of you and takes a moment to recover his breath. You see your favorite flowers in a small bundle in his hand, and you can't help but grin with your face growing warm. You look him over and see how different he was from before. His eyes looked much happier now, and from what you can tell, he has bulked up his muscles beneath the jacket.

"I-I'm sorry. I totally was going to be here earlier." He explains. "But I lost track of time making music with my friends."

"You're making music again?" You raise a brow and give him a proud look.

He chuckles and looks at you brightly. "Yeah. Chan, Han, and I are going to be releasing an album soon."

"Well I'll make sure to buy one and have you guys sign it." A cheeky, teasing smile grows on your face.

"Oh, here." Changbin hands you the flowers. "I remember you saying that is your favorite. You... You look lovely by the way."

"Thank you, you do too. I wish I brought something to give you-"

"No need at all, (Y/N). The only thing I needed from you today is to see if you're doing well." He gives you a look, and you can tell he hopes you will respond with an answer.

"I am. I moved to a new place and have been making progress on myself. Have you been well?"

"Oh yeah, I have." He grins, that beautiful grin you fell for all those months ago. "Like I said, I'm making music again with my best friends and have been sticking to my gym routine. I've been doing good."

You open your mouth to speak when you feel a few droplets of rain hit your face. Both you and Changbin curse.

"Shit, I didn't bring a sweater with a hood." You place your hands over your head.

"Here, let me." Changbin took his jacket off and lifted it over his head. He stepped incredibly close to you and held it over the both of you with a sweet smile. His smile drops, though, when he realizes the proximity. "Oh, god. I'm so sorry-"

"Shh. You're fine, Changbin. I can handle this. Plus I trust you."

"You do?"

"Of course."

"Do you... still feel those same feelings like before?" His voice is soft, and his eyes are hopeful. Your eyes scan over his face. Even in this short time reunited, you felt those familiar feelings except for the anxiety. Any negative connotation you feared wasn't there at all.

"Not all. I feel the familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach, fondness, and love when I see you." You reply with a gentle tone. "To be honest, I worried I may remember the negative feelings I had during the time when I saw you. But I don't. I just see you, a sweet and funny guy I fell for."

"I'm glad." He beams. "Because I am feeling the same way. The second I saw you when I pulled up the park, I could feel butterflies in my stomach. But let's continue this conversation in a dry environment. I'm sure we have lots to discuss."

"What about your friends?"

"Channie can drop us off wherever." He chuckles and tilts his head in a gesture to follow him. You both walk side by side to the vehicle he arrived in, Chan and Han already inside. You get in first in the backseat, and Changbin quickly follows, the car already on and warm inside.

"Hey, it's finally nice to meet you. I'm Bang Chan." He turns from the driver's seat to wave at you. You see, he has dyed blonde hair with a slight wave.

"And I'm Jisung, but you can call me Han." The other greets you from the front passenger. He has a cute, gummy smile and dark hair.

"So, what's the plan now?" Chan asks, looking from you to Changbin.

"Oh, let's all grab dinner!" Han grins. You don't miss the look Chan gives him, which makes you chuckle. You glance at Changbin and see how he is laughing, too.

"I'd be fine with that." You shrug. "I think it would be fun getting to know your friends."

"They are a handful." He warns with a playful tone.

"Hey, more like you and Hannie are the handful for me." Chan says with mock offense. A fake argument broke out between the three of them, making you laugh loudly. You haven't felt yourself laugh like that in a long while.

Ultimately, the four of you sit in a small yet busy restaurant near the park. The three of them were certainly entertaining together, and you were glad to see Changbin having fun and being relaxed. He's not the same man who stayed behind a protective wall, who tensed when someone yelled too loudly. His handsome face doesn't adorn a recurring slap or cut. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him and Chan joke around.

"Excuse me, gotta use the restroom." Han gets up from the table, and so does Changbin.

"Me too." He adds, and you watch as the two of them head deeper into the restaurant, leaving you and Chan.

"Hey, (Y/N)?" His voice is soft when he calls you.

"Yes, Chan?" You look at him and tilt your head, noting the kind expression he had.

"I just wanted to thank you for helping Changbin out."

"Oh, I didn't do anything. He's the one that's put in the work."

"That's true, he worked on himself a lot." He cuts you off with a knowing look. "But according to Changbin, if you hadn't listened to him that day, he wouldn't have called Hannie and me over. He never told us any details, but he did say you were the first person he opened up to about what his ex put him through and you understanding him helped push him to jump over the doubt he felt."

You feel yourself tear up a little, and Chan keeps speaking.

"So please, accept mine and Han's thank you, (Y/N), for helping our friend and helping him get mostly back to his old self." He smiles at you and hands you a clean napkin as a tear falls from your eye.

"Thanks." You chuckle with a sniffle. You dab away the tears and calm yourself before Changbin and Han return.

----

"Wow, you really do have a lot of plants." Changbin chuckles as he steps inside your apartment. He follows your lead and slips off his shoes before further walking around. He looks around at your place with amazement.

"Yeah, they helped make me somewhat like my old place before." You laugh a little. "Do you need something to drink before we talk?"

"Water, please." You nod at his request and gesture for him to sit on your couch. You are quick to get him and yourself water.

After dinner with his friends, you offered to talk to Changbin alone at your place. There was a residual fear of bringing a man to your home, but you reassured yourself. This is Changbin. He respects your boundaries and waits for you to initiate contact. If you told him to never touch you, you could trust that he wouldn't.

You set down a glass for each of you on the coffee table and sit near him on your couch. You curl your legs partially underneath yourself as you angle your body to face him properly.

"So, you wanted to talk more?" You question him.

"Ah, yes." He chuckles, seeming a little nervous. "So, you still have feelings for me."

"I do."

"And how are you feeling all around? If you're comfortable to tell me."

"Well..." You lean over and pick up your glass of water. You take a long sip before sitting down. "I'm much better than I was four months ago. I moved to this place, which helped a lot. I couldn't stomach being in my old bedroom. I've been seeing a therapist who's given me a lot of skills which has helped me not be anxious. They and my friends have also helped me get exposed and used to touch again. I have bad nights and nightmares, but they aren't as frequent as they were at the start. What about you, Changbin?"

"I'm doing good. Making music and working out on the schedule I want to follow definitely kept me going." He nods. "I have a habit of overly apologizing at times, but thankfully my friends and family help keep me aware of it. I experience occasional nightmares but they are manageable. Overall, I am feeling like I how did before that relationship."

"I can tell." You smile softly. "At dinner with your friends, you were relaxed and having a good time. I enjoy seeing you smile, Changbin. You have such a nice smile."

"Oh, thanks." He has a bashful smile, and you can see faint pink dust on his cheeks. He looks down at his hands and glances at your face. "You too, (Y/N). You also have a lovely smile. I saw how you were laughing at a joke Hannie said, and I couldn't help but stare. Chan had to tap me under the table so you wouldn't catch me."

"That's adorable." You laugh softly and stare at him. There is a pause between you both now, Changbin returning your stare. You place your hand on the couch with your palm up, and he tentatively intertwines his fingers. "What... What do you want to do about us?"

"I'd like to be in a relationship with you, (Y/N)." He is blunt, but his expression and tone are still soft.

"I should warn you... I haven't exactly been intimate since everything happened. I am good with light touches and hugs, but I don't know how I will be with anything more, if that changes anything for you."

"It doesn't." He says firmly, giving your hand a squeeze. "We can take things one step at a time, at a pace you'll be comfortable, okay? Does that sound good to you?"

You look over his face and at the sincerity his dark eyes hold. It makes your heart melt at the kindness he is showing you. The kindness you've come to realize you deserve. And he deserves the same kindness back.

"It does, thank you for being understanding, Changbin. It applies to you too, you know? We can take those steps together."

"Thank you too." He smiles. You scoot a little closer, and so does he. "Why don't we make right now a date?"

You grin. "I have ice cream in the freezer. Do you want to watch a movie?"

"With you? I'd love to."

---

You feel your eyes droop as you struggle to stay awake. The movie was nearing its end; empty bowls with remnants of ice cream sat on your coffee table. You felt proud of yourself for being comfortable in Changbin's presence, but you didn't want to fall asleep around him... You didn't want to miss a second with him.

As the credits roll, you smile as you sit up from the couch to stretch your arms above your head. You glance out one of your windows and look at the time; it isn't too late into the evening to be concerned, but you know he wants to be up early tomorrow to go to the gym.

"Do you need a ride home? I can give you one."

"Chan already agreed to come get me, honey." He smiles, then it drops. "Oh, sorry, we didn't discuss calling each other pet names. It-It just came natural to me."

"Hey, don't worry, okay?" You say softly to soothe him with a kind smile. "I like it. It's cute. Just don't call me doll okay? That's what he'd call me. Are there pet names you don't want me to call you?"

"Don't call me baby is all I ask." He wears a grateful expression.

"Of course. I think I'll call you honey too." You chuckle. "Because you are just as sweet."

"Oh, stop." He says with a flustered expression accompanied by a smile. His phone dings, and he clears his throat. "Ah, looks like Channie is here." There is a hint of disappointment in his voice.

You walk to the door with him and watch him put on his shoes. You open the door, and he steps out into the cool night air before turning around with a smile on his face.

"You know, I just realized... we never swapped numbers. I was scared of my ex seeing your number in my contacts." He pulls out his cell phone, tapping the screen a few times before handing it to you. You smile and gently take his phone. You put your contact information in and give him back his phone. "Let's plan for a date soon, okay?"

"Let's do that then, honey." You smile when you see his face blush again. It made you feel warm and adventurous. "Changbin?"

"Yes?"

"Can... Can you kiss me goodbye?"

You see his eyes widen a little. He opens his mouth as if to say something but holds his tongue. Instead, he smiles softly at you and nods.

"Of course."

"Wait, what were you going to say? Please, feel honest with me."

"I was going to ask if you were sure, but I trust that you know you want to take this step." His words make your heart flutter.

"I appreciate that."

He takes a step closer to you and gives you a look as if he is asking permission to touch you. You give him a nod and suck in a slow breath when you feel his warm and calloused hand caress your cheek. He leans in closer, and you watch as he presses his lips to yours. Your eyes flutter close, breath hitching at the sensation. Your body's instincts tense, half expecting pain to follow.

But the kiss was just that. A simple yet sweet kiss that didn't make you cry.

Another ding is heard from Changbin's phone, making you both chuckle and step away from each other.

"I'll text you when I'm home. We can discuss date plans. Talk to you soon."

"Get home safely, honey." You giggle at his flushed face and smile.

"I will, honey." He laughs and gives you a longing look before he heads over to where Chan's car is. You watch until he is in the car, and they take off before closing the door.

You feel different with Changbin. You don't feel weighed down by guilt and self-loathing. You don't feel disgusted with yourself, nor do you blame yourself for anything.

You don't feel the heavy, polluted feeling you did before.

You feel that softness and love you deserve.

People only care about mental health battle stories if the outcome is successful. They don't wanna hear about you still struggling or can't control your symptoms

I feel like a deer that’s been hit by a car and left to die almost everyday of my life btw

my favorite binnie looks (257/∞)

dark girly looks + cheap options/customizing & worldwide inclusive. part one: colors and makeup.

૮꒰ ⑅ ´ ` ⑅ ꒱ა

you must be seeing the landmine girls in SNS with all those accessories, ribbons and whatever and thinking "what will i do to look like them?" if so, you came to the right place!! <3

i will separate this post in topics because tumblr is awful and didn't let me use more than 10 images per post, pien!! ૮ ⑅ ˊ ᵔ ˋ ⑅ ა

ᅠᅠ୨୧ . . . colors:

• the "main combo" of colors in dark girly kei is pink and black, as the name says, dark girly is dark and feminine/cutesy, but i've saw a lot of outfits with red + black combo, or even purple + black combo.

the ribbons, shirt, skirt, bag and shoes are from DearMyLove.

ᅠᅠ୨୧ . . . makeup:

• dark girly kei makeup has a lot of influence from landmine girls, instead of the other way around.

it's caracterized of: big eyes with contact lenses, eyeshadow to look like crying/red eyebags, subtle eyeliner, pink/red blush and pink/red lipstick.

• you can use doll makeup tutorials;

• you can use igari makeup and xiaohongshu makeup as an inspiration to the eyes and blush and adapt it with the colors.

(next post: tops and bottoms.)

i finally have this bag! ♡

ꪆ୧ Bangchan [ Stray Kids ] lockscreens

Yandere!Bang Chan: s/o gets hurt

(Request)

Yandere!Bang Chan x gn! Reader

(gender neutral)

Warnings: yandere behavior , cursing , light blood , daddy

———————————————————————

Chan is very protective and usually that prevented you from doing a lot. To him, you were his baby and you didn’t know any better; he treated you almost like a child.

It was one of those rare days that he took you out. It was getting close to Christmas and you wanted to go see lights, ice skate, or anything really. You knew he wasn’t going to let you visit your family or friends so for days you begged him to take you out and he finally gave in. He decided to take you ice skating.

…

As you were driving to the ice rink Chan had a little talk with you.

“So baby… you know the rules yeah?”

“No talking to other boys. No looking at other boys. And never leave daddy’s side.” You recited this as you have many times before.

“Good.” Your boyfriend said with a satisfied look. To him, this was for your own good.

…

After making it to the ice rink Chan was getting the skates while you waited on a bench. You were looking down, playing with your thumbs when you heard another male voice next to you. There was a guy putting on his skates and talking to his friend who was standing up. You looked for a moment and eavesdropped on their conversation, something to do with a girl at work they both liked. Next thing you know, you feel yourself getting yanked up by the arm, and Chan pulling you close.

“Are you already not listening?” He said with a raised brow. “Do we need to go home?”

You shake your head and mutter a small ‘sorry’

He nodded his head and sat you down to help with your skates. Well… more like just completely put them on for you. Chan loved doing everything for you. He wanted you to be completely dependent on him; sometimes you didn’t mind but sometimes it was too much, like when he wants to dress you or when he would feed you. He never gave you a choice and you’d be punished for resisting him.

Eventually you made your way to the ice and Chan helped you get on. You hadn’t been ice skating in so long that you were slipping but Chan always caught you. For the most part you were enjoying yourself. At some point your boyfriend noticed a guy staring at you for a little too long, he was laughing at how you could barely hold yourself up and Chan went over to tell them off, leaving you alone.

You were listening to your boyfriend tell this man off; he was throwing out threats, causing the man to back down. Meanwhile, you were getting tired of standing there awkwardly and wanted to go to the rail on the side to rest. Slowly you tried maneuvering yourself, holding your arms out for balance. As you were getting closer you suddenly slipped, hitting your lip on the rail and shrieked at a sharp pain in your foot.

Your boyfriend heard your scream and hurried over to you, almost slipping himself in the process. You were sitting there covering your bleeding lip and sobbing.

“Y/n!!” He knelt down to your level and took your hand to look at your lip. “Baby, what happened??”

“I-I fell- hit my lip… I-I” you continued sobbing, wiping your tears. “M-my foot-“

Chan looked down at your limp foot before gently pushing you to the end of the rink, once on the ground he tried helping you up but you winced at the feeling.

“Baby why were you trying to move on your own?!. You always get hurt without me!” Chan said, moving you to a bench. But he was also feeling really guilty. “I should’ve never left you alone!”

Tears continued rolling down your cheeks as you tasted the blood from your lip. Your boyfriend carefully removed your skates and examined your foot. Even with your sock over it he could tell how swollen your ankle was and that it may even be broken. He went to return the skates and picked you up bridal style.

“Baby… we got to go to the hospital.” He said with a frown as he carried you to the car, placing you in the passenger seat.

“I’m sorry daddy…” you said, wiping your tears away.

Chan got in the car and started driving. “No it’s my fault. See what happens when you leave daddy’s side? I’ll never leave you alone ever again.”

…

At the hospital Chan had you examined by a doctor. It’s been a while since you’ve been at a hospital and if the doctor was a little more thorough he would’ve seen more concerning things. Like how your turtleneck sweater covered your neck with obvious signs of choking or your thighs that were covered in bruising from harsh slaps. This doesn’t even count the bruising on your wrists and arms from constantly being yanked around.

It turned out that you had broken your ankle and you eventually got it casted. You were devastated. You barely could go anywhere freely, now you could barely move around in your own home. You’re at your boyfriend’s mercy. Chan, on the other hand, was a little excited. Now you would have to depend on him and that’s all he ever wanted.

…

When you got home Chan took you to the bedroom and sat you comfortably, elevating your foot like the nurse told you to.

“I’ll make you some soup, yeah?”

“Thank you daddy….” You said quietly, looking down at your hands.

“Hey, I’m gonna make it all better okay.” He then left the room to get your soup. You reached and grabbed your phone to quickly text your mom about what happened. You figured she may want to visit and help out. But before you pressed send Chan came back in and quickly grabbed your phone.

“What are you doing?!” He said frantically as he was looking through your message.

“I-I wanted to tell my mom… maybe she can help you—”

“No!” He cut you off and threw your phone on the floor then kicked it under the bed, no doubt damaging it. He then took you by the wrists and squeezed. “I’m taking care of you! Your my baby and only I can take care of you!”

“Daddy you’re hurting me…” you winced, tears starting to form again.

“Baby… Im gonna make it all better. Now let me get your soup” he gave you a kiss on the forehead and walked out.

You were still a little shooken up and didn’t know what to do at this point. Chan came in holding a tray with the cup of soup and glass of water along with a napkin that had a small pill.

“Daddy? What’s this?” You asked confused, looking at the pill.

“The nurse gave it to me. It’s to help with your pain.” He said in a matter of fact way. Of course, that was a lie. He’s had these drugs for a while and now he had an excuse to use them, making you seem sick, to make you even more dependent.

“I don’t remember that…?”

“It was on the way out.” Chan quickly replied, lifting the spoon up to your mouth. “Open up baby, I already blew on it.”

You still thought it was odd but didn’t question it and now you were faced with a spoon in your face.

“I can feed myself, it’s okay.” You say, trying to grab at the spoon.

“No, I’m feeding you.” He said sternly. “Now eat or else you’re not eating at all.”

You sighed and reluctantly ate the small cup of soup that he spoon fed to you. After you finished he gave you the pill and water. You didn’t really have a choice as he forced you to take it.

Chan went back to the kitchen to clean up as you sat there waiting. You started feeling a bit sleepy and you thought it was because of your long day but before you could think of any other reason, your boyfriend came back in.

“Since it’s getting kind of late, maybe we can relax and watch a movie.” He said with a smile.

At this point your sleepiness has turned to dizziness and blurred vision. You rocked lightly, trying to get your eyes to focus on your boyfriend.

“Daddy…” you said in a low mumble. Your brain was barely able to make a coherent sentence. “Daddy I don’t feel… I feel…”

“Are you feeling sleepy?” Chan said with the tilt of his head. If your vision wasn’t so fuzzy you could’ve seen his devious smile.

“I think I…” you said trying to lift yourself up more, feeling your muscles give out.

Your boyfriend sat next to you and held your cheek. “I think my baby is sleepy.”

You could barely focus on him. “Daddy…” your voice trailed off as Chan laid you down.

“Goodnight baby.. cant wait to take good care of you…”

———————————————————————

To the person who requested it, I hope you liked it. Sorry it’s kinda long. I just wanted to be thorough.

Thanks for the idea and keep the requests coming. I’ll get to them all eventually ☺️

Merry Christmas 🎄❤️

from offkuts “bows and blossoms” collection