A Cute Interaction In Portland (while With @vyl3tpwny)🚦💕

Yes, sure, my trauma affected me.

Do you know what else affected me?

Dancing under the glow of LED strip lights with my best friend at 3am. The pair of shoes my godmother gave me with the cute little bows that I wear for good luck. My girlfriend laughing so hard at my joke she had tears on her face. The hours and hours I’ve spent scribbling in the margins of books. Buying the ugliest sweater at goodwill because it made all my friends grin. Listening to that song on repeat while I swayed through the halls at school, smiling in response to all the weird looks people sent me.

I’m never going to just be the bad parts. I refuse to be boiled down to just the bad parts. Every moment of my life has affected me in some way, more than even just the parts I remember, and there has been beauty contained within and surrounding all the grotesquities.

Kestrel

Bing bong

I’m really scared that I’m becoming an unlikable person as I unmask. I’m more blunt, I talk more, I advocate for myself more and I’m perceived as argumentative when I’m just trying to offer my thoughts/ explain myself. I make sure not to actively be an asshole, so it’s really more just my tone and the social norms that shouldn’t really matter.

I see people give me looks of annoyance when I speak. The exasperation when I finally work up the courage to actually ask a question.

It’s really freeing to not have to think so hard about my every breath or word in social settings but I still really want people to like me. I guess I need to accept that not everyone will, that’s just how it is, but it makes things hard because then those people will treat you shitty.

And then I wonder… is it just my fault? Maybe I should go back to masking. Maybe it’s not worth it to ‘be myself’ or whatever if it will bring ridicule. Even though there’s that crushing, continuous weight that comes from having to conceal parts of myself, maybe I need to just deal with that so I can get along with others.

But I’m also not sure that I COULD go back now.

🦀 Happy Crab Day, Tumblr! 🦀

may it be ✨ crabulous ✨

writing fanfiction is wild. i could make these two characters do anything. i could make them get married rn. the possibilities are endless

hey, if bullied for being autistic, in the way that you were ‘too’ trusting or ‘too’ gullible or ‘too’ naive made you spiteful and jaded and defensive, I hope you’re doing okay. I hope you can find people who are deserving of your trust and your belief. I hope you grow to understand that it was never your fault, and still isn’t.

★ 【らうと】 「 女の子キャラの詰め合わせ 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on instagram

fucking love this

Magical cat 💕

i love you