Joonsdiiimple - (bon)anne

¿Me quieres qué?

mutuals feel free to kick my ass

BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

do you ever just wonder how far ahead you’d be in life if you didnt have a mental illness or if your family wasn’t dysfunctional or if that one tragic thing never happened and it just fucks you up??

Some time ago my mum gave me pills for calming me down at school after the breakdown I had. And it was oof, my head was moving but my body wasn't responding, I felt like shit but I wasn't able to feel anything.

I was looking at my classmates dancing like:

I'm sorry, hope y'all having a good night

(Day 41: April 24)

some update of what I did yesterday

it was a good day♡

i ate

and i spent 3 hours painting Cavetown's sleepyhead album cover in acrylics.

(That's the actual cover i'm not gonna show my paint 'cause i'm insecure😎👌)

•♡

My girlfriend was all the day doing homework so she wasn't answering all the time, it was perfect 'cause I didn't have to be anxious to reply early.

She said my paint was really cute:'). She's studying arts, so it feels really good.

The only thing that stills annoying me, it's that NOBODY in my house knows the netflix password. And my dad doesn't want to change the password IT DOESN'T HAVE FUCKING SENSE WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO CHANGE IT WHEN THE LAST PASSWORD ISN'T WORKING AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE PASSWORD ¿?¿

I'm fat and angry af leT ME WATCH I'M NOT OKAY WITH THIS AGAIN AND OITNB OR I'LL CRY.

(Quarantine day 26, april 9)

It's currently 1:23am and i'm not so sleepy but i'll try to sleep. I did slept 6 hours yesterday.

whoops, i've been told that "it is not abuse 'cause is for your own good", the harm my parents did to me for my own good turned me in a traumatized child, with fear. Nobody who was physically abused as a child turned out okay.

being spanked is abuse

being slapped is abuse

being physically harmed or hit in any way by a person in power over you is abuse

being intimidated and terrified into thinking that they’ll hit you is abuse

being forced into state where you flinch when their tone of voice changes is abuse

being sure that you’re dead when they lift their hand is heavy psychological abuse

being hit with your own hand is abuse (abuser forcing your hand to strike your body)

feeling like you have to keep a happy face and pretend that everything is okay is abuse

feeling like you haven’t been hit enough and like you deserve more is abuse

having a person with power want to cause physical harm to when you have no way to defend yourself is abuse

controlling your reactions is abuse

demanding a different reaction after physical harm is abuse

demanding no fear, no anger, no bitterness, no symptoms after being hit is abuse

forbidding expression of pain and fear and anger is abuse

subtly letting you know that you can’t tell anyone about what they did is abuse and silencing technique

shaming you for hitting you is abuse

demanding that it’s your fault if you get traumatized by physical harm is abuse

claiming that it’s you who is violent if you resist or try to escape or fight back is abuse

if any of this was done to you: you have been abused

if this was done to you and you don’t think it was harmful: you are wrong

if you dare to comment “i was hit and i turned out okay”: nobody who thinks any of this is alright to do to a child has turned out okay

I would take my heart out and give it to you if that proved that i am in love with you

*sign* i want someone to translate hebrew love songs to