Hey Remember That A Boycott If Actually MORE Effective Under Capitalism If You Profess You Would Actually

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

im sorry mutual i cant reblog the original but they were right

Soft mushy stuff

🦀 Happy Crab Day, Tumblr! 🦀

may it be ✨ crabulous ✨

“Hozier is a lesbian” “Hozier is a man written by a woman” “Hozier is like if a man was raised by lesbian mothers” “Hozier is like if a man was a woman” quick give me one reason why a man can’t be soft and gentle and poetic and in love without sounding like a terf or a misogynist

I’m really scared that I’m becoming an unlikable person as I unmask. I’m more blunt, I talk more, I advocate for myself more and I’m perceived as argumentative when I’m just trying to offer my thoughts/ explain myself. I make sure not to actively be an asshole, so it’s really more just my tone and the social norms that shouldn’t really matter.

I see people give me looks of annoyance when I speak. The exasperation when I finally work up the courage to actually ask a question.

It’s really freeing to not have to think so hard about my every breath or word in social settings but I still really want people to like me. I guess I need to accept that not everyone will, that’s just how it is, but it makes things hard because then those people will treat you shitty.

And then I wonder… is it just my fault? Maybe I should go back to masking. Maybe it’s not worth it to ‘be myself’ or whatever if it will bring ridicule. Even though there’s that crushing, continuous weight that comes from having to conceal parts of myself, maybe I need to just deal with that so I can get along with others.

But I’m also not sure that I COULD go back now.

Tangy gamer girl 🍊

my own personal interpretation of this album:

cw: big giant vent

it completely simulates the awful, life-lasting loneliness of being by yourself all the time. screaming so fucking loud and salivating over the floorboards and all over your own shirt during a meltdown and no one is there to hear it and you DON'T WANT anyone to hear it. your heart is screaming for help but your mind doesn't want anyone to know about this embarrassing shit you're doing. the howling, the manic, running, flashing words and sentences that make no sense but make you so frustrated. i don't want anyone to see me like this, i don't want anyone to ask me about it, but i want someone to at least k n o w. the stupid bipolarity of my mind and the need to ask for help and the need to talk it out but the way my autistic ass was raised to not tell people about myself or what i do or what i think or what i feel because it makes people "uncomfortable" and i am spoiled. i am so spoiled. i have no RIGHT to complain. none of my problems or concerns matter because i am SPOILED. i am always the bad person. i am the bad person i am so bad and i am so horrible. you will be fucked whether you like it or not. you will be trauma-dumped on whether you like it or not. if you complain - you are a bad person. every time i was witnessed having a panic attack or a meltdown, i end up being the one apologizing just because they had to look at me. i am at fault because they saw me in pain. i am at fault because i asked for help. i am spoiled. i have no right to complain. i hurt people close to me whenever i open up. any time i mention an anxiety or a negative thought i am shut off. i have no right to complain because i am spoiled. my being is making people upset. i make people frustrated because i am not normal. i have always been the bad person. this album represents the feral, angry, pain-ridden wolf that i have to keep inside because it hurts people. my pent-up anger, sadness, anxieties and stress materializes as horrible words and insults and manipulation. i've never learnt how to express my emotions properly because whenever i tried, i kept being told to shut the fuck up because i have no right to complain because i am spoiled. i don't know my own limits, i don't know my boundaries - they've all been broken. my body has been given away. i am used and i let myself be used because i feel purpose that way. i will always hear people out and i will never comment anything negatively or criticize because i have no right to do so. i am not. allowed. to speak. my mind. every word, every feeling, every pain is kept inside. the absolute frustration and psychosis in this album comforts me so much because i feel like i am listening to myself vent, because noone wants to hear it because i have no right to complain because i am spoiled.

time has passed and i believe the worst is behind me. from overdozing to people making fun of me hurting myself because it's not "serious enough". from many, many misdiagnoses to dropping medication and experiencing the withdrawls. i have only recently accepted the fact that i have autism and that nothing within me can ever be healed or fixed. i am, and forever will be, who i am. people can be mad at me for it. i am learning to finally start expressing my emotions in a calm, healthy way, without fearing that people will reject me. little by little, the screams inside lower. the things i've done in the past, the people i've hurt, the ME i've hurt, so many times, is now in the past and i can only now start to change things and accept myself and learn to live with myself.

thank you so much @vyl3tpwny <3 rest assured that you really helped one person out (me)

@miku-spotted