Latest Posts by l-adystardust - Page 9

https://www.twitch.tv/hbomberguy

things to update after a legal name change!

Social security card

Driver’s license

Passport

Birth certificate

Employer HR

Bank account

Credit card company

Car insurance

Health insurance

Utilities

Cell phone account

Voter registration

Your school

Professional organizations (for nursing, bar, teaching, etc.)

Doctor’s office & other health specialists

TV & internet

Paypal

*Please add to this list if you can think of anything else!!!

My fav trans writer just made this on her Twitter so I thought I’d share.

Trans folks in the US

If you haven’t legally corrected your name and gender markers, I would highly recommend doing so as soon as possible. Don’t procrastinate this. If you’re not sure how to change your documents then this map will walk you through the steps necessary in your state (or the state you were born in). This link breaks down exactly how to change the gender marker on your passport. If finances are preventing you from changing your documents then you can apply for a fee waiver to potentially reduce or eliminate the cost, though this is up to the judge’s discretion. You can also reach out to local or national organizations that provide financial assistance for trans people changing their documents. For example, the Trans Relief Project (national), Name Change Project (Colorado), or Kim and Elise Beaudoin Memorial Name Change Fund (Maine). I’ve procrastinated this myself and now, nearly 6.5 years into my transition, I’m finally taking the steps to amend my birth certificate.

Bookmarking now and forever (x)

Transfeminine voice:

Transgender voice and communication

Eva App

Voice pitch analyzer

Video tutorial

First video in a series

First in another series

Voice Training Through Singing

Voice advice

Reddit’s advice

Voice training website

How to develop a feminine voice

TS Roadmap’s Advice

Professional Advice

Prismatic Speech Advice

“Is there surgery to make the voice higher?”

Voice Training Through Singing:

This one’s for the girls

All right, so you want to sound like the girl you are, right? Well, you already do, seeing as your voice sounds like you, and you’re a girl, but most people don’t understand that. I never could find a single, comprehensive guide for vocal feminization that included a step-by-step process (though I never paid for any of those programs either, so they may be there) but I did find some that gave me important information on certain sections and stumbled through the rest myself.

By “stumbled through” I mean that I tried to do everything at once instead of one step at a time, and took a lot longer than I should have to see any results. I also nearly caused serious damage to my voice a few times, at one point losing it entirely for a day. As I’ve thought about the different aspects of what I’ve done though, I was able to easily separate them into steps that build on each other instead of throwing everything into a blender and hoping that what comes out is what you want.

I won’t be adding any before/after clips to this, for privacy reasons as well as lack of a decent sound setup at the moment, but I have been correctly gendered every time I am on the phone or going through a drive-through for the past few months, and I’ve been doing this for about a year. Most of the things I do heavily involve matching the voice of various singers, which I can do easily thanks to nearly a decade of music training. If you have trouble with this, I would recommend using headphones to start with; they make it much easier to tell if you are at least harmonizing well. Eventually your ear will probably get better and you can pay more attention to your voice instead of the singer’s, at which point you can quit using the headphones if you want.

You might also end up getting really good at matching voices, and that’s not even the coolest part. Do you like singing right now, and have some male artists you like to sing along with? You won’t lose that with this! All it will do will make your range increase, and eventually raise your “normal” voice in that range. Here’s a good example of the sort of thing we’re going for (I can’t hit the highest notes yet, but I can hit most!)

Step 0. Self-care – Don’t overdo it!

Before we get started, it’s important to note that going too high before you’re ready (or warmed up), or doing too much too fast can really hurt your voice. I’m trying to get into a more responsible schedule for the last bits of mine, but I tend to do most of my training in the car, which means I end up with days at a time of not doing anything beyond using my feminine speaking voice, followed by 2-3 hours in a single day of nonstop training. Needless to say, that tends to push my voice a bit harder than I like if I’m not careful.

Most people already know what it feels like when you start to lose your voice, and definitely pay attention to those symptoms, but a new one that I noticed after starting this training caught me off guard. Often the first warning sign that I’m pushing too hard is that I start coughing and feeling like I’ve got something stuck in my throat. Nothing’s actually there, but that doesn’t change the fact that the coughing happens. Just be aware of your body, and try to stop if you notice signs of strain. After all, any voice is better than none!

If you do end up pushing things a bit, hot drinks like tea or coffee can do wonders to relax everything again. My personal treatment is freshly brewed black tea with about 2 tablespoons of honey in it. It won’t make everything magically better so you can go right back to it, but it will make it so you have a voice the next day.

Another trick to help with a strained voice, though it may bother you, is to talk as low as you can. Not deep (you don’t need to try singing bass opera parts!), but low and smooth (like you’re pretending to be a guy trying to seduce someone quietly). Do that for a few minutes and it should loosen everything up again, at least enough to get back a normal speaking pitch.

Step 1. Basic Anatomy – Your Apple is your friend

Normally this section would be a boring, basic section with odd pictures that have long names of things we don’t care about. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t care for that approach much, and I’m also very impatient. So, here’s a quick rundown of what you need to know, and at the end you’ll be able to see just a bit of progress too!

Now I know most of us don’t like our Adam’s apples (me too!), but the technical name for what it covers is the larynx, so I’m going to call it that instead. You can feel where it is, right? Touch it, then swallow. Feel how it moved? Now try doing that without swallowing. Chances are that you can’t right now, but that’s okay! Swallow again, but this time hold your larynx at the highest point, where it feels like it pulls back slightly, then let go when you need to breathe.

Doing that exercise a few times a day will get you to the point that you can move your larynx up at will, which will help out with resonance and tone later on. You may even notice a difference if you try talking with your larynx up instead of relaxed, though it’ll probably be a bit difficult at first. This part took me about two weeks to get right, but since I haven’t met anyone who’s tried the same thing I don’t know if that’s fast or slow. If you want to, feel free to send me some feedback on how long it took you (On any of the sections, for that matter)!

Step 2. The Voice – Raise the Voice, not the Pitch

Now you can move your larynx up and down. Great! But you’re only halfway through the basics right now. Go ahead and try to keep your larynx up for the rest of the training, but if you can’t don’t worry; this part can be done without that.

I’d like to point out here that, while I was trained musically, it was not in singing (I was a tuba player), so some of the terms I’m using are probably not correct in that sense. I’m going to use them anyhow though, because it makes sense to me and I’m pretty stubborn, so just roll with it.

Sing a note in the comfortable part of your range. Doesn’t matter how loud, but hold it for a bit. Feel where the vibration is? I’m going to guess that it’s right around your collarbone, at the base of your neck. That’s called “Chest Voice,” and it’s almost always a masculine thing. This next part is kinda tricky to explain, so bear with me.

Now try to picture your voice as a light or an orb or something that’s in that area. It doesn’t matter what, so long as you do it. Raise that light/orb/whatever up slowly while you hold the tone. The sound will probably shift up as you do; that’s fine. The important thing is to note the different feeling of where the vibration is. As it reaches the halfway point in your throat you might feel a sudden change. That change over is what I call the “Throat Voice” and is probably where your voice will want to go for a while during training.

Once you get past Throat Voice and visualize the light/orb/whatever entering your mouth you’re officially using “Head Voice,” a.k.a. where most women talk from. Congrats! Now go even higher, till you have to pull your larynx back almost to where it goes when you swallow. You probably sound like a really bad Mickey Mouse or chipmunk now, but that’s normal. This is the upper range of your voice, what I call the “Falsetto.” Once you’ve got the hang of moving between these (and moving your larynx up during them as well) you can move on. I think this part took me about six weeks to really get down.

Step 3. First Steps – a.k.a. Why I do this in the car

This is where we begin the real training! Quick question: Do you like My Little Pony? If so, that makes this step a lot easier. If not, then you’ll have to use “chipmunk” songs or go look up “nightcore” on Youtube and find some songs you like. Actually, I’d do that last one anyhow, especially if you find some that the originals feature a male singer.

Either way, the point of this step is to find some songs you like that force you to use that “falsetto” range you discovered last step. At first you won’t be able to do much in that range that doesn’t sound like a squeaky wheel that somehow learned to talk, but as you keep at it you’ll start to get a little more flexibility up there. Remember though, you’re not going for a “good” sound right now; you’re trying to match the song as best you can.

There really isn’t too much else to this step. You just have to keep at it till you are able to match the songs, or at the very least are able to move around the range without sounding like a Disney character anymore.  I use songs from MLP and some nightcore songs as well for this, in particular any songs that have multiple singers to maximize the flexibility and control (yup, I’m still working on this part a bit, but I reached what I’m saying here in about two months). Once you are happy, onto the next step!

Step 4. Pitch – Removing the Turtle Shell

You know that part in the original Dragon Ball anime where Master Roshi had Goku doing a bunch of weird tasks while wearing that really heavy turtle shell? Then he got to take it off at the tournament, only to find he’d gotten a ton faster and stronger without noticing it? Yeah, that’s kinda what the last step was for us, and now it’s time to see the results! Unless you’ve been skipping ahead (can’t judge here!) this will be the first step where a real, usable feminine voice starts to take shape. Excited yet? I hope so, because this is also the second longest step, and the one with the least guidance.

All you need to do in this step is find songs that aren’t in the “falsetto” range and learn to match them while using Head Voice. As you start singing, you may notice that you revert to Chest Voice, or that your larynx drops again, or any number of things. One positive thing you should notice, however, is that you are much better at being aware of how your throat and larynx feel as you speak and sing, which translates to being better at imitating a singer. It really comes down to trial and error at this point.

One recommendation I would have is start with Queen songs, then move into your chosen artists. Queen’s songs are pitched perfectly as a jumping off point for raising said pitch, as most are right where the masculine and feminine ranges overlap, without worrying too much about tone or resonance. Those can come a bit later, especially resonance (which gets its own step later). Disney songs are another excellent choice, though you have to be careful at first. The male parts also make for a good vocal warm-up, to help avoid straining anything.

As for other artists with women singers that work well for beginners, go for someone with a “husky” voice. My personal starting band (after Queen) was Blackmore’s Night, and I moved into LeAnn Rimes, Trick Pony, and a few video game songs once I got more advanced (If you are curious, I recently moved into singing a few Jordin Sparks and P!nk songs, as well as only having a little trouble with some of the more famous Disney songs like “Part of Your World” and “A Whole New World”).

One thing to watch out for here, especially as you start moving into higher pitches and approach the alto range, is a tightness or fatigue in your jaw after singing. That comes from using your jaw muscles to force control over a pitch above your current non-falsetto range, and that can actually hold you back considerably.

I looked this up after hitting a plateau for nearly two months and found a singing coach that referred to the fix as “lazy jaw.” Basically you should be able to hold a note while moving your head around (even if it is slowly) or moving your jaw with a hand. Once you work that in your tone will improve as well, so double win!

Once you start to get the raw pitch down you’ll probably notice that there’s still something different between yourself and the singer, which is where the next part comes in. There isn’t really a point where you are “done” with this step, but I reached a decent point in around six months with the original songs.

Step 5. Resonance – Why a Choker Can Actually Help

I don’t wear a choker, mainly because I can’t find any that are affordable and fit me, but the title does not lie. This step is all about the little shifts in vibration and position of the larynx that I, at least, couldn’t feel without something touching it constantly, hence why a choker would help. I just use a free hand and lightly touch just above and below the larynx occasionally.

This part is a little iffy, and I’m still working on the fine-tuning of my own voice, so the guide might go a different way than your voice wants to. I would strongly recommend recording your voice every now and again during this step, or possibly getting someone’s advice, especially if you have trouble recognizing perfect harmony while singing (for me that’s where I can’t hear any difference at all between the singer and my voice). I can offer a few pointers though.

First, you should have enough control of your larynx by now to have some sense of how far “forward” or “back” your voice is as well as the “up” and “down” of Chest/Throat/Head. If you want to sound airy or breathy, then move your voice “forward” and “up.” If you want to sound husky of earthy, “Back” and slightly “down” are the directions to go. Don’t forget that where your larynx and voice are will affect your pitch a bit, but with practice you can go lower in pitch while still maintaining Head Voice.

Second, try to only vibrate half of your throat. Sounds confusing, I know, but the most feminine voice I can use right now only vibrates below my larynx, not above. I have heard other people discussing the exact opposite, but I do know that masculine voices use both above and below, so as long as half is still I think it’ll be fine. Just use your ears (or a friend’s!) to figure out which one works for you, and try not to stress too much about it. I still have issues with this a lot on certain songs and artists, and I’ve been working on this step for 8 months now. Remember, your goal isn’t actually to be a perfect singer (at least, not for this guide), it’s to develop a feminine speaking voice.

Third, add some heart! I know it sounds corny and cliché, but if you can feel the singer’s emotions and add that to your singing it can make a lot of this automatic. Masculine resonance mainly uses volume for emphasis, but feminine resonance tends to use pitch and emotional emphasis instead. There is a big difference, even if it doesn’t make sense at first why.

Lastly, if you are still using headphones or earbuds, take advantage of that to really match the singer! If you think you are close, but it sounds really bad and wavy, that actually means you’re really close (within a half-step, to use proper music terminology) so keep moving up and down to get it. Very few things are as satisfying as singing in perfect harmony with a feminine singer for the first time.

Ending – You’re Still Here?

As I mentioned in the last step, this is about as far as I’ve gotten in my own training, so I can’t share anymore tips. Basically you take all the skills and awareness you got learning to sing (which is its own useful skill, I might add) and apply them to your normal speaking voice as well. In my case the pitch of my voice started raising without me even thinking about it, so I only had to train myself to automatically use the correct resonance and Head Voice before I had a convincing, feminine voice.

The only other thing I have done that is not in the steps above is try to sing parts of the Broadway musical Wicked to improve my volume in my voice, but all that seems to have done so far is shred my voice whenever I try. I can’t say I recommend that, and if you follow the steps above instead of trying to do it all at once like I did you may not even need it!

Once again I would like to mention that this guide is based on my own experiments and trial and error, so Your Mileage May Vary is definitely applicable here. Feel free to contact me @twilightdreamersmith on Tumblr if you need something clarified, or if you have any suggestions as to something I missed.

Happy training!

Transgender Moods™

“i need [surgery/hormones/whatever] RIGHT GODDAMN NOW”

“o fuck i’m not ready for [surgery/hormones/whatever] it’s too scary”

Dysphoria™

Dysphoria²™, also known as Despair

But What If I’m Faking It

“time to relabel my sexuality again”

bonus level: “wait, am I straight?!?”

deep depression

But What If I’m Faking It, Round Two: Electric Boogaloo

that real good feel when you finally figure out a name/pronoun/decision and it feels right

immediately followed by: Doubt™

spending all your money on new clothes

the gradual increase in your wellbeing that you don’t even notice until you look back to where you were three years ago and just think wow

looking in the mirror and finally, finally seeing someone that looks like you.

DO IT NOW: Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring because Victoria Secret and La Senza and whatever are full of shit and you are definitely wearing the wrong size ok? ok

Hi guys I’m obsessed with this shit lately because I don’t want anyone to have unhappy, unsupported boobs like I did. Even if you think your boobs and bras are fine, try it. It will make a big difference in comfort, support, and shape, even if you have small boobs or big boobs. A proper fitting bra can fix back, shoulder, and neck pain, along with breast soreness - and it can help you look 10lbs lighter, and your breasts a hell of a lot perkier. This guide also works for proper-sized bikinis and bathing suits (many online stores linked to below sell both- sometimes for as low as 10$!)

Don’t just like this, REBLOG IT. EVERYBODY WITH BOOBS DESERVES A PROPER FIT. Even if you don’t wear bras yourself, spread it around to tumblr or with your friends or family.

Grab a soft tape measurer (use inches) and get nekkid - don’t wear a bra or shirt please, you don’t wear a bra or shirt underneath your bra, do you? This part is fast and easy, and will help you find your ‘Starting Point’ bra size - you may not end up in this exact size, but it will get you in the right ballpark.

How to Measure:

Measure your underbust - go right underneath the root of your breasts, but make sure the tape is straight/parallel to the floor. Take a firm, snug measurement - if you have chub, take it tighter.

Measure your bust bent over - bend forward so your back is parallel to the  floor and your boobs are hanging so you have access to all that beautiful breast tissue that is now brought forward. Measure very loosely around the nipples, keeping tape straight/horizontal/perpendicular to the floor.

If your breasts are kind of empty and/or have a lot of sag, this method may overestimate your cup size. Instead, take your bust measurement bent over, standing, and lying flat on your back, and take an average of those three measurements and use that for your calculations.

How to Use These Measurements to find your ‘Starting Size’:

Round up your underbust measurement to the nearest even number. If you are only half an inch or less away from being a lower size, use that instead (unless you have a bony ribcage). This is automatically your band size. No BS. There is no adding imaginary inches here.

The difference between your underbust measurement and your bust measurement dictates your cup size. Every 1 inch in difference represents a cup size, so 1 inch = A, 2 = B, 3 = C, 4 = D. As you can see here, a true D or DD cup is actually pretty fucking small. 

CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD, UNLIKE COMMONLY THOUGHT (AND TOLD TO US BY ASSHOLES LIKE VS). They are TOTALLY relative to band size. The cup on a 30D has 4 inches less volume than the cup on a 34D. A 30D is actually the same cup size as a 34B! 

No one has their shit together on the lettering for each cup size, so here’s a handy dandy chart. Remember to go with UK measurement as they somewhat have their shit together (and because American companies do not make much above DD, so there’s literally no point in knowing it, but the European sizing may come in handy)

I DON’T CARE IF YOU LIVE IN THE USA, DO NOT USE THE AMERICAN MEASUREMENTS, FFS. YOU’LL ONLY MAKE THINGS HARDER AND MORE CONFUSING FOR YOURSELF. ANY BOUTIQUE IN NORTH AMERICA WORTH GOING TO, AND 99% OF ONLINE STORES, IS GOING TO SELL PRIMARILY BRITISH OR EUROPEAN BRANDS AND WILL GO BY THEIR SIZING. THERE IS LITERALLY NO POINT IN KNOWING AMERICAN SIZING

DO NOT USE AMERICAN SIZING

DO NOT USE AMERICAN FUCKING SIZING

EVEN IF YOU ARE AMERICAN

AND LIVE IN THE US

USE THE BRITISH SIZING

For example, I have a 29.5 inch underbust and a 38 inch bust when bent over. So, I should take a 30 band and then there’s an 8 inch difference. So I am a 30FF in UK sizing. This is just my starting point when looking for bras, and I may not always end up with this exact size

Do not pull the ‘omg no I’m not a G cup my boobs aren’t that big you’re more stupid that the idea of vegetable bread’ shit with me ok? You drank the Kool-Aid and now you need to piss it out. CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD. A 34D IS BIGGER IN THE CUPS THAN A 30E. Here, take a look at a chart of cup volumes and see what I mean.

Also… not all ‘big cup’ bras are ugly and granny-like. Just check out brands like Freya or Gossard or Gorteks or Panache or Cleo! They are gorgeous!

Trying it on: What a proper fit is like

ALWAYS SCOOP AND SWOOP BEFORE ASSESSING WHETHER IT FITS OR NOT. What does this mean? This means bend over, hike up your bra so that it sits right under the root of your breasts. Then, start smooshing all your back fat and armpit rolls or any loose tissue thats underneath or to the side of the cup, INTO the cup. All that stuff is breast tissue that got pushed around from your shitty bras, no I am not bullshitting - after a few months of wearing better bras, many people end up having to get a bigger cup and sometimes even a smaller band too, as all the smooshed breast tissue migrates back to the boob, where it should be. Not kidding. So get everything in there and make sure the wire is positioned perfectly under your boobs. Then stand up and assess the fit. If it seemed to fit before scooping, it won’t fit now.

THIS IS JUST A STARTING POINT. Try on your starting size and work from there. You may need to go up or down a band size, or up or down many cup sizes. Not all brands or even models in that brand are made the same way, and the shape of your boobs also helps determine the size and fit, so don’t try on JUST the size you calculated, say “it doesn’t fit”, and then give up and go back to your 36Cs. You aren’t doing yourself any favours. If you don’t feel comfortable in your ‘starting point size’, go ahead and try a size up or down in bands and/or a size or two or even three up or down in cups as needed.

ALWAYS start on the loosest hook. If you need to start on the tightest hook, go down a band size. The point of hooks is simple - as your bra gets used, it gradually loses its elasticity and gets loose. So, you use your hooks to bring it in, and when you reach the last hook, well, be prepared to get rid of your bra in a few months (unless you invest in a band tightener like the Rixie Clip)

A proper fit means the bra band is straight and parallel to the floor. If it isn’t, and seems to be getting pulled up, its too big and isn’t supporting you. Get a smaller band. You shouldn’t be able to stretch it more than a couple inches off your back. It may feel tight at first, but bras do need ‘breaking in’ and you are used to wearing things that do not fit correctly, so give it a chance. Of course, it should not hurt either!

A proper fit means your bra straps are not digging in. 

A proper fit means the gore (the little centerpiece of the bra where the wires sort of meet) MUST tack/sit firmly against your chest. If it doesn’t, then the wires are not truly fully underneath your boobs and so are not giving you the proper support. 

A proper fit means your boobs must fit smoothly into the entire cup (after scooping and swooping). The wire should totally encase all your breast tissue (this includes armpit fat and stuff). There should be no empty space at the bottom or top of the cup. Your boobs should not be overflowing from the top of the cup. If there’s overflowing or uncontained tissue after scooping, or of it feels tight, get a bigger cup.

A proper fit means you should be able to lift your arms over your head and jump around without the band or underwire budging or exposing underboob.

Size Tweaks/Troubleshooting (make sure you scoop and swoop first):

The band feels tight: Is the gore tacking or not? If not, go up a cup size or two (or maybe even three or four). Even if the gore is tacking, try this first. The band may be tight because the cups are too small, so your boobs are stretching the band out too much to overcompensate for lack of cup depth, making it feel tighter. If after trying larger cups, it still feels uncomfortably tight, go up a band size (and down a cup size if the first size fit well in the cups - remember, cup is relative to band, a 32DD is the same in the cups as a 34D). Remember though that it takes a few days to break a bra in, so it may feel tight or perfect at first, and then comfortable or too loose later.

The band feels loose/band is riding up and not remaining parallel to the floor: Go down a band size (and up a cup size or two because blablah relativity). 

The gore is not tacking, but band is not tight: Band size is too big, or maybe fits just right - but the cups are too small. You know what to do.

Boobs spilling over: Go up a cup size. Check first though that the bottom of the cup is not empty, and hike it up if it is!

Empty space at bottom of cup: Hike that shit up so it gets right to the roots of your breasts. This may fix bulging/spillage. If you can’t get it higher, then you need a smaller cup or this make of bra is just not suited to your shape.

Empty space at top of cup: You need a smaller cup, or this shape of bra just does not suit you your breasts, especially if your breasts are not very full on top. Or you need to scoop and swoop!

Straps digging in: Loosen them. If your boobs suddenly sag, then the band is not supportive enough, and you need a tighter band.

Armpit rolls: Bigger cup and/or scoop and swoop that shit. The cut of bra may also just not be for you (for now anyway - your armpit rolls may migrate back into the boobs and disappear eventually!)

They don’t even make my size!!: If you’re in a 28-48 D-KK (UK sizing) cup, you will find your size online easily enough. however, if you have a smaller band than that or need smaller cups, they are hard to find - message me and I’ll try to help you with a solution!

So, for example, my starting size may be 30FF, but I may end up wearing a 28G or H if the band of that model is too loose and the gore not tacking. Or the band may be fine and I may need a bigger cup so I’ll get a 30G. Or The band may be good but the cups too big, so I’ll get a 30F or E. Or the band may be too small to be comfortable and I’ll wear a 32F or E (same cupsize-ish as 30FF!). 

 What Not to Do:

NEVER PUT YOUR BRA IN THE DRYER. AND PREFERABLY, WASH IT BY HAND. The heat and twisting ruins the elasticity of the bra and reduces its life! This is the best way to ruin bras, don’t do it.

Do not add 3 or 4 or 5 inches or whatever to your band measurement. That is BS that American companies use so that they don’t have to manufacture a larger range of sizes - they use it to fit you into their stock, not their stock onto you. The band will be too big and unsupportive. Those 4 inches they add to the band are 4 inches that should be in the cup size, so no wonder people think anything over DD should be huge.

Do not measure your ‘overbust’ cause really what the fuck does that have to do with how large you are underneath your boobs, come on

Do not do the above because 80% of the support comes from the band, which needs to be firm against you and not be sliding or moving around.Would you wear underwear 4 inches bigger than your hips? No, so why would you wear a bra band 4 inches bigger than your ribcage that gets pulled up and stuff and would fall off if not for the straps, while expecting it to support the boobies at the same time?

Do not go down a band size and then forget to go up a cup size or two. Again, cup sizes are not static. A 30FF is the same cup volume as a 32F or E. If you don’t do this, no shit the bra will fit badly or feel tight.

Do not go straight to Victoria’s Secret or La Senza or whatever, even if you are lucky enough to fit in their small range of sizes - they don’t seem to follow sizing very well. Still, try, by all means, but be aware that their bras may be odd compared to others.

 "But where do I get these Bras? I’ve never even seen these sizes!“

Luckily, the internet makes this shit really easy. Buying bras online is nearly always way cheaper, even with shipping, and even if coming from somewhere in Europe! But of course, its best to try on stuff first, to avoid the hassle of return shipping (even though its still not that expensive - just annoying). So what I advise is to find a store near you, try stuff on there, note down the Brand, Model, and Size, and then buy it online for up to a quarter of of the in-store price.

If you can’t find a store near you, online ordering is still extremely cheap, even with return shipping. Instead of getting a whole bunch of bras in only 1 size each, pick out a few models and order a few sizes of each. Ex: one with a bigger or smaller band if your measurements are close to needing a bigger or smaller band size, and then some up or down a couple cup sizes so you can compare the fit. When you have the perfect fit in one bra, it will be easier to go on Bratabase or r/ABraThatFits and have them suggest bras that give similar shape or suggest a different size to you as a model you’re interested in may run large or small.

So, Where to Find:

Note: You can find proper-sized bras as low as 10$ US online (particularly from ebay or brastop.com) and most average 30-45$.

List of Online Retailers from BustyResourcesWiki: A complete list of online retailers around da world. Many ship internationally so take a look at all of them (particularly the UK ones)

Ebay, Etsy, and Amazon all have bras inexpensively.

List of Offline Retailers from BustyResourcesWiki: List of chain-stores (not of privately owned stores)

If in Canada, look for a Change Lingerie near you to try on bras. Note that they only carry their own brand.

If in the USA, look for a Nordstrom or Nordstrom Rack near you to try on bras. They carry all sorts of brands and have an online store as well (and also ship to Canada!)

Use a store locator from the webpage of a bra brand company to find non-chain, privately owned stores - if they have one of these brands, they’ll have others. Here’s the locator for Freya, Curvy Kate, Fantasie, Chantelle, Panache, and Affinitas. There are more than just these of course.

If you are small in the band AND in the cup (under a D cup) look at the Little Bra Company.

Ask around on Bratabase or r/ABraThatFits for stores near you.

WOMAN, YOU HAVE THE INTERNET! GOOGLE! YELP!

WARNING: There are many chain stores (Nordstrom, Lane Bryant, Mark and Spencer, Change etc) that do bra fittings and have a good reputation. However, each store is different - some measure correctly, and some use the stupid VS method. Every store has a different team of employees and knowledge. DO NOT GO IN WITHOUT HAVING MEASURED YOURSELF FIRST, JUST IN CASE THEY ARE ONE OF THE BAD STORES. DO NOT TRUST ALL BRA FITTERS, EVEN IF SOMEONE RECOMMENDED THEM TO YOU. If your fitter gives you a measurement different from this one, be mentally prepared to have a difficult time getting them to help you find the right bra.

I had the fitter at Change help me, and when I mentioned that the gore did not tack, she said “Oh, the gore never touches the chest with these bras”. I was like HAHA NOPE BRING ME A LARGER CUP WOMAN. And lo and behold, 2 extra cup sizes later, the gore tacked (and my boobs stopped spilling out). She was very nice otherwise but if I hadn’t known better that could have been bad.

Resources:

r/ABraThatFits: forum for bras, they will help you with sizing, fitting, and finding the right model for your breast shape - they have links to a lot of resources, such as online stores, used bra listings, etc.

Busty Resources Wiki: Great resource for fitting tips, diagrams, explanations, styles.

Bra Band Project: an online gallery of what various sizes look like! Dump your disbelief!

List of Online Retailers: Online is MUCH cheaper and shipping is usually cheap too, even from Europe. Try bras in a store near you , pick out what you like, and order them online instead.

Bratabase: Database of bras, with user inputted measurements of each bra model in its size - bras may be marked the same size, but with this you can see which may have bigger or smaller bands or cups, or what style may suit what shape of breast, all of which helps find the perfect fit for you! 

Great Youtube Video on Bra Fitting: This is one of the few people on Youtube who knows their shit about bras. Great for the visuals to help you understand what a bad fit and proper fit look like.

Venusian Glow is a great bra blog - SO MUCH INFO. Suggests bras based on your boob shape amongst other things.

If you're a trans girl who likes trans girls, please reblog this <3

Coming soon: MyTransHealth, an app connecting trans people to knowledgeable, reliable and affordable healthcare providers. 

19% of trans people have been refused healthcare because of their gender identity. 50% of trans people have had to teach their doctors about trans-related medical care. 28% of trans people have been harassed in medical settings. This app is desperately needed. Follow them at mytranshealth. 

To any trans women and transfeminine followers of mine, did you know there’s a pretty huge Etsy store which does gaff underwear and swimsuits specifically designed for trans people amongst its products? They go in a pretty decent range of sizes, including sizes for young girls, and while I do not personally know anyone who has used them, there’s a fuckton of positive reviews on the Etsy store. They have a ton of colours to choose from, different fabric choices, the works.

And for once they’re not marked “for crossdressers” too, they actually under “transgender”, so that’s (depressingly) unusual.

I’m mostly posting this because I’ve seen a lot of younger people recently in particular saying they never knew what gaffs were… a lot of people find them WAY MORE comfortable and convenient than tucking, so I would recommend looking into them if you’ve never done so before!

And even if you yourself don’t use or need this stuff, do pass this kind of info on to any friends of yours that might, guys! There’s always like a million more PSAs about transmasc stuff as opposed to transfem stuf tbh…

Some days when I'm feeling less dysphoria, it's really easy to doubt my identity. How do I keep myself from questioning this even more??

Lee says:

Documentation and self-validation!

Hello, I saw in a previous ask you provided some location-based resources since they were moving, and I was just wondering if you could provide any tips or help in searching for a gender therapist? I am around Harrisburg, PA and have been searching for a gender therapist to go to in my area, or even just within the vicinity (I am willing to drive a bit of a ways if needed). Thank you very much for your time!

Lee says:

We have a Getting a therapist and being in therapy post which might help in searching for a gender therapist, so first you should check that out!

I looked it up, and it seems there’s a trans support group in Harrisburg, and you could go there and ask the members who they see if they have a therapist or if they have any recommendations.

The Alder Health Services website says they have therapists so that’s something you could look into also, and you could look through these therapists.

There’s also the Mazzoni Center which is like 2 hours away from you according to google maps, but they may be able to refer you to more local therapists, and they have the Trans Wellness Conference in August where there will be a lot of trans folk to talk to.

Lee says:

These are links on getting insurance to cover your medical transition. Many insurances now cover HRT (estrogen and testosterone) and top and bottom surgery.

A lot of insurances require you follow the WPATH standards of care and require you to get letters from mental health professionals saying you need to have surgery because of your dysphoria before the insurance will cover it.

The WPATH-SOC requirements 

Aetna’s Gender Reassignment Surgery requirements (You may have a different insurance company, this is just to demonstrate how it’s often the same as the WPATH requirements) 

Lee’s testosterone and top surgery letter

Sample Referral Letters for Hormone Therapy and Gender-Confirming Surgeries

Getting a therapist and being in therapy

Is dysphoria a diagnosis?

Gender dysphoria diagnosis

Gender identity disorder codes

Trans-related insurance info:

FAQ: Equal access to healthcare

Finding insurance for transgender related healthcare

Colleges and Universities that Cover Transition-Related Medical Expenses Under Student Health Insurance

What Are My Healthcare Rights?

What Does Medicare Cover for Transgender People?

The affordable care fact sheet

Transgender health care

Corporate Equality Index: List of Businesses with Transgender-Inclusive Health Insurance Benefits

O'Donnabhain v. Commissioner and more info on that

Medicare and other health insurance information (Facebook Group)

Appealing a denied claim:

Tips for Appealing a Denied Health Insurance Claim

A Patient’s Guide to Navigating the Insurance Appeals Process

How to Appeal a Health Insurance Denial

How to appeal an insurance company decision

Top surgery:

Top surgery letter template

Step-by-step guide to obtaining insurance coverage for top surgery

Top Surgery Insurance Coverage: What You Need to Know

Top Surgery Insurance Tips From a Super Mom Who Won’t Take ‘No’ For An Answer!

Dr. Mosser’s Guide: How to get your top surgery covered by insurance

Top surgeons who accept Medicare

Top surgeons who take insurance

Lee says:

I’m copying the WPATH-SOC’s guidelines for medical transitioning here.

Puberty Blockers

Adolescents may be eligible for puberty suppressing hormones as soon as pubertal changes have begun. In order for adolescents and their parents to make an informed decision about pubertal delay, it is recommended that adolescents experience the onset of puberty to at least Tanner Stage 2.  

In order for adolescents to receive puberty suppressing hormones, the following minimum criteria must be met:

The adolescent has demonstrated a long-lasting and intense pattern of gender nonconformity or gender dysphoria (whether suppressed or expressed);

Gender dysphoria emerged or worsened with the onset of puberty;

Any co-existing psychological, medical, or social problems that could interfere with treatment (e.g., that may compromise treatment adherence) have been addressed, such that the adolescent’s situation and functioning are stable enough to start treatment;

The adolescent has given informed consent and, particularly when the adolescent has not reached the age of medical consent, the parents or other caretakers or guardians have consented to the treatment and are involved in supporting the adolescent throughout the treatment process.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (estrogen or testosterone)

The criteria you have to meet to start hormone therapy is as follows:

Persistent, well-documented gender dysphoria;

Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment;

Age of majority in a given country (if younger, follow the Standards of Care outlined in section VI);

If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be reasonably well controlled.

The recommended content of the referral letter for feminizing/masculinizing hormone therapy is as follows:

The client’s general identifying characteristics;

Results of the client’s psychosocial assessment, including any diagnoses;

The duration of the referring health professional’s relationship with the client, including the type of evaluation and therapy or counseling to date;

An explanation that the criteria for hormone therapy have been met, and a brief description of the clinical rationale for supporting the client’s request for hormone therapy;

A statement about the fact that informed consent has been obtained from the patient;

A statement that the referring health professional is available for coordination of care and welcomes a phone call to establish this.

For providers working within a multidisciplinary specialty team, a letter may not be necessary, rather, the assessment and recommendation can be documented in the patient’s chart.

Chest Surgery

One referral from a qualified mental health professional is needed for breast/chest surgery 

e.g., mastectomy, chest reconstruction, or augmentation mammoplasty

Criteria for mastectomy and creation of a male chest in FtM patients:

Persistent, well-documented gender dysphoria;

Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment;

Age of majority in a given country (if younger, follow the SOC for children and adolescents);

If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be reasonably well controlled.

Hormone therapy is not a pre-requisite.

Criteria for breast augmentation (implants/lipofilling) in MtF patients:

Persistent, well-documented gender dysphoria;

Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment;

Age of majority in a given country (if younger, follow the SOC for children and adolescents);

If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be reasonably well controlled.

Although not an explicit criterion, it is recommended that MtF patients undergo feminizing hormone therapy (minimum 12 months) prior to breast augmentation surgery. The purpose is to maximize breast growth in order to obtain better surgical (aesthetic) results.

The recommended content of the referral letters for surgery is as follows:

The client’s general identifying characteristics

Results of the client’s psychosocial assessment, including any diagnoses;

The duration of the mental health professional’s relationship with the client, including the type of evaluation and therapy or counseling to date;

An explanation that the criteria for surgery have been met, and a brief description of the clinical rationale for supporting the patient’s request for surgery;

A statement about the fact that informed consent has been obtained from the patient;

A statement that the mental health professional is available for coordination of care and welcomes a phone call to establish this.

For providers working within a multidisciplinary specialty team, a letter may not be necessary, rather, the assessment and recommendation can be documented in the patient’s chart.

Genital Surgery

Two referrals – from qualified mental health professionals who have independently assessed the patient – are needed for genital surgery 

i.e., hysterectomy/salpingo-oophorectomy, orchiectomy, genital reconstructive surgeries

If the first referral is from the patient’s psychotherapist, the second referral should be from a person who has only had an evaluative role with the patient. 

Two separate letters, or one letter signed by both (e.g., if practicing within the same clinic) may be sent. 

Each referral letter, however, is expected to cover the same topics in the areas outlined below.

(Note: there’s an open letter to WPATH about genital surgery here you can sign, or reblog a link to it here)

Criteria for hysterectomy and ovariectomy in FtM patients and for orchiectomy in MtF patients:

Persistent, well documented gender dysphoria;

Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment;

Age of majority in a given country;

If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be well controlled.

12 continuous months of hormone therapy as appropriate to the patient’s gender goals (unless the patient has a medical contraindication or is otherwise unable or unwilling to take hormones). The aim of hormone therapy prior to gonadectomy is primarily to introduce a period of reversible estrogen or testosterone suppression, before the patient undergoes irreversible surgical intervention.

These criteria do not apply to patients who are having these procedures for medical indications other than gender dysphoria.

Criteria for metoidioplasty or phalloplasty in FtM patients and for vaginoplasty in MtF patients:

Persistent, well documented gender dysphoria;

Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment;

Age of majority in a given country;

If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be well controlled;

12 continuous months of hormone therapy as appropriate to the patient’s gender goals (unless the patient has a medical contraindication or is otherwise unable or unwilling to take hormones).

12 continuous months of living in a gender role that is congruent with their gender identity;

The recommended content of the referral letters for surgery is as follows:

The client’s general identifying characteristics

Results of the client’s psychosocial assessment, including any diagnoses;

The duration of the mental health professional’s relationship with the client, including the type of evaluation and therapy or counseling to date;

An explanation that the criteria for surgery have been met, and a brief description of the clinical rationale for supporting the patient’s request for surgery;

A statement about the fact that informed consent has been obtained from the patient;

A statement that the mental health professional is available for coordination of care and welcomes a phone call to establish this.

For providers working within a multidisciplinary specialty team, a letter may not be necessary, rather, the assessment and recommendation can be documented in the patient’s chart.

Transitioning While Mentally Ill

It’s possible to transition while struggling with mental illness. It can be harder , especially if you’re severely mentally ill or if you have stigmatized disorders like a schizo-spectrum diagnosis, but it isn’t impossible to do.

The WPATH guidelines say:

“Any co-existing psychological, medical, or social problems that could interfere with treatment (e.g., that may compromise treatment adherence) have been addressed, such that the adolescent’s situation and functioning are stable enough to start treatment"

The presence of co-existing mental health concerns does not necessarily preclude possible changes in gender role or access to feminizing/masculinizing hormones or surgery; rather, these concerns need to be optimally managed prior to or concurrent with treatment of gender dysphoria. In addition, clients should be assessed for their ability to provide educated and informed consent for medical treatments.

When patients with gender dysphoria are also diagnosed with severe psychiatric disorders and impaired reality testing (e.g., psychotic episodes, bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, borderline personality disorder), an effort must be made to improve these conditions with psychotropic medications and/or psychotherapy before surgery is contemplated.

Reevaluation by a mental health professional qualified to assess and manage psychotic conditions should be conducted prior to surgery, describing the patient’s mental status and readiness for surgery. It is preferable that this mental health professional be familiar with the patient. No surgery should be performed while a patient is actively psychotic.”

Transfeminine resources:

Presentation:

Tucking

Chest area

Voice

Broad shoulders tips

Body hair removal

Feminine walk

Curves

Waist training

Hair

Clothing

Makeup

Passing

Medical transitioning:

Not medically transitioning

Estrogen & anti-androgens/testosterone blockers FAQ

The types of surgery available

Surgery: A guide for transfeminine people

Facial Feminization Options

Breast Augmentation

Genital surgery

Other:

Representation

Transfeminine period dysphoria

Yes, Transfeminine People Can Get Period Symptoms

Slipping into masculinity

Women’s restroom etiquette

Transfeminine people can breastfeed

Having sex or masturbating

Transmasculine resources:

Presentation:

Binding FAQ

Clothing

Fake beard & masculine makeup

Getting short hair / Masculine long hair

If you can’t start T

Lowering your voice

Packing and standing to pee

Passing as male

Shaving

Swimming

Medical transitioning:

Not medically transitioning

Puberty blockers

Testosterone FAQ

Top surgery

Hysterectomy and oophorectomy

Lower/bottom surgery (meta and phallo)

Other:

Periods and related things

Help! I need to see a gyno

Pumping

Masturbation and sex

Using the men’s bathroom

Hudson’s FTM Guide

More resources:

What am I? (gender questioning)

Info on choosing a name

Coming out page

Dysphoria info and tips page

Mental health coping page

School page

Non-binary resources

Resources to send allies/friends

A page to send to parents/guardians

Convincing someone to respect name/pronouns 

Here is how to get hormones in the US

Here is how to get hormones in the UK

Here’s a US resource with info on changing legally changing your name and gender marker 

Here is a UK resource with info on changing legally changing your name and gender marker

How to buy a trans-related item online without parents knowing

Choosing a swimsuit info here

Info on sleeping and dysphoria

Traveling by plane

Does transitioning help mental health?

Trans identity isn’t a mental disorder

Being religious and LGBT

natural voice change (fixed)

a big thanks to @divinelygrotesque for finding these links

Lower

Boom Your Voice - youtube video

How to deepen your voice naturally – reddit thread

How to talk with a deeper voice - wikihow

How to deepen your voice (pre-t) – reddit thread

Voice masculinization - article

Vocal androgyny in speech and singing - article

This Phone App Helps Transgender Users Change The Pitch And Tone Of Their Voices - buzzfeed article

Higher

Voice Feminization - article

Pitch, range, resonance, depth - blogspot article

How to develop a female voice - article (cisnormative language)

Feminine voice techniques - article

I'm an AMAB Trans girl and I'm wondering how to avoid voice dysphoria when I begin practicing? My voice (when I was in choir) was low in the base section if it helps.

Harper says:Hey there!First, I’ll signpost you to our dysphoria tips page, for general dealing with dysphoria tips, and our transfem voice page, and (a bit of a long shot here) a search I did about voice dysphoria on our blog.At first, it’ll be strange and you’ll probably sound a bit funny at the top of your range, so it’ll take you some time to get your footing, (I’m a casual learner and I’m still not really there). I think that’s probably the main thing you should keep in mind - either in terms of dealing with voice dysphoria, or in terms of just trying to embrace that shakiness and sometimes silliness as a bit of fun with it.With this in mind, if you haven’t started practicing raising the tone of your voice and you’re worried that it might induce dysphoria - give it a go first, it might not be as bad as you think!Also don’t forget about the other part of vocal training: intonation - learning the traditionally “feminine” inflections etc., of speech. This can be the best way of actually sounding “feminine” no matter how high or low your voice is. There are plenty of trans women and cis women with lovely deep voices (the model Dara hasn’t made any effort to heighten her voice and its lovely and deep and feminine) that sound womanly / feminine / all that jazz. (There’s a very popular post I think about a lot that comes to mind, deep voices in girls can be very well loved by some people!)Try to keep in mind that there’s no “correct” level, or “correct” voice to strive for. The voice you have right now is a woman’s voice! And also try to keep in mind that the more you practice, the easier things will become, it’s all about growing.Finally, I’d recommend representation. Listening to trans women talk is one of my great comforts in life. I don’t have a wide variety of sources but I’ll link here a brief list of the people I listen to/know about. If any other followers or mods have any other ideas that’d be grand!Shon Faye - Shon this Way (YouTube link)Paris Lees - Interview with James O’Brien (YT link)Merritt Kopas - Woodland Secrets (Podcast)Morgan M. Page - One from the Vaults (trans history podcast)Laura Jane Grace - from the band Against Me! (YT interview and song)

im amab and i want to be a girl. i know that for sure, but i'm worried that it's for the wrong reasons? like that i'm not actually trans. the reason i'm worried is because i find women much more aesthetically pleasing than men (not sexually though, i'm ace). basically i'm scared that i want to become a woman because i feel like i can't be attractive as a man. i haven't really heard about other people having feelings like this so i'm pretty confused. and i can't come out until i'm sure i'm valid.

Harper says:Hey there!I’ll start off by saying I can’t make up your mind for you, whether or not you’re trans will always be your decision you’ll make in your own time.That being said I’d look at your first sentence again. “I want to be a girl.” That seems first and foremost pretty clear cut to me! It took me a while to realise that wanting to be a girl was a pretty major part of actually being a girl and being trans, no matter what other qualifications or doubts come after that. Wanting to be a girl is a pretty good reason to be one! That feeling could come under the lens of social dysphoria. It’s certainly something I felt - and still feel. A large part of my frustration with being a “”“man”““ was that I had to wear awful boring clothes, and I still feel every day that I’m just way more attractive as a woman! I have way more fun and freedom in my presentation this way and it just feels good to be a girl to be honest!There’s a million reasons for wanting to be a girl, and a lot of what you’ve said has or still does resonate with me.

“David Bowie was an inspiration. As a songwriter, he had this intense vitality throughout his entire career. He mad e aging as a recording artist seem totally doable in a vital way. I remember seeing the Ziggy Stardust album everywhere when I was a kid. People used to have all their vinyl in their living rooms, like part of the decor. You would see Let It Be and the faces of the Beatles everywhere, in a corner. At some point, I’d seen Ziggy enough that it piqued my interest, so I probably stole it from somebody. Listening to that record was a bit like going to college, like the Beatles. The songwriting is incredible. I didn’t know anything about him, and it was a bit past when that album was a moment in pop culture, but I didn’t care. I was interested in the songs and loved every single song on the album. When Scary Monsters came out, I saw him performing on a talk show, and I saw the "Ashes to Ashes” video where he dressed in some strange European clown costume. That had a huge impact on me. Because my first interpretation of him was the red-haired, androgynous Ziggy Stardust character, and seeing him like this made me think, “Oh, you can be whoever you want. You can live a hundred lives. You can create you and you can recreate you, and it’s viable.” He was the one that proved that that works. I finally got to see him live on the Serious Moonlight Tour, around Let’s Dance, in 1983. I was a huge fan by then and I really didn’t want to go to that show, because it was at the Tacoma Dome, and I didn’t like big crowds. But I went anyway. It was somewhat uncomfortable for me, but the show and the sound and everything about the set and the songs were incredible. The theatrics stood out to me. The Simms brothers were on that tour as backing vocalists, and I remember when they weren’t singing, they would stay onstage and sit in the corner at a table and play cards. Nobody ever left the stage. It was an atmosphere where it was theatrical, but relaxed. When you’re a kid from Seattle, you’ve never seen anything like that before, and it was in the context of a pop record, so he didn’t have to do that. He could have done anything he wanted. I saw the Police at the same dome, and they just came out and played Police songs and that was that. He didn’t leave it like that I was super impressed. He was like one of those actors that fully embodies the character that he’s creating. He was extremely transformative during different periods of his career. There was something about it that was very European and very not American. American rock bands would walk out like, “This is us and this is who we are and that’s what we do,” which I think is great, but Bowie was not like that. Later in my life, I was part of a Vanity Fair music issue, where there were a lot of pretty amazing people there for a photo shoot. He was one of them. That was the first time I met him. I’d almost rather not meet someone I’m a fan of because I’m afraid that they’re gonna say or do something that’s going to then change how I feel when I listen to their music. But he was an incredible guy, super inclusive and warm. I’m always uncomfortable in most situations, and he made everybody comfortable. He was this bright light. Our conversation was very much, “How are you doing?” and “Isn’t this fun? Isn’t it exciting to be in the same room with Stevie Wonder and Joni Mitchell at the same time?” It was just normal conversations. It’s like he saw I was uncomfortable and went out of his way to alleviate that discomfort and make me feel happy about it. It was a compassionate moment for a guy that didn’t necessarily have to be that way. Despite my worries, I walked out more excited to listen to his music. I’ve played his song “Lady Stardust,” from Ziggy Stardust, live in my solo shows over the years because I always loved it on the album, and, for some reason, it reminds me of Andy Wood. I wanted to play it in tribute to him, but then I ended up writing a bunch of songs for Temple of the Dog and those took precedence. When Soundgarden split up in ‘98, I came across that song, and I remember sitting in my car in the driveway listening to it, and there’s that lyric, “He was all right, the band was all together,” and it’s so hopeful. My band had just broken up. And it really gutted me. So that was when I started doing it. I haven’t played it more than a couple times live, but it’s like the one song of his that I’ve always been drawn to. I just really love it. When I woke up yesterday, I was already thinking about David Bowie. I was checking out his new record a couple of days ago; I was reading about it, I’d listened to a few songs. Then I saw the news. Hearing he’d died was just a really sad thing. I was very happy with Blackstar. I was really happy with his last album, The Next Day, too. Both albums show an ongoing evolution. I need people like David Bowie, people who are always moving on and not in a frustrating or slovenly way. It encourages me because I want to be able to write music and create albums until I drop dead. I’d heard about him being ill over the last couple of years, so it wasn’t a huge surprise, but just reading about his album a couple of days ago, I’d been thinking, “Oh, he’s better. He’s fine.” It was sad to feel like that’s not going to happen and we’re not gonna see him again. You don’t know how important someone is to you as an artistic influence until suddenly they’re gone. I’ve certainly been having that experience. It’s kind of equal parts sad and celebratory to think, “Awesome. What an amazing career he had and what an amazing legacy he’s left for everybody." 

 - Chris Cornell’s tribute to David Bowie.

Hi! I was wondering what exactly I have to do to get t, and who I need to talk to? I know I probably need a note from a therapist, but what after that? Sorry if this has been answered before ;;

Ren says:

This really depends on where you live! I can tell you a little about the US.

[Note: Lee has added in some links!]

Option #1:

Informed consent. This means that you discuss the effects of transition with a doctor, typically an endocrinologist (AMAB folks can also see urologists for HRT services, I have no idea why that’s the case), and confirm that you understand what you’re getting into. You’ll have to read and sign a document that lists all the changes to expect and potential health risks. (Examples of that document are here). You’ll get some tests done and then you’ll be good to go!

Important to note: You must be 18 years of age or older to consent for yourself. I haven’t heard of any minors getting informed consent with their parents’ help, although it may be possible. Also, not all insurances will cover informed consent services. If you want insurance to cover your HRT, speak to your provider (call the number on the back of your insurance card).

Resources: ICATH has some good US-specific resources for informed consent. @plannedparenthood also provides informed consent services for HRT in some locations (source). This Google Maps list here has a lot of informed consent clinics listed as well to check out, although it’s not a full list of all of them.

Option #2:

Therapist’s letter. This is the “traditional” method, based on the (now-sorta-outdated) WPATH Harry Benjamin Standards of Care. Basically, you talk to a therapist for several months. Usually, the therapist is one who knows about gender identity issues, or even specializes in them, but it doesn’t have to be - the main idea is that you’re looking for someone who can keep up with you and isn’t going to tell you that you’re mentally ill because you’re trans, so finding an LGBTQ-friendly therapist is a must. They write a note, hand it off to insurance and your doctor, and you’re on your way.

How long you have to see your therapist before their letter will work for you depends on a) the therapist, b) the doctor you want to see, and c) your insurance (if you plan on seeking coverage). You’ll have to communicate with all of these people in order to work out their requirements. The timeframe is typically around 3 months, but it can be longer or shorter depending on those factors. Information on getting a therapist is here.

An example of that letter is here.

Important to note: Not all insurances will cover HRT with a therapist’s letter, either, although many states are making it illegal to deny transition-related services. Be sure to check with your insurance provider first!

Finding a doctor can also be hit-or-miss. You can speak to your GP (general practitioner; i.e. the doctor you go to for regular checkups) - sometimes they know what they’re doing, and I’ve definitely heard of GPs prescribing HRT or hormone blockers to their patients. However, most of them will refer you to an endocrinologist (and many insurance plans require referrals before you can skip off to a specialist, too) for the actual hormones. Some doctors won’t let you do HRT. It’s okay if you shop around. Look around online; call their office first to make sure they work with trans patients. Remember, if a doctor refuses you healthcare, you have a right to refuse them your business!

Once you get to a doctor, you’ll get a preliminary blood test and a general health screening to check for contraindications (any medical conditions that might make it difficult or impossible for you to be on HRT). Nearly every contraindication is possible to work around, though, so don’t worry too much! They’ll likely be looking at your cholesterol levels and heart and liver functions in particular, although this may vary from doctor to doctor and treatment to treatment.

Finally - as long as all medical conditions are sorted out - you’ll be prescribed your hormones. You can choose which delivery method you receive. For testosterone, there’s injections (which involve needles, but typically only need to be administered once a week or every 10 days), patches (daily, can badly irritate sensitive skin), and creams / gels (daily, have to be careful so that you don’t get it on another person). AMAB folks will need to take both estrogen and an anti-androgen. Typically, estrogen is oral, but can also come in the forms of injections; anti-androgens are nearly always oral.

Stick to the instructions they give you in terms of dosage and administration - they give these instructions for good reason! Your doctor should monitor your hormone levels and health status / conditions, and will likely adjust your dosage as time goes by to ensure it is still accurate, so make sure you continue to go in for checkups.

This post on convincing your parents to allow you to start HRT is also a good place to look!

Nobody hates freshly baked cookies more than David Bowie.

Voice:

Eva App

Voice pitch analyzer

Video tutorial

First video in a series

First in another series

Voice advice

Reddit’s advice

Voice training website

How to develop a feminine voice

TS Roadmap’s Advice

Professional Advice

Prismatic Speech Advice

“Is there surgery to make the voice higher?”

Hi! I’m an mtf girl and I’ve been searching around for good hairstyles to have, but I’m having a lot of trouble finding anything that wouldn’t be too suspicious to ask my hairdresser to do. She doesn’t know I’m trans and I’m unsure of how she’ll react if I told her. Do you have any advice or good hairstyles that would work in this situation?

Devon says:

Firstly, check out this post from our transfeminine resources!

Depending on how often you get your hair cut/styled, and how soon you want a more feminine hairstyle, you could try gauging how supportive she is the next time you see her. This would give you the opportunity to figure out if she is supportive while you get your “usual” hair cut/style, and then you can make the decision about whether to come out to her before the next time you get your hair cut/styled.

If she then seems unsupportive of trans folks, or you don’t want to wait so long for a new hairstyle, then you could try some of these things:

Go to a new hairdresser, who you know is supportive of trans folks

This website looks helpful (under “What Do You Need?” with the category “Personal Care & Services”)

Try searching elsewhere online for supportive businesses in your area

Ask LGBT+ friends of yours about their hairdressers. If you don’t have any LGBT+ friends, you could contact local LGBT+ organizations and ask them where they get their hair cut/styled

Ask on facebook! You might have accepting acquaintances who are into hairstyling and willing to help you out, that you don’t know about

Search for reference photos online, or using links from the first post that I linked

Try a search term like “feminine men hair” or “unisex men hair” on search engine like Google

Google image results for these search terms are all white folks, so you can add “feminine Black men hair” if you’re Black, for example

This will give you a photo of a man with the more feminine hair style, which your hairdresser may be more accepting of than a reference photo of a woman with the hair style that you want

Style/cut your own hair! Use tips from the first post that I linked

I hope this helps! Followers, reblog this post with more tips for anon.

Any advice, or links to pages I can get advice, for things like tucking, and getting started trying to pass? I really appreciate any help you can give me! Hope to hear from you soon. Isabel-Lynn

Dear Isabel-Lynn:

Tucking:

To those of you who don’t know what tucking means, it basically means to hide the fact you have a ‘malehood’ as some call it. Some find it incredibly uncomfortable and others are completely okay with it. My recommendation is that you read here…

http://www.racked.com/2010/8/3/7792181/how-to-tuck-dolls-stepbystep-guide-to-packaging-and-panties

And -only- in the section predated by “in RuPaul’s book Lettin’ It All Hang Out she outlines the perfect tuck.” I’m not too much of a fan of the rest of the article given it feels kind of… Uncomfortably worded.

If tucking hurts, don’t do it. It’s not worth damaging your body.

Starting to pass- THE VOICE:

Voice training voice training voice training. I struggle with my voice because I am abhorrently tone deaf, however it is important that you start to try. There are many places to look or to try to look for voice training help, though professional voice trainers exist and I’ve heard miraculous things about them before. 

If you want to try it at home, there’s a wonderful reddit post. https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/1ske7b/mtf_voice_training_regimen/

You *may or may not be* comfortable with taking a voice recording program and playing back how you hear. While it can be uncomfortable it can also help you piece out what your issue is. Many DMAB [designated male @ birth] women struggle with their voice because they think pitch is everything. My biggest struggle is learning to not speak with my throat and chest, which causes the deeper ‘rumbly’ parts of your voice. Keep at it, hon, it’s something we all struggle with.

Starting to pass- THE LOOKS:

Find what works for you. I have found things that do work for me or don’t work for me whatsoever, for example eyeliner works great for me. For me, Target sells cheap but good makeup to get started with. It won’t cost you $100 for a single piece, but it’s still not cheap! Straightening my hair works great for me– get haircuts! Don’t be afraid to find androgynous ones if you feel safest not going straight to fully feminine. It’s totally understandable. 

Things that shape your face in ways you like are important. Scarves in the winter can help hide your adam’s apple if it’s prominent. Take care of your hands– use moisturizer, take care of your nails, the likes. 

Starting to pass- THE CLOTHES:

You’re a girl! Find clothes you like. Don’t be afraid to wear guy’s clothing if you want– it’s your choice– but I’ve personally found that it’s difficult to not frame my shoulders in an obvious way. I’ve seen some people recommend waist cinches (basically a corset) but I recommend being cautious about this. I don’t know the health risks. Below are two highly rated women’s waist cinches.

https://www.amazon.com/Flexees-Instant-Slimmer-Waistnipper-6868/dp/B0007UOLIK/ref=pd_sbs_a_17

https://www.amazon.com/Squeem-Magical-Lingerie-Shapewear-Compression/dp/B000QWA2GY/ref=sr_1_1?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1326843132&sr=1-1

Find colors and shapes that work for you. Frilled skirts can break some of the image.

OTHER THINGS- HORMONES

Hormones! If you’re a transgender woman, hormones are important. They do a lot for you. They make your body redistribute fat, soften the facial features, slim certain areas, (apparently they shrink your shoe size), reduce hair growth in certain locations (not the face), and in general soften the skin and hair. Try looking for local doctors regarding hormonal replacement therapy [HRT]. 

OTHER THINGS- SHAVING

Shaving your face is one of the important things. Sadly an obvious beard or shadow is a pretty good giveaway. If you’re going for guaranteed full-time, laser procedures (while requiring many visits) are able to almost permanently remove your facial hair. It can be somewhat painful and sensitive after (I’ve heard it be compared to having a rubber band be snapped against your face). 

OTHER THINGS- BE YOURSELF

Don’t ever, ever think that you can’t be yourself. Be the person that you want to see yourself be, don’t sacrifice interests or passions for the sake of trying to pass. If you like to skateboard, skateboard. Videogames– play them! Be yourself. Confidence is key and you won’t be confident if you forego every interst you’ve had that’s masculine. Love yourself and treat yourself like you are who you want to be– but don’t forget that you don’t have to leave everything behind.

I hope this helps you and everyone else on here that needs help, Isabel-Lynn. The future will be bright. While things may be scary now, there is always a light in the darkness to move towards. 

What Am I?

“I feel [thoughts, feelings]. What am I?”

We can’t answer that. The only person who can…is you. However, we are able to suggest terms you may identify with and encourage you at every turn.

genders / more genders / neurogenders / questioning / sexualities / non-binary sexualities / mlm, wlw, nblnb, etc

Here’s a few mod’s answers on what gender feels like for them. This is a free Virtual Gender Identity Support Group you could join! And this link has some resources: I Think I Might Be Trans: 8 Important Notes On Questioning

We also have tags for different genders (such as /tagged/bigender) if you want more info. Go to your browser like Chrome or Safari and type https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/tagged/insertidenity if you can’t search the blog on your mobile app! If you have any further questions, feel free to ask us!

“I didn’t suspect I am trans until I was [x age], so am I still valid?

Yes! Not everyone realizes they’re trans in childhood, and that’s totally okay. Some people realize as children, some people realize during puberty, some people realize in high school, some people realize as adults, and it’s all valid. Even our mods had different ages of discovery (When did you know you were trans?) and that’s totally normal!

Here are a few basic steps to get you started on your journey:

Daydreaming. Think of the future; maybe you have the perfect occupation, or children, or life partner(s), or all three? Or perhaps you’re supreme dictator of Earth? No matter where you are, what do you look like? A man, a woman, someone in between, both, neither, etc.? The image you have in mind could be indicative of who you feel you are, or who you want to be.

Stating your gender. Look in the mirror. State, “I am a boy/girl/etc.,” or, “I am not [assigned gender].” Does it feel right? Does it feel comfortable? This could be indicative of who you feel you are, or who you want to be! 

Being called your chosen name/pronouns. (Please note that you do not have to change your name or pronouns to be transgender.) Think of a close friend who you trust and feel would support and respect you during this time. Say to them, “I am questioning my gender and I would like you to call me (insert name here) and use (insert pronouns here) for me when other people aren’t around.” A good friend will agree. If it feels right for them to call you your chosen name, that could be an indicator. It will feel weird at first to have your friend call you your chosen name, but you’ll get comfortable with it if it is right. The same goes for your gender pronouns!

These three websites will help you practice pronouns!

http://www.practicewithpronouns.com (TW for some disturbing sentences, they’re modeled after the Welcome to Nightvale podcast)

https://minus18.org.au/pronouns-app/

http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/

Experiment. For people or beings who think they may be transmasculine, you could pack with a sock, purchase a chest binder, dress in “masculine” clothing, or talk to masc-identified people or beings! For people or beings who think they may be transfeminine, you can try on makeup, dress in “feminine” clothing, or talk to femme-identified people or beings!

Research. If you don’t know much about being transgender, look here. Look into surgeries and hormones, if this is something that interests you! (Please note that you do not have to get surgery or go on hormones to be transgender.) Check out videos on YouTube, talk to people who are on hormones or have had the surgeries, or check out our trans-masculine resources or our trans-feminine resources

Still confused? Try this.

Good luck!