Citing “person Et Al” Is Giving Band Name. Like Me And The Besties Sciencing Together

secret technique: public urinal no jutsu

showin up to the function with 17 rounds of chemotherapy

absolutely electrifying the way spotify started playing gangnam style right as the tesla tried to merge into me in bay area traffic

bouta get intubated for Tube Tuesday

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. The silence is deafening.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. Half of them require you to create an account on the company website. You leave a trail of ghost accounts that will be used once and never again. You never receive a response.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers an interview, but it's so rare for you to receive any response that you forget to check the website and you miss the time.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers an interview, but you don't know the magic words that signal to the esoteric mind of an interviewer that you're fit for the job.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer e-mails you saying that 'unfortunately, you do not have the qualifications we are looking for'. You check the job again and see you applied to be a menial labourer.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. Half of them require a car. No one stops to ask how you're supposed to afford one with no job.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers a job. The commute makes you want to die in your sleep.

You call the HR manager for the workplace in hopes of arranging an interview more directly. They don't even have an answering machine.

Employers complain that no one wants to work anymore.

i don’t got that dog in me anymore.

he got put down.

anyway — im probably gonna stay in the weekend to finish up some paperwork and wait for death.

Top three scariest halllween costumes:

3. Landlord

2. Sexy Landlord

1. Unsexy Landlord

we run this block, got the steel on

fits to sick, know the plague comin’ on

let’s go — minstrel barnabus!

knights gettin raptured

priests be embattled

dick so divine it’s part of the papacy

haters crusading

damsels be chasing’

god i’m so royal they call me ur majesty

but it’s much more than noise (uh)

my swordplay got poise (uh)

if you siege my castle, know you best watch out for the boys (uh)

(etc.)

💀💀💀💀

they should add chinese foreign investment to catan

airport pro tip: store your IEDs towards the top of your luggage so that they can easily accessed during checkpoints and promptly deployed mid-flight.