Fuck History- Part 1.

Fuck History- part 1.

It's been four days since I've talked to a human. A real human not the weirdos I've been talking to lately. Now that I think of it, was it four days or have I completely lost track of time too? Should I even be bothered with trying to comprehend something like time? Better yet, why should I give a rat's ass about time?

I'm currently sitting on a large rock watching two large, scaled behemoths hump doggy-style. I want to question why two dinosaurs-a Tyranosaurus rex and the other a Brontosaurus-are having intercourse. If I turn my head then I won't be able to see what sort of hell I've caused to Earth's timeline.

As the two beasts grind each other's uglies together they stare at me, with any sort of luck I might be eaten. I deserve to be eaten by the t-rex. Unless I made carnivores into herbivores and herbivores into carnivores.

It's a high chance I did but I did see my friend John get torn in half and chewed by two Allosauruses so maybe I had effected a few things in the world or universe.

As I sit here on the large moss covered rock while watching two dinosaurs of completely different species have intercourse like mammals do, I hear a large woosh over my head. Followed by a slight fart, a pterodactly with a large dick flies over my head. I then notice that the top of my head is wet, and I'm drentched with a horrible smelling urine. I deserve this.

How I came back to the time of the dinosaurs is something that I regret more than that one time me and my non-existant girlfriend broke up over something that never happened in this timeline.A large roar emerges from the thrusting t-rex and the broncosaurus starts to shake wildly and stomps it's feet on the ground causing a small earthquake. The two fall on the ground together making another quake and the site of the two reaching climax isn't something you'd like to be decribed. So just use your imagination because it's horrible.

The two messy dinosaurs lay there, breathing hard and heavy. It makes me want to cry. It's horrifying and strangely reminicent of me and my non-existant girlfriend's first time. Then again that never happened all because I fucked with time and space.

Then the smell of pterodactly urine hits my nose and it really smells bad. Like some body drank a cup of bad milk then ate a bowl of rotten potatoe salad but decided to vomit because they hate milk. Truely terrible, much like my life as of now.

The t-rex slowly regains it's strength and stands up. I hope it comes right for me and bites the top half of my torso off. He stands up, shaking it's head and body clean of sexual sweat. Do dinosaurs sweat?

I mean...whatever.

He walks over to the laying brontosaurus and starts to bite it's neck. The brontosaurus's neck is now a bloody mess and the t-rex's snout is covered in blood. He stops and turns his head to look in my direction, at me. Soon his body turns in my direction and starts to move to me. My heart races, either out of fear that a hungry t-rex or that I will finally die and not cause any more trouble to Earth's timeline.

I never noticed how fast a t-rex could move because right now he's twenty feet in front of me. I feel my throat open up and my mouth yell: FUCK THIS. My leg began to kick me off the ground and straight into the cave behind me. The monster's teeth caught my arm and soon I was to be eaten.

A glorious way to go!

Before I knew it I could see the roof of the rex's mouth above my head. There wasn't any pain. I was swallowed whole by the rex. Surrounded by the dark insides of the beast's throat I could see a bright light at the end of the monster's throat. This must be how I die, right? That's the bright light everybody sees before they die?

I was pushed by wet muscle into the bright blinding light.

I am blind, wet, missing an arm and on a solid, even surface. Nothing that feels like the insides of a t-rex's stomach or on a cloud in heaven. And hell is just fire and brimstone and shit.

"Hello Paul. You've seen better days haven't you?" says a voice that is soft and comforting; it's got to belong to a female.

I reply to the voice: Hur uuhhh gurmn brah. My mind is fucked up. It will be for a few more minutes. Time travel does that sometimes.