Nikos Kazantzakis, From A Letter Featured In The Selected Letters Of Nikos Kazantzakis

I’m seeing my doctor for an antidepressant tomorrow morning.

I’ve had depression since I was 10. Any period of time where I felt happy or safe was always temporary. With some therapy I made it past some of the hardest years of my life, and when I realized I was going to keep living, I decided I didn’t need treatment. I never asked for meds, and I didn’t look for therapy after I aged out of the program I was in.

I didn’t have friends or family that supported me, or even offered to talk. I understand now that none of them would have known what to say.

I wasn’t living. I thought that surviving was the point, and for a while it was. I survived some things that I don’t wish on anyone, but now I want to live.

I want to get up in the morning. I want to spend time going to coffee shops and farmers markets and travelling. I want to romanticize my life, not just drag myself through it.

I don’t know how tomorrow will go. I don’t know if I’ll have to try ten different meds before something works but I want to try.

I spent 30 years scraping by, hoping tomorrow comes and goes quickly.

I want to live again. 

sometimes “i did my best” is just a way to avoid saying “i gave up when it got hard”

The Yerres, Rain (1875) by Gustave Caillebotte

We’ve never existed in each other's world - only this pull I can't explain. Life has kept us apart, cruel and constant, but still, I wait with a heart wide open, because something in me already knows you.

FLEABAG (2016) Created by Phoebe Waller-Bridge

I will always choose to love you, even in the last moment of when you breathe your last breath.

I love your soul and I cherish it so much, that I would never betray the words we spoke to each other.

'Always and forever'

So, when the air leaves your lungs and your heart stops beating, I will choose to love you even in those long and painful moments of guiding you into the afterlife.

~ Isabelle Wolfe

“Don’t ever think that everyone who leaves wants to.”

— Unknown

“What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age.”

- Sylvia Plath