Date Idea: Dragging You Through The Woods By The Noose I Forced Around Your Neck

“Having ASPD doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Okay, but having ASPD makes it so easy for me to screw over the people I love. Yes, you mean so much to me and I truly do want you to be happy, but I can rob you in your own home and feel nothing about it, and then I can lie to your face about it. Yes, I want to spent my life with you, but if you annoy me, I can slap you across the face, and to me, it doesn’t… feel as if that contradicts my love for you. It isn’t just selfishness because I would hurt myself for you, and I have, and yet I’m hurting you. Why doesn’t that feel contradictory?

It takes a lot of willpower to not be horrible when you are this way. It’s not just lacking guilt as an emotion, but about this weird gap in between affection as an emotion and… having the emotional drive to affectionate, or even decent. I’m not devoid of love. I’m devoid of… something quite different that I can’t quite put my finger on, and I don’t think “guilt” or “empathy” as it’s understood quite describe that.

Of course, I’m not sorry for being this way, but I almost wish I was.

cm

"romanticising your mental illness is bad" what if I killed myself in front of you

The desire to break you is conflicted by the desire to keep you. Obviously I don't play with broken toys.

angel

まどか✨ほむら

A mutual craving between us. You want my knife in your stomach, and I want to twist so deeply into you.