Just Two Totally Normal Boys In A Totally Normal Camp. :P

A thoughtful, kindhearted little man.

Neil and Andrew are like geese. Loud and mean and violent but with undying adoration for their mate. I once knew this goose who very much did not like me but one day his goose wife decided I was chill and that she wanted to hang out with me. Goose husband, of course, did not want to be away from his goose wife because he followed her everywhere, and since his wife followed me everywhere that meant he had to deal with me but instead of attacking me like he used to he would just kinda goose mutter-hiss at me from a couple feet away because although he didn’t fuck with me his wife did so he agreed to let me metaphorically come clubbing with them for Halloween

Along with this, geese also have a lack of regard for the government and a lust for crime

AU:

Neil doesn’t meet the foxes, he’s instead caught by the FBI

He helps them catch his father and bring down his empire.

One day he’s brought in to Andrew’s lecture as a guest speaker

The Q&A at the end:

Student: Have you ever killed someone?

Neil: There’s two FBI agents at the door who advised me against answering that specific question. There’s your answer.

Student: What’s the best way to get fake documents?

Neil: I’m legally required to say “don’t”.

Student: What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?

Neil: See, that’s a trick question, because if I answer it becomes the most illegal thing I’ve admitted to.

Student: What’s the hardest lie youve ever had to tell?

Neil: “Sure, I’d love to do a Q&A with a bunch of people who are weirdly obsessed with my father and decided to study crimes because they don’t have the balls to commit them.”

Student: Are you afraid your father’s people will come after you?

Neil *at the end of his fucking rope*: No, I feel completely safe. That’s why I’ve got armed federal agents waiting outside.

Student: How’d you get caught?

Neil: First of all, rude. Second, the FBI made a very compelling argument

Student: …which one

Neil: “cooperate or find out exactly how many laws you’ve broken” - said by a guy holding a very thick file. Direct. Effective. Hard to argue while zip-tied to a chair.

Student: What’s something you miss about your old life?

Neil: being able to leave a room without seven cops and a judge asking where I’m going.

Student: If you could do it all over again, would you?

Neil: I’d rather set myself on fire. I know you don’t understand that reference, but trust me when I say it’s funny.

Student: how many identities have you had?

Neil: Simultaneously or in total?

Student: …total?

Neil: enough that I had to check my ID before answering roll call

Student: what’s the worst crime you’ve ever committed?

Neil: do you want me to answer this as Neil Josten or Nathaniel Wesninski? The distinction matters.

Student: Have you ever made someone disappear?

Neil *looking over his shoulder at Browning*: goodness gracious no

Student: How many languages do you speak?

Neil: enough to talk my way out of things… mostly into them, though

Student: Why did you agree to talk to us?

Neil: it was this or community service

He’s as unhelpful as possible.

His entire goal is to waste everyone’s time while making it just interesting enough that no one can call him out on it.

And Andrew? He’s watching. He’s enthralled. He’s interested, and isn’t that odd.

The professor looks like she regrets her entire career. Half the class is too stunned to speak. Browning is wondering if the punishment for beating up the most valuable witness the FBI has in custody would be worth it. (It would)

Anyway long story short. 5 minutes in Andrew’s in love

🚭don't smo- actually I think the other thing is also not good🚭

raven andreil for a sketch req 🐦‍⬛

love that moment when anyone writing kevin day smut has to. must. compare it to his exy skills. phenomenal experience to read such a thing. y'all don't know how much you are catering to kevin himself by saying he fucks like he plays. rappers put him in their songs like: fuck the mission, i say abort; she give head like kevin on court

I don't need Neil to act crazy in the rest of the series anymore. I just need him to be mildly respectful of the trojans because he thinks they're cool and he wants to make a good impression. And I want Jean and Kevin to be frothing at the mouth irate because where the fuck was this energy until now.

Jongwoo: What happened after you guys killed for the first time?

Dongsik: I didn't.

Eve: She shot me.

Will: We sort of adopted a teenager.

Eve: That doesn't sound so bad?

Will: He later made me think I've killed her.

Dongsik: Oh. Mine let me think I've killed people too.

Dongsik: He framed me for his crimes and let me go to prison.

Will: Been there. I hope you gave him jail time too.

Dongsik: Sure did!

Eve: What about you, Jongwoo?

Jongwoo: He framed himself for my crimes and we made the police think I killed him in self-defense so none of us would go to prison.

Will: That's clever.

Will: I jumped off a cliff with mine.

Eve: That's stupid.

Will: I know.

i said i would never step on danganronpa ground again ... yet here i am, 3 years later.

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hero department kids