Timothy The Teetotaler Kills Me. Hes A DARE Kid. Dumping Out His Roommates Alcohol And Threatens To Get

jason todd as my experience getting glasses:

Jason: *leans over to tim* what does that billboard say? tim: tim: damn, you blind as fuck jason: DID I ASK FOR THE SASS OR THE FUCKING BILLBOARD

jason: i can't find the paprika- alfred: it's right there, master jason stephanie: do you need your eyes checked? jason: i made an appointment seven months ago and it's still gonna be like five weeks from now stephL: i guess you're . . . . jason: don't you fucking say it, blondie steph: *whispers* blind as a bat jason: *running at her* im going to kill you

jason: what does that say? bruce: *frowns* you can't read that? jason: no i can im just asking---OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT

bruce: hey can you read that menu for damian, he's too short to see it jason: no i can't bruce: why not? tim: he's a blind old man jason: and people wonder why i tried to blow all y'all up

jason: i knew my years of obsessively reading no matter the light source or proximity to my face would simeday bite me in the ass. but i really thought it would be like, me walking off a building with my nose in a book or some shit. not having my eyeballs rebel against me. bruce: this is concerning on very many levels

jason: *goes to eye appointment* doctor: so when was your last visit to the eye doctor? jason: jason: um. never. doctor: . . . and, uh, regular doctor? do you have any paperwork from that at least? jason: *laughs* no. doctor: . . . birth certificate? jason: what do i look like, an adult? doctor: *staring up at the brick powerhouse in front of him* . . . yes? jason: *slaps knee* that's a good one. hang on, lemme call my brother. he can probably help seeing as when i was recently dead he was the one that filed all my paperwork and kept my birth certificate and all that shit. doctor: *having an aneurysm* recently dead-

jason: *reading letters off as doctor puts them on the screen* z . . . h . . . . p . . . q? . . . r . . . doctor: *winces* jason: you know i can still see your face right doctor: jason: why are we even doing this. im 100% sure i need the fucking glasses.

jason: *texting roy later* guess who's eyes worked just enough to see the supresssed winces on the doctors faces as they read off every other letter incorrectly roy: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH jason: your lack of sympathy is appalling

jason: *sends photo of himself in new glasses* roy: you're giving off . . . librarian in small town who knows everyone and their grandmother's grandmother but when asked not a single person in the town could tell your name jason: that was better than literally any other compliment anyone could have given me and i love you forever

jason: *walsk in wearing glasses* tim: ooooooooooo nerd jason: i hate this family

i probably wont ever write jaysteph because i dont think they ever date i do think they hook up just once though because he's perfectly stephs type (enormous ego) (closeted as something). i think it's great sex even but i dont think they do it again. My issue as a writer is that i dont actually want to write the sex i just want to write pillow talk. and not sappy pillow talk either. one time i sucked my boyfriend silly and then we had 1.5hrs of Gender Discussion and Slur Discourse. who cares how much they love each other or how good who is at munching whoevers carpet I want to hear about how one time you thought your ex was cheating on you and you went up to him and his date in a huff and it was his mom

*Timbern because I'm a slut*

—

Bernard and Tim, playing Minecraft together

Bernard: Hey, hey, Tim.

Tim, trying to make an XP farm work: Yeah?

Bernard, snickering: Can we— Can I put my bed next to yours?

Tim, feigning shock: Before marriage?!

Bernard: Before marriage!

They both laugh hysterically, they've been playing for eight hours straight

—

Tim, screaming: IT'S CHASING ME IT'S CHASING ME IT'S CHASING ME

Bernard: What is it!?

Tim: A CREEPER!

Bernard: Aw, man... HIT AND RUN HIT AND RUN!!!

Tim: IT'S GONNA EXPLODE OH I'M GODS WE'RE GONNA DIE I JUST GOT THE OBSIDIAN OH MY GODS!!!

—

Bernard: Hey, uh, Timboo?

Tim, building their house: Hm?

Bernard: I'm lost.

Tim: How did you get lost? You left three minutes ago!

Bernard: I DON'T know, I am in an unfamiliar area!

Tim: I don't see your nametag.

Bernard: I'm gonna die.

Tim: No, no, we just made iron armor.

Bernard: I'll find my way home, someday, my love!

Tim, looking at their cats: I'm a single Mother now...

Bernard: Wait for me! I'll find my way home— oh, wait, coordinates.

Tim: Huh? Oh, yeah.

—

Bernard: I made the sheep gay.

Tim: You what?

Bernard: I made the sheep gay, I used the nametag and did the trick.

Tim, going to the farm: GAY SHEEP!!!

Bernard: GAY SHEEP!!!

—

Bernard: Hey, hey, Tim.

Tim: What?

Bernard: I found wolves.

Tim: I'll bring the bones!!!

—

Bernard: I made you something.

Tim: What is it?

Bernard, placing a cake down:

Tim:

Bernard:

Tim: Marry me.

—

Bernard:

Tim:

Bernard: I wish I could get you pregnant in Minecraft.

Tim: Didn't you make us in the Sims?

Bernard: Yeah, we're on our fourth child.

Tim: Freak.

Bernard: You make good money as a secret agent, my restaurant is doing well.

Tim: Can you make me become a super villain?

Bernard: Absolutely.

Tim: Nice.

Bernard: As soon as you're off maternity leave.

Tim: F#&% you.

Bernard: Dick keeps coming over though, and I think Jason wants to steal our youngest.

Tim:

—

Tim: We've been playing for... Three days.

Bernard, half awake, mining: Huh? Oh, yeah, we have.

Tim: Should... Should we stop?

Bernard: I mean. What would we do?

Tim:

Bernard:

Tim: Wanna go do a village raid?

Bernard: Hell yeah.

—

He may like it, guys.

penis dashboard kind of night

merry yurimas everyone

excuse me but dick's siblings can not read him better than the original teen titans. his siblings might read his body language better (especially cass) but they won't recognize- can't recognize dick's expressions like donna, garth, wally and roy can.

there's no way. the fab five have known dick for an insanely long amount of time, and perhaps the only other person is barbara.

like i know you guys love your sibling relationships, but like seriously? the fab five have known each other for an insanely long amount of time there's no need to pretend that they wouldn't understand dick like he's part of their own soul. because they would. you don't go through so much with some people and not know each other like they're parts of you. because at that point, they are.

realistically i have a phone with tumblr in it but ideally i have a nokia brick and a accounting magazine subsribction

I'm totally in favor of the HC that Dick knows how to imitate voices.

Not just Bruce, but also the voices of other people, his brothers or other heroes, and he shows this ability in the most random moments.

To put things in order? He definitely doesn't use Bruce's voice, he's more likely to use Superman's... He once used Alfred's, but he always feels like he has his grandfather standing behind him judging him even when he's not there, so he doesn't use that voice ever again, except when talking to the butler himself when he recites advice he himself gave him.

Wally actually jumped when he was telling him a secret and Dick responded with Barry's voice to scare him.

For a while, Clark had to get used to checking whether the voice messages he received were really from Bruce or from Dick.

Dick has a perfect flight instinct after scolding Roy in Oliver's voice.

Barbara still watches him closely from the first time he imitated Commissioner Gordon's voice, when that happened Dick was still a child.

Tim definitely upgraded any device that worked with voice command since Dick sent him a voice message imitating his voice to annoy him because he activated his devices through phone.