Just Saw That In Our Last Convo In This Blog We Were Both In 11th Grade. You Are Graduating College This

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i'm the sweetest person wdym

optimisation

i've been thinking about this for a while, and i even wrote about it as more of a rant, but maybe i've stewed on it enough to be able to talk about it in a more refined manner. i'm watching a video about conformity in social media and books, and it mirrors my thought process in a sense. i've been frustrated by how everyone seemed to read the same books, and even though i was once a part of that crowd, as a means to be a part of the excitement, a part of everyone, it felt eventually a bit too monotonous. the disadvantage of appealing to everyone's tastes is that you regress towards the mean. please overfit your books, and the readers with the right amount of noise will find you perfect for them. i've leaned into my tastes and the weirdness of them, and i truly do love absurdity and surrealism in my art. what's art without some boundaries being pushed?

in the video, she talks about the hesitation to ‘try’ something new, to find, seek, discover, and instead the appeal of choosing what the masses have approved, and enable yourselves to get a decent, palatable, and risk-free experience. the one thing i have learned from finance is that there is no return without risk, and in that case, money is quite an important thing to risk. i don't believe a few hours of your time are too much to risk for a piece of art that may affect the way you view the world.

this optimisation problem can stick in your head, as a way of desiring to maximise your experience in the world. i want to achieve the most i can, have the most fun i can, live the most i can, and there's no better way to ruin all these goals than this thought process. there cannot be any enjoyment with this feel hovering like an omen, reminding you to enjoy experience live more more more. breathe, listen to the air flow, feel your arms and legs, and remember that we exist here. we're lucky to. (quite literally, do you know the probabilities?) imagine everything you've ever experienced, and know that most people will not have felt what you have, and that it is you here. trust yourself, nobody knows you better. what do you want to do tomorrow?

it's been in the pipeline for a while so i got around to replying to it now actually

ohh okay thought we were in the same board haha. best of luck to you too!! you'll do great i'm sure of it <33

(also realised i wasn't following you?? weird. anyway hope it's okay to send asks here)

we are not in the same board if it helps

effort

the most important step a man can take. it's not the first one, is it? it's the next one. always the next step.

-brandon sanderson, oathbringer

as a year begins, the jokes about how arbitrary it really is begin again, and it is! but i think we need this measure. for the same reason dark humour exists, comedy works to introduce things we wish not to talk about into conversation. the onus, then, is on you. how serious about it do you have the strength to be? i will try to be a little: as all of us do, i have struggled with constant stimulation, the perpetual onslaught it arrives with, and it has severely reduced my ability to read, one of my favourite companions throughout my childhood, and i've missed it for a while, only reading once in a few months for the past couple of years, and i always felt a bit— shit about it. but then kanaad got me ensnared in the cosmere just enough to get my momentum, and the rest is history, and i'll always be grateful. “look, mom, i took the next step.”

as you can tell from the opening line, i intended to begin this with the year, but i didn't know what to write in it, so we write it at the beginning of february, and consider it equivalent (they're arbitrary anyway). i've been thinking about the word ‘effort’, and the negative connotation it carries. yes, many things require attention, but is that really so bad? it took me effort to learn a more adept way to play the keys of a piano, it took me effort to start ‘a song of ice and fire’, an exceedingly complicated book, it took me effort to learn how to make friends when i first left home, but wasn't it fun, the effort itself? i didn't anticipate my stream of thought leading me to use another stormlight archive quote, but it is relevant, so:

life before death. strength before weakness. journey before destination.

 -brandon sanderson, the way of kings

sometimes, i get entrenched in the journey so much i forget the destination itself was a beautiful place, and when i realise the gift that awaits me, i think i understand what he meant. enjoy the ride, you will reach somewhere as beautiful as you are.

i hope my soul bleeds beautiful

for what is- what is art, if not the blood of our souls

i'm holding you to that orange !!!

new pfp ❓️❓️ ORANGE ❓️❓️❓️❓️

I've had a Halloween matching pfp since the last 2 or 3 years now so i figured I should change it at Some point 😭

every day is just can i be in love who will i be in love with it is so difficult but i know it has felt so easy i love you i love you i love you i love you i love people i hate people i love the world the world is despicable it is too much maybe it will all be okay if i fall in love it is horrible the world burns but can i— can just i be okay

friendly reminder that you're really powerful

you can make people smile just by complimenting them, you can make them laugh by telling them a good joke, you can love and what really is more powerful than all this? you can make someone's day by telling them they're pretty you can make them happy in so many ways you're so powerful

wield that power wisely, my sweethearts

i love you

hi hi do you have board exams right now too?

not rn !!! my board didn't do the split so im gonna have just one final board

best of luck to u !!! i am still studying my prelims start in a month