A Mummy Wouldnt Fall For The Oldest Trick In The Book. They Were There. You Would Want Something Newer,

coming out of my cage and i been doing just bad. going back in my cage because i like my cage

Headcanon that Jason hated taking pills as a kid, partially due to trauma from being on the streets, but mostly because he's like 10 and they're just yucky

But he's also a kid with ✨️allergies✨️

And Bruce has tried everything. Bribing, begging, being stern, bargaining, everything.

But one day he gets the brilliant idea to hide the pill in a snack and give it to him then, and what do you know, it fucking works

And that's just how he continues to sneak allergy pills into Jason's system

Until Dick catches him and can't stop laughing because, "That's how you give dogs medicine."

And Bruce is mortified at the realization that he's been treating his son like a dog.. But like, it works, regardless, and it's the only thing that works

Years and a pit later, Jason's an adult and his allergies are acting up again so he asks Bruce if he has any allergy meds, and out of pure muscle memory, Bruce reaches for the snack cabinet before he stops and remembers that Jason's an adult now, so he just grabs the medicine bottle and tosses it to him

And that's when it finally clicks for Jason that everytime Bruce gave him a 'random treat,' as a child, it was deception

And he's never felt more betrayed

stop causing trouble!

i dont think this is a headcanon, more of an analysis and social pov, but jason's desire to protect SWs (which, personally i dont think he would be using pc language, they would be hookers, prostitutes, corner girls, working girls, etc.) should be personal.

protecting them out of the kindness of his heart is all well and good, and is probably a small percentage on why he does it, but a lot of jason's outlook has to do with duty, quid pro quos, and exchange.

people never forget that he was a homeless kid, and they never forget that areas like crime alley have a red light district, but so rarely do i see these thoughts married together. if ANYONE was going to try and protect or look out for a homeless kid, it would have been the sex workers. it would have been those girls that stuck their necks out and kept him alive.

and jason would OWE them. for the rest of his life (lives) he would see it as an obligation (there's nothing negative about this word, it is a weight he bears by choice) to protect them. jason's crusade to go after anyone making trouble with HIS girls, should read more like the little brother who's finally big enough to hit their abusive father back, rather than hiding behind his 5 foot nothing sister.

jason's connection to SWs should be seen as their kid brother who has gotten big and dangerous, but is still that little boy they held close when the heat was cut and all they had to give to protect him was their bodies.

everything they had.

Tim: Bruce, I’m gay

Bruce: oh

Tim: oh?

Bruce: I mean you being gay sort of ruins the entire edgy thing the batfamily has going on

Tim: what?

Bruce: because you’re gay.. you’re happy..??

Tim: when Dick uses the term gay he means something different than me

Dick, poking head into room: no we mean the same thing, I just didn’t want to explain it to him

Tim: no Bruce, I’m bisexual, I’m into men and woman

Bruce: oh, congrats? Me too?

Tim: WHAT?!

Dick: Superman was my co parent at one point I definitely saw them kiss

Tim: again, WHAT?!

After Clark tells Lois that he’s Superman—and, you know, the last surviving member of his alien race, no big deal—she starts wondering what is Clark being Clark and what is Clark being an alien. She makes lists and asks endless questions. Clark is (mostly) patient with her. It’s cute.

“Does coffee actually do anything for you? I mean, you look half dead without it, so I assume the caffeine does something.”

“Hurtful, but okay. It’s psychological. I like the taste and it’s part of my routine. I guess I’ve conditioned myself to feel like I need it to start the day.”

“Your music—do you actually like it, or is that just a front?”

“Yes, Lois, I actually like Beyoncé. She makes art. Have you heard the harmonies? She sings them all herself and then layers—“

“Oh my God, Superman’s in the BeyHive.”

“Meg’s great too.”

“Trainor?”

“Thee Stallion.”

“Oh my God, Superman’s having a Hot Girl Summer.”

“Do you eat? I mean…wait, is that food allergy thing a lie?”

“Do I—yes, Lois, you’ve seen me eat!”

“Okay, but do you need to? Also, way to dodge the food allergy question.”

“Under a red sun, yes, I would need to eat regularly. Under a yellow sun, assuming I’m not injured, I’m pretty sure I could go weeks without food. I haven’t tested it, though.”

“And the food allergy?”

“I’m not eating Cat’s deviled eggs at the office potluck, and I don’t feel bad for lying.”

“So your snack drawer at work—“

“Is just a snack drawer. One you shouldn’t even know about. How do you—“

“Hush, let me finish. Peanut butter crackers. Peanut butter pretzels. Peanut butter cups. A jar of peanut butter. What gives?”

“I like peanut butter.”

“Clearly!”

“It’s good protein!”

“Do you fake being startled? Like when people pop up behind you?”

“No. Just because I can hear you doesn’t mean I’m actively listening or always paying attention.”

“So you can hear when people are having se—“

“Can I? Yes. I’m also tuning it out, because ew. Massive invasion of privacy, and I don’t want to know what everyone gets up to.”

“What do you get up to?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Yes, Clark, that’s why I’m asking.”

I know for a fact that, at some point a couple years after Dick moved to Blüdhaven, he came back to work a case with Bruce and at some point they needed to get into some party or something and Bruce of course is about to pull out the Brucie persona to sleaze by the security, but before he can Dick turns into Richie Grayson <<3 and hits on the bouncers until they're way too flustered not to let them in and Bruce is SHOCKED and pulls him aside and is like "DICK WTF YOU CAN'T DO THAT YOU'RE A MINOR" and Dick just stares at him like. "Dad I'm 24." And Bruce has a mental breakdown because his BABY BOY should NOT know what those words mean

let’s not talk about this, ever

as much as i love angst i do also adore familial league of assassins shit, and since i keep seeing them on my tiktok fyp i cant stop thinking about those videos of idiot teenagers in military training being. teenagers. and thinking of jason and damian. just those two having weird little gimmicks and traditions that confuse the absolute fuck out of the rest of the family from their time at the league.

damian will refer to grapes as ‘assassination implements’ because of that time jason tried to throw one at him, missed, hit ra’s in the back of the head, and to avoid getting out of trouble gaslit him into believing it must have been some kind of dart that hit him from a coup attempt. ra’s went into lockdown and had the entire base searched and jason’s been lying about it for a year, nodding along whenever ra’s brings up the ‘irritating failure that escaped capture’.

nanda parbat had a specific bar that a lot of the assassins would go to when off-duty for a break, but damian wasn’t allowed because talia said he was too young so jason and a couple other loa workers dressed him up in fake facial hair and convinced the bartender he was just a really short old guy to get him in, and since then whenever they talk about something damian’s done that he wasn’t supposed to do they say it was ‘old man brutus’ that did it. bruce has no idea who the fuck brutus is or why two of his sons find his existence so amusing.

whenever the assassins were fucking around on loa grounds they would have a specific low-down gravely tone of voice that when any of them saw talia or ra’s approach, they would use to warn the rest of the group by saying ‘al ghul’ in that tone to indicate everyone had to straighten up and act like they were training. damian can copy that tone perfectly, and will use that voice when saying non-sensical words like ‘ooby-dooby’ and ‘birch tree’ because the tone makes jason instinctively straight up and whirl around like a soldier hearing the word ‘sergeant’. it works every fucking time.

one of damian’s tutors and jason’s mission colleague hated coconut milk with a fucking passion and would rant about it every time it was brought up in conversation. a lot of the guys would take bets on how long she could go talking about it and then purposely brought it up to set her off as a game. every time anyone around the loa base was seen with coconut milk somebody would respond ‘what would eden say if she saw you with that?’. tim dick and bruce do not know who eden is or why they hate coconut milk and at this point they’re too scared to ask.

all im saying is the loa becomes much funnier if we consider it just to be a very strict assassin boarding school that jason attended and damian grew up in.