Https://www.reddit.com/r/mattcolville/comments/axlq5p/spoiler_the_cult_of_nails/ I’m Sorry Followers,

“though I’ve handled the wood, I still worship the flame″

Helltrooper Dream

Half-Elf Cleric, probably either light, nature or war I’m not sure

“Tryna talk to the Elf? Good luck with that, he’s a dreamer that one”

Oft found staring off into the distance, Dream is a quiet one. Keeps to himself mostly, a sad look in his eyes. Quite pretty some say, with soft features that seem bespokely made for a sad smile. 

Quick to heal those who need it, especially his fellow troopers although his compassion hides a fire which few even among his fellow soldiers have seen. Dream joined up with the chain for reasons unknown, those who can coax some conversation out of him tend to find him pleasant but not forthcoming. One thing’s for certain though, he’s no friend of Ajax and where most topics are met with mostly disinterest, mention of the overlord will bring out a cold anger in the priest.

D&D classes as john mulaney quotes

Barbarian - *smashes a 40 on the ground and yells* SCATTER!

Bard - the entire salt and pepper diner story.

Cleric - You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Druid - Aaah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!

Monk - I’ll just keep all my emotions right here and then one day, i’ll die.

Paladin - for those of you who aren’t catholic, I don’t mean to exclude you (even though we looove to exclude you)…

Ranger - everybody get out of my way. I just wanna sit here and feed my birds.

Sorcerer - this might as well happen. adult life is already so goddamn weird.

Rogue - Stop snitchin’, motherfucker.

Fighter - sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.

Warlock - FUCK DA POLICE!

Wizard - I’m either having a drink or I have to pee. You’re living the golden years kid, not me.

Gotham Girls RPG redesign for fun :) They actually make a very well-balanced team! I was originally going to do them all as knights but then saw Mindy Lee’s Poison Ivy Druid and got inspired. www.instagram.com/kelseyeng32

Excuse the messy doodles, but the new costumes are fan-fucking-tastic.

Halloween, but make it Gay 🎃🌈

I couldn’t find any gay Halloween merch that I liked, so I made my own!

Drew these designs for this week’s speedpaint in order to both celebrate Halloween and shine a light on the fact that it’s LGBT history month! 

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(If you like the look of these designs, you can pick your favorites up over on Redbubble!)

(DON’T EDIT OR REPOST TO OTHER SITES)  //  FULL SIZE VERSIONS ON MY DA (<-link in my blog header)

When you learned of the god of war, you thought he’d be tall and muscular and angry. When you were about to meet him, you braced yourself for the worst.

You weren’t quite expecting the short, scrawny, shy kid you ended up getting instead.

Alternative explanations for why your fantasy setting has powerful magic items just lying around where any random schmuck can pick them up:

Up until a couple hundred years ago, the world’s magical background radiation level was much lower than it is today. Most of magic items were once minor lucky charms and simple household conveniences; being designed to function in what’s now considered a low-magic environment, their effects have not only increased considerably in power, but have also become warped in unexpected and frequently ironic ways.

It’s impossible to create a magic item on purpose. Random objects just become magical, and nobody really knows why. Living things are never affected, and the phenomenon seems to favour manufactured objects over natural ones, though it’s unknown whether this is a real trend, or a reflection of the fact that people rarely “use” natural objects in ways that are likely to trigger any powers they might possess.

Magic items are actually the larval form of monsters. They spend the first part of their life cycle sessile, feeding off of the heroic destinies of the adventurers who carry them. When those adventurers eventually TPK, it triggers the next stage of the items’ development; shortly thereafter, the items “hatch” into a new colony of monsters and spawn the next generation of magic items, continuing the cycle.

There exists a possible future where the forces of Order and Chaos fuck up so badly that the world is torn apart and smeared across its own past. The wreckage of that future are/have been/will be raining down over the entire span of history leading up to it. Being indestructible, magic items comprise the bulk of the debris, but sometimes creatures, buildings or chunks of terrain make it through, which is where dungeons come from.

The world’s supply of magic items is actually very limited, but is constantly being manipulated by the gods to place them in the paths of people who will make best use of them – where “best use” is defined roughly as “hey, you know what would be hilarious?”. The random magic item tables the GM rolls on aren’t a game-mechanical conceit, but a completely literal modelling of the gods’ decision-making process.

There are no such thing as magic items. Sometimes ordinary objects just do things when adventurers pick them up. Almost no-one knows this.

Can I get a fuckin uhhhh G2, N4, Q5, U4, Y5

G2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?Intelligent but not in a way where he ever makes it a competition.N4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?Probably a thousand things when he was younger in Capital. Probably did some theatrical romantic gestures like singing in the street to the window of someone he was in to, or something similarly so overboard that even his Riojan buddies thought it was a little too far. I think he’d own it, though.Q5. are they curious?To an extent, sure. If it’s some topic he’s interested in, then by all means; testing spells, following music, going to see new performances, trying new food, inspecting something odd on the job, stuff like that. But not the Mint-tier “I wonder what type of feral creature is hissing inside this barrel” curiosity. U4. have they ever been doubted?Yeah. Early on as a Helltrooper, you’d probably doubt his value as a soldier, too, if all he contributes to a bar fight is the opening war cry of “OH FUCK!” as he gets decked by a single hit. Nowadays I think it’s probably more of a joking doubt from the others, like when some crossbowman doesn’t fall for the old “image of a head peaking around the corner” trick and the other troopers are like “Why do we even keep you around.”Y5. what’s your favorite thing about them?That Paisley is so real in my mind. He’s one of the only characters I’ve written that feels genuinely human to me, contradictions and all, even though I don’t have all the details fleshed out and he’s a fair bit less self-inserty than other characters I’ve had in my head. I just hope I can communicate some of it without it seeming stupid lmao.

I really like the idea of enchanted suits of armour powered by old magic and the souls of dead knights

The Adventure Zone but with Percy Jackson style episode titles

Merle Studies His Cantrips

We Have Tea With a Bugbear

Taako Steals Some Shoes

We Meet Magic Brian

Taako Tries to Eat a Robe

We Hide in a Well

We Drink Magic Jellyfish Shit

Magnus Takes up Arms

We Shop At Fantasy Costco

Magnus Gets Naked

We Get Hosed By Tom Bodett

Jenkins Saves a Spell Slot

We Get Crabs

Merle Plays Diarrhea Cop

Magnus Gains a Lot of Weight

Taako Steals Some Silverware

Magnus Eats Unicorn Dick

Merle Seduces a Plant

Magnus Chops a Treant’s Butt Off

We Fight Weeds on Floor Twenty

Merle Finds Some Extreme Teens

Can You Nonlethally Cleave an NPC in Twain?

We Create Our Fursonas

Merle Swims With the Fishes

We Meet Garyl, the Phantom Binicorn

Taako Enlarges a Motorcycle

Hurley Drives Off a Cliff

Johann and the Voidfish Have a Jam Session

Lucretia’s Necklace Ruins Candlenights

We Are Serenaded By a Rock

Taako Eats a Sandwich

We Quiz a Robot

We Meet the Hugbears

God Lies

Merle Gets Wood

Taako Invents Hentai

Merle Unmakes Some Souls

Magnus Eats the Philosopher’s Stone

We Create a Spiral Mantube

Magnus Goes Rogue

We Get a Shopping Montage

We Die

Taako Meets a Fan

We Blow Up a Locker Room

We Have a Talk With a Skeleton

We Rob a Bank

We Receive a Ball, a Sack, and a Tool

We Chat With the Dishware of Christmas Past

We Flee the Worm

Taako Accessorizes

Magnus Packs a Box of Shrunken Boys

We Play Monster Factory

We Find a Severed Head

We Try to Date a Mannequin

Merle Does Some Healing

Magnus is Skinjacked by the Marketing Department

We Discover Some Very Familiar Pants

We Visit Garfield’s Secret Evil Lab

Merle and Taako Trip Balls

Magnus Wrassles the Power Bear

Griffin Breaks Travis’s Universe

We Get a Beach Episode

Merle Plays Chess With the Final Boss

Taako Does Inspirational Plagiarism

Lup Burns Down the DMV

We Create the Seven McGuffins of Doom

We Have a Family Reunion

Taako Gets in a Foodtruck Explosion

We Found the Cult of Jeffandrew

Epilogue: Magnus Gets a Dog

Part 2: The Adventure Zone: Amnesty but with Magnus Chase style chapter titles