Oh, Hello May! L Rami Ammoun

I’m seeing my doctor for an antidepressant tomorrow morning.

I’ve had depression since I was 10. Any period of time where I felt happy or safe was always temporary. With some therapy I made it past some of the hardest years of my life, and when I realized I was going to keep living, I decided I didn’t need treatment. I never asked for meds, and I didn’t look for therapy after I aged out of the program I was in.

I didn’t have friends or family that supported me, or even offered to talk. I understand now that none of them would have known what to say.

I wasn’t living. I thought that surviving was the point, and for a while it was. I survived some things that I don’t wish on anyone, but now I want to live.

I want to get up in the morning. I want to spend time going to coffee shops and farmers markets and travelling. I want to romanticize my life, not just drag myself through it.

I don’t know how tomorrow will go. I don’t know if I’ll have to try ten different meds before something works but I want to try.

I spent 30 years scraping by, hoping tomorrow comes and goes quickly.

I want to live again. 

It is late now.

Insomnia by Vincenzo Lamolinara

Rilke and Andreas-Salomé: a love story in letters

Old town of Tsumago, Japan in the rain.  Photography by Bernard Languillier on Flickr

“I’ve been loved in life, but all that matters now is that I’m loved by you.”

— Abbi Glines, Because of Low

Freshly Flipped Iceberg in Jökulsárlón Glacial Lagoon, Iceland [3072x4080] [OC] - Author: jrharte