I Am Soo Back And So Motivated

My friend told me tonight that she could see my back and arms muscles!! I’m so happy like- That means that I’m not l00s!ng muscles mass (I might be in denial for this one haha) and it really helps me f!tt!ng my bødy dysmørph!@ right now Love her<3

ON TODAYS FØØD EPISODE ✨

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~ 1 cheese bread + 2 roasted sausages Snack~ smoothies bowl + 1 ice Americano Dinner~ high protein bowl with rice + 1 slice of cheese + 2 slice of bread + chicken broth + løwc@l lychee candy

Total:~ 1900

I ate a bit more today so I don’t really feel comfortable but I have to be honest with myself, I felt so weak today, couldn’t concentrate on anything and it’s probably because I don’t count my c@lør!3s in an accurate way so I end up more exhausted than I should be for the amount I’m over calculating everyday.. I shouldn’t complain about it because that means that it’s working and anyway, I did it myself to myself but I can’t talk to anyone about that, I don’t have anyone to talk to cause it’s not their f¥ck!ng business yk and I can handle it on my own. I just feel a teeny tiny bit down and it feels like here people understand at least because we are all in, comforting each other, which feel sad at the same time, thank you <33

You are all enough and beautiful!!

My dream right now is to hit 50 by next week

I didn’t wanted to jinx it if I talked about it buuuut

24H F@ST DONE HAHA

I’m ⭐️ving right now so I’m gonna go eat something hehe I’m proud, I resisted to the school trip temptation :))

To my dear digestive system, Could you do your work properly for once? 4 days.. it’s starting to get a bit long hahahaaaaaaa 😊

DAY 26

Art.. that include painting, installation, performance and writing

Biology and science, especially micro and macro world🧑‍🔬

Sport, I’m currently in the gym but that’s only because I can’t afford swimming class and horse riding hahahahaaaa (give me money lmao)

Politics

Doing to much sudoku for my own good

Making fake scenarios in my head and talking to myself

DAY 15

I was never able to before but I need to look “healthy enough” for other not to ask me questions Pls leave me alone🧚

ON TODAY FØØD EPISODE 🥀

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~ Seminyak smoothie Bowl + 1 cheesy spicy sausages + 1/2 apples Snack~ 2 ice Americano + 1 green tea Dinner~ Chicken Marinara sandwich + 1 peach ice cream + 1/2 apple and grapes

Total:~ 1000

I feel miserable but at least I control on 1 thing in this life of mine hahahaaaaa I’m loosing my mind right now lmao

DAY 24

If a m3t@bday count as a ch3@t day then yes

I do it because I don’t want to go back to the mentality state that I was 5 years ago but it’s actually really hard for me to 3@t so much in 1 day

My final goal is to still remain the sociable, always smiling friend 🌼 Faking 3@ting like I don’t fear it and laughing with the people I love None of them will notice and I’m so fine with that I don’t want to stop caring for them, they deserve the entire world I will not become the mean b!ch or the ghost of the friend group I didn’t r3l@pse because of them so they don’t have to suffer from the sh!t I put myself into I accepted the love they gave me and started trusting them without questioning their sincerity Having them entering my life is the best thing that ever happened to me They are the reason I didn’t r3l@pse sooner, always showering me with endless affection I really thought I was healed for good but I just can’t handle myself alone more than 1 MONTH APPARENTLY The funniest part is that they don’t even know that they were my biggest support I only need their presence and voice to feel better 💐 I’ll achieve this and step out being the best version of myself For me and for them🧚

Faking the spark that is fading ⭐️

My period make me say my deepest feelings lmao

Please stay safe everyone, at least try to not lose yourself to the point of losing and hurting the people you love.. they don’t deserve it <3